Chapter 2

When Dean came back to the bunker Sam wasn't there, he looked everywhere but all the places he looked were empty. He sat down at one of the desks, his head in is hands. What should he do? Should he lock himself up? The problem was the demon trap, if he locked himself in en stepped into the demon trap he couldn't get out anymore. Although this was his first plan he knew that if Sam didn't get home he would never get out of the trap. But if he didn't step into the trap he wouldn't be able to control himself. The high he got from killing the demon already started to fade and he started to feel the urge to kill again.

He tried calling Sam but he wouldn't pick up, that could mean two things either he didn't want to pick up or he hadn't heard his phone. Dean was afraid to think it but he believed that Dean didn't want to pick up his phone. He didn't want to talk to Dean anymore now he was a demon. There was only one other person he hoped would help him: Castiel. Castiel knew all of the stories even about Cain so maybe he could help him. The only problem was that he didn't know where Castiel was and how to find him now he was a demon. Praying to him probably wouldn't work so he had to think of something else. The problem was he didn't know what else he could do to find Castiel, it wasn't as if he could go out and hunt the angel down. He would need a point to start and he didn't have one.

He started to feel like this was a hopeless case, he would be a demon forever and there was nothing he could do about it. He might as well lock himself up and step inside the trap maybe he would die a quick dead and stay dead this time. He stood up en decided that he would have just one more drink and then he would step inside the trap.

As he made his way to his prison, he heard a door closing. He walked back to the entrance of the bunker and saw Sam standing at the top of the stairs. He looked surprised like he didn't believe Dean would have come back. There was a brief moment of doubt on Sam's face and Dean thought for the first time that it was a stupid idea to come back here. But Sam's face changed, he walked towards Dean. Dean backed up because he was afraid Sam would try to kill him again. Instead Sam grabbed him and hugged him tight.
"I know I'm supposed to kill you, but I can't." Sam said. He let Dean go and stepped back, not knowing what to do now they just stood there looking at each other in an awkward silence.

After a couple of minutes Dean started to smile, he looked at Sam and saw he was smiling too. Even though Dean was a monster at the moment they seemed closer than they had been for a while. But he knew that it wouldn't be like this forever, at some point the blade would make him kill again and who said it wouldn't be Sam he would go after next. He looked at Sam again and spoke about his fear.
"Crowley told me that the blade will make me kill again, although I don't want to the urge to do so is just to strong." He saw the change in Sam's face the moment he spoke out loud. It seemed like the truth finally settled in with Sam, that he knew that although he was his brother he was never safe from him. "I thought it would be a good idea to put me in the demon trap, at least at night, that way you can sleep safely without wondering if I would be coming for you that night." Dean said to Sam. Although it was hard to admit for him he knew that if he didn't do it, Sam would never be safe again because he already knew that he wouldn't be able to resist the call of the blade to kill. Sam just nodded and together they walked through the bunker to their dungeon where the devil's trap was. Dean looked at Sam one more time and stepped over the line of the devil's trap. He thought that he would feel different but he didn't, he felt like he could leave the trap just as easy as he walked in.
"Are you sure this is going to work?" Sam asked Dean. It was as if he felt that the trap wouldn't work and Dean wasn't so sure about it himself. So he tried to leave the trap, he walked to the edge of the trap feeling nervous. As he lifted his foot to step over the line he felt a invisible barrier. It resisted him for a little bit, but with a little effort he could just step out of the trap. Sam and Dean looked at each other with horror in their eyes. The demon trap wouldn't stop him, he could walk out if it at any given time.
Why did the trap not work on you Dean, what kind of freak demon are you?" Sam asked in horror. Sam looked horrified, as horrified as Dean felt. This meant that nothing would stop him, or at least a demon trap wouldn't. How could Dean keep Sam safe if the trap didn't work?
"I don't know Sam." Dean said, and then her remembered his meeting with Cain. He had charged him with his demon knife but it didn't work on him. He looked at Sam in horror, if that didn't work on him what would?
"you're right Sam I am a freak!" I don't think any of the stuff we know to hurt or trap demons is going to work on me." Reluctantly Dean told Sam about his meeting with Cain and how the knife didn't work on him.

