Just a bit Old Fashioned
Chapter 2: A real Eye Opener
Dawn returned from upstairs with her photo album, rescuing Xander from further teasing on the topic. As she plopped down next to him and snuggled into his side she looked curiously from his raging blush to her mom's smug grin. "Um, what did I miss?" she asked curiously.
Xander quickly grabbed the album from her and opened it, desperate to derail the topic. The first picture nearly took his breath away; in the picture Dawn glistened in the knee high surf, her hair pulled into a high braid off her neck. Her black suit didn't show off as much skin as a bikini but was somehow all the more erotic for not doing so. The sides were scooped, showing a glimpse of her belly on each side. Three small rings rode diagonally high across her hips to the bikini cut rear of the suit and another two rings held the straps of the halter in place around the smooth lines of her neck.
Joyce barely held in her laughter as Xander swallowed heavily, his fingers quickly turning to the next page in the album; where he swallowed heavily once again. This photo was one of her and it was definitely a nice feeling to see him reacting to her as well. It was his next comment that made her blush however. "Well, hello, Mrs Robinson."
Dawn playfully swatted him on the shoulder. "Xander! Quit perving on my mom."
Xander playfully flinched away from Dawn and called to Joyce, "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
Dawn pounced on him, rolling him to his back on the couch. "Bloody peasant!"
Xander turned pleading eyes toward Joyce. "Hear that? That's what I'm on about! Did you see her repressing me?" He then turned and growled at Dawn before his fingers leapt to her sides and danced across her ribs playfully.
Joyce grinned back at him, shelving her concerns for the evening as Xander lightheartedly had a tickle war with Dawn, to see which movie they were watching.
After Dawn was tickled nearly to the point of tears it was summarily determined that they would indeed be watching those 'silly English kniggits'.
The two tired teens cuddled together on the couch a bowl of popcorn between them, watching the film for roughly twenty minutes or so before they both fell asleep. Joyce smiled and covered the two with a blanket, taking the popcorn bowl to the kitchen before heading off to sleep herself.
oOo
Xander awakened the next morning from strawberry vanilla scented dreams to a number of sensations; he had a wave of brunette hair across his face, which incidentally was giving off the alluring scent, a pair of soft full breasts pressed against his stomach and a rather uncomfortable stiffness below them, against her belly.
Xander's eyes shot open. 'That's Dawn's belly! OhI'msodead, ohcrapohcrapohcrap!'
His eyes quickly searched the room, desperate for anything that could get him out of his current situation; there were no cute fuzzy bunnies or crowbars present so he instead opted for action, sliding gently out from under Dawn and darting into the kitchen, not noticing Joyce or the big grin on her face as he muttered curses at his traitorous erection.
Dawn curled into the warm spot Xander left behind, giggling softly to herself as she watched him head out of the room before walking to the door and peering around the frame, her mom meeting her eyes with a playful grin.
Joyce called mirthfully to him, "What ever are you doing Xander?"
'Panic, must hide the evidence!' "Looking for the orange juice!" he quickly replied, his voice cracking a bit as he mentally pictured bug lady trying to mate with him. For some reason it just wasn't working!
Joyce tried to look concerned, but was really holding in her laughter. "The orange juice is already on the table."
"Milk! I meant milk … milk, milk, milk. Where's the milk?"
"You mean this?" Dawn called playfully as she sat down at the table, raising a glass of the white substance and sipped – leaving a white mustache of the liquid around her mouth.
Xander panicked calling out, "Bathroom!" and bolted from the room.
Joyce looked over at her beaming daughter. "That was cruel you know?"
Dawn grinned back, she could still almost feel him pressed against her as she busied herself pouring milk onto her cereal.
"Would you like some orange juice?" Dawn retorted raising an eyebrow at her mom.
Joyce had the good grace to look abashed for a moment before her face cleared and she said quietly to Dawn, "Be careful with him, he's a nice young man."
Dawn effected a hurt tone, "Shouldn't you be warning me about boys?"
Joyce just raised an eyebrow and grinned at her daughter before going back to her paper. "Fine!" Dawn retorted before playfully storming from the room, sticking her head back in past the door frame. "Love you." she called fondly.
