Sasuke's Diary
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto. It's a shame, but life ain't easy.
Chapter Two
Previously…
After getting back to Konoha and reporting to Tsunade, Naruto and Sakura went to Ichiraku Ramen. "Um, Naruto?" Sakura asked. "What?" replied Naruto, his face stuffed with ramen. Sakura took out Sasuke's diary. Naruto gasped.
"How did you get that?"
"I took it with me when we ran out of Sasuke's house."
"Sweet! Now we can read more!" Naruto said enthusiastically. Then, after remembering some of the things he and Sakura had already read, he added, "If we don't barf before finishing." Sakura laughed and opened the diary to the next entry and they started to read.
Dear Diary,
Today, I passed a mirror, and I saw someone really weird in it! He was so ugly! He had stupid looking hair that was shaped like a chicken's butt, and his clothes were so unfashionable! The worst part was he kept copying everything I was doing! He even stuck the middle finger out at me! Stupid ugly weirdo. God am I sexy.
But all I attract are these freaky third genders (those who are both a man and a woman) that are obsessed with me! (Example: Sakura, Ino)
They could've at least been hot, even if they are third genders. I might as well date my ramen bowl. It's cuter than those freaks.
Anyways…Kakashi-sensei told me stay away from older men who try to hit on me, like Orochimaru. I don't get it, but whatever. I'm so hot that I even attract the men. Wait, that's not a good thing.
Like, this morning, Shino tried to touch me. He said there was a poisonous spider on my shoulder. Like I'd actually believe him. He just wanted to use that as an excuse to touch me. Ya know, my shoulder kinda hurts, and my arm's numb. And my shoulder feels kinda hairy. I didn't think hair could grow on your shoulders. The funny thing is, it's all squished together on the spot that really hurts. I'll just ignore it.
I found this piece of paper at school today that said, "Sasuke's GAY". I wonder what GAY stands for. Maybe it stands for "Gorgeous, Awesome, and Yellow". The "G" for Gorgeous, the "A" for Awesome, and the "Y" for Yellow. Or maybe it stands for just "gay", as in homosexual. Nah. It totally stands for "Gorgeous, Awesome and Yellow" 'cause I'm gorgeous, I'm awesome, and I'm yellow.
OMG I think someone's stalking me. Tell you 'bout it next time. l8rz, dude.
Sincerely,
Moi
That's "me" in English. I mean French.
"Oh my god," Naruto said with wide eyes. "Oh my freakin' god. Sakura-chan, he thinks he's yellow!"
"S-Sasuke-kun…he thinks I'm a th-third gender?" Sakura muttered. Naruto looked at her with a worried face.
"Sakura-chan, you don't have to read anymore if you—" Naruto started, but Sakura cut in.
"No, Naruto," she said bravely. "I'll read this until I find the page where Sasuke-kun confesses his love to me!"
"Um, I don't think that's gonna be happening," Naruto said nervously. Sakura grabbed the diary and turned the page.
Dear Diary,
I think I'm black. I'm a total gangstah. I got this cool do rag and I'm gonna call myself Big G. My shadow's gonna be Little G. And I can totally rap! Listen to this:
My gangstah name's Big G I like hanging with ma homies I'm so fuckin' emo I'm in all your dreams-o My raps are so OD You won't find another gangstah like me
Naruto turned to Sakura and mumbled, "That's for sure." Sakura just twitched and they turned back to the entry.
I own all ya muthafuckas I even own Uranus All the police are out to get me But I'm just too much of a hottie So they can't get me
My rap's so gangster-like, right? Yea, I think so too. But, for some reason, when I was rapping this cool rap song in some dark alley, all these other gangsters came and beat the crap out of me. It's probably 'cause my rapping talent was so much better than theirs', though I do think that I heard one of them call me a "wannabe".
Oh yea! I never told you about my stalker! You know that squirrel on the tree outside my house? I could've sworn that it followed me home from Kentucky the other day. How it caught up to me while I was in a car, I don't know, but it so totally stalked me.
OMG IT'S LOOKING AT ME! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!
Okay, it left. I threw my T.V. at it. My T.V. never hit the stupid squirrel, but it was so scared by my gangster powers that it ran away. Am I a gangster or what? Well, I gotta go now.
The one and lonely,
Sasuke Uchiha
Wait, it's one and only not one and lonely
I'm so smart
"Okaaaaaaay…" Naruto said, clearly disturbed. He closed the diary and looked at Sakura, who was cringing so hard that her face could have stayed in that position forever. She was scarred for life. "He thinks he's gangster…that's a new one," Naruto muttered.
"Um…I have to go barf now, so if you don't mind waiting…" Sakura said as she ran out to a street and vomited.
"Whoa, Sakura-chan, you okay?" asked Naruto, concerned.
