Night.
The sun has just set, and you know that you are starving yourself.
The source of fresh blood is so sparse, you have not been able to venture out for days. You can feel your thirst growing by the minute, your fangs call for flesh to pierce, you tongue longs for the sweet taste of the only thing that can sustain you.
But you can't move. You have no ability to even find a way.
Instead, you distract yourself from the need, from the physical ache, by retreating into your memories. You close your eyes and simply remember the faces of your friends. The start of that awful game. First contact with the humans. The Scratch, the feeling of the world ripping apart at the seams and being made whole again. Becoming separated, scattered, with no communication of the others. The feel of a knife piercing through your flesh, feeling yourself being drained of life, the faint sound of a honk. Death, seeming so final, and then not so final after all. Awakening with a burning thirst, ache, need, needneedneed… How disgusted your friends would be if they could see you now. How pathetic you are. Unable to move a muscle and sate your terrifying hunger.
Your eyes fly open, and a muffled whimper escapes your gritted teeth. Now isn't the time for this. This is definitely the last thing you need right now.

= = =
Your name is Gamzee Makara, and you don't know why, but the voices that had been hounding you to find someone to play with, to torture and kill - well they didn't vanish, but their volume lowered until you could hear yourself think again. It was an immense relief. You wander the night, not sure what you're looking for, not sure of what you'll find. You think about Kanaya, but not the one with a matesprit that you'd been serenading for giggles. No, you think back to your leader. She'd been the last one of you all to die, but she hadn't God Tiered like the rest of you. The last time you'd seen her, she'd just been dead. You'd spent the remainder of your time since the scattering wondering what it would have been like if you had managed to rein yourself in before doing the unthinkable. You hear a muffled sound, like a whimper, and you go to investigate. You're not sure what you'll do when you find the source of the sound, but you had nothing better to do than look for it. You come across something that surprises you, scares you with the intense feelings of disbelief and fear and maybe even a bit of hope that it gives you.
"KaNaYa?"

= = =
It was a voice you couldn't mistake even if you wanted to. You knew that, and at first, you thought it just a figment of your imagination, and manifestation of how deluded this hunger has made you. There was no way, absolutely no way.
And yet…
Your gaze flickers to what waited in front of you, traveled up the length of those lazy pajama pants, to the indigo sign you knew was coming, to the familiar face with those awful scars that sent a pang through your chest. It couldn't be true. What in the world was he doing here? You thought the last time you'd ever see him was the scene of him standing over your corpse. He'd matured a lot since the last time, his eyes looked to be a dark amethyst and his hair was still tangled and matted. It hurt to see him again. You felt no fear or anger, just a gaping chasm of sadness deep within your chest.
"Gamzee…"
You hate that your voice sounds so weak, so frail, and you despise the way it betrays your emotions. There was no going back now. You couldn't make your body move, whether it was away from him, or toward him.
= = =

You stare in shock. This was no timeline alternate or whatever shenanigans paradox space had set up in its infinite cosmic bullshit. This was your Kanaya. Your leader and the only one that never looked at you with anger or hate for the things you had done. Your chest filled with pain as you look down at her - pain and pity. You kneel before her, your eyes roaming over her to check for damage.
KaNaYa, HoW? wHaT's HaPpEnEd To YoU?
=== You pick her up gently. She feels so light that it worries you. She'd grown and matured since you'd - since the last time you'd seen her, but it hurts you to see her the way she is right now.

= = =
You see him bend down in order to take you into his arms, but you shy away from him. Or rather, you would. Curse it, curse it all… His touch is warm where yours is cold, and you close your eyes. How in the world was he able to find you in such a wretched state?
He was so close, and for all that you tried to ignore it, the life running through his veins sang such a tempting melody that, though try your damnedest, you could not tune out. The hunger you've fought so hard to disregard flared up again with a vengeance so swift, you drew a sharp breath. It was the scent of wild berries and electricity humming through the air, unpredictable and dangerous. You wanted it. You wanting so badly to bite down and taste what that aroma could not give you: strength. Though the scent invigorated you and brought you to your senses, you still could not do much more than squirm in his grasp like a petulant child. The thought that you actually wanted to… to… It was terrifying, and you had never felt so much like a beast before this.
"It's Nothing To Concern Yourself With. Just Let Me Down And Walk Away, Gamzee. It's The Best Thing You Could Do Right Now."
You dearly hoped hat your words would not betray you this time…

= = =
You look at her there in your arms, barely able to squirm, and you shake your head. She couldn't even avoid you picking her up, much less walk on her own.
KaNaYa, I'lL cOnCeRn MySeLf WiTh WhAt I pLeAsE. nOw WhAt'S hApPeNeD aNd HoW cAn I hElP?
You wonder just what had brought her to this point. You turn and start walking. You're going to carry her to your hive and care for her until she's well again. You can't stand to see her like this, and all you want is to make her better again.

