02. Professor Yuki's worst nightmare

This could not be happening. Not here, not now, not to him. In all his years of employ at Hogwarts (which were actually only two, but which felt like twenty to him) nothing as ominous or flipping annoying as this had ever happened. Figures his time was coming up to get screwed by the big guy. Sakuma Ryuichi... insolent, snot-nosed, self-absorbed, moronic imbecile of a would-be singer. Yuki just could not grasp how anyone would actually want to be a part of the Muggle world when they could live in the magical 't surprise him at all that the little bugger had got held back over a decade, but it was still an unwelcome shock to see him here, at his school. He squeezed his fire whiskey jug so hard the metal buckled inwards and his knuckles spontaneously began to bleed.

"Not - him," he snorted contemptuously, feeling his own face going blood red with fury and irritation. He was known - and feared - for his tempers, going by the unofficial name Professor Sourpuss amongst the students, and his temper was about to get unleashed in T-5 seconds...

"Gee, Professor Yuki sir, are ye a'right?" Hagrid was asking him on his left, eyes fixated on the ruined jug. His forehead was creased by wrinkles of worry, but Yuki did not care. He did not have much patience with the big grounds keeper and had no intention of getting into a pity conversation with him right now. All he wanted to do was go down there and strangle Sakuma to death to make sure he never, ever stepped foot inside his classroom.

"Professor Yuki, sir?"

"What?!" Yuki snarled, unwillingly turning to face the half-giant.

Hagrid jumped a little in his seat at Yuki's harsh, murderous tone. "N... nuthin'. Jus' thought ye might..." He nervously plucked with his huge napkin. "Thought ye migh' not be feelin' well, 's all. I didn' mean nuthin' insultin'."

"Then shut up," Yuki suggested with a dangerous glint in his yellowish brown eyes. The big hairball turned back to his massive mountain of food, but did not seem to have an appetite anymore. Then he turned his attention back to the scene down by the Gryffindor table, where the two airheads were now hugging each other tightly while giggling like morons (but what else could you expect from two people as stupid as them?), Shuichi apparently over the first shock at seeing Sakuma there. Great. So now he'd have two of them in his sixth-year-class... Just great.

Shuichi and Sakuma did a high five.


As he was preparing for his first class that morning, going through his papers in his office, there was a knock on his door, and surprised he looked up as if the door was magically going to metamorphose into a hint as to who was standing outside it. When nothing (of course) happened, he cleared his throat and said, "Come in."

Timidly, Hermione Granger stepped inside the room, her eyes darting back and forth over the books and other paraphernalia of his but never really daring to meet his gaze. "Yes?" he said, curious as to why his top student would come knocking at his door before class even started.

She tried a polite smile, but it looked more like a morbid grimace. "Er, Yuki-sensei," she said hesitantly, still not used to using that term instead of 'Professor'. "I was just wondering if I may be excused from today's class, I've sort of... got something to do..."

This was unusual. Rare, even. Hermione asking to be excused from class? Hermione wanting not to participate in a lesson? One might wonder what was wrong with the world - really! Hermione not coming to class was the same as Shuichi never jumping him when he forgot to keep his guard up 24/7! So what could be so important that she sacrificed a lesson to do it? Or was it that she was going to see someone truly special to her? Was there such a person? (And how did that person stand her?!) Was she having an affair that she desperately wished to keep secret from everyone else at school, and she was now so hot for this person that she could not stand waiting until school was out for the day to meet him?

Questions flew arround inside Yuki's mind - he had quite a vivid imagination and an insatiable curiosity that helped him in his hobby of writing romance novels, but clearly hindered him when he was supposed to stay professional and indifferent - they would not leave him alone! All of a sudden he felt an incredibly strong urge to pour Verita Serum down her throat and force the secret out of her - or, better yet, torture it out of her. That might even teach her where being a know-it-all wise-arse got you in the process, killing two birds with one stone. Yes, that would be lovely. Indeed.

