Escaping Sol: YA Edition

Chapter 2:

Breaking the Surface

Ranma15177

Big thank you once again to my YA editor Tammy, as well as Cullenista my other beta. Tammy is responsible for the re-write and I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of her help and guidance in this project!

EPOV:

It has been a few days since I moved. My family has allowed me my quiet contemplation. They have not since that third day, even so much as approached me. Sometime on the second day Carlisle came to sit with me. He didn't say anything. He was just as full of pain as I was. His eyes searched endlessly in the water, just like mine did, waiting to see some sign of her body there amongst the waves and rocks.

Esme, I had seen in his mind, sat just staring out the window toward the mountains. It had been some time since she had stirred. When he had asked after her she had looked up and whispered. "I have lost them both." He had come out here after that. He and I did not speak. We didn't have to. 'This is going to destroy him.' Is the only thing that he thought before leaving me to my quiet contemplation.

I knew that Carlisle was right, so I said nothing either. I have been staring out at the sea for an answer that has not been forthcoming. I had once thought of school as purgatory. Now I knew for certain that I had moved beyond a no man's land in Catholic dogma. I was in hell.

I sat next to the very place that Jacob saw Jane throw Bella's body. I had been unable to do anything but sit here and wait. I would wait until her body was found. I would bury her in the cold ground here in Forks, and I would sit here for eternity waiting to catch a glimpse of her spirit here where she died.

I don't really believe in ghosts. Certainly someone who happens to be a vampire has no business deciding which myths are real and which are not, however it's been my experience that I've had no such experience. I would wait here until I did. I had not broken down. My hell was silent.

"Hey." It was Jacob again. I wish that he would leave me alone like my family had. Unfortunately he seemed to have elected himself as my shadow. He held himself responsible for Bella's death. On some level I wished I did too. It would make it easier to hate Jacob Black.

Unfortunately I knew better. Jacob would have gladly died for her sake that day. He had fought against the Volturri guard valiantly. He had tried to spare me this pain. No, he had tried to save Bella. It was the same thing to me though, and so I was grateful. I already owed Jacob much. Too much, because he had seen it, and without his mind, without his thoughts I would never have known. They would have simply come for her and she would have just disappeared. I would have never known where she'd gone… just that she had.

"Jacob." It was the most I'd said to him. I hadn't spoken to him in the last few days of my sitting here. I hadn't spoken to him while I had been hunting for traces of my Bella in the sea. It was all I did on August 13th.

I swam through the water looking for her all throughout our wedding day. I saw what Jacob had seen. Her body sailed like a rag doll over the cliff face after the one amongst the Volturri guard that I didn't know had snapped her neck. I believed Jacob had told us the truth not just because he had been witness to her death, but because he too came here to grieve. Here amongst the dead and the eternally damned.

"Hey… it isn't like I enjoyed the silent treatment or anything, but I can't help noticing that there are words escaping your mouth." Jacob sat down next to me on the ground. It had rained again leaving the ground soggy. I stared off toward the horizon wondering when the silent pain of my suffering would end. "I know how you feel. It's kind of like you can't breathe… like nothing is going to be alright. Never again."

How could this mongrel possibly know how I feel? Bella was supposed to be my wife by now. She and I were going to Alaska to see the northern lights and begin her new life with me. I had a tormenting vision of her sliding down over my body as her fingers slowly opened my shirt. We had made plans. She and I were going to join as a woman and man.

We had made an agreement that she and I were going to be together for an eternity. Now all I had to look forward to was this emptiness. "No… you have no concept of how I feel Jacob. You couldn't possibly fathom what this is like for me."

"Sure, sure because she isn't dead for just you, right? The rest of us can't possibly feel like the world just ended huh? You know what you filthy bloodsucker…" The anger was rolling off of Jacob Black like water. I broke eye contact with the fathomless ocean and looked over at the angry young wolf-boy.