"You too, dear," Joyce responded happy that her daughter was out of her slump from earlier in the summer.
oOo
Xander leaned briefly with immense boredom against the counter. He had cleaned up the mess from the encounter the night before and just finished hanging the replacement mirror; he was now delegated to marking down clearance items with a price gun. Thankfully the manager was 'in the know' so to speak, and hadn't fired him for the incident with the three guys and the shape changing demon.
None of that alleviated his boredom however. Customers were coming into the store and browsing in a slow trickle; no one had purchased anything since he started his shift and even watching the pretty college coeds didn't seem to take the edge off his tedium. For some reason his mind kept wandering back to Dawn, whether it was due to the swimsuit picture or the embarrassing moment this morning when he'd awoken with her atop him he wasn't sure.
'And that isn't a problem I'm going to focus on – obsessing about Dawnie in a swimsuit really isn't good for my mental health; and doing anything about it wouldn't be good for my health in general! The Buffinator really wouldn't approve.'
Moments later the black guy from the evening before came into the store, looking studiously at the ground; or anywhere other than the pretty coeds. "Come to replace that outfit from last night?" Xander asked curiously as he marked a sweater down 50%. 'Seriously, sweaters in August?'
Forrest fairly well glared at him. "What was that thing last night? Something about it..."
As Forrest trailed off Xander asked, "Something about it?" He raised an eyebrow curiously, glad to take his mind off its earlier circular topic.
Forrest nodded. "That thing did this to me!"
Xander's eyebrow remained skyward. "Did what to you?"
Forrest glanced toward a pretty coed with spiky blue hair wandering through the walkway outside, and instantly his t-shirt was filled with a set of breasts that rivaled the girl's freely swaying ones.
Xander chuckled, smiling widely as he glanced down at the thin t-shirt now stretched across his visitor's adornments. "..."
"My eyes are up here!" Forrest snapped.
"So, you're replicating PMS too? I can see where that would cause a problem." He returned to his markdowns to avoid laughing, '$14.99 down from $19.99...'
Forrest sighed, crossing his arms and leaning against the shelving, facing resolutely away from the grinning Scooby with the price gun. "Can you help me with this? I've grown breasts four times today, it happens every time I see a nice pair!"
"You mean you really don't know?" Xander asked incredulously, placing the price gun atop a stack of jeans as he fingered the small amulet around his neck that Giles had provided after the incident with Buffy going telepathic.
"Maybe I just want to know what you know..." Forrest replied unconvincingly.
Xander grinned, seeing right through his ploy. "Sometimes when demons bleed on humans, they transfer a portion of their abilities along with the usually glowing mess."
Forrest huffed noncommittally at this information, filing it away for later consideration.
"There's generally a way to remove the effects, although in your case they may prove useful if you can learn to control them."
"Wait a minute! In my case? Why aren't you growing boobs every time a fox walks by? You got covered in blood too." Forrest whispered angrily.
"When … a friend experienced the effects of a demonic aspect we worked out a means of preventing the issue."
"What about dealing with a problem that's already there?"
"That's harder, although with some research something should be possible. Although wouldn't you like to experiment with it for a bit first?" Xander asked voice full of mirthful enthusiasm and curiosity.
"Normally, owning a pair of these could be said to be every guy's dream, but if I have to have them, I'd much rather have control over when and where not to mention how I got them."
Xander nodded, pondering how best to handle the situation; Forrest had seemed to take orders from another person in their merry band of overgrown taser wielding misfits and they'd used military hand signals.
"I'll see if I can get in touch with Mr. Wizard about your problem, I'm not sure if he's in town," Xander finally responded after a bit of thought, after all it wasn't good manners to lead an unknown to someone's home and possibly cause them problems.
"Wait out here, I need to go use the phone," Xander said, heading back into the manager's office, where he motioned toward the phone curiously; the manager nodded, looking out at the black guy from the other evening and going to watch the counter while Xander made his call.
oOo
Giles picked up the phone after placing a final nick knack into its proper place in a box nearby.
"Hello? What? Really? When did this happen?" he asked curiously as he polished his glasses.
"Of course, bring him by this evening when your shift is over, no – it's nice of you to think of it, but I don't mind. I'm going to be moving into a larger place this weekend anyway, and this sounds like quite the pickle."