He violently shook his head to clear it of all those strange (and alarming) thoughts. Then he looked at Hermione again, studying her shameful posture and her brown, avoiding eyes. Maybe he could become her secret lover, show her what a real affair was like? No, no! That's not what he was there to do. He was going to decide whether or not to excuse her from class, and then he would collect his notes and go out of his room, into the classroom that by the sound of it was currently filling up with students, and he would teach them all they needed to know about vampires.

"Er... Professor? I mean, Sen... Sensei...?"

He came out of his reverie and blinked a few times at her. Oh. He had not answered yet. "Yes. Of course, you may skip this lesson and do... whatever it is you need to do... and then ask your classmates to give you notes and make sure you write me an essay on vampires that at least equals an E, and everything will be fine." He pressed out a strained, quasi-polite smile.

Hermione twitched. "Oh. Okay." Her face lit up in a smile so honest, so pure, so innocent that he had to swallow hard to hide his sudden flow of saliva. He crossed his legs slowly. She looked as if she might hug him. "Thanks, Professor! You won't regret it, I promise! I'll write an outstanding essay for you, I give you my word. Thanks again, you don't know how much this means to me!" And then... she was gone.

Skipped out of the room.

Yuki needed a few minutes to collect himself before going out into the classroom and face the students.

Since they had earned their OWLs and moved up to their sixth year at Hogwarts all the students had got to choose which subjects they wanted to continue to study, and so there were people from all four houses in this class. He had seen many things during his time at Hogwarts, so he knew of the animosity between Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, he had witnessed the stupid and totally unnecessary rows that Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger had had because they didn't get that they were in love with each other, and he had seen Neville Longbottom own Herbology. He had, of course, also been there when Shuichi fell into the lake and almost got devoured by the affronted giant squid (saved by Hiroshi Nagano, of course), and all those other times when Shuichi screwed up. Yuki could not understand how that bloody brat had managed to move on past the OWLs - he did not seem to have the brains to even get his head around simple spells like Alohomora or Lumos Maxima! The kid was an imbecile, for crying out loud! So why - WHY?? - did he have to pass his tests and keep pestering him!?

The pest was sitting in the back, Sakuma on his left side and Harry and Ron in front of him. He noticed that Sakuma was saying something to Ron that the redhead obviously found hilarious, because he laughed out loud and high-fived the newcomer. Harry just shook his head with a bemused smurk on his face.

Yuki put down his papers on the desk. "Okay, class... quiet down, now." He felt unusually kind today. Maybe he would not scream at them or insult them today, just accuse them of being stupid and ignorant. Yeah, that'd do to keep his mood up.

It did not surprise him that they all fell silent at once. They were all afraid of him.

He quickly scanned through his notes. "All right. Today we are starting on vampires. Can anyone tell me what defines a vampire?"

He looked up, expecting to see Hermione Granger's hand over-enthusiastically waving in the air high above her head, but then he remembered that she was not there that day. Odd. Very odd feeling indeed. So he surveyed the classroom in search of someone else who knew the answer.

To his great annoyance Sakuma raised his hand.

Ignoring him, Yuki instead turned to Dean Thomas. "Dean!" he growled with hostility in his deep voice.

Dean jumped visibly in his seat. "Um... yes, Professor?"

"Sensei," Yuki pressed, his lips now a thin, thin line.

Dean swallowed audibly. "Sorry, Sensei. Yes, Sensei?"

"What defines a vampire?" Yuki repeated impatiently.

"Uhm... well... it drinks blood?" Dean almost stuttered out, his uncertainty in his own answer apparent in his voice. He was not even confident enough of that easy fact? Vampires drinking blood was general knowledge!

Sakuma's hand was still raised, and he actually resembled Hermione when he sat waving it about enthusiastically like that. It made Yuki think of Hermione, of what her very important business might be... He wondered if there was any way for him to find it out?

"Yuki-san!" Sakuma shouted across the big classroom. "Yuki-san, I know, I know!"

"Yuki, let him answer," Shuichi encouraged next to the newcomer.

