CHAPTER TWO -I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU CRY
"I dream about you. What can I do to make you feel alright?
Baby I don't wanna see you cry - No.
I wanna see you smile."
When someone gets some sort of news that makes them rethink everything that have and everything that they had planned for their future, Madge always heard them describe it as if their entire world stops moving, as if there was no reason for them to try at that moment, because what they had thought they new was no more.
That wasn't the case for her, though, When he said it was Gale, when he told her that Gale was hurt, that he was unconscious from some lethal recruit and he wouldn't be coming home with me that night. Well, her heart seemed to shatter like a window when a rock is thrown at it. She couldn't breathe, she's gasping for air as her jaw is open wide as she tries to find what to say, say something, anything.
But what was there to say when your husband, the only person that you love more than anything, the only thing you have left in this god forsaken world, was taken to the hospital because he was attacked at his job?
Madge realizes that you can't say anything. Her throat is dry, she blinks her eyes but that doesn't stop the tears forming.
She isn't sure how long they were standing there, how long she just stared into the distance, when Jenkins finally took some initiative and knocked her into her senses. Telling Madge about how she needed to move and to go see Gale, how he'd want her there when he woke up, her shining face was the first thing he would want to see. Anyone who knew Hawthrone knew that, he said.
So she finds herself sitting so still, probably the stillest thing in the room (including the inanimate objects) and she's chewing nervously on her bottom lip; with a hand resting on the small baby bump in a vain attempt to find some sort of comfort in the hospital chair. Her eyes are glued to him, she notes how he looked so peaceful in his sleep. She tires, but she doesn't see a scratch on his body. To the blind eye, he appears fine except for the cooling pad on his pillow and the monitor attached to him.
But, the worry wasn't subsiding. At this point, he has been out for hours she has been watching him sleep for hours. And he hasn't even stirred. It's dark out, now, and he still hasn't woken and she knows that every second that passes the worse the damage. And, she adds inwardly, the worst part of all of it is the fact that they didn't give him any sort of sleep aid. None of the medication they'd given him had any sort of ingredient that would make him sleep longer than normal.
A nurse comes in sometime later, probably close to an hour, and she suggests that Madge should probably head home and try to get some rest, that she was doing no good just watching him. A tired wife would surely be cranky, add on the pregnancy hormones and she would be a menace to the hospital staff, surely. Truthfully, she wants to decline and convince her that she would need to be here for Gale.
With a sigh, she admits that it looks as if he won't wake any time soon. And as much as it is going to suck to part from him, the pain in her chest it causes, she knows that because she's not a patient here, she is unable to stay the night. The suggestion from the nurse was not a suggestion, but simply a telling her that she needs to leave for now.
It is harder than anything she ever imagined to locate a comfortable position in her bed, with just herself being there. She hates it. Sure, there have been nights when Gale wasn't home due to having to spend time out of the district, his job does require travelling, after all. But this was different. Tears stream down her cheeks while her mind drifts back to the time before they found ourselves in Two. It was the last time that she had really worried about Gale's safety,
It was right after the bombings in Twelve.
She recalls that as soon as she was sure it was safe she had decided to venture out of her hiding spot. All around was charred rubble, smoke still emitting from some of the piles of the remains of Twelve. There was no sight of another living human within the district. She couldn't be the only one, could she? Daddy went out to try and send warnings to the rest of the district. That was the last that she saw of him. She never saw him again. Quinn was trying to get Mamma downstairs when Madge had felt the first impact. She hadn't seen them since.
Most families weren't as fortunate as the Mayors family, there was a certainty in the back of her mind that she was the only one who was lucky enough to have a place to hide from it all underground.
Not even Gale. When that thought rang in her mind, her feet took her at a speed he hadn't known she could go, and she is heading towards his home in the Seam, the place where they had spent countless nights laughing around the small table, playing cards with Posy, and enjoying the company of his happy family. There was nothing left. She was so sure that she had lost him and she would be alone.
That was the only time that she had ever felt like that. Except for now, the feeling is so similar to that time, while now trying to find some sort of way to close her eyes and go to sleep. She's so exhausted, and sleep would be so helpful. But the the worry was boiling her insides. Every time that she closes her eyes the image of him in that bed, in pain crept back to the front of her mind. It was one of the worst sights that she had ever seen. Arguably, it could have been the worst.
Somehow, she manages to find a few hours of sleep, but it isn't enough. And her morning routine is nothing like it was before, it kills her.
There was no waking of her husband, no steam filled bathroom and she doesn't even bother to try and make a breakfast. She grabs two slices of bread and eats them plain, though it's tough to do so. She knows she has to, for the baby. The baby requires her to eat so that it can grow as it should. So she forces the food down through choked sobs.