Setting the phone back into its cradle Giles began sorting through his books for the proper volumes with renewed enthusiasm.
oOo
With a smile Xander headed back to the counter, nodding to the manager as he resumed his post. "Where's the black guy that was out here? Bald, well built guy?"
"Oh, he's over there in the changing room; said he'd be back out in a minute," the manager called as he went back to the office to finish some paperwork.
True enough, moments later Forrest returned from the changing room, no longer sporting an unfettered pair of C-Cups.
Xander grinned. "Had to go examine the equipment?" he quipped playfully, earning another glare from the quite obviously military young man.
"No..." Forrest growled. "I went to avoid the over curious eyes of your manager."
Xander shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't worry about him, he's in the know; most Sunnydale natives just repress weird shit. This place has a worse death rate than most major cities and yet people still move in. Less than half the kids in my preschool class survived to graduate high school."
Forrest blanched, his face turning near white with the revelation of that particular tidbit of information. Xander could almost see the gears turning in his head as he tried to digest it.
"Giles is hitting the books currently, trying to find out whatever information he can about your problem. We'll be able to go see him when my shift is over in a couple of hours. If you're going to stick around you're going to have to make yourself useful however." Xander picked up the price gun, waving it somewhat menacingly toward Forrest who chuckled wryly.
"You've given me a lot to think about, how about I meet you here when your shift ends? Eight wasn't it?" Forrest asked curiously, only for Xander to nod in measured fashion. Shaking hands the two parted ways until later on in the evening.
'So, he knows when my shift ends and never asked... Bet he didn't mean to drop that particular tidbit of information,' Xander mused as he continued his pricing, glancing at the sheet occasionally as he moved from row to row through the merchandise.
oOo
Xander climbed into the black SUV, glancing through the vehicle as he did so and then over at Forrest who was wearing sunglasses in the driver's seat. "Bit late for those innit?" he asked inquisitively as he noted the hard case in the rear under the back seat.
Forrest chuckled, but didn't remove the shades and Xander dropped the topic as the man didn't seem to be impaired driving with the lenses.
Xander rode in silence for a bit, aside from giving directions to Forrest as he drove the vehicle.
"So, tasers … not exactly impressive weapons for demon slaying."
Forrest glared over the top of his sunglasses, unfortunately the guy had nothing on Angelus. "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
Xander swallowed as if Forrest had successfully intimidated him. "Right, classified I got it."
"But still, tasers? I mean, really?"
Forrest growled as he watched the road. "Who said anything about slaying?"
Xander blinked. "You mean you were trying to catch the demon?" he asked incredulously. "Why the hell would you try and catch a demon?"
"That I can't tell you," Forrest allowed, sighing as he looked at the road. He personally couldn't afford to alienate the guy, he was the only link to the necessary information to stop him from growing breasts every few minutes... He also couldn't share Initiative secrets with the young man either, so would have to tread carefully with his companion.
'Curiouser and curiouser, he's as much as admitted he's with the military, and evidently they didn't exactly share much information with their grunts if they even have access to it. We'll have to be careful how much we say in front of these guys.' Xander pondered as they pulled into the parking lot at Giles' apartment complex.
After the vehicle was parked Xander turned to Forrest and stated seriously, "Now, I have to warn you, Giles is a bit … British, but you'll get used to it."
Moments later the two had arrived at the door, and their knock was met almost instantly. "Yes? Oh, hello Xander. So, is this the young man with the condition?" Giles asked inquisitively.
Xander nodded and smiled as Giles motioned them inside before heading into the kitchen. "Tea anyone?"
"Giles – Forrest, Forrest – Giles. You know how I feel about that stuff, how about you?" Xander said, looking at Forrest curiously.
"Indeed I do, Xander, your preferences in drinking a bit of tea with your sugar are quite abhorrent," Giles said with a smile from the kitchen.
Forrest shook his head as well, while looking at the boxes stacked on nearly every available surface curiously.
"Of course, I should know better than to offer tea to you Americans anyway; you'd probably off and toss it in the harbor..." Giles murmured to himself. "In any case, can you explain exactly which aspect you seem to have acquired?" Giles asked as he sat with tea in hand, passing a cup that looked suspiciously like hot chocolate to Xander and motioned for them to do the same.
Quickly moving some boxes to the floor both Xander and Forrest sat down as well, Forrest taking off his sunglasses and looking at Xander mutely for help; seemingly at a loss for words when asked to describe his peculiar situation.
