They wouldn't listen, no matter how much you begged and pleaded with them they just wouldn't listen to you. What the fuck was the point of being the 'Heir of Doom' if, when you did indeed see doom coming, nobody took you seriously? Even Latula, the one person you loved and trusted more than anyone had told you that you were just being silly and not to worry about it. The fact was you did worry, you worried so much it made you physically sick.
You had to do something though, you couldn't just ignore it and hope that it would all go away because you knew it wouldn't. When you made the decision to act you didn't tell anyone, you didn't want them to risk their own safety for your sorry ass. You snuck away and instantly felt a pang of guilt in your gut, though you kept going because you knew you no longer had time to brood over it.
You had never been entirely sure what happened that day, your first memory after your 'accident' being a blinding pain that threatened to split your skull in half. You remember someone picking you up from where you had fallen and gently trying to wipe away the blood that trickled from your nose, mouth, ears and even your eyes, holding you while you screamed in agony and begged for them to make the pain stop, to end your misery right there and then. But they didn't. They refused and instead you had to suffer while they took you back and tried to nurse you back to health.
As it turned out your efforts, despite you apparently being successful, were all for nothing as Meenah had taken it upon herself to blow you all up anyway. Sure you had all 'survived' so you could continue your 'lives' in the Furthest Ring rather than being wiped out completely when the Scratch reset everything, but at times it didn't feel like it had been worth the effort.
You weren't yourself anymore, not that you could remember how you were before you completely fried your thinkpan. Whatever you had done to save everybody had burned your psiioniics out and caused permanent, irreversible damage to your brain. You tend to alternate between being in an aggressive and abrasive mood, that makes you come across as extremely obnoxious, or a meek, passive mood that makes you apologise for every little thing you do and say. You can't stand being touched by anyone who isn't your matesprit or moirail and if anyone dares to try you completely freak out and won't calm down until they've let go and moved away from you.
You do occasionally have times where you are lucid and coherent, to the point you can even use your psiioniics again, and you treasure these moments while they last, though on a bad day you can be switching between moods as often as every few seconds which leaves you an emotional wreck. Latula is the one fixed point in all the chaos, having stuck by you even through your outbursts and emotional fits. You can tell it's a strain on her and that you can be quite a handful but you can also see just how much she truly cares, and that means the world to you.
Sometimes, when you're able to think coherently, you find yourself wishing you could go back and change everything so maybe you wouldn't be the way you are now, so Latula wouldn't have to go through watching you struggle to do the simplest of tasks that used to be so easy. You wish your burn out had killed you, as harsh and selfish as the thought was you feel you would have been better off being put you out of your misery right there and then. You wish you didn't have the scars on your forehead and around your eyes as a permanent reminder of everything you'd lost that day.
Sure you still had your loving matesprit and the world's best moirail but you had lost yourself, and if you weren't yourself anymore…
…then who were you?
Your name is Mituna Captor…and you're broken.
