Detentions were always entertaining. This thought occupied Simon's brain as he made his way through crowded hallways. Girls giggled as he walked past, making Simon want to shout that he wasn't the hero everyone thought he was. On entering Professor Plum's classroom Simon inspected the silent room with an emotion close to curiosity, or, that could also be described as disgust. But, with an eyebrow twitch from the Professor, Simon took a seat beside Howard Cooper. Howard Cooper was an alright looking boy with pale blue eyes hidden behind dark frames and brown locks that always hung in tufts around his ears. Another thing that made Howard Cooper impressive in Simon's eyes was that he was a natural at spells, and Simon wasn't.
"Psst Howie."
Howard peered at Simon through his glasses.
"What's the answer to the holiday homework question five?" Simon smiled sheepishly.
Howard promptly turned his back on Simon drawing a piercing look from the Professor at the front of the classroom.
"Howie…. Howie…. Psssst HOWIE!" Simon hissed prodding Howard in time with his words with his wand. Truth be told, he was happy with how the detention was turning out, if only he could get Howard to help him.
Howard's blue eyes rolled up to the ceiling, "You're worse than the annoying orange."
Simon stopped short, "What's the annoying orange? How on earth can an orange be annoying?"
"Doesn't your orphanage have a computer? Or even a television?"
"Yeah, of course it does! But the television is permanently turned to the discovery channel."
Howard returned to his work.
"Howie, I could always tell Penelope about your feelings for her." Simon grinned, everyone in the whole of Watford knew of Howard's adoration of Penelope- apart from the girl herself, who was oblivious.
"Say it any louder could you?" Howard hissed, eyes sweeping around the almost empty classroom, hands wringing.
"Of course I could Howie, I'm glad you asked, would you like me to demonstrate?" Simon replied happily.
"No!" Howard almost yelled, drawing the glare of the Professor sitting at the front of the classroom. "Fine Simon, I'll help you with that question." Howard whispered, frowning at the boy beside him.
"That's very nice of you Howie, why are you in detention anyway?" Simon questioned.
"I got tripped as I walked into the classroom and as I fell I grabbed at the Professor's desk, making the objects for her demonstration fall to the ground. That is why I am here." Howard said, lowering his head onto his arms, folded on the desk.
"That's too bad Howie, you don't seem to have very good luck sometimes," Simon remarked.
"I know, and every time that I get up the nerve to talk to Penelope, something happens that prevents it," Howard said morosely, not lifting his head.
"I feel kind of bad for you, and you helped me with my homework, so what if I help you talk to Penelope?" Simon asked seriously.
"Would you really do that Simon?" Howard asked, finally raising his head.
"Of course," Simon replied, a determined look on his face.
Suddenly firm hands gripped both of the boys' heads and slammed them together. A sharp pain burst through Simon's temples and he shook off the offending hand and peered up into the too innocent eyes of the Professor.
"Have you boys finished your discussion?"
Both boys nodded down at their work, Simon smirking slightly and Howie blushing brightly.
"Next time you decide to make new friends, do it out in the corridor and not in my detentions! Understood Snow? Cooper?"
"Yes," they chorused.
"Good, oh, and Snow?" Simon looked up, "Well done defeating the Insidious Humdrum again last year, your spell work was most inspired. I wish you would show such promise in class, maybe it's a good thing you're next to Cooper."
With that Professor Plum swirled around and strode back to the front, her robes flying out behind her like wings.
Simon chuckled, "Golly, wouldn't want to get on her bad side, aye Howie?"
Howie ignored this comment, shooting a furtive look at the front of the classroom and turned to Simon, eyes shining.
"Would you really help me with Penelope?"
Simone smiled, "Yes, would you like me to shake on it?"
Howie grasped his hand in a surprisingly firm grip.
"Simon says he'll help me talk to Penelope, Deal?"
"Deal."
Magic coursed through Simon and Howie's veins as the deal was made. Simon gasped with the strength of it. They released each other's hands and grinned, now all Simon needed to do was formulate a plan to allow Howie to talk to Penelope, easier said than done.
"So Penelope…" Simon began the next morning at breakfast.
