Author's Ramble: So this might end up being four parts. XD We'll see how much I get in in the third part. Thanks for those who faved, alerted and reviewed.
Disclaimers:
Own Kingdom Hearts? Nah, me neither.
All titles and quotes at the beginning of each chapter are from Jack's Mannequin: Everything in Transit. The album was written while the lead singer, Andrew, was battling cancer.
Part Two: Blood Between my Teeth
"Every word you say, say something sweet, 'cause all I taste is blood between my teeth."
Axel was not born a very affectionate person. In fact, he shunned it for the large majority of his life. It wasn't that he was incapable, or that he hated the human race as a whole. It was mostly that he had no reason to like people particularly, and if he didn't like them, he wasn't going to spend the effort being nice to them.
But as years went by, Axel had changed. After all, he hadn't went to medical school to specialize in caring for burn victims because he wanted to have the smell of charred flesh around him all day. If Axel were being honest with himself, though, he'd know he wasn't going into the medical field because he was passionate about helping others. In some mixed up way, the flaming red haired intern knew why he was pushing gurneys around the Terminal Care Unit of Traverse Hospital to help himself, not the patients he saw each day.
But he wasn't being very honest with himself, and he now had a definite reason as to why he was working so hard in the TCU. Roxas.
Axel had told himself not to get attached to anyone. And for a while, it seemed it would work, considering his only patient was a smartass kid who wanted to die.
This can only end badly.
He tried to tell himself this, but it somehow got lost in muddled thoughts of everything else going on. He was at the hospital at least five days a week, practicing magic afterwards with a crazy wizard who lived down the street from his rundown apartment, and still studying for his finals at Trinity Institute. Somewhere along the way, the importance of not getting attached to Roxas vanished, and all that matter was getting him the will to live.
-oO IV Oo-
Axel pushed open the heavy door to Roxas' room while trying not to drop the blue ice cream bar he held in one hand, and the patient's IV pouch in the other. Axel had been working with Roxas for five weeks now. Time was running out on the blond, but that wasn't about to stop the male intern.
Because now, Roxas was trying to live, and no one had the right to tell him he couldn't try.
"How's the weather today?" Roxas said in his raspy weak voice, trying to be a smartass and succeeding, even with that pathetic voice. Axel rolled his eyes and held out the ice cream for Roxas.
"Freakin' beautiful," Axel muttered and went to the IV.
Those dull blue sapphires lit up as his hand shakily reached forward and took the popsicle before Axel began refilling the IV pouch. His gurney was pushed up so he could sit and look out the window at the indoor garden. The glass dome above the very fake looking desert scenery was dark as night with clouds and rain splattered its surface.
Wish he'd stop looking out the damn window. Makes him look so…
Axel didn't let himself finish the thought.
He found it hard to look at Roxas sometimes, even though it'd been almost a month since the blond had decided to help himself get better. The seventeen-year-old boy was still so weak he could hardly support himself, and the intern had noticed in the past few days that there were many strands of hair being left on his pillow after he picked up his head. The lesions weren't as bad, but his eyes looked sunken into his skull, and the dark rings from lack of sleep didn't help. If he weren't bedridden, Axel would have referred to him as a walking skeleton.
Roxas was already lapping away at the ice cream.
It's the only thing the kid eats for god's sake.
It took Axel two days to find a little independent grocer who actually sold the stuff. Roxas had been very specific when the redhead asked him what he would be willing to eat.
"Sea salt ice cream," Roxas had said automatically. Those sapphire eyes had shown a little sign of life at the mention of his favorite food. "Not the stuff you get in containers, either. The ice-cream-on-a-stick kind."
Roxas paused in his munching to glance at Axel injecting the new fluid into his IV. He'd stopped fighting when it came to people giving him Potions or his AZT. Or at least, he'd stopped fighting Axel. The smartass still thought it was fun to mess with Larxene, and he didn't talk to Aerith at all. No one else felt like giving the time or effort to deal with the little punk.
"What're you putting in there?" he asked. Axel glanced over at the blond, a slender eyebrow raised.
"Why Roxas? Don't trust me?"
"I have a standard disclaimer not to trust anyone in the medical field. Didn't you pick up on that by now?"
"Actually, I had. But I thought you wanted to help yourself."
"I am!" Roxas waved around the finished popsicle stick. "I'm eating your goddamn food, aren't I?"
