Punchlines
A/N: Yes, Mia is a big fat whiner, isn't she? It almost scares me to write a Princess Diaries fic.
Chapter 2
"Well, Amelia?" she said, after making another sidecar and sitting down on the elegant armchair in front of me. "Sit down. What are you waiting for? Would you like me to help you sit down? In your silly little frivolous activities have you somehow managed to injure your buttocks, is that it?"
I sit down, scowling at her.
Oh har har har, I injured my butt, har har.
"And now you look like sour milk," she remarked dryly. "Good look, Amelia."
"What did you say about my dad?" I demanded.
"Your father has filled me in on your… teenage drama."
"What?"
EXCUSE ME, DO I NOT HAVE ANY PRIVACY ANYMORE?!
"Don't act so scandalized, honestly, girl," Grandmere snapped. "You act as if your life is private."
"Well, isn't it?"
"Oh Lord no!" she laughed. "Amelia, you're a celebrity. Even more, you're a royal. There's no such thing as privacy. Might as well chuck out the word from your vocabulary now to save you the confusion."
Great. Whole world will now know sad tale of wee little Princess Mia of wee little European principality Genovia who was not able to fight off Geisha mistress of boyfriend she so desperately loved because she was not allowed to go to Japan to do it.
Discovered there was no point of keeping LIFE VS. MIA tally anymore, seeing as how Life is so far ahead of me I will never catch up in time, even if I manage to save the last polar bear from extinction.
She must have seen the ghastly look on my face because when Rommel started to bark she shooed him away and snapped at me. "Oh, Amelia. You idiot."
Fantastic. Even Grandmere thinks so. Now the whole world thinks I'm an idiot (well, guess it's a bonafide fact now, then, since everybody thinks it… what makes something a fact, anyway? Am thinking that would be the best way) except maybe the Portuguese children in Portugal who don't know who I am, but I bet they know it SUBCONSCIOUSLY, in the back lobes of their brain or something.
Thing is, though, I didn't know why she was calling me an idiot – because she supposedly "knew" about my situation and she was talking about Michael, or because I didn't know about the whole privacy thing – well, okay, I did, but I kinda forgot. WHICH ISN'T MY FAULT. IT'S EASY TO FORGET THINGS LIKE THAT WHEN YOU ARE STILL TRYING TO GET YOUR PLAN OF DEFEATING-THE-EVIL-GEISHA-MISTRESS-KILL-BILL-STYLE-AND-RETRIEVE-BOYFRIEND TO TAKE OFF!!
"Wait," I say, glancing down at Rommel, who I could've really sworn is really just an enlarged naked rat and was just sold as a dog by way of deception to make more money. "Why am I an idiot?"
"Why do you think? Honestly, Amelia, I've been talking to your father about what they teach in that blasted school of yours – obviously they aren't doing a very good job, and I've been telling him that it'd be far better if you were home-tutored. You could have the same tutor as Prince William; I hear he's satisfactory for the royals."
"Grandmere," I said, "WHY. AM. I. AN. IDIOT."
Best response would be that I was an idiot just because I was born.
She gave me this scathing look. "For crying over that boy."
"God!" I said, throwing my hands up in the air. "Don't know if you've noticed, Grandmere, but not everybody's made of ice around here, all right? Not everybody has a metal bucket filled with maggots instead of a heart!"
"Amelia!" she blurted angrily.
"It's true!" I went on. "I don't know where you got this stupid, terrible idea that I am not supposed to cry over the boy I've loved since the day I was born—"
"Now that's just silly, you cannot have loved that boy since the day you were born, you didn't even know him—"
"—and now I've gone and screwed everything up, he's probably looking for some fresh geisha meat to do – well, the deed, with him! And that's all fine, but I LOVE HIM! HAVE YOU EVER LOVED SOMEBODY THIS MUCH, GRANDMERE?! HAVE YOU?! WELL?!"