Xander with a wicked grin pulled a picture of Cordelia in a nearly translucent bikini from his wallet and showed it to Forrest who in turn gained a rather interesting set of new attributes.
"Quite nice, but what does that have to do with anything?" Giles asked, looking at the photo curiously. "Miss Chase is a lovely young lady, but I fail to see what she has to do with this situation."
Xander grinned like the Cheshire Cat and pointed at Forrest's new attributes.
"Oh; how delightful, a nonlethal problem. Not at all like our previous encounter with transferred aspects."
"Delightful? Look at these! You call these delightful?" Forrest exclaimed angrily.
Giles glared at Xander just as his mouth opened and he was about to comment. "Yes, there is almost no chance that you'll die from them. It may be easier to control this aspect than to remove it. You're quite fortunate to have received a beneficial transference," Giles said, giving Forrest a steady look while polishing his glasses.
"I don't really care either way as long as I stop doing this every time I see a pair!" Forrest hefted his new breasts in his hands and jiggled them for emphasis, while Xander broke into a coughing fit trying to avoid laughing.
Giles nodded as he leaned over and retrieved an item from within a sliding drawer in his end table. "I was able to create a charm which should artificially control demonic abilities while you wear it. I'm afraid I'll need more time and information to come up with a cure and it would possibly be simpler to teach you how to control it."
"You're a witch?" Forrest asked hesitantly.
"Sorcerer, though mostly non-practicing at the moment. You seem very well informed on certain matters, might one ask where you acquired your information?"
"He'll only tell us under threat of large amounts of bodily harm," Xander quipped. "He and his buddies were trying to catch the demon that caused all this."
"Capture? Why on Earth would you want to do that?"
"That's what I said." Xander nodded sagely.
Forrest sighed. "I can't tell you that, will you help me or not?"
Giles studied the dark skinned youth intently for a moment before nodding. "I'll need some samples; blood, skin, tissue... We may need to run some tests as well."
"Is this going to be a while?" Xander asked inquisitively. "I've got movie night with Dawnie and I'll be forced to either tickle her into submission or watch whatever she puts in before I get there."
Giles turned back to Xander with a smile. "What? Oh, of course. Please give the ladies my regards."
Xander grinned and stood up, nodding to Giles. "You two stay out of trouble, and Forrest don't be afraid to tell me if he touches you inappropriately."
Giles turned to glare over his shoulder as Xander approached the door. "Good night Xander," he said firmly but with a smile.
oOo
Xander stuffed his hands into his pockets as he headed away from Giles' apartment. 'Xander 1, Giles 0 – I'm still ahead on points.' He chuckled as he continued onward, his stomach growling as he walked. 'Right, forgot to get something to eat dealing with the Forrest issue.' His face scrunched up in thought as he briefly worried about Giles. 'Eh, he's been taking care of himself this long – besides I'd like to see what Ripper would do if Forrest tried anything.'
Xander grinned a bit before frowning as another thought came to him, his eyes misting briefly. 'Cordy...' He blinked away the irritating moisture. 'She'd forgiven jocks for worse than the kissing that Willow and I got up to... Wonder where she is now? Probably in LA working as some sort of actress by now; that was her dream.'
He attempted to shake the maudlin thoughts away, but then another in the chain of personal relationship disasters sprung up. 'Willow ...' First best friend then brief kissing partner... A slow grin spread across his face, and his eyes gazed into the past for a moment before he resolutely shook his head. 'No! Bad Xander, Willow has Oz and Oz has Willow and you're happy for them.'
The last and latest of his relationship disasters, that didn't include the various monsters sprang to mind, as he reached behind him at the small of his back and caressed the hilt of his blade reassuring himself it was still there. He'd been carrying it constantly for so long it was almost a part of him. 'Faith, I wish I could have gotten through to you... Sheila's saved my life, but like all the others I almost wish ... I'd still trade her for a working relationship with you.'
Stopping briefly on the sidewalk Xander lapsed into thought, jumping in shock when Joyce's voice snapped him out of his reverie, "Xander!" Joyce snapped. "You know walking around on the Hellmouth at night unarmed is a bad idea."
"Joyce!" Xander blinked and whirled to face her. "Don't sneak up on me like that."