As our eyes met and Jacob looked into my face it stopped. He whipped his head back toward the sea. "Stop looking at me like that. Stop telling me to kill you with your eyes. I won't do it. One hundred years is a long time to wait for someone. I'm not gonna' argue with that. I only waited over the course of six months for a smile. Maybe I don't know what it's like. She loved you right? She loved you more than me, more than Charlie and her Mom, and more than life itself. She was going to give that up last week right? You were going to make her like you?"

I looked at the way his eyes narrowed. I couldn't help feeling that we had both been broken beyond repair but that Jacob had been that way for a little longer than me. "Yes… that's how it was going to be. It's what she wanted. Somehow she thought it would bring us equality. It's funny. She always seemed to be under this horrible misconception that I was better than her. I thought she was perfect. I didn't want this for her." Jacob looked back at me with shock in his eyes.

I was angry with Jacob's assumption on my person and I'm sure that it reflected in every word that I spoke. "Don't be so surprised Jacob Black. Just because you think I'm a complete monster with no heart and soul doesn't mean I can't be self aware." I looked back into the churning waves. "I didn't want her to lose her soul either." Jacob jumped up from his place by the ocean and glared at the forest behind us. Alice walked through the undergrowth and leaned against the tree closest to us.

"Hey, Alice." Jacob walked forward and Alice hugged the large man as my eyes popped. How could so much have changed in the space of a week? How was it that the destruction of everything that I held dear resulted in this?

Alice pulled back with a grimace and so did Jacob "You stink." They both said at the same time and let a smile pass their lips. There was no laughter. The laughter was absent from our lives. Bella was the one who had brought about this strange truce in us and she had taught us how to laugh together, even tenuously. The two of us were mortal enemies, but in the face of our grief we were the same. Both sides lost in limbo until answers were gained.

"Are you here to cheer us up again? If you are then you can turn around and find somewhere else to be," Jacob questioned quietly.

Alice tried to look offended, but her misery was in her eyes before I could agree with Jacob. The thought that I could actually agree with anything that the young werewolf said gaining more in my opinion that Bella had created a sort of magic in us. Something was different about us and the pack.

We had worked together, fought together, and now we were grieving together. Something was pulling us into a strange partnership. I looked up at Alice and said the first words I had to her in a week. "Please Alice. Tell me that you've seen something. Give me hope that there is a chance that this is all some kind of nightmare."

Alice followed my example from earlier and looked out at the sea saying something I had not expected. "It's not a nightmare. You can't wake up, because you can never sleep. Nothing is going to make this just go away. Edward, I want revenge. I want to break and demolish and destroy. I want to find Jane and twist her head free from her undead shoulders and I want you to help me light the match. I'll go alone if that's what I have to do. I didn't see this coming. I should have seen this coming!"

She looked slightly hysterical. My sister was sobbing dryly and Jacob was holding her small shoulders as she began to advance toward me. Alice's eyes were black with vengeance and her tone was darkness incarnate to match, "I want to witness their demise with my own eyes. I want justice at my own hands! Please Edward, stand with me and fight back!"

"Finally!" Emmett came crashing through the bushes clapping Jacob on the back, his voice triumphant and at the same time dangerous. "I knew we would finally come to this conclusion. Let's take the fight to them! You don't just come into Forks and start crap with the Cullen family. Are you guys going to come with us Jacob?"

Jacob was still holding Alice's shoulders but his mood darkened and I saw images of Bella's death flash before his eyes, and each face that had been executioner or witness at the slaughter of my bride to be. The pure hate and joy that it elicited in him to imagine himself, teeth flashing and tearing through their bodies as we cut a bloody swath through our revenge sent a wave of pain through me.

Emmett continued talking and began pacing. "I want you guys to come Jacob. Get Sam. Tell them we're going together! They will never expect a bunch of Vampires to come to Volterra with a big pack of Werewolves. They won't know what hit them."