Sakura wiped her mouth and smiled. "Yea! C'mon, let's read the next one!" she said enthusiastically.
"Sakura-chan, you're so excited!" Naruto said in shock. "What happened to all your disgust?!"
"I put it aside," Sakura told Naruto, still smiling. "I'll read through the whole thing if I have to as long as I find the words that Sasuke wrote in here that expresses his love to me."
"But he doesn't love—" Naruto started, but stopped, thinking that it would be stupid to end his sentence. He sighed. "Alright." He flipped the diary open to the next entry.
Dear Diary,
Today, Kakashi-sensei told me that a gangster ninja is stupid, so I told him that I'd quit being a ninja since I was better at being a gangster than a ninja, but he slapped me upside the head, so I now I have to be a ninja. No fair. I wanted to be a gangster.
No way! You know Rihanna's new song Umbrella? It's so gangster! With all the rain and stuff! I just heard it on the radio station Z100.
Shikamaru came by my house earlier. He said he had a secret to tell me, so he leaned in close to my ear and screamed really loudly, then ran away laughing. I guess his secret was that I'd be deaf in one of my ears soon. And I am. Shikamaru's so nice, warning me about something like that before it happens.
Oh yeah, I wanna introduce you to somebody, diary. His name's Tree. He's, like, brown with green leaves and he always ignores me. What a loser. I used to think he was one of my trusted girlfriends, but when I told him to promise to keep a secret of mine, he didn't promise! God!
Oh yeah, and that secret is that I think this Gai-sensei's hitting on me. Yesterday, he was all, "Sasuke-kun! I'll hit on you now!" And then, he came and hugged me. It totally scared the living daylight outta me. I was like, "WHAT THE HELL, YOU HOMO!!! GET OFF ME!" Then he looked at me and said, "If you were a booger, I would totally pick you." Then I ran for my life and my dignity and my virgin ears and for my life—did I say that already? Well, it's true. And now everyone knows about it, too. At first, I thought that it was 'cause of the newspaper since that was on the front page, but after thinking real hard, I came to the conclusion that Tree must've been the one who told the whole freakin' world. Stupid freakin' Tree. He just couldn't keep my secret, could he? That bitch.
The Sharingan is so weird. I mean, it's so useless. You can't even do anything with it. At least with the Byakugan, you can peek on all the boys—I mean girls—in the bathhouses. I'm straight, not gay. Straight as curved line. Wait. That means I'm not straight, 'cause curved lines aren't straight. That means I just called myself gay. OMG I JUST DISSED MYSELF!
Hey, it's already 8:00! No wonder it was so dark outside. Time for my afternoon tea!
The most beautiful creature,
Sasuke something
I have currently forgotten my last name
"H-He forgot his last name?!" Sakura screamed, enraged. "This is NOT my Sasuke-kun! MY Sasuke-kun is NOT that stupid!"
"Well, according to this diary right here, he is," Naruto said matter-of-factly, just to get smacked by Sakura a few moments later.
"Don't worry, Naruto," Sakura said dramatically. "Sasuke-kun will confess his undying love to me soon! Then we won't have to continue reading these horrors!"
"Heh, even you think this is horrifying," Naruto said with a grin. "Wait, did you just say that Sasuke was gonna confess his undying love for you?!"
"So what if I did?!" Sakura yelled. "Got a problem with that?!"
"Well, I don't but Sasuke might. I mean, he totally hates y—OW!" Naruto rubbed the spot on his head that Sakura had just slapped.
"You don't think that Sasuke-kun loves me?!" Sakura demanded.
"I don't just think it, I know—OOWWW! THAT HURT!"
"THAT WAS THE POINT, YOU DUMBASS! DON'T DOUBT OUR NEVER-ENDING LOVE!"
"'Never-ending love'? Yea right," muttered Naruto. Then he quickly yelped out, "Sorry!" as Sakura raised her bazooka and aimed it at his head.
"Ya know, it's getting kinda late," Naruto pointed out.
"Yea," Sakura agreed. She closed the diary and walked out of Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto followed.
"Hey! Why do you get to take it home?" Naruto whined.
"Because I'm more responsible," Sakura told him.
"But that's not fair!" Naruto protested. "I found it!"
"But you might lose it," Sakura said with a frown.
"Right," agreed Naruto. "But promise you won't read any of it without me, 'kay?"
"'Kay," Sakura replied. And they both went back home, not being able to wait to read the next entry. But as Naruto and Sakura started recalling some of the more disturbing parts of the diary, the both decided that they could probably wait through at least the night.
a/n: Yay! Chapter two! I'll try to update more quickly next time. Meanwhile, you readers might want to read my newest fanfics Truths About Akatsuki and Secrets. I'd like at least five reviews please! It's so easy! Just click that bluish/purplish button down in the corner and tell me what you think. YAY! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