"Xander, I've been tailing you for the last half hour; you seemed like you were wandering around in a daze," Joyce said worriedly, opening the passenger side door. "Are you still coming to your movie date with Dawn?"
Xander blinked and leaned into the Jeep, propping on the seat and proceeding to divest himself of a small arsenal of weaponry; a small pistol, two wooden knives and a long lovingly cared for blade – almost as an afterthought he pulled a rosary within his shirt. "As you can see, I'm not unarmed Mrs. Summers."
Joyce blinked in stunned fashion for a moment, taking in all the weapons he'd pulled from various places around his person. "But to answer your question, yes I was still planning on coming unless something's come up..."
She smiled and patted the seat. "Get in, I'll give you a ride, while you tell me what you were thinking about so hard that you were nearly oblivious for half an hour."
Xander nodded, climbing into the seat willingly enough. "Well, honestly I was thinking about my dating history... and all the various disasters therein."
Joyce glanced over at him encouragingly. "Have you talked to anyone about it?"
Xander shrugged. "Who would I talk to? Buffy and Willow are dead set against me dating anyone, probably because of the number of times we've had to kill who I'm dating and Giles … well, he's British."
Joyce glared at him a bit with an arched eyebrow. "I'm sure Giles would be more than willing to listen if you asked."
"I'm pretty sure the dating rules are different over in the land of tweed and crumpets. The only thing I've heard about dating when he was my age is that apparently I'm too young to hear his stories."
Joyce grinned and laughed warmly, smiling over at Xander. "I understand that he was rather wild in his youth before the tweed grew in, and while that was an excellent attempt to derail the topic don't think you're getting off that easily."
Xander winced a bit and ran his hand through his hair nervously. "Where would I start? It seems like one stream of disasters after another."
"A good place to start is always the beginning, who was the first girl you dated?" she continued as she made an abrupt turn and headed toward the Doublemeat Palace when Xander's stomach rumbled like a pack of starving lions. "Did you even take time to eat since breakfast this morning?"
"Got involved with helping a friend with a problem, and completely forgot to eat. Five more minutes and I'd have been tempted to see how the vampires liked the locals eating them." He offered, trying to derail the conversation.
Joyce smacked him playfully on the arm. "Back to the topic at hand Xander."
While rubbing his arm Xander muttered something unintelligible about Summers girls and hitting him. "Well, I guess it all started with Miss French; the Biology teacher that turned out to be a female mantis demon looking for virgins to fertilize her eggs. I was chained up in the basement in my underwear for that one. Then came Ampata, your foreign exchange student who turned out to be an Incan Princess from long ago. She sacrificed her life to save her people and in the end sacrificed it again to save mine... All told a very sweet girl in a bad situation who really got the short end of the stick..." Xander trailed off in thought for a moment as Joyce placed an order for their dinner.
Xander chuckled self deprecatingly. "Then came Queen C, Sunnydale High School's very own Cordelia Chase. Very much above me in the social hierarchy, being the Queen of the School, while I was merely King of Cretins." Joyce glared at Xander but he continued onward either not noticing or ignoring the hairy eyeball, "I didn't even get the award for Class Clown, they awarded it to Jack Mayhew; lousy prop comic. Then came my bestest bud since forever, Willow, unfortunately those urges came on at the same time that we were with other people. She was researching a way to use magic to eliminate that problem, when everything went boom and Spike kidnapped the both of us."
Joyce looked over, and gently ran her hand down Xander's back soothingly. "Sounds like there are a lot of emotions tied up in those two..."
Xander ignored the prompt for him to expand any topic involving him, Willow and Cordelia continuing resolutely onward instead.
"Then came Faith, a force of nature... The third Slayer I've interacted with, and one I spent three memorable evenings with, two wonderful in their own fashion and one that ran completely true to form. Ah, the Harris luck with women; if I could bottle it I'd mix it with hair gel and slip it to Deadboy."
Joyce nodded, pulling into the driveway at 1630 Revello Drive. "Well, we're home... and unless you'd like to continue this topic with Dawn around instead of watching your movie this evening I suppose it'll have to wait a bit."
Xander nodded and they headed inside to lighter topics, like hamburgers and which chick flick Dawn was trying to convince him to watch now.