"You mean," she said tersely, "have I ever loved anyone that much that I was turned into a stupid, pathetic girl and made me forget all of my royal duties to my country and to my people?"
"I—" There was no way I was gonna win this, was there? "—Yes," I finished lamely.
"Amelia, you act as if he is the only boy you are ever going to love," she said, her eyebrow twitching, which meant that she was really annoyed with me. "You are a teenage girl, and unless you are assassinated in some parade in Sarajevo that will inevitably start up a World War, I hardly think you ought to think of it as the end of your life."
Now, those were actually some very smart words from Grandmere – shocking, really, since all I figured she was ever capable of saying were aloof, fascist-type mantras – and I found myself staring at her for several moments. But I didn't really take it in – HOW COULD I?! WHEN YOU ARE THIS SET ON SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO, WILL YOU LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO ARE TELLING YOU NOT TO DO IT??!!
YOU SURE AS HELL WILL NOT!!!!!
But what I'm saying is, if I had been of sound mind, I might have appreciated what she was saying and have actually taken a few seconds to let it reach the core of my brain and maybe stash it somewhere meaningful to repeat it to my future distraught teenage daughter, though I doubt she will ever be in the same situation with geisha mistresses and my almost obscene desire to Kill Bill it out with her. But I really didn't. I heard it but it went out the other ear almost immediately. It was amazing, really.
"That's not the point!" I started to yell again.
"My God, Amelia, will you keep your voice down?" she said, when Rommel started to bark again.
I had jumped up and was now pacing in front of her, wanting to pull my hair out, but I didn't, because I already had so little hair as it is. I tried to comprehend what would make her understand – my appeal to the heart was a lost cause, seeing as how (WELL, I KNEW IT BEFORE ANYWAY, DON'T KNOW WHY I WAS SO SURPRISED) Grandmere HAS NO HEART (don't think anybody else around here has one, either, when I think about it), so I tried to appeal to… well, Grandmere.
"What happens if the press and the media find out?" I asked her, and she noticeably stiffened. "That I was not allowed to go to Japan and go after my boyfriend and now he's going around with a geisha who has undoubtedly already lost her precious gift like when she was nine—"
"Nice try, Amelia," she said darkly.
"No, seriously," I said, "what if they find out? Won't they make you look bad?"
It was pretty horrible and kinda scary, this technique I was using. It was almost very Grandmere of me – oooh, I just shuddered. Which is probably what made her so mad. But I still don't understand why she called up Lars to escort me out of her hotel room – I mean, it wasn't like I pulled a Tom Cruise on her couch or anything. Maybe she saw the striking resemblance (GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) between me and her and she got spooked.
When I was just leaving, though, with Lars giving me this look (I think he thought I tried to strangle Grandmere or something or poison her sidecar – all I can say is: I WISH), she was mumbling something to herself while she was smoking.
"All of the sensible royals are dying out, and now we're left with this kind…"
GEE, THANKS GRANDMERE.
GOD. I WISH PRINCESS DI WAS STILL ALIVE. I WISH SHE COULD'VE BEEN MY GRANDMA. I BET SHE SO WOULD HAVE TOTALLY LET ME GO AFTER MICHAEL IN OUR PRIVATE JET AND EVEN WOULD HAVE TOTALLY SUPPORTED ME GOING ALL KILL BILL ON HIS GEISHA MISTRESS…
Ugh. If wishes were ponies.
2 pm, the car.
Ugh. Am so depressed. Want to stick head outside of window. I mean, jump out of window. God. See? Am so depressed can't even write sentences correctly to express what I mean.
WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME SO MUCH????????????????
2:05 pm.
SERIOUSLY????????
WHY???????????????
Suddenly feel like Harry Potter trapped in cupboard with oppressive, vile Muggle relatives and obese jerkhole cousin. No, worse. I have no Hermione and Ron. Well, once upon a time my Hermione might have been Lilly – they seem to match pretty well, don't they? Oooh! Oooh! And Ron could have been JP… And seeing as how Ron and Hermione obviously have this little thing for each other… except JP doesn't like Lilly that way… Oh, darn… and Lilly hates me… bet Hermione would have never hated Harry this way, since Harry was like the freakin' savior of the wizarding world and all that.
