vergissmeinicht
(chapter 1 – wistful thinking)
That little girl, who's most certainly a teenager now, was cute.
He remembers because they used to play together – the two of them. Sometimes, Hide joined them with this awfully enthusiastic smile and tried to charm the girl in which ended in failure (no surprise right there.) Kaneki was a little happy – well, actually a hell lot happy and probably still happy up until now – that Touka-chan was immune to Hide's obvious romantic advances. Honestly, it was dumb to indulge in romantic affairs when you're just like, 10.
(and he tries to shake off the thought that he is such a hypocrite)
Touka.
Yes, that's her name.
It's a rare name, something he doesn't hear often. Usually girls' names are something feminine like Sakura but hers are different and it fits perfectly with her appearance and personality. He likes calling her name.
Touka-chan, Touka-chan, he'd call and she would respond with a bright smile.
Everything's different now, isn't it?
Kaneki smiles bitterly – all longing and sad with a distant look, a smile that doesn't quite meet those grey eyes of his. What a wistful thinking, he ponders and brings the cup of coffee to his lips. It's all over now, those days of innocence.
Now, he is still calling her name in the darkness of his room. He will grunt and pant and breathe hard and dream of something dirty, revolting – adult scenes after scenes, all his doing with – on her, images that make his stomach curl with revulsion and pleasure molded together. His eyes are closed but at the last moment, when he is seeing white, he will wake up and call her name with a breathless need.
("Touka-chan!")
And he is ashamed to admit that he enjoys every moment of it.
He will be awake then – every fiber of his being fully aware of what's going on and he will think what the hell is wrong with him, why is this happening, why what how swirling in his disorganized mind. This is clearly not normal, he thinks with genuine fear, the last time they met was years ago when she was just a child. Does that make him a pedophile?
But he dreams of doing it with her grown up version so it doesn't make him a pedophile, right? It's still not normal though. How did his mind even conjure up the image of her grown up version in the first place and how did he even know it's her? How did he even…
It's been years.
And he clearly hasn't forgotten about her – not when she keeps on appearing in his nocturnal emission, as he puts it, to make it seem less erotic that it actually is. Nocturnal emission is a normal occurrence that happened during puberty to boys but it's not okay when the one he is dreaming about is the little girl that stopped showing up at the park years ago.
Kaneki places his mouth around the rim of the cup and sips down the last drop of the thick, black liquid before getting up and making his way over to the cashier to pay for his coffee. He always pays a visit to this coffee shop on his way to college because the black coffee's taste is delicious. He could always make a coffee on his own but it never tasted as good as this café's signature black coffee.
As he walks out of the café, he bumps into Hide. "Hide, hi."
"Hey." Hide responds with his usual grin. "I've been searching for you."
"Uh, what's wrong?" Kaneki looks at Hide, perplexed. He guesses in his mind of why Hide is searching for him but nothing comes up. Hide always shows up with this wide grin and tells him all sort of things – from something that seemed too petty to be too enthusiastic for to something that is just too… insane.
Hide opens his mouth to answer but finally mulls over it and instead says, "Meet me at 7 in the park, I'll show you."
"Uh… okay."
Hide nods then run off, saying he has errands to tend to. Kaneki scratches the back of his head, out of habit more than anything and sighs, wondering what surprise Hide might have for him. Hopefully, it's not something dumb like a yellow frog's nest or something like that.
a/n you get to see Kaneki's side this time. I'm not sure I did it right but yeah. This is kinda crappy and it didn't turn out the way I expected it to be. Eh, well. Hope you enjoy! Sorry for the shortness.