"Well, to be correct you're eating the food you forced me to go out and buy for you. And considering it's the only thing you're willing to eat, I'm willing to take the time."
"Whoa, no one told me I had a goddamn saint taking care of me! Quick, get the camera."
Axel finished pushing the AZT into the bag and turned around to face his patient. Roxas was smirking, cold sweat beading his upper lip. His hair stuck to his forehead, and Axel was glad he'd gotten him his ice cream now. The fever was coming on again.
"Kid, you look like a freakin' mess," Axel sighed as he leaned over and began checking all the wires hooked up to the scrawny blond. It was something to do other than leave, and Axel didn't want to leave him just yet. Roxas gave a snort of laughter.
"At least I don't have to wear those ridiculous scrubs," Roxas shot back.
Axel ground his teeth. The kid was so much easier to deal with when he was passed out and looked like some sort of dying angel. Not that Axel was going to be saying any of that out loud.
The intern's hand went down the front of Roxas' paper gown to feel for the wire hooked up to his chest. He tried to ignore the way Roxas' breath caught and his eyes darted to Axel's for just the briefest moment. He tried to ignore the feeling of his clammy but soft skin as he made sure the heart rate monitor's wire was secure. He straightened up and gave Roxas a once over and let out an aggravated sigh.
He really wanted a cigarette, but Roxas was looking out the window and the fever was coming. (And if he was being honest with himself, which he wasn't, Axel couldn't leave Roxas to fight the fever on his own.) Only thing was, he hadn't let himself had a cigarette in years. The sudden need for one was unusual, but not completely unmerited.
"You need a bath," Axel said after a moment of watching Roxas stare at the rain. Roxas' eyes flashed to Axel's, one eyebrow raised and his expression appalled.
"I'm not going to take some sort of sponge bath in this freakin' gurney," Roxas shot. "Even that bitch Larxene would take me to the goddamn shower so I could bathe myself."
"I was just going to stick you out in the rain, but you know, that sounds like a much better idea," Axel was quick to reply with a poorly concealed smirk. Roxas frowned and crossed his arms over his shaky little frame.
"C'mon, I'll take you to the baths. We'll get you cooled down," Axel laughed and began shifting things around the gurney so he could push it towards the bathing rooms. Roxas gave a sigh that made Axel stop what he was doing.
"What's wrong?" Axel said, loosing the tone.
"Do… I have to be pushed in this bed?" Roxas said, quiet for once. The sweat was making the paper stick to his frame and he was pushing the covers off of him as much as he could without being completely exposed. His expression made him look ancient to the intern, and he felt his heart do an uncomfortable and rather sloppy summersault. It occurred to Axel how humiliating it was to be dependent as a young man, to be confined to a gurney and not allowed to wear proper clothing.
Not to mention that that was how you were told you were going to die—stuck in a hospital bed, with no one visiting you and a bunch of people you didn't get along with taking care of you.
Axel suddenly smiled, even though a piece of him inside had broken off and died with that look on Roxas' face. "I have an idea. I'll be right back."
He was out the door before Roxas could say another word.
In a moment, Axel was back with a wheelchair, a blanket casually thrown over the back of the seat. Down the hall was the patient Cid Highwind. He'd been confined to a wheelchair since his circulation failed in his legs, but was now fine with just staying in bed. The pleasant (if not somewhat rough) old man had given it to Axel the second he asked.
"When we're in the hall to the baths I'll let you do wheelies," Axel said as if it were the biggest treat in the world. Roxas laughed dryly, the noise echoing in his chest. Axel let himself laugh as well as he unhooked Roxas from some of the machines. He looked Roxas in the eye this time when he gently unhooked the heart monitor. Roxas was smirking. Axel just gave a distant smile. When all but the IV had been disconnected, Axel wheeled the pouch out before putting an arm under Roxas' shoulders.
"What the hell?! I can do it myself!" Roxas muttered, but Axel hooked his arm under the boy's knees and was lifting him up before the blond could stop him. Axel was shocked at how light he was. He'd read the kid's charts forwards and backwards. He knew his weight was only about a hundred pounds, probably less.
"Sure you can."
Just stop thinking about it.
He tried to stop thinking about the fact he was holding someone who was dying. He couldn't.
He set Roxas down in the chair before pulling the blanket off the back and letting Roxas drape it over himself so he may appear decent in front of the unit full of female nurses.