VOLDEMORT GRANDMERE
AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2:11 pm
God, I wish I had an owl like Harry Potter. I bet it could chase down Michael.
2:45 pm, at the Loft.
Am thinking of killing self by way of sticking head in oven like Sylvia Plath to bring extra grief to all who are oppressing me. Hope guilt brings them to edge of insanity. Hope interview on Barbara Walters or Larry King will break their souls of NOTHINGNESS and get them to admit IT WAS ALL THEIR FAULT.
3:20 pm.
This day sucks.
But just remembered that though I went to Grandmere's, did NOT actually have princess lessons. Guess that has to count for something.
Oh god. Have homework.
Going off to figure out how to work oven so can resume grief-plan to oppressors.
3:30 pm.
Turns out oven has been broken for years and Mom has been using it as storing case for extra canvas and brushes.
OKAY, WORLD. YOU HATE ME. I GET IT.
3:35 pm.
I wish I was Oprah. Bet Oprah never had this problem. Bet she has thousands of friends and would never "accidentally" kiss a boy in the hall while her boyfriend was going to surprise her and totally mess up her life and instead is friends with the likes of attractive sexy women of Desperate Housewives and the like and had million-dollar weaves at her disposal.
Maybe I should ask Grandmere if she knows Oprah. Maybe we can be best friends. Me and Oprah, I mean. Not me and Grandmere.
3:37 pm.
Just remembered am on sore terms with Grandmere.
Oh well.
What's new?
REASONS WHY WORLD COULD NOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND CURRENT SITUATION WITH MICHAEL.
1. Never was a flat-chested teenage princess of small European principality with radical best friend (and I don't mean "radical" as in AWESOME, I mean "radical" as in CRAZY like the Frenchies way back when they were so keen on cutting people's heads off and having revolutions… wonder if Lilly is part French… hm… should ask. If we ever make up again, that is) and gorgeous genius boyfriend (who is the older brother of said radical best friend) who apparently lost his virginity to Fly Cloner Judith Gershner (GOD SAYING THAT STILL TWISTS MY INSIDES – PAINFUL DEATHS TO ALL FLY CLONERS!!!!! Or maybe just to Judith Gershner). Oh, and also never had eccentric (AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY), brutal, snobby Dowager Princess grandma seemingly very intent on ruining life.
2. Never had sock-eating cat.
3. WORLD HAS NO HEART. WORLD IS TOO FOCUSED ON QUESTIONING SANITY OF PRESIDENT AND LINDSAY LOHAN IN REHAB, ETC ETC.
4. What the world does not understand, the world hates. And if A equals B equals C, then A equals C, which means the world hates me. (I don't know what the hell I just put down.)
5. Not whole world has met Michael. (Then again, I'm not so sure I want the whole world to, 'cause then all the girls would fall madly in love with him and his great-smelling neck, and he'd easily leave me for them, and presumably more than 3/4s of them would be all too willing to give him their Precious Gift, unlike I am.) (UGH.)
6. Nobody else calls their virginity their Precious Gift. Then again, I'm not too sure everyone else CONSIDERS their virginity so precious, or a gift, seeing as how they just throw it at anyone who wants it. Look at the girls on Lifetime. Or, well, some of them.
4:05 pm.
Need a hotdog from the New York City street hot dog vendors. Will be back. Will possibly buy 2 to soothe broken heart and growling stomach (haven't eaten all day – think I ate too much yesterday).
Or possibly 5 billion.
4:35 pm.
OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
I DO NOT KNOW WHETHER TO THROW MYSELF A PARTY OR DROWN MYSELF IN THE SINK.