"No." It was Jasper with a flat rebuttal aimed directly at Emmett. I was beginning to feel very crowded. The thoughts and now emotions of everyone around me were becoming cloying. I felt like tearing into my flesh or throwing myself over the cliff to join Bella in the churning sea. Why were they all here now? What had drawn them all here after all this time? Perhaps they were finished grieving. "What the Volturi do for the Vampires is irreplaceable. They can't be extinguished. We would be lawless monsters without them," my newest brother exclaimed with confidence.

Alice hissed and struck Jasper. "How dare you!" His eyes were wide and a feeling of desperate pain filled my senses. Everyone reeled with it. "Emmett is right! We should be storming their gates and destroying everything that they are. What gives them the right to pass judgment? What is going to stop them from coming here and destroying the rest of us? What is going to stop them from coming here to take me from you Jasper?" She tore completely free from Jacob's hands and clutched at her husband. "MY SISTER! They killed my sister, Jasper! Surely you would feel differently if they had torn me apart and lit me on fire? Or maybe it doesn't matter to you what happens?" A wave of torment slid through my already muddled thoughts. "I will go with them to Volterra…whatever you might say Jasper. I have to find justice. This was their brand of justice Jasper. I will not stand by another minute…"

"I'll go with you Alice, Emmett. I want to speak for my brothers… but I can't. I will go to Sam and beg if I have to. I want what Alice wants. I want revenge. If they hadn't beaten me so badly I would have protected her… I'm sorry I failed." Jacob shivered for a second and was silenced as he morphed into a wolf. The russet wolf was diving through the self same bushes that had probably been the last to touch my Bella's skin alive, and away into the forest, presumably to speak with his brothers. They had probably stuck to her clothes and scratched her skin. I could smell her dried blood on them. A vicious howl broke the silence that had suddenly occurred in the clearing. Waves struck the shore.

"Alice, please! Please reconsider this. I can't lose you. I can't live in this existence without you by my side. I remember what it was like. The emptiness…" Jasper was still standing there with Alice in his arms, for his hands had come to clutch her shoulders like hers had been clutched to his. "We can't disturb the order of things. This is a reminder of that order. I loved Bella too Alice. I loved her like a sister, but the Volturi had warned us before that we were to make a decision in their time. You didn't see when that time would be. Now, there is nothing we can do for her."

"One day Jasper! ONE! It isn't fair!" Alice fell to her knees next to me and shuddered with muted sobs.

"I'll go wherever you go love." I heard him mutter and fall next to her. His arms secure around her shoulders. "I'll die for you if it's what you want, and I'll wait for you on the other side… wherever it is that we go…" Jasper whispered into her hair. 'I was only put here to love you. I can do that in hell just as well as I can do it here.' His thoughts made me wish I could be in heaven with Bella. Be wherever it was that she was. Feel my arms around her warmth. Her blush filled my senses.

I couldn't hold back any longer. A long keening wail that I didn't know I'd been holding back filled the silence. Sobs wracked my shoulders. I wanted to cry. I wanted to destroy this place that was full of the last moments of Bella's screams. I wanted to kill the Volturi. I wanted… to die.

"Edward." It was Emmett. He was holding me like a child with my head against his chest. The giant hollow chest with no heart… but that was filled with more conviction and care for me than I could probably fathom. My hands had torn through the dirt and I was clawing at the ground.

My family was suddenly around me. Carlisle had come to my other side and pulled me into his arms. I didn't fight it. Emmett remained with his hand on my arm Jasper and Alice were behind me. Esme and Rosalie burst through the trees and fell onto us. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I wanted them to know the depths of this grief I felt. I kept trying to speak but all I could do was shudder, cry out, and sob endlessly. Now that the floodgates had been opened I didn't know how to stop them. Their thoughts were all the same. Thoughts spared on my behalf.

'I will do anything for you Edward. I will go to the ends of the earth to make this right. Bella was going to be your other half, like Esme to me. I won't let you suffer alone.'

