The darkness that had made two fighting figures more prominent against a dim, fading streetlamp had given way to midnight long before the weaker, more submissive of the two had retreated back to the comfort and safety of the tour bus waiting just beyond the waging war. Sara was sat in her same position on the bunk that meant nothing to her but a place to feel self-pity and coldness seeping through her from Tegan's side, mocking her with everything she'd ever done wrong, every bad name she'd called her twin, and the loneliness that accompanied the split in their bond due to her mistake. She refused to call it anything other than a drunken mishap, because that's what it was. She had been inebriated beyond the point of logical thought, lonely in a spacious house that was all too big for her preference. It wouldn't surprise her if the other participating party had been just as drunk - hell, she didn't even know if Lindsey remembered what had happened. They hadn't talked since then, and she found that she couldn't care less if the woman ever came back. She had claimed hatred and distrust towards the previous love interest her sister had chased for three years, but she supposed that that declaration had sunk the same moment guilt had consumed her so wholly and completely that her only option had been to confess.

I really fucked up this time. I can't do anything about it; I don't know where she is...

A sigh escaped Sara's lips as she rolled onto her back, straightening her legs and clutching the pillow to her chest with more desperation than before. She had to blink back tears as she took in the scent of Tegan's shampoo, thoughts of her sibling off somewhere alone making her heart ache against the contrasting feeling of heart-shattering guilt she couldn't shake. If anything happened to Tegan, it would indirectly be her fault, and her fault alone; Lindsey had no part in their lives anymore.

She had never meant for her twin to be hurt; she wanted to be able to say that, but she couldn't. She had been drunk when Lindsey knocked on her door, whispered words she didn't want to hear, and pushed her way through the opening. She had been hungover the day after when she had screamed and cried for the woman to leave and never come back, but that was what she didn't regret. She felt the most remorse for her actions that night, and, as they played against her senses more vividly than when it had happened, she started sobbing, her composure crumbling as tears started to build up in her eyes. Her body started to tremble as she tried to hold in the audible representation of her hurt, her head bowing as her knees curled to meet her ribs that only seemed capable of protecting her own heart that filled with self-hatred upon recollection of her previous decisions. She hadn't been in her right mind at all, and she wished more than anything that Tegan would give her the time to explain that; even though she considered herself inexcusable; she couldn't even call Tegan the asshole because she had no one to pin the blame on but herself.

Grief was starting to envelope her frame entirely before she found relief in the darkness that obscured her vision from the sight of Tegan's empty bunk, falling asleep to the sound of harsh wind outside the bus.

...

Sara's eyes reluctantly opened to the sight of her twin's absence and her stomach dropped. She had promised herself somewhere in the midst of being enraged and dejected that she wouldn't get her hopes up, but she still had been expecting Tegan to return in the middle of the night, or at least before she woke up. It hurt to know that she was still alone, drowning in the depths of her unfiltered emotions, unheard and more despondent than she'd ever been in her life. However, they had a tour to start soon, regardless of their personal problems, and she repeatedly reminded herself of this as she sat up. Their unresolved issues wouldn't get in the way of their career - they couldn't. It wouldn't be allowed. Not only would it be unprofessional of them, but it would risk their reputation in the industry and most likely give hint to their relationship, considering the fans that saw through them as if they were transparent.

Padding across the floor that was colder than usual due to her bitter mood, Sara made her way to the bathroom with clothes in hand, overlooking the ringing of her phone as soon as the tone registered in her memory as 'not Tegan's'. She finished getting dressed at her normal pace, again turning a blind eye to the device reaching out for her attention and, instead, moving to the fridge in search of a distraction. Upon finding a significant lack of comfort food or reason to bypass answering her phone, Sara resorted to the couch, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on top of them. She knew she'd have to get a hold of Tegan if she didn't return by the start of the impending tour they would soon be embarking on, but she also knew that interrupting her sister's recovery would both only delay it and be a terrible, terrible choice to deal with when she did come back; therefore, her only option was to wait.