"Yes Simon," Penelope replied, not looking up from the book she was reading. "Did you want to thank me for getting you an alarm clock?"
"Um, no, that wasn't why I was going to talk to you but thanks for that, what I was really going to ask you was… um… what do you think about Howie Cooper?" Simon blurted out in a rush.
"Who?" Penelope replied, calmly continuing to eat her porridge.
Simon sighed in exasperation, quickly glancing around the dining hall and saw Howard looking at the two of them anxiously. He paused to give Howard a discreet thumbs up before turning back to Penny.
"Howard Cooper, he's in our year…" Simon trailed off.
"Is he in our spells class?" Penelope questioned, still looking unconcerned.
"Yes he is!" Simon said eagerly.
"Oh, he's the one who always beats me at spells," Penelope said.
Simon sighed; maybe this would be harder than he had thought.
"Who are you talking about?" Agatha asked, sliding into the seat opposite, Baz sitting down beside her.
"Simon was just telling me something about a Howard Cooper," Penelope stated.
"Is that the boy who has been in love with Penelope for years?" Baz asked vindictively.
"Shut up Baz," said Simon.
But Penelope had finally put her book down, looking shocked.
Simon quickly cut in, "NO, um, no, he doesn't like Penelope, I mean who likes Penelope?"
In the shocked silence that followed, Simon trailed off. "Oops."
"Am I that unlikeable? No-one could ever like me?" Penelope stood, her usually calm disposition abandoned and angry tears shining in her eyes.
From across the room, Simon could see Howie sinking down in his seat, head in his hands.
"That's not what I meant!" Simon spluttered, "I was just trying to say that Howard Cooper doesn't like you! That's all."
Penelope gathered her books and shoved them into her bag. Agatha and Baz wisely didn't get involved and started eating their breakfast.
"Simon sometimes you're just so, so…"
"Helpful?"
"Oblivious!" Penelope seemed to explode.
She started turning and then stopped, going toward Simon and leaning in threateningly. "And if this Howard Cooper likes me, he can tell me himself!"
Simon stood dumbstruck as Penelope flounced out of the dining hall, then he became aware of the many eyes upon them.
"Nothing to see here folks," he smiled as he hurried over to where Howie slouched.
"Penelope said-"
"I know what Penelope said, as does everyone in the room!"
Surprise flooded through Simon and he blinked.
"We weren't that loud."
"You were rivalling Professor O'Malley, and that's saying something," Howie groaned. "What will I do?"
"What else can you do? Tell Penelope how you feel."
"What, but no! I can't," Howard moaned, "my life is over."
"Stop being so melodramatic," Simon replied, "I said I'd help you and I will."
"I don't know if I want your help anymore," Howard said seriously.
"I'm offended," Simon said, "but not enough to stop helping you!"
Howard groaned, letting his head fall onto the table with a thunk.
The first lesson that morning was Magickal Creatures with Professor O'Malley.
"Welcome back," the Professor boomed in his thick accent, "You'll need to partner up, keep in mind these will be your partners for the rest of the year."
Simon desperately tried to catch Penny's eye, but alas she was still mad about the mishap of the morning, grabbing the person nearest to her to be her partner. That person just so happened to be, "Howie," Simon whispered in awe, giving the terrified looking boy a thumbs up. By the time this had occurred though, everyone else was paired up except….
"Snow and Pitch, you'll be together then," Professor O'Malley said, far too happily in Simon's opinion. "Alright then, your task for today is to wander around finding critters, I expect a full report by next lesson." He looked around happily.
"But sir, what if we don't find any creatures?" asked Agatha.
"Then you make something up for your report," the Professor replied, beaming around at the students.
He then turned to write something on his sheet and looked shocked to find the students still there. "What are you waiting for? Go on, get out of here! Scoot!"
Simon hurried off, not even allowing Baz to catch up to him. He wanted to keep Howie and Penelope in sight at all times. They weaved between the trees, Baz always a few steps behind Simon following the fast moving backs of the couple in front of them.
"Why so fast Snow? Where are you going?" Baz's voice seemed loud in the dimness of the woods.