After Dean was finished with his story he looked at Sam again, there was one question he knew he needed to ask but he couldn't find the courage. Would Sam be able to stay with him as his brother if he knew that Dean needed to kill in order to stay alive? Because he didn't know if he could even live with himself like this. Sam noticed that Dean was watching him and raised his eyebrow in question. He knew that this was the moment to ask him, somewhere deep inside he hoped his brother would turn him away. That he would give Dean a reason to go on a killing spree, even thinking about killing made him ache for the blade.
"You know I can't stop killing right?" Dean asked Sam. He saw the look in Sam's eyes change from worried to angry.
"What do you mean you can't or you won't?" He asked angrily. Dean took a sharp breath even though he knew Sam would say something like this it still hurt him.
"I can't Sammy, if I stop killing I die!" He shouted at Sam. Sam got a surprised look on his face.
"If I stop killing I'm going to get sick and just puke out my insides, when you guys locked me up I started puking. Crowley told me then that I had to continue killing in order to keep on living."
Now that this burden was off his chest Dean felt relieved somehow, but one look on Sam's face and he knew this discussion wasn't over yet.
"Well we could go back on the road again and start hunting things, would that work?" Sam asked. Of all the things he imagined Sam saying to him this wasn't on the list. He expected shouting and threatening to throw him out but never thought Sam would propose starting hunting again. He didn't even know if he could trust himself with the blade, still afraid that in the heat of the fight he would as easily turn on his brother as he turned on his enemy.
"I don't know if it's enough, I don't know if I can control myself when we start hunting, I'm afraid I might hurt you once the blade get's a hold on me. " Dean said to Sam.
"Well maybe we won't need to bring the blade we didn't need it before." Said Sam. But Dean knew he couldn't leave the blade behind, he had to bring it with him. He wanted to walk away from this situation, to just leave and never see his brother again if that meant it would keep him safe. But he could never give up the blade, he knew then and there that the blade was like an addiction. No not the blade, the killing was. The feeling he got when he killed someone or something with the blade was exactly how he thought it would feel to be high on drugs. Not that he ever tried any drugs, his father thought him to always stay alert when he was on a hunt. Although he did drink himself, even on the job. How he wished he could ask his dad for advise right now, his dad probably wouldn't talk to him knowing what he became. He would just find a way to kill him, just like every other demon or creature he came across. The fact that Sam was willing to help Dean proved just how different he and their dad were.
"I don't know if I can leave the blade, but I'm willing to give it a try." Dean saw that this answer satisfied Sam for the moment and felt relieved that Sam wasn't anything like their dad.

After they talked about finding new cases so Dean had a chance to feed his addiction as Sam jokingly said there was just one problem they hadn't figured out just yet. Where would Dean sleep, he didn't trust himself enough to just stay in the bunker. But Sam wouldn't hear anything about it, Dean would sleep in his own bed. He would sleep with a weapon just as he always did. Sam was confident that Dean wouldn't hurt him. That their family bond would prevent Dean from attacking him. Dean wasn't so sure but he agreed with Sam that he would stay at the bunker.
just before they went to bed, Sam turned to Dean and he knew that there would be one more question to be answered before they would go to bed.
" What happened to your anti-possession tattoo? Do you still have it or is it gone?" Dean didn't expect this question and het hadn't even thought about it, he pulled down his shirt but the tattoo was still there.
"What if the tattoo is keeping the demon inside now and not letting it out? What if it's trapped by the symbol?" Sam asked.
That's something else Dean hadn't thought about, what if the reason the demon stayed inside him was the tattoo? On the other hand, how could the demon even get inside him with the tattoo still on his chest?
"I don't know Sammy, I don't know." He said. Sam turned around and walked to his room, Dean did the same. He lay on his bed, the same bed he woke up on, with black eyes and Crowley standing over him. He didn't fall asleep that night, he just stared at the ceiling of his room.

So this chapter is finished let me know what you think!