From Alice Wright – The hat

Of Women and Deerstalkers

The curtain closed and eventually the applause which filled the theatre faded into conversation. People began to leave their seats, but Sherlock Holmes remained deathly still, his expression one of the utmost horror. I cleared my throat awkwardly.

"Dare I ask what your opinion on the play was?" I asked, a trifle fast for fear of his reaction. He turned to me, looking stricken.

"That-" he stammered after a moment's pause, gesturing to the stage, "-that was… was pure fantasy!"

"Yes, well, perhaps we should leave," was my reply. I knew my friend could become most passionate in his outrage, and already those nearest us were casting dirty looks in our direction. "Come, we can hail a cab, try some of the local cuisine-"

"Cuisine," Holmes scoffed. "What do these Americans know of cuisine?! I can only hope it is a great deal more than they know of writing and performing plays!"

I laughed nervously and attempted, in vain, to calm my friend down. "Holmes, it wasn't so awful-"

"Awful – ha!" he cried at the very top of his voice. "That was not awful, it was worse than awful! Abysmal, appalling – absolute codswallop! To think, to think they would… would…" He trailed away, apparently in anger but I felt I had a shrewd idea of what he was thinking.

"To what, Holmes?" I asked, stifling my smile.

"To insert some… woman-" he spat the word as though it were pure poison, "-into my life and as a- a lover of all things!" He sat for a moment, seemingly struggling with rage. "Come Watson – let us depart. I cannot stand any more of this!"

I leapt to my feet, all too eager to leave. "Certainly!"

We both walked swiftly toward the exit, Holmes still grumbling. "And the costume – good God Watson! The cape, perhaps I could live with…. but the hat-!"

Despite his ranting, I smiled. "Perhaps now you will come to appreciate my own writing a little more..." I suggested. "After all it would be simple for me to, say, drop Miss Alice Faulkner into my next acco-"

"Don't you dare!"

A/N The Sherlock Holmes play first premiered in New York City in 1899, and it always made me laugh to imagine Holmes watching it, so... yeah. If you're interested you can look up Sherlock Holmes (Play) on Wikipedia.