'I have never known this kind of peace. I won't lose Alice, but I won't lose you either Edward. I love you both.'

'Hell, here we come. I will fight anyone that comes near us again. Edward is going to get his peace.'

'How will we ever survive this? Bella made her choice…I may not have agreed with it… but it was hers to make. This is worse than my story. Worse because someone was left in this world to grieve.'

'I will destroy their happiness just like they destroyed ours. I will see this through to the end. Bella, my sister… I promise to make them suffer.'

'My family. My Edward. I will make this right… and then I will let you go… if that is what you need. I understand your grief far better than anyone. The sorrow of losing a child is much like the anguish of losing a lover. You have seen what it did to me, how I reacted.'

I fell against them. My head laid back, and the emotions flooding through me. For once Jasper just reciprocated. Everyone shuddered against my pain. It flooded me. I cried out and it was like their hands were holding me together. I felt as if I was flying apart and because Jasper was there they were sharing in this feeling. It was terrifying.

Esme gasped against the raw emotion, "My son, God… my son." My head was in her lap and stared sightlessly at the clouds above. Rain began to fall on our collected mass the clouds weeping in a way that we could not. A pile of arms and legs, torsos and heads that had passed away long ago but left to feel everything that was human with no way to express it. Suddenly it wasn't enough to lay there with them. I had to explain what I was feeling. If they could hear the things I had been silently contemplating maybe they would see just how horrified I was with the prospect of living through this.

"Bella. My Bella. WHY? Why would anyone do this? Why did they come for her and leave me here? Why couldn't they have killed me too? If this is my punishment I would have gladly taken her place. I would have died for her or at least I would have died with her. I swear to God I would have! WHY?" My words made real in the world were like daggers to my body.

It was like the pain was throbbing through us and when the wolf pack arrived there by the ocean cliff they ducked down their bodies as if the emotion was flattening them to the ground. The large russet wolf that I knew was Jacob crawled forward through the waves of pain and curled up next to us. He wanted to feel this. He wanted to know what it was like to be me. I heard it in his head. He wanted to share in my pain for Bella's sake. I spoke again, the words bitter and despairing. "Dear God! Where is she? Why can't we find her body? Why can't I even have that? Is what I had planned so against God that he is punishing me?"

"Edward, No!" It was Carlisle. "God is merciful and loving. I don't believe for one second that he would punish one such as you. You who have chosen to live this unending life of ours by upholding life. By adhering to the laws of Moses and Abraham, you have never turned your back on Him. Why would he punish you?"

"What about my rebellion Carlisle? What of that? I have felt the glory of man's blood sliding down my throat. I am no angel! I am an abomination! I am a demon! Perhaps this is my penance for my time in the darkness. Maybe I am not made to love!" As I said the words my anger flared and Jasper crumpled against Alice. "Remember the sorrow I brought to her? Remember the pain and the darkness she walked through to save me just recently?"

"Edward… she wanted this." This time the voice was Alice. Her tone was small and full of pain. She shuddered against Jasper's crumpled form. "She loved you so much. Bella wanted you just as much as you wanted her. Don't say those things anymore. I won't let you. Don't hurt her. She deserves better than that Edward."

'I know. I won't let the pain of this stop me though. I'll do this for you. I'll do this for her, because you are what she wanted. I never thought I would ever say this… but I am going to fight for the sake of you both. She won't know peace until you do." Jacob made no movements but I could feel the finality in his statement. He would fight until there was nothing left. Her Jacob. Her miniature sun.

I felt my body curling into itself and the pain stopped flooding through us. I was alone with it again. Alone but for the russet wolf lying next to me… eyes fixed on the sea, on the horizon. Jasper had finally closed down. He let a wave of comfort cover us. I didn't feel it like everyone else. I just laid there wishing someone would end this. Emmett turned toward the pack and raised his fist in the air and let out a snarl. It was followed by howling in every direction.