"I'm freaking insane." Said Shepard.

He was in a strange place. Not physically, but mentally, his center was gone and he was dazed. He couldn't remember, why he was here, when he got here or anything other than the present moment. His hands were gripping the sidings of the sink in his cabin's lavatory. The door was locked and he was shirtless. He'd torn his shirt off a while ago or at least he thought he did. He had lost track of how long he'd been in this position. His head was soaked with water from the running faucet and his head was tilted down leaving his long hair matted to his forehead, but his eyes refused to stop staring at him through the mirror. They taunted him and played with his mind, but never severed contact. You don't know who you are anymore Shepard. What did Cerberus even do to you? You were never a ruthless man, always compassionate and benevolent. Why can't you control yourself then? He was barely maintaining the loose restraint he currently had over himself. It was like leashing a jaguar with string. It wasn't likely to last long.

Ever since he'd been resurrected, he'd had violent impulses and dark thoughts that sprung up sporadically. Combat was horrible, it intensified these longings and made them impossible to suppress. And oh the agony of being alone with his thoughts. At least when he was in the company of others, he knew he couldn't afford to lose control. Shutup, you are in control. Don't pity yourself, oh God, don't pity yourself. He thought to himself nauseously. He felt himself slipping, about to surrender to the sinister side.

No...

He squeezed the sink harder and harder, forcing the veins in his forearms to protrude. He started to lift it, a blue aura emanating from his hands as he increased his natural strength tenfold with his biotcs.

"Shepard, any further stress to the sink will result in it's removal from the wall." EDI piped up.

"Give me a minute." Shepard said, his voice tight and high from the pressure exerted. His eyes were slits now, sweat was pouring down his forehead and neck. He wasn't trying to rip the sink out, but rip the urges out. If the sink fell victim in the crossfire then so be it. Better it than him. He started to feel that he was gaining balance and control again. Just as the metal of the sink began to creak and groan begging for mercy Shepard eased up. The blue glow radiating from his hands died and he let go of the sink to back away. He put his hands on his knees, exhausted and panting. After a moment he jerked up, his back wrenched in the pain of the sudden movement, though he barely felt it and he took a deep sharp breath, like a person arising from the crushing black depths of the ocean to draw breath. He was emerging from Hell in a sense. He was out, and he relaxed.

"This is our little secret, right EDI?" Shepard inquired looking up while grabbing a shirt from his wardrobe. He still didn't know why he looked at the ceiling whenever he spoke with EDI. Because of her speakers being in the ceiling, he'd always assumed she was just up.

"Confidentiality is assured, Shepard." She said.

"Thank you EDI." He replied, pulling the grey and black shirt he always wore on the Normandy over his head and on.

"Shepard, when you are ready, the Illusive Man would like to speak with you in the debriefing room." EDI informed him.

"Got it EDI." Shepard said, on his way to the elevator out of his cabin.

He stepped into the elevator and pressed for the second floor. This elevator takes forever, why don't we have frigging stairs?


Shepard stepped into the scanner of the debriefing room as the bulb covered his body in a dim orange light. In a few seconds the Illusive Man and Shepard were visible to each other. He was seated in his usual position. Cigarette in hand, leg crossed over the other, in the middle of a massive room whose size was impossible to discern from these holo-chats. And of course, the great fiery burning star behind him.

"Shepard." The Illusive Man stated as if it were a fact that needed confirmation and not a man being addressed.

He took a long drag from his cigarette and blew smoke into the air without turning his head so it created a smoky barrier. Shepard was patient.

"You've done well in your recent additions to the crew." The Illusive Man finally said.

"I've told you before, I want to recruit my old squad as well." Shepard said slightly irritated at the Illusive Man's apparent complacency. He never spoke with a sense of urgency, but rather one of calm appraisal of Shepard's actions and guidance of where to direct the upcoming assignments.

"You've already recruited the Justicar, Samara, Subject Zero, Thane and Garrus. There are a few others I've uploaded to your dossier before but yes, now would be the time to inform you of your previous Normandy crew Garrus excluded obviously." He conceded, taking another lengthy drag.

"Urdnot Wrex is currently trying to unite the clans of Tuchanka. He won't be available for selection." He said releasing a puff of smoke to join the cloud floating around him.

Shepard waited.

"Kaidan Alenko is unavailable, his duty to the Alliance is classified and therefore it would be impossible to recruit him." He stated, tipping cigarette ash into the tray on the small table to his right.