So, I went outside to guy 2 hotdogs, right (well, 3 technically, since Mr. G wanted one, too), and I was dressed in my shorts and my hoodie (oh yeah, incognito). I was just minding my own business, walking to the vendor and then getting in line like a normal citizen of New York City, when all of a sudden I hear this voice. At first I didn't recognize it, so I kinda just stood there thinking, Who is this and why do they sound so familiar? And then I turn around, and OH MY GOD THERE'S JUDITH GERSHNER STANDING BEHIND ME IN A TANKTOP AND SHORT SHORTS, WALKING HER DOG.
OH MY GOD.
THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.
AND HER DOG.
SINCE WHEN DID JUDITH GERSHNER HAVE A DOG?!
I seriously had a flash of visionary fantasy: dressing Fat Louie up in a yellow Adidas jumpsuit and giving him this mini samurai sword to Kill Bill it out with her dog.
OH MY GOD. MAYBE I SHOUD STOP FOCUSING ALL OF MY KILL BILL ANTICS ON SOME GEISHA GIRL IN JAPAN. MAYBE I SHOULD FOCUS IT ON JUDITH GERSHNER. MAYBE THAT IS WHAT THE DIVINE POWERS ARE TRYING TO TELL ME BY HAVING HER STAND BEHIND ME IN LINE.
GOD WANTS ME TO KILL JUDITH GERSHNER.
Well. I got your message, Big Guy.
But anyway, that did not occur to me when I was standing in front of her in line. I turned around while this couple was having trouble deciding whether they wanted mustard and ketchup on their hotdogs (probably out of towners – they had fannypacks) and when I saw her and her dog, I kinda just felt my whole stomach drop and my body go cold. My mind was reeling. It was like I'd forgotten Judith and I had lived on the same planet, let alone the same area code, what with all of the planning and sulking I'd been doing. HOW COULD HAVE I FORGOTTEN JUDITH-WHO-TOOK-MY-BOYFRIEND'S-FLOWER?! HOW?!
So it was like a slap in the face, basically. New York City-style. I felt just like Carrie in that one episode in Sex in the City when she sees Big at that Rodeo party with stick figure with no soul Natasha.
And what's worse is that when she saw me her eyebrows kinda went up, and then she smiled at me. SMILED AT ME.
LIKE HOW THE DEVIL WAS SMILING AT JESUS WHEN HE WAS BEING TEMPTED AND TORTURED IN THE DESERT.
"Mia!" she said, like it was a pleasant surprise. "You're… in line for a hotdog." She looked confused by this. "Are they serving tofu hot dogs now, too?"
"No," I said, feeling my resentment and bitterness start to creep back up again. In my mind I seemed to be hearing two voices: one that was going, BE NICE, MIA, BE NICE TO JUDITH and the other going: KILL HER, MIA, KILL JUDITH. Personally I liked the last voice better.
GOD if I only had a samurai sword with me right then. I can do without the jumpsuit. But MAN if only I'd had a sword. Maybe I'll ask for one next time Grandmere has me meet with the Royals of Japan, and I'll give them… I don't know, Genovian pears. OR some moon rocks. Bet Japan would like some moon rocks.
You know, all my life, people have told me (mostly teachers) that preparation is key, and that you should always be prepared for whatever life drops on you.
Lesson learned: I will not try to carry a samurai sword (and possibly also yellow jumpsuit) everywhere I go in case I stumble upon any of the following:
- Judith Gershner
- Animal abusers
- People who drive SUVs (YOU ARE NOT HELPING GLOBAL WARMING, PEOPLE!!! GRRRRR!!!) or Hummers (unless you are like Arnold Schwarzneggar and have had the engine changed around so it's environmentally friendly).
"Oh." She looked confused. "Are you buying hotdogs for…?"
"Me," I said, feeling indignant. "And Mr. G."
"I thought you were a vegetarian."
"Yeah, well, things change."