Axel glanced at the clock before he began wheeling Roxas down the hall. It was four o'clock—Axel was supposed to have left an hour ago. He didn't let himself think about it, and continued down the hall.
There were more things Axel wouldn't let himself think about lately than not.
Just before they were leaving the unit, one of the nurses came out of the pink haired gardener's room. Larxene paused at the sight of Roxas smirking at her from his wheelchair. He had his head leaning back, and his chest was heaving a little more than needed for a normal person to breathe. She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms as she stepped in front of their path.
"Axel, I thought you'd already called in for today," Larxene said icily. "At least, you were supposed to."
Axel could sense Roxas' confused expression but chose to ignore his questioning stare. "Just taking Roxas to get a bath," he said with a shrug of his shoulders. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to make the action casual even though he was nervous as hell. Larxene didn't like how much effort Axel was putting into Roxas. Axel figured it was because the bitch didn't like seeing someone feel compassion towards another human being. "I'll clock in after we come back."
The intern began to wheel his patient forward once again, but as he passed Larxene she grabbed his arm with a very strong grip. "You don't want to do what you're doing," she whispered so only Axel could hear. Axel gently shook of her hand and gave her a quick glance. Her eyes were filled with something like… pity.
It's probably indigestion.
He kept walking.
Once they were out of the unit, Axel idly began popping the wheelchair up to do a few wheelies, not really thinking about what he was doing. It took Roxas to say his name three times before the tattooed nurse finally looked down at him.
"Huh?"
"I said, why the hell are you still here if you don't have to be?"
Axel had been hoping to avoid that question.
"You need a bath. You freakin' stink."
"Somehow I don't think that's the whole answer to that question."
"Generally speaking I'm a rather half-assed individual."
Roxas gave an irritable grunt and rested his head back against one of the handles of the chair. His head rested slightly on Axel's fingers as he sat there, making Axel conscious of every movement of his hand.
They moved through the white, fluorescent-lit labyrinth of the hospital, heading towards the second floor's little showering area for patients. Axel always thought it was pathetic how hospitals tried to cheer up the place with water colored paintings and black and white photography of daisies. It didn't make someone suddenly change his or her view of a hospital.
Just as Axel was wheeling Roxas through the threshold of one of the little individual bathing rooms, Roxas asked something quietly. He always got quieter when he was doing worse.
"What was that?" Axel said, making sure to sound indifferent. Roxas was not happy when he was talked down to, even if he was in pain.
"You need a freakin' hearing aid, nurse." Axel ground his teeth. Smartass. "No, what I was saying, was I can't believe a guy like you woke up one day and decided he wanted to be a nurse."
Axel let go of the chair, fingers brushing across Roxas' hair as he turned towards the large bathtub in the room. There was a large walk-in shower as well, but Axel didn't trust Roxas to be able to stand for that long. He waved his hand at the taps and the water came streaming out at once, the drain closing shut automatically. His working with the wizard Merlin down the street from his apartment had gotten him pretty good with Water and Aero. Merlin had said it was a huge progress for someone like Axel.
"You have a natural gift for Fire. I can sense it in you. It's amazing you're able to learn opposite spells like Water and Aero as quickly as you're doing. Are you sure you don't want to experiment more with Fire?"
Axel had given Merlin a very dark look, and the subject never came up again.
"Sounds like you're stereotyping people, kid," Axel muttered as he reached around the IV stand to close the heavy door so Roxas would have some privacy when he got into the tub filling with cool water.
"Axel, you have tattoos under your eyes. If I'm the only one who's judging you on appearance then the TCU is completely blind."
Axel tried not to think about the fact it was the first time Roxas had called him by name. "Male nurses are generally stereotyped," Axel said, choosing to ignore Roxas' words as he leaned over and reached out a hand to help Roxas out of the wheelchair. Roxas pulled off the blanket with a sigh and took Axel's hand. It took a lot out of the blond to pull himself to his feet, but it did wonders for his mental stability to know he could lift himself up.
"What are you doing, Axel?" Roxas said, aggravated and yet confused. Axel paused as he was untying the ties on Roxas' paper gown. "Why are you a nurse? Why are you trying so hard to save me? For god's sake, I'm going to die. Don't you get that?"