Work drags on for hours. Even though she only teach for four hours a day, that day she feels like it's a lifetime because she doesn't know if there has been any change in Gale's state, she doesn't know what is happening with him and it's killing her insides. Jenkins said he'd update her if something major happened, but she knows that that really means he would update if his state worsens, she doubts he would be in a hurry to call her if his friend wakes up.
What seems like years later, her students are finally beginning to back their things and Madge is pretty sure that today she is packing things up faster than they are.
Hell, she even erases the board. Sure, it's done messily, but it's good enough that she can spare a few minutes tomorrow morning, which means that she is able to stay with Gale for longer without worrying too much about being the "rude teacher" due to the lack of sleep she would have for staying. because she tries more than anything to be the nicest teacher possible.
She walks as fast as she can without running as soon as her feet hit the pavement. The entire walk she is wishing that she could have just found someone to cover for her today so that she could have spent the day with Gale. She wishes that she could have simply cancelled classes, she wishes that she didn't have to go to work today.
But she knows that would be frowned upon just because of a "little bump on the head." Madge knows it's not that, she knows it's more serious, but that's what the parents and board might say, and, well, she's gotta please them if she wanted the income.
While she is sitting in the spot she spent several hours in the night before, the doctor comes in to check some monitors or something, Madge isn't sure why he entered, but it is that moment that Gale stirs in his sleep. Her eyes are wide when she sees him move, and, when his eyes open the first thing he sees is the doctor, who beats her to the first words he hears after he wakes. It stings a bit, but he's alive and awake, and she doesn't really care.
"Ah, good you're awake, Mr. Hawthorne. You had people very worried. Although, I assured them all that it was a simple bump on the head and you'd be back to your normal self in no time."
That causes a snort. He had said nothing of the sort, he didn't say anything to her, no matter how much she annoyed and pestered and said that it was her right to know.
And then Gale turns to her, and the look in his eyes when he sees her is one that could never be forgotten, even if she would try. He looks confused. And the words he says after that cause the same look upon her own features.
"Undersee? What are you doing here."
It isn't the way he says "you" that bothers her, even though he said it with a tone that she wish she would never hve to hear again. But it's the fact that he addresses me by my maiden name that causes her confusion, causes her brows to reach her hairline and stumble over words for a moment. It's been three years since she had gone by Undersee. Three years since he had called her that, and the name felt so foreign on her ears, she almost forgot that it even existed.
"What do you mean what am I doing here?" The question is spoken so faintly, and she finds herself, wondering if he could be bitter towards the fact that she wasn't there earlier. But that's such a vain thought, because she knows that he was unconscious during those hours, he wouldn't have any idea where she was or if she was sitting on the hard chair. She bites down on her bottom lip again, nerves wracking up her spine.
"I mean exactly that, what are you doing here." He says flatly. "And are you... pregnant?"
Her jaw drops and her heart almost stops. He just asked if she was pregnant... What does that mean? Before the accident he knew that, he was beyond excited and he even had names picked out even though he didn't know if it was going to be a girl or boy. He wanted it to be Rose; after Prim, but not sharing her name, because no one could replace Prim, but she had meant so much to them that he wanted to honor her. And if it was to be a boy he wanted the name Ivin. Madge doesn't know the significance of that one, or if it even has any.
So, she wonders, why would he question that if for any other reason besides he doesn't remember that little fact. And he questioned why Madge was there. It hits her like a thousand bricks, her knees go weak and tears are pricking the back of her eyes. There could only be one explanation.
He doesn't remember – he... Madge chokes back a sob. Gale doesn't remember that they're married.
Okay, Madge, she tells herself. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in, Breathe out.
An attempt to gather herself, an attempt to make it so that she doesn't break. Eyes close and lips purse together lightly as her mind is racing, and the only thing that can be heard is the sound of the doctor rusting through some sort of papers, she assumes the documents and charts regarding Gale's state.
"Okay, Gale, I get its kind of a thing here for people to play pranks on their significant other but Sweetheart, this isn't funny. You have three seconds to take back this cruel joke." The words are spoken with complete seriousness, and Madge is hoping that he would laugh, that he'd smile in return and tell her that he loves her and he's sorry for the scare. But that doesn't happen. The look on his face, the bland confusion, is what causes the tears to really start flowing from her orbs, clouding her vision.
"Oh, God." Her hand covers her mouth in shock, her words shaking as the tears quickly turn into full sobs complete with a shaking body.
More doctors walk in and pester Gale with questions, and he returns the favor with the ones he doesn't know. The things like where was he, how did he get there, who was feeding his family, and her least favorite why Madge was there. No one answers the last one. they continue his questioning and it's decided (by Madge herself, nothing is official until the psych evaluation, apparently) that the only things he remember are the events that took place just before the reaping for the 74th Hunger Games. The last true reaping.
He remembers nothing of their relationship at all. As far as he knows, they have only ever exchanged a few words here and there when he would bring strawberries to the back door with Katniss.