She nodded her head. "Oh. Well. Okay." She looked down on her dog – things were a little weird. "So, listen, I know Michael just left for Japan—"
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! THE UTTER NERVE OF THIS GIRL! I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE HAD THE NERVE TO MENTION MICHAEL TO ME AFTER NONVERBALLY JUDGING ME FOR NOT BEING A VEGETARIAN ANYMORE IN LINE!!! GAAAAAHHHH!!!
SERIOUSLY!! SAMURAI SWORD!!
"Yeah, he did," I said through my teeth. And I guess she noticed how my voice kind of sounded like daggers, because then she gave me this look.
"Whoa. Hey, is everything okay? I think I just got a frostbite."
Now here I was at a crossroad. Should I be honest and in fact, TELL Judith Gershner (who, by the way, had sex with my boyfriend even though she had a boyfriend) that everything was NOT okay– actually, they were so FAR from okay like how the world is so FAR away from fixing any of Africa's problems because of early colonialism – because Michael is probably DOING IT with some Japanese girl because we got into this fight that was all because of HER in the first place?
OR
Should I lie and say that everything was okay, I was just being a bitch because I was on my period, and we ran out of Midol because when my mom got pregnant with Rocky, I proceeded in then throwing away almost every good medication we had in our medicine cabinet in case she mistook them as vitamins and thus harmed the baby?
I did not think this through. Seriously. I did not. The most amazing thing about the human brain is that sometimes it doesn't REALLY allow you to choose any of the options presented to you – you just do it. And not only does it make you incapable of being reasonable at times, it also sometimes only presents the other options (the BETTER OPTIONS) AFTER you'd already done the other thing, so it's just useless. Completely and utterly useless.
I.e. my situation with Judith.
It did not really occur to me until later that I could have said something nice and non-dramatic and have walked away with three hotdogs in a peaceful manner.
Instead, it was kinda like I just… burst. Like if you put too much water in a water balloon, and it pops in your face, and you end up getting soaked. Well, I guess Judith got soaked.
(IN THE SWEET JUICES OF MY REVENGE.)
"No, everything is not okay," I said in a perfect Ice Queen tone. "Nothing is okay, all right, Judith? And do you know why? Because of you. You and-and, well, YOU!"
She squinted at me. "Pardon?"
OH MY GOD. AS IF THINGS WEREN'T BAD ENOUGH. NOT ONLY DOES JUDITH CLONE FLIES AND HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND, SHE ALSO SAYS "PARDON" INSTEAD OF "WHAT"!!!
WHY WASN'T JUDITH CHOSEN AS PRINCESS OF GENOVIA INSTEAD???!!
"Don't 'Pardon' me!" I seethed. "You-you TOOK Michael's Precious Gift!"
She laughed. "His what?"
"His precious gift! His VIRGINITY!"
She froze. Then she turned a little red.
"How did you know about that?" she said, glancing around to see if anyone had heard. Well, considering I'd yelled it, a lot of people did, and were looking at us. Especially some Japanese tourists enjoying their quickly-melting ice cream sitting down on a bench waiting for a tour bus.
"Well, I fed Michael this potion and then he proceeded to tell me every single detail of his hidden life."
"Huh?"
"He told me, Judith."
She pursed her lips. Then she sighed. "Look, Mia—"
"Don't 'Look, Mia' me!" I said, yelling again. "How could you do that? You had a boyfriend! Just because you're this super-genius that knows how to clone freaking fruit flies does not mean you can go around having sex with people's boyfriends!"
Yep. People were definitely listening now. In fact, one of the Japanese tourists was actually taking pictures. Wonder if they actually knew what I was saying. Hm.
"Well, technically, you and Michael hadn't been going out yet—"
"It doesn't matter! How would YOU feel knowing that the first boy you ever loved had given it to-to some other girl? That, by the way, lives in the same area as you and you used to see in the hallway everyday? God, when I found out – I felt like such an idiot—"
"Oh, Mia, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean—"
"Hey!" shouted a voice in front of me.
"What?" I shouted, turning around.
"This is nice and all," said the hot dog vendor guy, "but are you gonna order a hot dog or what?"