"Yeah yeah, I know. I remember Horizon." Shepard said, beginning to lose his patience, the Illusive Man knew who he wanted, but was beating around the bush.

"Liara T'so-"

"I want Tali." Shepard interrupted, tired of the game the Illusive Man was playing. "I'm not asking for your permission, I don't do that, but I'm requesting the intel I need to find her."

"Well Shepard, you didn't have to inquire about your entire squad if you only had one particular quarian in mind." The Illusive Man smiled coyly.

"Very well, I'll upload the information but I strongly discourage you from interfering with her current assignment, it is of classified importance to the Flotilla, and from what we know it has proven extremely dangerous and fatal to her squad, she may already be too far gone to save." The Illusive Man warned watching cautiously for the outburst he knew was imminent.

"What? What the hell is going on? I've asked you about her in every one of these useless meetings we've had since Freedom's Progess and you choose to tell me now, when she could be dead?" Shepard shouted shaking furiously, loud enough so that some of the other crew could hear muffled snippets of what was taking place in the debriefing room.

"Shepard, without the members of your team that you've gathered since your first encounter with Tali, you'd have no way of helping her out of the peril she currently faces. Your team would have been too weak." He said confidently. He took another drag.

"Well why couldn't I have gotten her before her mission?" Shepard demanded, his blood boiling, wanting a face to face confrontation with this man more than ever.

"There would have been no way she'd have gone with you, the weeks after Freedom's Progress were all spent training with a new marine squad and researching. This is her final classified mission for the Flotilla as far as we know. Once she's done with this, she's yours." The Illusive Man winked knowingly as if he had just been disclosed a secret about Shepard that no one else knew. In a sense, he had.

Shepard stormed out, not bothering with a farewell. He checked the data sent to him concerning Tali's whereabouts.

"Haestrom, Far Rim, Dholen System. Hostiles: Great numbers of geth signatures picked up."

He cooled off a bit as he entered the armory to organize the weapons he'd be taking out on his trip to Haestrom. He, of course, had other assignments, but this one took priority for reasons not clear to logic but blatantly obvious to his gut. And to his heart. As he cleaned and disassembled his assault rifle, he pondered the fortune of his situation. He'd always felt a bond with Tali, ever since he'd saved her on the Citadel, but for reasons he couldn't explain, he hadn't acted on his feelings. Perhaps he felt she was too young, although there was only a six year difference between them. Tali being 24, but her sheltered immaturity attributed to Shepard's juvenile impression of her. But he remembered, he'd always felt a spark, and watching her grow during the mission into an intelligent and thoughtful woman only further amplified his interest. He swiftly and mechanically reassembled the rifle and started with the pistol and sub machine guns. Ever since he'd been awoken, he'd had a fresh hunger for life in all aspects, exercise, education (he had been spending entire nights awake researching and learning through his codex), combat and now this avenue. Love. He laughed. What is love? He thought, reminded him of a very old song they used to play on Earth. He'd though this hunger was a healthy one, but when Cerberus rebuilt him, he could swear they added an extra dose of crazy menace to his equation. He would just have to get over it.

He fiddled with a customized silencer and screwed it onto his pistol's muzzle. Ah to hell with it, I'm letting all the geth on that damned planet know who's crashing this party. He fumbled it and the pistol clanked to the metallic ground. Jacob looked up, taking note of Shepard's unsettled state.

"Commander." Jacob said, kneeling down to retrieve the weapon, handing it to Shepard.

"You seem bothered by something, what's on your mind?" Jacob asked.

"I appreciate the thought but I'm good. I just had a lovely chat with your boss is all." Shepard said taking the pistol gratefully, placing it on the table next to his loadout.

"Well, I don't agree with everything he does, so I consider you more my boss than him, especially after you helped me out with my father. That was an amazing thing you did. So if the shit ever hits the fan. I got your back." He said extending his hand to shake Shepard's.

Shepard smiled and grabbed it, shaking it with genuine relief. It was relaxing to have someone on board he knew he could trust. Jacob was in his debt and didn't seem to have the guile necessary to deceive him. But then again, time would only tell how true to those words he would be.

"Alright, well I'm gonna get back to some work I had set aside. Where are we off to next?" Jacob asked moving back to a table littered with weapon parts as he conjured his omni-tool to commence his work.

"Haestrom." Shepard said getting up to leave.

"Haestrom? I thought we were off to see about Okeer on Tuchanka." Jacob said, curiosity seeping through his words. Shepard would not indulge. He was half out the door when he turned back and said to Jacob

"Yes. Haestrom. Something important has come up."