He doesn't even know her, he knows nothing about who she really is. He still thinks that Madge Undersee is the spoiled little girl who doesn't know what it's like to struggle or to feel much pain. He thinks she's blind to everything because the mayor's family had been handed everything so easily. That's what the old Gale thought, not what her husband thought, not the man that got to know her and see her flaws. But now, they're the same person.
It isn't until she makes the slightest movement in her seat that causes it to to move only a smidge. It makes a soft noise, but enough to make it so that it's once again noticed that she is still in the room. All eyes are on her in a second, her tear stained face with threats of sobs to overtake her entire body once. The doctors don't say anything, they don't have to. Legally speaking since this isn't an official evaluation she is allowed to be in the room. The looks say it all, though, she shouldn't be here. They don't want her there.
"I'm just..." She says slowly, reaching over the chair to grab the light jacket that she'd brought with her as she stands, "I'm just gonna go get some rest. I'll come back... later"
The words are spoken without knowing when later would be, without knowing if Gale would even want her to return.
Questions are reaching the front of her mind; The biggest one being, will seeing her make things worse?
She walks back to their small home, and she tries to push those questions that swim so clearly in her mind, she tries to shove them down, replace them with optimism and hope. Maybe this was something that was a quick thing. You know, maybe it'll be better in a few hours.
The returning later turned out to be about three hours later. Madge had hoped that the positive thoughts that filled her brain, the ones that held her from breaking down on the lonely walk back home, would be confirmed. But as she returned just before dinner that night those speculation and hopes were denied any truth. Crushed in an instance, like stepping on a spider and taking it's life, it's so quick and there is no warming.
They think there's a concussion that is causing the amnesia. It looks to be something semi-permanent. They believe that he'll remember some things and others will continue to be a distant memory. There's no telling when the memories he'll retain will be return, and there's nothing certain saying that they will. It's likely.
But to Madge, likely isn't good enough. It isn't enough for her to stop the tears or the worry; it doesn't erase the pain. She wants definitely, certainly, she wants everything to be the way that it was. The way that it should be. But she knows that it's entirely selfish.
All that she wants is to see Gale again. She wants to just run into his room and engulf him in a large hug, smothering kisses all over his face because she had missed out on them for the past two days. She wants them, and she wants his hands to rub her belly again and she want to lay in bed and talk about things for their baby again.
The baby. Oh, how much they loved this baby.
Her thoughts begin to wonder what role he's going to play now. He's still the father, and he'll see reason with that. Even before they were together Gale stepped up to the plate with his siblings.. She knows that even if he, and Madge hate to think like this but it's still looming in her mind, he never loves her again, he'll help with this baby. He's a good guy, Gale, and he always has been.
After a moment, she has worked up the courage to walk into his room. Knocking on the door as it opens, she sticks her head in first, hesitantly. He looks bored and slightly irritated.
"Hi." The simple word is spoken tentatively, and she steps inside and allows the door to close softly behind her. "You up for some conversation?"
He doesn't say anything. She's not surprised.
"I could catch you up on what's happened the past six or seven years." She suggests in a completely friendly tone with arms crossed over her chest.
"Like anything interesting has happened?" He states monotone, but it's more of a question than a statement.
"Well, we're not back in Twelve..." Taking a seat on the same chair, at this point it should be marked as "Madge's chair", she smiles somewhat mischievously. "So, yeah, some interesting stuff has gone down."
"Like?" He looks slightly intrigued. Which is good, she decides. Madge is the only familiar face he's seen, maybe that's a good thing. But he doesn't look friendly. Almost as if he doesn't trust what she is going to say.
"I'll start with the games. Prim was reaped, Katniss volunteered. She and Peeta Mellark won." Madge says casually, purposefully leaving out most of the details . And the look on his face is priceless. She smiles but it wipes away instantly when his face turns into a scowl.
"God, Undersee. I could maybe believe the whole Katniss thing, but two winners? The Capitol would never allow that."
She sighs loudly. Somehow knowing he wouldn't believe her, she pulls a book out of her bag. It's the thin history book that she and a few other teachers put together about the rebellion, trying to get the curriculum worked out for the students. She tosses it gently and it lands by her feet.
Flatly, she shrugs. "Read for yourself."
For some reason, she thought she would try to see if maybe there was a chance that he has some sort of feeling that he should just trust her. Emotions and feelings, those are powerful things. As she was once told by my mother that they don't just go away. She had hoped that that was the case.
Unfortunately, that no longer appear to be a statement that rings tru.
They were back where they were all those years ago in Twelve. He detests her and everything he thought she was and stood for.
She looks him over while taking three deep breaths. Chewing on her lip after muttering a goodbye, she walks out a determined personae taking over.
He may hate her now, But he fell in love with Madge Undersee once, he could do it again. Right?
That's got to be the only thought that she can hold onto now.
AUTHORS NOTE:
once again, let me know if y'all notice any mistakes. this was edited by me so there's probably something.