= = =
You realize that there really will be no way to avoid this. He's too damned stubborn, and you couldn't reason with him to let you go. The only way was to regain your ability to move, and the only way that was happening would be if you had a way to consume blood. That was all there was to it. You would have to reveal your transformation into something terrible. All the way to his hive, you don't say another word about it, simply wondering how to just come out and say 'Actually, what I really need is to suck your body dry like a grape juice box.'
Yes, that would go over just wonderfully.
With something like a heavy sigh, you give your head a small shake and rest your cheek against his chest. There was no sense in struggling.

= = =
You smile a little to yourself when she gives in and rests against your chest. You would never have dared do this when the two of you were younger, but now you could overpower a great many people and trolls. You can't believe how much you missed her - or how happy you are to see her again. You worry what will happen once the voices return to their former volume. You make it back to your hive without trouble and in near silence. You shift your hold on Kanaya so that you can open the door, but you don't put her down until you reach the seating area and lay her down on the couch. You decide to make her comfortable before asking her again what happened.
"CaN i GeT yOu SoMeThInG tO eAt Or DrInK? dO yOu NeEd A pIlLoW oR bLanKeT?"

= = =
Finally, when you make it to his hive and he sets you down, you can breathe easily without being overwhelmed by the scent of him. You barely hear his questions, but make a small sound of agreement. Though you need nothing to eat or drink, if it would distance you from the need to sink your fangs into his neck, it would have to do.
"A Blanket Please…"
You take the time to look around what you can see of his hive, not noticing if he'd left or not, trying to familiarize yourself with this place. You'd only been to his hive once back on Alternia, quite a few sweeps ago. You remember it being a mess, with clothes and horns and bottles of Faygo strewn every which way, but not much else beside that. At least this place seemed cleaner, except… was that…? Yes, you could smell it now. The heady scents of spice and sweetness, of mint, of blueberry and honey and olives… The smell of it mixed together until you could almost taste it, and you were certain. There was blood somewhere in this hive, and a lot of it. But why? Your jaws ached as the thirst returned again, and you took a deep breath to steady yourself.

= = =
You worry about her condition and go to grab her the only blanket you had handy: the one off your bed. You carry it back to the couch and wrap it around her gently. You tended to keep your hive fairly clean in your saner moments, except the blood on the walls. You go get her a glass of strawberry lemonade - something you'd picked up drinking a sweep or so ago. You set it down within her reach and sit down on the floor beside the couch, ignoring the chair that was comfortably close.
So WhAt HaPpEnEd KaNaYa?

= = =
You fix your gaze on the glass of lemonade, not replying. You shift just a bit, drawing the blankets closer in order to bury your face into them. You didn't want to face it, that sooner or later you'd have to tell him the full extent of your little 'condition'… The blanket felt warm and seemed like fleece, smelling of him and that blasted scent… You draw a deep breath, taking it in, and sigh. At least that much has roused you enough that you should be able to sit up. You don't meet his attentive gaze as you do so, letting your gaze flicker to somewhere different, anywhere, just so you won't have to answer to amethyst eyes that see too much.

You note that she seems to be uncomfortable telling you. You're not sure just what that means. Were you to blame somehow? You kept your eyes on her, but you didn't notice that she was breathing in your scent. You're too worried about her condition to see things like that. She sits up, and you don't stop her, though you still worry. So, you prod in a soft voice.
KaNaYa, WhAt HaPpEnEd To YoU? i WoN't JuDgE yOu, BuT i NeEd To KnOw So I cAn Be Of HeLp. Is It…DiD i Do ThIs To YoU bAcK tHeN?

= = =
"That Isn't It." You begin, shaking your head. "I Mean…"
God, how were you supposed to explain? That when he… did that… you died, yes, but you came back wrong. There wasn't a way for your lips to form the coherent words, so instead, you tried something different. You lifted up your sleeve, and the pale of your skin flickered faintly, like the screen of a computer monitor.
"Haven't You Noticed That My Skin Doesn't Look The Way That It's Supposed To?" Your fingers were trembling as you tugged the sleeve of your shirt back down. You didn't want the silence to linger, so you opened your jaws wide, exposing your fangs. "Don't You Wonder What I Use These For?" You throw off the blanket and kneel next to him on the floor. "I'll Give You A Hint."
It's then that you let every pretense of holding back go. You needed this, and he needed to understand. Your wrap your arms around him, but it's less like an embrace and more like an iron grip as you bury your face into the crook of his neck. You don't even notice if he struggles or not, and honestly, you wouldn't care if he tried hurting you because your lips were brushing his skin, finding his pulse, and oh, you were so close to tasting that indigo hue…
But somehow, you stop. You hesitate. You think.
You are Kanaya Maryam, and you do not want to be a monster. And you would never want him to think you a monster. Not ever.
You draw away from him with a pained sigh, and dear God, you were close to tears…
"A Beast Is What I Am. Nothing More." You finally say it, and you break because of it.