Axel let the last knot fall and the paper gown fell to the floor. He didn't look at anything but the back of Roxas' head as he helped him into the tub. Roxas slid down into the water, but his eyes were fixed straight onto Axel. He seemed completely unfazed by the fact he was stark naked and the lesions stood out in bright red scars along his chest and abdomen.
Axel looked away first. He hated himself for it. "I know you're dying," he said each word distinctly and slowly, eyes focused on the base of the IV stand Roxas was still hooked up to. "But I figured you deserved the chance to try and take back your life, even if it was just for a few more weeks, a few more months. If it's a problem that I'm attempting to help you not die in a hospital bed alone, then I suggest you talk to Larxene about having your nurses switched."
The faucet dripped to a halt, the small last drips echoing in the tiled, bland colored room.
"You didn't answer all the questions," Roxas pointed out after a few minutes of silence and Axel looking anywhere but the blond. Axel looked up at Roxas. His small chest was heaving under the surface of the water, his eyes were half-closed and his face was an uncomfortably rosy shade. The older man sighed and reached forward, waving his hand over the water, willing it to move up and stroke Roxas' face like a washcloth.
"In the mood for a story, kid?"
"Sure." Roxas let his headrest back against the cool tile, his shoulders relaxing with the strokes of water on his face, neck, and collarbone.
"It doesn't have a happy ending," Axel warned.
Roxas closed his eyes and gave a wry smile.
"Neither do I."
-oO IV Oo-
"I had a teacher I didn't much care for…" Axel began but let the sentence die off. Roxas slowly pried one eyelid open and stared at him lazily. "Sorry," Axel muttered, rubbing at the back of his neck as he let his other hand continue to move with the flow of the water washing over Roxas' body. "I just figured that's not the best place to start.
"The best place to start—when I was six. Now don't think I'm giving you my whole goddamn life sob story. I'm not about to pull that shit. But six is where it starts, I guess.
"I had an older brother, Reno, he was twelve at the time. He liked to mess with me, tease me and shit. We lived in a pretty rough part of Midgar growing up, and Reno ran with a tough crowd even then. His friends would gang up on me, and Reno would make them stop after a bit, but only after they'd gotten all they wanted out of it. He didn't want to be seen as a weakling or anything, so he'd just stand around and watch and sometimes join in.
"So I was outside, can't really remember what I was doing, but Reno and his friends came along and started pushing me around. Eventually, one of them gave me a good enough shove I fell flat on my back. It knocked the wind out of me, and I'd had enough. The same kid started to stand over me, aiming to give me a good sucker punch to the gut. My palms were getting itchy, and they felt like they were screaming to be released from the heat building up under my skin. So when he aimed to hit, I just put my hands up towards his face and yelled out for him to get the hell off. A freakin' ball of fire shot out from my hands and singed the kid's eyebrows off. It wasn't strong enough to seriously burn him or anything, but the message was sent. They went running with their tails between their legs, and I remember Reno turning around before he went after them and saying, what the hell was that, bro?
"I didn't even know at the time. But from then on when I knew my palms were getting itchy, I'd need to let out the Fire. I didn't know I had a natural magic attraction to Fire, I just knew no one messed with me from then on out.
"I started to practice when I was alone. I'd channel the energy and concentrate it. I guess by the time I was around Reno's age I was casting Firaga when I was bored. It didn't even take effort, I'd just snap my fingers and it was there. I saw kids getting special lessons after school to learn spells and they always said it was hard stuff, but it was always so freakin' easy to just send out a good ring of fire in a back alley."
Axel paused, glancing at Roxas' face. The poor kid looked like he was falling asleep in the water. "Keep goin', I'm listenin'," he mumbled. Axel rolled his eyes and reached into the water, gently putting a hand on the back of Roxas' shoulder.
"Ah!" Roxas gasped, eyes flying open and jumping away from Axel's touch. Axel's hand snapped back instantly, his emerald eyes shocked with the sudden movement. "That burned."
"Oh god," Axel sighed. "I thought the Water… Sorry, Roxas. You were falling asleep, I was just gonna take you out…"
"Relax," Roxas laughed in his raspy voice. "It wasn't that bad. You were talking about the Fire thing. Keep going, I'm listening. You know how to keep your listeners awake." And to Axel's amazement, the sickly blond winked at him as he settled back into the water. "Hand me that shampoo, would ya?" Axel did so, trying to remember where he was at so he wouldn't dwell on the much, much younger boy's wink. "You were talking about practicing in alleys," Roxas reminded him as he began massaging a wad of suds into his spiky hair.