"Yes."
"Okay. What'll it be?"
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm having a very important confrontation here—"
"Yeah, well, I'm just doing my job, lady."
"Fine! Give me three hotdogs, okay? No condiments. I have some at home." I turned back around to Judith, who looked as uncomfortable as ever. "As I was saying…"
"I'm sorry, Mia," she blurted. "I really am. I really had no idea that things would turn out this way."
"Yeah, well, neither did I," I said acidly. Then we just stared at each other. Until a light bulb popped up in my head, and I heard my voice again. "Are you in love with him?"
She looked shocked. "What?"
"Are you in love with Michael? Or – were you in love with him, at least?"
"Mia, I don't think—"
"Look, you owe me. Just tell me the truth, Judith. Are you – or were you – in love with him?"
She looked at me. Then she spoke. "I think there was a time, a long time ago, where I might've had… feelings for him… but they never progressed. We're just friends, Mia. And I'm sorry for what we did, and I'm sorry that… well, you had to find out about it. But I'm not in love with Michael. He's all yours. I have a boyfriend, remember?"
"That didn't stop you last time," I muttered.
She heard me. "I guess I deserved that."
"Hey lady, here's your hot dogs."
I turned around and got my three hot dogs, then I turned back around to Judith, who was still a little red. And as I looked at her, I didn't really feel bad at all. I didn't really feel sorry for letting the city of New York know that she'd taken my boyfriend's virginity. To tell you the truth, I felt a little proud of myself – vindicated, almost. On some level I felt like Judith got what she deserved – an enraged princess (now a carnivore) spitting in her face, but really now that I'm home, as thrilled as I am with myself… it doesn't change things. Doesn't change the fact that Michael's in Japan hating my guts; doesn't change the fact that he'd already lost it to Judith. It didn't undo any of the things I wanted so badly to be UNdone.
(DAMN.)
Then again, who was I kidding, right? You can't ever UNdo things that had already been done. Maybe in fanfiction, where someone finds like this time machine or whatever. But not in real life.
But I guess what I'm trying to say is that I took out all my frustration on Judith – about my evil oppressors, about Michael, about Lilly. Sure, she got what she deserved. At least, you know, I didn't step on her dog or anything out of spite, 'cause it was a pretty small dog. But I guess I saw the look on her face when I was leaving, and it really did look like she was sorry. I'm just glad she didn't ask me why it mattered that she took Michael's Precious Gift when it had been before him and I actually ever got together… I think it's just something guys just don't understand, you know? Even one as awesome as Michael.
God. I just felt this painful throb in my heart again.
UGH.
MICHAEL.
What if he thinks I'm giving away my Precious Gift to JP right now? What if he thinks I don't still want to lose it to him? What if he's like, "Oh, screw Mia" and goes and literally screws a geisha girl? Because really, just because I've found out Michael is no longer, in fact, a holder of the V-card and thus allowed access to the V club – that doesn't mean I don't still want to DO IT with him. It was just… a shock, that's all. Whenever I think about it (OH GOD SOMETIMES I REALLY HATE HAVING SUCH A VIVID IMAGINATION) I still feel the vomit rising up my throat.
Oh God.
Still feel it right now.
IT'S JUST SO HARD TO LET GO OF THE FACT THAT JUDITH HAD SEX WITH MICHAEL. SHE KISSED HIM. SHE'S SEEN HIM WITHOUT HIS CLOTHES.
Am still majorly depressed.
Anyway, as I was just leaving (wasn't planning to say anymore to her, seeing as how even though she did say sorry doesn't exactly mean I ACCEPTED her apology), she sort of grabbed my arm as she stepped up to buy a hot dog.
"Listen, Mia," she said, all imploringly. "I hope everything works out okay."
"Yeah," I said, still a bit coldly. "Okay. Thanks."
I wonder if I'll ever be the type to sleep with people even though I have a boyfriend.
I wonder if I'll ever be Judith Gershner.
5 pm.