Yuki gave up and nodded his approval. Yes, yes, by all means give us your answer, he thought darkly, enlighten us with your genius!

"Vampires are pale- and cold-skinned, and they can choose to only drink animal blood if they want, making them vegetarians!" Sakuma proclaimed authoritatively.

Shuichi blinked sheepishly at him. "Is that true, Sakuma-san?" he wondered, awed.

Sakuma nodded importantly. "Hai, it's very true, Shuichi," he confirmed and sounded like a Muggle weather man announcing rain and sleet in a solemn, grave tone of voice.

Yuki felt indignant. "What ever made you think that?!" he exclaimed.

Sakuma shrugged. "It's common knowledge in Japan," he claimed, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest. "Vampires live amongst us without any one of us ever noticing, because they're really good at blending in with the crowd, so to speak. They also shun the sunlight because it makes their skin glitter - but cloudy days it's fine for them to walk about outside."

Yuki just stared. "Excuse me? What is this nonsense you are spouting, Sakuma?! Vampires cannot walk about amongst us without being recognised for what they are! Are you starking mad?!"

"Hey! Don't be so mean, Yuki!" Shuichi reproached him, as if they were friends or family or something, like he always did. He had built some sort of sordid fantasy world inside his pink, thick head in which they were an item or suchlike, and Yuki did not like it. He had never said or done anything to lead the kid on, yet he always came at Yuki with a huge, irritating grin and a lust so insatiable it was almost impossible to escape half of the time. Yuki did not have anything against students developing crushes on him - as long as they were female. But Shuichi Shindou...

"Uruse, kusogaki!" (Shut up, you fucking brat!) Then he returned his attention to Sakuma. "Sakuma-kun, if you can't stick with the truth and facts I'm gonna have to ask you to leave my classroom, you understand?"

"But I'm not lying!" Sakuma instantly protested. "I am telling the truth! I read all about it in Twilight!"

Yuki slapped his own face in exasperation. "That is a work of fiction!" he cried. "It is not real! It is only made up by some sorry woman to entertain high school girls! I would encourage you not to read crap like that."

"Hey, that's unfair!" Sakuma pouted.

A fair few of the students had begun to laugh at the mentioning of Twilight being a work of fiction - laughing at Sakuma's sad case, thinking what he had read was actually true and real. It was kind of sad, actually. Yuki hoped he would not have to teach this imbecile enough to pass his NEWTs, because that was a mission impossible, if anything. A lost cause.

"Life is unfair," Harry put in, looking rather smug. "Maybe if you had actually seen a real vampire you would know what they look like, too."

"Oh, and I believe you have, have you?" Sakuma countered.

"As a matter of fact I have," Harry informed him matter-of-factly, sounding like a weird cross between Hermione and Draco Malfoy. Boy, this was developing in an interesting direction... Harry did not seem too fond of his new classmate...

Luckily, they were all saved by the bell, otherwise that Sakuma probably would have worn them all out in only one morning. When the students had finally left the classroom he went back into his office to prepare for his next class. When he reached his desk he noticed something lying on the floor next to the visitor's chair. Confounded, he walked around the desk to see what it was. Must be something Hermione accidentally left behind in her hurry to leave earlier. Leaned down to pick it up. It was a piece of parchment. Surprised at this finding, he opened it and read the short message that was scribbled rather sloppily on the parchment.

"I'll be there until mid-morning. If you wish to see me, please come. I'll be waiting."

He stared at the message. It sounded awfully like a secret lover's message. So Hermione had an affair, then? Interesting. He could not help but wonder who this bloke was who had managed to twist the bookworm's head far enough away from Ron to catch her attention and win her affection. (Or maybe it was just about sex? Many teenagers were all about sex when it came to interactions with the opposite sex. Yuki knew he had been when he was a teenager. Ah, well, he guessed he still was...)

Intrigued by the short message, Yuki decided to take on the challenge.

He was going to find out who Hermione Granger was screwing.

And then he was going to steal her from him.