"I don't understand. Has there been some sort of crisis?" Sweets asked as we met him at the diner.
"Yes. I have a crisis," Bones replied.
"Bones, it was just mistletoe." Mistletoe isn't a crisis is it? For me it was, but that's only because I'm…Because I don't know how to act around her.
"Not the kiss. That was nothing." Nothing? NOTHING?
"You kissed?" Don't worry, Sweets, I didn't see it coming either.
"Mistletoe," I quickly explained.
"That's not the crisis."
"Was there tongue?" God, I wish…
"Alright, you know what? Get your own sex life, alright, Sweets?" As always, I retaliated with a joke. Jokes do make us realize our hidden desires, right? I'm sure my desire isn't that hidden.
"Well, it had nothing to do with sex," Bones clarified.
"Nothing." No. It has something to do with sex. Just say so!
"No."
"There was no se—it was mistletoe," I adamantly told him.
"Totally sex less."
It wasn't sex less. It was more than a kiss—to me at least. I thought it was the same for Bones—the way she acted afterward obviously showed that she was flustered over what had happened. At first I had thought that she was flustered because we had kissed, but, as it turned out, I guess she was just embarrassed.
She was so quick to shot it down. Not the kiss. That was nothing. Nothing. Nothing? That moment, though I tried to shake it off around the two, really got to me. How could it be nothing? I know that she kissed back—she initiated it, actually! And since it went on for so long, how could it not be sex-filled? I know a passionate kiss when I see one (or experience one), and, judging from Angela and Hodgins' response, they thought it was as well.
If only Bones would feel that way. If she would somehow take notice of all the hints that went on around her. If she would just look at me for once, and comprehend all the want and need and love that I have for her. How can she not see this? I know that it's evident in the way that I act around her—but I can't seem to help it. If only she would notice…Then things might be different.
This was just like when I she wanted to have a baby. Wow, did that impulse come out of nowhere! Where does she even get the idea that she wants kids?! She's made it clear many times that she doesn't want to get married or have kids. So why now? Does she think she'll run out of time? I was really only kidding when I said that when we were taking care of Andy…Maybe I thought if she got desperate enough quick enough, she'd choose me. Pathetic, I know.
Be careful what you wish for, right?
I mean, she brought that out of nowhere! It's like her brain was hardwired to sex in that session. Not that my brain isn't—when I'm around her—but hers isn't usually. How can she go from hunger to sex? I said hunger because I thought she'd say a food, not launch into a one-word conversation about sex in front of Sweets! And then she dropped the bombshell.
"Hunger," I had said, almost seductively.
"Sex."
"Woah." I didn't really mean it like that! …Did I?
"Horse."
"Cowboy."
"Child."
"Baby."
"Booth."
"What? What, do you think I'm a baby?" I am not a baby!
"Your father."
"Oh. Mother."
"Birth."
"Happy," I said with a smile, looking at her. Just thinking about being with her in any way made me happy.
"Sperm."
"Sperm? Isn't this getting a little weird?" This just gets worse and worse.
"No, keep going." God, Sweets…What a perv.
"Okay…Uh, egg!"
"I want a baby!"
"WOAH!" Where did this come from?!
"Horse."
"No, wait, whoa, wait a minute."
"Yeah, we can stop here." Thank you, Sweets! For once…
"I actually found that quite interesting."
"You wanna have a baby?" I swear I could feel the sweat on my forehead. She wanted to have a baby? With who? I didn't know she was dating anyone…
"I just realized it. I should have a progeny, it's selfish of me not to."
"Selfish?" Sweets asked, just as confused as I was.
"Yes!"
"Don't you need a, you know, guy?"'
"Just sperm. You'd be a very good donor, potentially." Just sperm? Is she crazy?
"Me?" What the fuck?! She's considering me to help her make a baby?! Not that I'm offended or anything…
"Well, you'd need to be tested, of course."
Saved by the bell. Just as I was rendered completely speechless, my cell rings, but, as with all living hells, it doesn't stop Bones from continuing in her quest to suddenly get knocked up. As we run out to leave, I turn back to Sweets.
"This is all your fault!"
"Okay, I know this was surprising—" I cut off his rebuttal with the shutting of his office door.
That was probably one of the most awkward moments of my life. Leave it to Sweets to make our partnership even more stressed and filled with tension than it already was. I knew that stupid word-association game would get us into shit. It is his fault that all this happened! I mean, if he hadn't started this up, I wouldn't be faced with this decision!
What am I going to do? I mean, of course I'll help her, if that's what she wants. There isn't really anything I wouldn't do for her. And vice versa, I hope. I mean she kept bringing it up all day! As if I didn't have enough on my plate…How was I going to do this, though? Watch her carry my baby without me actually being involved? Can I even deal with that?
Not to mention the hallucinations. It's like they were egging me on! Is the whole world conspiring against me, even my delusions?! What was even worse was when Cam brought it up.
"You and Brennan, you're going to have a baby?"
"She told you?"
"She told everyone! It's probably on the news by now."
"I'm just donating."
"So you decided?"
"No. No! I am deciding! I-n-g!"
"I know you, Seely! You're gonna do it! You wanna do it! Without really doing it, but it's still doing it, even if you're not doing it the way it should be done."
"She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people."
"And what will it do for you?" Good question.
"She'll get what she wanted!"
"A piece of you."
I mean, damn, Cam really hit the nail on the head there. Ever since Bones asked, I knew I'd do it. It was the only way I could get close enough to her, to bind us together, without being rejected. It was pretty much all that I could handle. It's kind of a masochists view, but, even if it leaves me a little broken, I wouldn't trade just being on the sidelines of her life for anything.
But I can't believe she told the squints. At least I wasn't there to deal with that. That would've been real hell. Cam is nothing compared to the humiliation that I would have to endure as she announced to the whole lab that she's potentially going to be having my baby.
And then, as if to dog pile on what will soon be named the most humiliating day in the history of humankind, she told me in the car that, if I was worried or had any doubts, she could just use Fisher's sperm. FISHER'S sperm?! No way is that happening.
"Fisher? Oh, whoa, you are not having Fisher's kids! You'd be giving birth to the spawn of Satan! Okay? I'll do it."
Well, if the only way to quell fears about her having someone else's baby was to make sure she'd have mine. If that was going to be how this went down, then so be it! I really can't risk her having Fisher's kids. I wasn't kidding with that spawn of Satan stuff.
If she was going to have anyone's kid it had to be mine. It was like I had this possessive urge to be the one to be with her…Bones would most likely use the term "mate," but that just seems so…animalistic. Of course, this doesn't mean I'm sold on the idea—I want her to have my baby, but…not quite like this. Cam was right. I wasn't doing it the right way. I want to be with her…But if this is as close as I can get, well…I guess I'll take it.
Though, God knows, it'll make our relationship all the more complicated. I mean, what happens when we have to work together when she's pregnant…And what if people ask if it's mine? What do I say? Well, technically this is my child inside of her, but we aren't together…We haven't even had sex…Then it'll bring up all the confusing questions about how you have a kid without having sex, how I can still work with her, be around her, when she's pregnanat with my sort-of baby…This situation is impossible. Either I giver her my stuff and she has our—God, that sounds so nice—child and she takes care of it on her own, or I don't give her my stuff and she gets her kid somewhere else! I really can't let her hav Fisher's kid when there's a possibility she could have mine.
And how can she be a good mom? I really, really don't mean that as an insult…But Bones, a single mom, raising a baby while working a full-time life-threatening job…I mean, she did an alright job with Andy, but that was only a couple days. What if this was permanent? How could she deal with that?
