Barney & Robin discuss children in this chapter I still don't know if they will have kids yet but there is talk about this since they're committed to each other and are planning their lives together.
January 2013!
After getting engaged there was somethings that Barney and I have to clear up before planning anything for our wedding. One of the things has to be about kids, I know he doesn't want kids and I don't want kids but ever since I found out I couldn't have children I began to think maybe I do want kids and now that I have Barney back and we're committed to each other and making this relationship work we have to be honest about the things we both kept back from each other for years.
I had just realized while randomly talking about our future that Barney hasn't brought up anything about kids. But, I have to wonder if he's been thinking about it and now that he does know that I can't have biological children I still wonder if he wants kids but isn't talking to me about it. So, before we go to bed I ask out loud as he walks into the bedroom from the bathroom hoping we'll talk about this.
"So, before we discuss any wedding plans I wanted to talk to you about another thing that's been on my mind for a while." I know this is a big question to get off my chest, it's one that has been on my mind for along while ever since she found out she couldn't have kids. But, more importantly now that she's with Barney and engaged she needs to get this resolved before we can move on with wedding plans.
"Okay, what's up?" Barney looks like he has my full attention so I sigh a little and sit up on the bed facing him who is now sitting against the headboard.
"So, I know we talked about this before but it's been on my mind ever since you proposed which I'm still a little taken aback about." He gives me this 'wait, you have second thoughts' kind of look and I immediately reassure him with a hand on his leg and say no that isn't it.
"I was thinking about kids. We both know that I can't have any and when I told you, you seemed okay with it I guess that's one of the reasons you proposed." He starts to say something but I shush him down immediately then continue.
"I know I can't have kids and we discussed this before but not in a serious way. So, I just wanted to clear the air about this. I have thought that maybe we can talk about this further because I don't want us to enter into a marriage with things like this hanging over us. Now that we're engaged and planning a life together we need to clear the air of everything we kept back from each other all these years." Barney and I never talked about the things we held back from each other for the years since we broke up the last time and I want to make sure we don't have any secrets from one another so we can have a successful marriage.
"We are going to start planning our wedding this week and before we do I want to make sure you're okay with us not having children." I know he's okay with it but I need to make sure that he is for me to not worry about this in the future.
"Robin, I'm okay with not having kids and I did not propose to you because you can't have kids." He stops me from talking further by taking my hand in his, kisses it lightly and then put it down on his lap and smiled lightly. "I love you no matter what I don't need kids to be happy or fulfilled. You are the only person in my life I need that's why I want to be with you." I smile through the tears that suddenly escaped my eyes and brushed them away.
"Are you sure?" I had to ask again cause I don't want to think that I'm not enough to make his life completed the way a woman should with a husband and a commitment.
"Yes. When you first told me that you couldn't have kids I was shocked at first that's why I hugged you but after I knew that you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Not because you can bare my children but because I said to myself that night that I care. I care about you so much and I want to see you happy, when you cried on my shoulder that night and told me about the little family of ours you dreamt up in your head. I knew then, even before that that I can never let someone else have you because I knew that I still loved and cared about you." Barney pauses and I can see a tear escape the corner of his right eye.
After finding out that he was maybe going to be a father he had become really excited about it. Not only would this bring Robin back to him but he's always wanted someone to teach how to live, dress like him, act like him and that little person was his way of maybe getting Robin back for good so after this time Barney had thought about these things. The what if? That were never answered.
Things like how is he going to be a father?
How will he and Robin be as parents?
Will they mess up this kids?
Will this kid bring them closer?
But after sometime, after sometime had past he had wipped all possibilites away from his mind after they found out that they were not pregnant. But, he still remembered wanting to be a father at that time.
"But, then after that night. After we talked to dawn the next morning I couldn't sleep that whole next day. When you told me you couldn't have kids I wasn't okay. Not only did you tell me that but you told me about imagining our kids. Our family, a family with a girl who looks just like you and a suited up boy but before you told me that I also remembered my own fantasy when you told me you thought you were pregnant a couple of years ago. I also imagined a family with you but with one child and a dog in a new apartment somewhere in the city." I had no idea that Barney thought about this too, not being able to give him a family nearly killed me that time I thought we were going to have a baby but to know he was thinking and imagining a family, not only a family but he pictured our family just like I did I can't believe he had pictured this, this confession had me in tears for a good 10 minutes with him holding me as I sobbed into his white shirt.
After a while my sobbing quieted down and we just finished talking about this issue of having a family and by the end we decided to first start planning our wedding and then maybe go through surrogacy to try to have a kid.
A/N: Next chapter will include wedding plans and the gang finding out that B/R might be having a baby. I'm not sure if they should have a surrogate or adopt but this will also be quite a struggled it won't be easy with Robin working full time and it will put stress on their relationship before they even get married.