"Would you shut up Pitch?" Simon had lost the backs of Howie and Penelope, so with an indignant sigh; he picked a random direction and began trudging forward.
"I would shut up, if you didn't end your comebacks with questions."
"Your interruption made me lose the backs of Howie and Penelope, who I was trying to follow."
Simon was now very confused as to where they were, it seemed all parts of the forest looked the same. Frustrated, he kicked at the soil while Baz leant against a tree.
"Were you planning on finding a magical creature anytime soon Snow? Because although you are rather thick, even you couldn't mess up O'Malley's simple instructions."
Simon glared at Baz.
"Maybe there's one here."
"Maybe there is, I've found one, have you?"
Simon, despite his hate was interested. "Is it that worm?"
Baz rolled his eyes, his tone laced with scorn. "You, Snow, you're a wizard, therefore you are a magical creature."
"But I can't write a report about myself!" Simon exclaimed. "Are you sure that worm isn't magical."
"I'm positive," Baz said, exasperated, rolling his eyes, "You'd write about me Snow, you're not very intelligent sometimes."
"I don't want to write about you," Simon said in disgust, "let's keep going, there must be another creature around here somewhere."
He picked yet another random direction and began walking, Baz sighed and began walking behind him, "Do you have any idea where we are, or where we are going, Snow?"
"No not really," Simon replied, "that's your job."
"Well then why are you leading, what with your rubbish sense of direction?" Baz questioned tiredly.
"Um, well, I was only leading because you weren't," Simon snapped back at Baz, continuing to walk forward.
"Snow, you might want to STOP!" Baz warned, as Simon walked straight up to the edge of a cliff, looking everywhere but forward.
"Wow that was close!" Simon said, turning back from the cliff. As he went to step away, the very edge of the cliff crumbled, leaving Simon with no footing. He windmilled madly, trying to catch his balance, while Baz ran forward- almost faster than should have been possible- grabbing Simon's arm as he fell. This left Simon swinging off of the cliff, the only thing stopping him from falling being Baz's hand on his arm.
"I don't trust you." Simon said, grasping Baz's forearm.
"Well, I don't trust you." Baz spat at him. Actually spat at him, bits of wet landing on Simon's cheeks.
"Why do you need to trust me?" Simon asked. "I'm the one hanging off a cliff."
Baz looked down at him distastefully, his arm shaking from Simon's weight. He swung his other arm down and Simon grabbed at it.
"Douglas J. Henning," Baz cursed breathlessly, his body inching forward. "Knowing you, you'll bring down the both of us just to spite me."
Simon gasped as he moved down another foot. His breath was moving in fast gasps now and as he peered over his shoulder at the river below he realised it was a long, long way down.
"Don't drop me." Simon gulped.
Baz's face twisted with strain, the muscles bulged and straining in his upper arms and gripping Simon's arms hard enough to leave a bruise. There was no way he would be able to hold on. Baz seemed to see the deathly panic on Simon's sweaty face and something changed in his eyes. Slowly, so slow that Simon wasn't even sure it was happening, Baz was hauling Simon up to the edge.
"Hold on." Baz grunted, his raven hair hanging into his eyes.
Simon tried to be helpful, using his feet to climb- almost like abseiling backwards- but this only succeeded in moving them back a foot. With one final effort, Baz managed to heave Simon's arms over the edge. Both of the boys panted, feeling the imminent danger subsiding slowly.
"What have you been eating, Snow?" Baz griped, once again gripping Simon's forearms in his vice-like grip.
"Oh, come on Baz, of all the comments…."
Finally Simon was safely away from the edge of the cliff, lying next to Baz, both of them chuckling.
"How on Earth did you do that?" Simon asked Baz in disbelief.
"An adrenaline rush, it's a well-documented scientific phenomenon, you can google it," Baz said defensively.
"Okay… no need to get all defensive…," Simon began, "thanks anyway Baz." He said sincerely.
"Don't worry about it; it's just what anyone would do."
"That's what makes it weird," Simon replied.
Note: We do not own Simon, or Baz, or Watford, this is all the property of Rainbow Rowell.
