Ok, part 2... haha, enjoy THIS chapter... just hold your horses for the next to come! They're... outlandish.
Episode 8: "Do not question my actions."
Finally Luigi could take it no more. Ever since Mario had programmed his cell phone to play his theme song ("Mario's Bringin' Sexy Back") whenever someone called, he'd really begun to loathe the contraption. So when Mario continued to call him for the twenty-ninth time in a three-minute time period, the little green man couldn't control himself anymore. With a high-pitched scream of fury, he chucked his red cell phone (also Mario's doing) at the brick of his house, watching with an almost evil pleasure as it shattered into pieces.
"Maybe now he'll finally stop calling me," Luigi muttered, leaning back over his daisies to finish de-weeding them.
Suddenly there was a pained scream radiating from across the street. Frowning, Luigi stood back up and stared at nothing for a moment, then glanced confusedly over his shoulder. Almost instantly, the door of the house swung open and revealed a shriveled up old lady, wearing a very unflattering French maid costume. She was sobbing uncontrollably as someone shouted loudly at her from inside, and then screeched as a pair of dentures hit her in the face.
She clutched the dentures to her saggy chest. "You're such an angry man!" she cried. When there was no response, she continued, "I'll be back on Monday."
Luigi stared blankly as she staggered merrily to her 1940s Volkswagen and tried to start it up, which took her multiple tries and a few curse words. When it finally revved up, she slammed on the gas and swerved down the road with a trail of pollutants and skid-marks following her. Blinking twice, Luigi turned back around and mumbled to himself, "Well, that's just all fine and dandy." This usually happened every Saturday at approximately 2:42 PM.
Another shattering scream pierced the quiet afternoon. "LUIGI!"
Luigi stopped all movement and stared vacantly. Shaking his head and deciding that he could pretend that he didn't hear anything, he went back to work.
The scream came again. "LUIGI!!" a voice shrieked, cracking. It was then Luigi knew that the voice—his brother, Mario—would not be ignored.
"God damnit!" Luigi grumbled, then rounded on his heel. "WHAT?!"
"YOU'RE PHONE KEEPS SAYING YOU DON'T EXIST! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?! "
Luigi said nothing.
"LUIGI!"
"WHAT?!" he bellowed.
"I NEED YOU!!!"
Luigi shivered in an attempt to console himself. He threw down his gardening tools, crushing some of his daisies, and ripped off of his gloves. Anger boiled up inside of him, but the good side of the green fellow couldn't help but run to his brother's rescue. He dashed across the street and nearly got plowed by a group of teenage Toads driving a bit too fast, and who were yapping at him the entire time.
Luigi busted into the foyer of Mario's house, seething and sweaty. "What is so important that you couldn't even yell at me from outside of your house?" he asked between panting. He stood there for a minute or two, glancing around nervously when no one bothered to answer. A deathly silence had settled over the cheery little house, and it began to unnerve jumpy Luigi. He took an uneasy step forward. "Mario?" he called out, his voice shaky.
Suddenly the squeaky sound of a door in much need of oil echoed behind him, as well as the sound of a tiny engine. Goosebumps erupted over Luigi's skin as he turned around sluggishly, his eyes wide.
"Luigi," Mario stated simply. He was sitting in front of the now-closed door, his bottom nestled comfortably in the seat of a motorized wheelchair. A shadow was cast over his face from his hat, which was sitting crooked on his un-brushed locks.
"Dear God, Mario, what happened to you?" Luigi gasped.
Mario's eyebrows shot up and he scratched his lumpy tummy. "What, this?" he asked, caressing the arms of the chair with his unnaturally large hands. "It's nothing. I just use it when my butt hurts and my feet get all peely and swollen."
Luigi grimaced as rancid pictures raced through his mind. "Okay…" he said. "If your butt hurts, then why are you sitting in a wheelchair? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?"
Mario stared firmly at his brother. "Do not question my actions," he said darkly. There was a moment of tense silence before Mario broke out into a wide smile, his hand disappearing into the pocket of his overalls. "So anyways," he began, "I called you over here to help me out. I want you to wear this and be my slave for just a day." He pulled out a complete French maid outfit, boots and cap and all. He held it up for the horrified Luigi to see.
Luigi pointed at it and took a step back. "I'm not wearing that," he declared.
Mario's big thumb pressed against the control stick of the wheelchair and ran into his brother's shins. "Yes," he ordered, "you are."
"No, I'm not."
Mario backed up and then rammed forward again, repeatedly pelting Luigi's shins with his chair. "Yes, you are," he snapped.
Luigi threw his hands up and jumped back. "Mario, stop it! I bruise easily!" he exclaimed. "Besides, that won't fit me!"
Mario collided with him again. "Then we'll make it fit!"
"Why are you so bossy today?"
Mario immediately stopped, but his eyes didn't seem to focus on Luigi. "Do not," he demanded slowly, "question my actions."
Luigi rolled his eyes and started to walk away. "You're pathetic…"
"I'm pathetic?!" screeched Mario. Making a strange grunting noise, he shoved his control stick all the way forward, closing in on Luigi's backside as he approached the door. The small wheels smashed into his heels, making his brother yelp and topple to the floor ungracefully. Mario's wheelchair continued to gain momentum and managed to climb over the man's body, bumping along until it got caught on top of his head. But even as Luigi screamed heatedly, Mario backed up and tried again, resulting in a system shutdown. There was overall silence for a moment or two.
"…So are you going to put that outfit on now?"
Luigi glared at the floor, although most of his sight was taken up by his squashed nose. He breathed heavily for a second, then said, "As soon as you get this off of my head, we'll make a compromise…"
Wheeeeeee. Aaaaaand DONE!