"Right… Well, anyways, I just practiced a lot, got involved with some things I'm not proud of when I was in junior high. I had a very unfair advantage with fights, as it was. Anyways, I tried to clean myself up in high school after my brother got in some pretty bad shit. We moved into Hollow Bastion, and I started school there. I had this real ass of a teacher, named Xigbar. I didn't even begin calling him by his last name. He was a cocky son-of-a-bitch."
"No, Axel, please be honest with me," Roxas cut in suddenly with a smirk. "How'd you really feel about this guy?"
"Smartass," Axel mumbled and waved his hand so a wave of water splashed itself over Roxas' soapy head. He was left spluttering, but chuckling between swears. "Can I continue now?" Roxas splashed the water impatiently.
"So one day I'd just about had enough of this guy. He liked to single me out. He taught history, and I didn't know the difference from our founding fathers to the guy who left my mom before I was born. One day he made me stand up in front of class and humiliate myself. He even decided it'd be a great time to bring up personal things in front of a bunch of rich snobs who had no clue who I was."
"Tell the class what you think of the running of Harvey Milk for the city supervisor of San Fransisco, Mr. Kumar. We'd love to hear from someone with your perspective." The words ran through Axel's head, clear as day. But he'd never repeat them to Roxas. Roxas didn't need to know everything.
"After that I stayed after class and told him I was going to go to the principal and have him fired for verbal abuse. That pissed him off good. He had the nerve to keep telling me that they wouldn't listen to a kid like me. I look back now and know he was just egging me on, trying to get me to fight him. I took the bait.
"But I bet the bastard didn't think I could shoot Fire out of my freakin' hands."
Roxas laughed at that. Axel found himself laughing along to, despite where his memories were leading him. In hindsight the whole thing was pretty funny. At least up to the point he'd talked about with Roxas.
The younger man took a deep, shaky breath and sat up a bit in the tub. Axel leaned forward and offered him a hand. Roxas accepted it as Axel helped him out of the water and wrapped him up in a towel. Roxas was shaking worse than Axel had been expected. "You okay, kid?" he asked, keeping a good grip on his shoulders as Roxas seemed to convulse in his arms. The blond's expression suddenly went slack, and Axel could tell he was becoming disoriented and delusional.
"Just… just…" Roxas collapsed into Axel's arms, his eyes half-opened as he shook with the fever. Axel put his hands on Roxas' bare back and focused on moving the warm energy gathering in his hands up through Roxas' spine. He felt his hands against boney back and lesions grow suddenly cold as the energy transferred through with the Cure spell. Axel had no idea how to gage how strong it was, but Roxas shivered slightly and was still.
"Finish… story… later…" came a mumble from his arms a few moments later as Roxas slipped unconscious.
Axel let out a deep breath.
God he wanted a cigarette.
-oO IV Oo-
It was six o'clock by the time Axel was finally scrubbing out and looking forward to a cigarette in the thunderstorm raging outside. Roxas had been pretty easy to get back to the unit after Axel had found him some decent clothes. He managed to find some sterile cotton pants and a shirt that was Okayed for chronic patients. Back at TCU, however, things had not gone over well. Larxene had a fit at seeing Roxas still and unconscious after his bath.
It hadn't been till Naminé appeared and firmly took Roxas' wheelchair from Axel and put him back into his bed that Larxene had realized that she was making a scene by not thinking of the patient first.
Naminé had sent for Aerith quickly enough, and when she arrived she was not in a good mood. Axel was glad she was able to skip out on that talk, as she said she'd prefer to speak to Larxene alone. Axel had been told to stabilize his patient before leaving for the night. Naminé was in Roxas' room when he came in.
"He really gets along with you," she commented as she hooked him up carefully to the heart monitor. The machine beeped to life and followed the steady beats of the sick blond's heart. "I heard he used to rip out his IV all the time."
"If he's having a bad day, there's no guarantee," Axel mused and went to check Roxas' vitals. Naminé stood back and watched him work. The redhead was very aware of the little blonde's stares. After making sure Roxas was breathing well he turned and gave a forced smile. "Is there something you need?"
"How do you do it?" she blurted out.
"What?" Axel was taken aback. He hadn't expected that from the girl who'd been highly recommended by Yen Sid. He was considered the most experienced Magic oriented men in the medical field.
