Title: Figure It Out On The Way

Summary: Rory and Jess. Analyzing. Over-thinking. Trying to learn to love each other. And knowing that you have to start somewhere.

A/N: This story switches back and forth between Jess's POV and Rory's POV... that should be fairly self-evident, but just in case, there you go. Also, sorry for the super short chapters- it's not really intentional, just happening that way. There's also gaps in between the chapters- things that have happened that haven't necessarily been fully detailed in the story. Jess or Rory will refer to them, and the rest should be pretty easily inferred, but if it's too confusing tell me (because to me, it always makes sense :P). Last thing, Rory's referring to the scene between her and Jess from Haunted Leg, minus the Shane parts, because in this universe Shane never happened. And as always, any type of feedback is very much appreciated. :)


II. One Foot In Front Of The Other

Deep breaths, Rory, deep breaths. I'm currently standing outside Doose's and trying very hard to not hyperventilate. My palms are sweaty, my heart is racing, and I'm starting to feel a little light-headed. My fight-or-flight instincts are quickly drowning out any rational thought I may have previously had.

Dear lord, why am I doing this again? I could very easily just turn around and walk away and leave this near-panic attack behind, and maybe I could just stop by Luke's instead. Yeah, a nice cup of coffee, a little sugar rush, that'll help calm me down, help my heart stop palpitating.

Oh right. Luke's. Jess. The reason I'm here in the first place. Dammit.

I close my eyes and just think about him for a minute. How shocked I was to see him at Sookie's wedding. How good he looked. How I couldn't seem to stop myself from reaching out to him... and god, how amazing it felt to finally kiss him, to be that close to him... but that was three months ago.

I flash forward to Jess from earlier this week- the Jess who called me out on my cowardice; the Jess who yelled at me for, essentially, leading him on. How his voice had held such a mix of hate and contempt and hurt when he asked me if I was still with Dean.

I've always known that Jess has a tendency toward the... intense... but I never imagined that that much anger would be directed at me.

But Jess has never led me to believe he'd coddle me. He's never put up with any bullshit, from me or anyone else in this town, and I guess he wasn't about to start now. And as much as seeing that kind of resentment in his eyes hurt, now that I've had a chance to get over the initial shock, I think I'm realizing that I need a little bit more of that in my life. Someone who doesn't idolize me. Someone who knows I'm not perfect. Someone to tell me when I'm being an idiot, and not let me get away with anything. Someone to hold me to a higher standard.

Because sometimes it feels like everyone in Stars Hollow is so busy expecting me to be perfect, they're never able to see past that. I'm a one-dimensional character to them, incapable of flawing. Either that, or it's just that no one ever has the guts to tell me when I'm wrong. I don't know how I'm ever supposed to grow if I'm always allowed to keep being status-quo-Rory.

So yeah. Jess's diatribe in the market managed to wake me up a little. I've been... just, so unfair. To both him and Dean. And I guess to myself, to some extent, as well. His words managed to shake me up a bit, and at the very least got me re-evaluating the course I had been set on.

And that brings me back to the sidewalk outside Doose's.

Okay. I can do this. Big deep breath; one foot in front of the other; ignore the crazy-erratic-thumping thing in my chest, and push the door open. Slow, steady steps toward the checkout counter.

"Dean? We need to talk."