Will never be okay ever again.
Am thinking of writing will then praying I die in my sleep, seeing as how I don't have the guts to actually kill myself.
MIA THERMOPOLIS' WILL
Very specific instructions, please follow accordingly.
- Clothes: give away to Goodwill. First let Tina go through closet and see if she wants any of the dresses.
- Sailor Moon stuffed doll: give to Fat Louie.
- Crown and tiara: give to charity to SAVE THE POLAR BEARS or STARVING CHILDREN IN 3RD WORLD COUNTRIES (or half and half for each).
- Journal: GIVE TO MICHAEL, SO THAT HE MAY SEE HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM AND HOW COMPLETELY SORRY I AM FOR DOING WHAT I DID.
- Buffy DVDs: give to Lilly and/or Michael, if Lilly is still not speaking to me when I die.
- Carousel musical box: Give to Dad, to remember me by.
- Doc Martens: give to Rocky. May want to wear them someday (they ARE unisex).
- CDs: Give to Mom and Mr. G. Give Rilo Kiley and Bikini Kill to Mom, esp.
Note: ANY AND ALL OF THE ITEMS: PLEASE DO NOT SELL ON EBAY CLAIMING THEY ARE ASSOCIATED WITH ME. WILL GIVE YOU MORE TROUBLE THEN YOU WANT. WILL SCARE YOU BY FLICKING TV ON AND OFF AND CRAWL OUT LIKE GIRL FROM THE RING.
- Anything else: Mom will know. Let her decide.
5:15 pm.
Just emailed Tina about confrontation with Judith in front of hot dog vendor. Wonder how she will respond. Wonder if she'll think I am worst person ever and reconsider being my friend.
Will I lose all of my friends because of my stupidity?????
Can good luck ever be re-instituted by saving last polar bear from extinction?????
6 pm.
Oooh, message back from Tina!
Here's what she said:
MIA!!! OMG!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE U SAID THAT TO JUDITH GERSHNER!!! OMG!!! U ROCK!!
Because you are so totally right for doing that, Mia, REALLY. I mean, who does she think she is??? What she did was SO NOT ROMANTIC.
Oh, but Mia – WHAT R U GOING TO DO ABOUT MICHAEL?????? I told Boris about what happened (sorry, he wanted to know – he's over right now, and I kept saying OMG over and over again while I was reading your email and he wanted to know why) and he said that while Michael does not seem the type to go around sleeping with geishas, he said that after what you did… well… let's just say I honestly can't believe he's my boyfriend sometimes…
Mia, you've got to FIGHT FOR HIM!!! OR AT LEAST, LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR HIM!!!
LET ME KNOW WHAT HAPPENS, OKAY??
Love,
Tina.
P.S. Boris says Hi.
Oh great. What am I going to do? Michael hasn't even responded back to the message I sent him the first time – am I going to send him yet ANOTHER message with the words: HANG ON MICHAEL, DON'T SLEEP WITH THE PRETTY GEISHA JUST YET, I AM FIGHTING FOR YOU!!!!
Oh yeah, totally true for a girl WHO IS NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO GO TO JAPAN TO CHASE AFTER THE BOY SHE LOVES.
Am thinking about whether I should tell Tina about my plan, but as much as I love Tina, I don't think I should tell ANYBODY. Sure, it'd totally delight her because it's the most romantic thing in the world (she likes it when people chase people in romantic novels/movies – then again, who doesn't?), but I don't know. She might panic in the last minute and tell someone and it could totally ruin everything, and I REALLY DON'T NEED THAT RIGHT NOW.
Okay. Okay. Now it's a sure thing – I'm going to Japan whether anyone likes it or not. I've just got to figure out how I'm going to get a ticket. I'm pretty sure I've got some money in the bank… BUT HOW DO I GET IT? DAMN. DAMN. DAMN.
Will write more later. Am too busy thinking hard. Hopefully thinking hard will not result in brain aneurysm.
Please Review! Chapter coming soon!