"How do you make him eat? How do you make him take his AZT?"
Axel blinked and then gave a soft, dark chuckle. "I asked him to," he said simply. "I didn't tell him to. Is that the kind of answer you want?"
Naminé blinked big blue eyes at him, gave a disbelieving sigh and left the room without another word. Axel watched her go with furrowed brows. He waited in the room for a bit, not sure if he should wait for Aerith's dismissal. Larxene finally came in and told him to go home. She held a syringe that Axel knew was for Roxas. It held a softly glowing yellow liquid. "Elixir?" he asked. "He doesn't need Magic…"
"You've been using some on him, haven't you?" Larxene said flatly as she went to Roxas' bed. She took a hold of the boy's arm and sunk the needle deep into the skin of his forearm. "It helps his body from growing immune to it. You'll have to start giving this to him more often."
"Why not just give it through the IV?"
"Doesn't come in IV bags. Only vials. It's not very pleasant when you're awake, but he'll get used to it."
Axel rubbed the back of his neck and turned towards the door. God, he didn't want to leave. But Larxene was staring now and it'd do his nerves good to get that cigarette…
Finally he'd left and changed back into his jeans and tee shirt. He came out of the unit locker room throwing on his trench coat to head out into the gale for that long awaited smoke. Just as he was going through the unit doors, he heard his name called down the hallway.
"Aerith?" he turned to stare at the petit brunette with the worried eyes. "What's up?"
"I know you've been here all day." The nice Aerith was back, different from the one who had called Larxene to her office. Axel hoped never to see that side of the head nurse again. "But I need to speak with you for a moment. Will you come to my office?"
It wasn't like he could just refuse.
Aerith's office was just past the nurses' lounge at the end hall of the unit. Axel had only seen the door and a flash of the interior. There hadn't been a need to go inside until now. Aerith ushered Axel inside the simple, small office without a word.
They weren't alone inside.
Sitting in front of paper-strewn desk was an attractive blond man in his mid thirties. He peered at Axel through square glasses with examining pale blue eyes. The intern hadn't seen Dr. Cloud Strife since he'd left Trinity for his internship. Cloud was his professor's partner, and Axel knew that if too much talk of their relationship went around both Dr. Strife and Dr. Leonhart would be shamed out of their careers.
This wasn't what Axel had been expecting when he thought of sitting down for a chat with Aerith.
"Mr. Kumar, nice to see you," Dr. Strife said as Axel bewilderedly shook his hand before sitting down as directed by Aerith. She went behind her desk and offered coffee. "I had no idea you were heading for an internship at the terminal ward."
"Well, to no offense, it wasn't my first choice," Axel admitted and accepted the cup of coffee handed to him black as night from Aerith. "But Dr. Leonhart made a good point. It's… definitely an experience."
"Yes," the doctor said with a deep sigh as he spooned in a few lumps of sugar for his drink. "How do you feel about taking care of a terminal patient?"
The redhead's guard was suddenly put up at this question. What was this leading to? "It's not exactly a walk in the park, if that's what you want for an answer," he replied dryly. Aerith gave a small smile that looked more like a grimace anyways.
Would they just freakin' say what they want to say?
"So I've learned from Aerith you've been taking care of my patient Roxas Tsumi. He's not exactly an easy case…"
Oh. Of course.
"Axel, I'm worried about how attached you are becoming to Roxas," Aerith cut in with her sweet eyes playing it up. Axel almost threw up a little in his mouth. They couldn't be doing this. What was that thing about being professional? Having a "sit down" poorly disguised as an intervention was not his idea of professional. "I know that you've done him a lot of good, in fact he seems to be improving compared to the month he was here before your arrival. Unfortunately, your involvement with him has become… very personal, it would seem."
"Excuse me?" Axel said, his mouth dry. How could they know what he thought? Besides those occasional thoughts, there had been nothing between him and Roxas but a friendship. Axel knew what would happen if… if…
He couldn't finish the thought.
"Aerith tells me what you were willing to do to make Roxas eat, Axel," Dr. Strife cut in with a dazzling smile, as if his good looks would make what they were saying better. "And as great as it is to see him begin to take control of his own life again, it's compromising your ability to work as an unbiased professional."
"You're saying I'm falling in love with him, aren't you?" Axel's mouth had suddenly decided not to be connected to his brain.
