Five Things Jack O'Neill Learned From Samantha Carter (which you also won't find in any manual):
He was going to die. They were going to let him die… let the strange alien thing which had pierced his shoulder and pinned him to the wall infect him completely. Let it kill him.
He should have been terrified. But he wasn't because it was her plan and she was the smartest person he had ever known; she seemed to understand everything. And she believed this was the right thing to do, that it was the only way to save him…. To save them all.
He gripped her hand as she looked up at him, fear and self-doubt written across her face, and willed her to understand. To believe in herself as much as he believed in her.
Because if she thought it was the right thing to do… that he would be okay… that they all would be….
Then it was the right thing to do.
Lesson One: Scientists aren't all bad.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
He'd thought he'd been safe. Really he had. But looking at her, the barrier between them as unassailable as it was invisible, he suddenly realized - to his absolute horror - just how wrong he had been.
She was going to die and there wasn't one damn thing he could do to prevent it. And there was no way he was going through that again.
He couldn't.
So he stood there unmoving, mere inches from her yet infinitely far away, knowing he was about to die. Watching the despair grow in her eyes as she realized it too… as she realized why.
But he didn't care because he had no choice. He wouldn't live through that pain again.
He'd rather die.
Lesson Two: Regulations don't keep you safe.
-o-o-o-o-o-
He couldn't breathe. He could barely think.
Reaching out to touch it with one finger, he still couldn't believe it was real. That any of it could be real… That it could really be happening to him.
Yet he'd known it could. Expected it would… one day.
Just never… today.
Pete's asked me to marry him.
Of course he had. Why on earth wouldn't he? Why on earth wouldn't anyone? Well… anyone who wasn't her commanding officer. Who'd never had to send her into danger or had to watch as she'd… Who had never known…
He pulled himself together and looked her square in the face.
It was better this way. Safer. Because he couldn't risk losing her. Not again.
So he let her go. Not that she was his anymore, anyway. Not that she ever even had been.
Except….
If that were true…
Then why was he suddenly certain death couldn't possibly have hurt more than seeing another man's ring on her finger?
Lesson Three: You can lose something you never even had.
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It wasn't the first time he'd stood out on the balcony long into the night and he was certain it wouldn't be the last. Yet as he gazed up into the star-filled sky he realized yet again just how vast it all was. How very great the distances really were.
Because she was out there, somewhere he knew vaguely was… there. Unfathomable light years away. And a piece of him was out there with her.
But that meant a part of her was also with him. A part of him was her.
The best part.
And he wouldn't have had it any other way.
Still, he thought, looking upwards once again and imagining her looking back at him across the void, It was a very, very long way away.
Lesson Four: Astronomical means really, really big.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
The phone made a satisfying click as he replaced it in the receiver.
Very final.
Thank goodness.
He hated talking to bureaucrats on the phone almost as much as he hated speaking with them in person. And politicians… especially politicians looking re-election campaigns straight in the face… they were even worse.
Some days, especially when the pompous Washington suits he was forced to deal with were at their most bureaucratic and political, he actually found himself longing for a good old-fashioned Goa'uld to face down. At least shooting them was always an option.
Still, at least that was done now. For the day. But he was certain tomorrow morning would bring it's own list of people he absolutely must call. Grabbing his mouse, he brought back up his calendar to find what fun and games were on his plate for the remainder of the day.
His schedule was empty. And he was fairly certain it hadn't been when he'd checked it first thing that morning. Hell… He never seemed to have even an empty moment, let alone an entire afternoon. He hadn't changed anything either, which meant it had to have been his aid. Leaning forward, he reached for the button on his intercom to call Walter and demand an explanation.
"Hi, Jack."
Startled, he looked up to find her standing just inside his door. She was in civvies, wearing a dark blue sweater that set off her eyes over jeans which fit snugly in all the right places. Her smile eclipsed the sparkle of his ring on her finger and her hair fell in loose curls about her shoulders.
It was a full minute before he responded.
"Hey, Carter," he finally managed. Only, the Hammond hadn't been expected back till next week. "Not that I'm not… You know…" His voice trailed off. Words - at least, all the ones he was willing to say in uniform and in his office - were inadequate.
But she understood. She always did. "Me too…" she said softly. Then, her tone changing, she answered his unspoken question, "And emergency repairs…. The reticular…." She stopped herself, catching her lip in her teeth to keep from laughing. "Anyway, it's no big deal… But we're only going to be around for a few days."
A few days… His heart sank. Still, it was better than nothing. And suddenly, his newly empty afternoon made a whole lot of sense.
As did everything else.
Lesson Five: Washington D.C. isn't the worst place in the universe.