Before he could give himself a mental lashing, Aerith replied simply, "Yes."
Axel blinked. Cloud and Aerith were staring back at him patiently, faces calm. "How," he said after he rediscovered the ability to breathe, "are we even able to have this conversation without me being fired?"
Dr. Strife glanced at the clock lazily. "It's after hours for all of us," he answered with a shrug of his shoulders. "None of this is on record. It's like having a conversation at the supermarket."
Axel had a mental picture of the three of them—the sweet nurse, the flamboyantly gay doctor, and the punk ex-pyro nurse resident—in the soup aisle.
"Then what's the point if this is like a freakin' crap shoot?" Axel mumbled, loosing his respectful tone the moment it seemed like he didn't need it. "Why does it matter if I'm making friends with a patient?" He wasn't going to say "developing feelings" under any circumstance. Not only was Roxas a patient, he was also seventeen. Axel was twenty-four. That's two legal faux pas right there.
Cloud cut him a very meaningful stare that made Axel want to take back his tone. He should have kept it formal. "Our concern," the blond said slowly, "is for your own well being. After what Aerith has told me, I think it'd be in your best interest if your involvement with Roxas became a visitor, not a caregiver."
"I can't leave! I need this internship," Axel blurted. He was scrambling for excuses. He had known that people would pick up on his feelings towards Roxas. He'd just thought it'd be when he was almost out of the TCU, or when Roxas…
Another thought better unfinished.
"We could transfer you out," Aerith offered as she stared into her coffee. "It would be better for you and Roxas, Axel. No one would get caught up in anything unnecessarily if you were to just be visiting him. He'd no longer be your patient, and you could develop any relationship with him you both desire. That's none of our business. The only reason why we bring this up now is out of concern for you."
"Squall knows you have potential," Cloud added, throwing in the first name of Axel's professor so casually it actually caught him off guard. "I know he'd hate to see it wasted because you've got a big heart."
Axel gave a small snort of laughter. It wasn't really funny, but at the moment it seemed like a ridiculous thing to say. "But where could you transfer me?" he sighed. He knew that he couldn't avoid this, as much as he wanted. At least now Roxas would have a visitor.
Aerith smiled. "I could pull a few strings and get you into the Burn Ward. They just had a woman retire, and one of the younger nurses opted to transfer, so they're short of hands. Larxene suggested transferring you there, actually. I had to ask her what she thought of you and Roxas," she added quickly at the dark look Axel sent her way. "I needed to know how to handle the situation. But she was the one who said it'd be a good idea to have you in Burns."
"Yeah, and I bet to her she thought it was demoting me," he mumbled more to himself than the other two sitting in the room. A little louder he added, "When will I be transferred?"
"Next week Monday. You deserve a long weekend," Aerith said with a smile. "I can make the call first thing tomorrow morning."
"Will Larxene be able to handle three patients on her own for three days?" Axel asked, not because he wanted to give Larxene a helping hand, but because he didn't want Roxas to be ignored care.
"She only has two patients. She'll be fine enough." Aerith said it kindly enough, but it still made Axel take a deep breath. Was it the gardener—Marluxia—or old man Cid?
He didn't have the heart to ask.
"Well," Cloud said with a deep sigh. "I have to be off. I'm sure the two of you need to be getting home for some sleep as well. The night nurses are as good as the day, right Aerith?"
"If not better," Aerith replied and stood up with the doctor. Axel was slower to his feet. It felt like his limbs had suddenly been injected with lead. After simple goodbyes that felt void to Axel, the three parted, all heading their separate ways.
Axel paused by Roxas' room for a moment before he went out to his car. He watched the heart rate monitor, transfixed by the steady beeping. It was such a shallowly reassuring sound.
Outside, under the awning of the patient pick-up drive in Axel paused for a moment, taking in the deep smell of the pouring rain. He reached into his coat pockets until he found a bent up box of cigarettes. He pulled the single remaining roll out of the pack and stuck it in his mouth when the doors of the hospital opened once again.
He turned, cigarette in mouth to see Cloud. The doctor smiled at him, but it faltered quickly. Before stepping into the rain, he paused.
"I thought you didn't smoke anymore, Axel."
"I don't."
Cloud ran into the rain and disappeared into the gloom of the night.
Axel threw the unlit cigarette into the trash.
