Disclaimer: I don't own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy or any related characters that may appear.
Ladies and Genteelmen, as ya all know, ah am DA GRIM REAPER (Loud and dramatic. Flames in the back ground.). But you may call me Grim (Flames die out). Everyone does. (Slight contempt) Do ya' mind man? Ah am try'n to tell a story here. (Hey, I'm just trying to help convey how you're feeling here) Well step off, you're throw'n me focus mon. (Fine, jeez! Try to help some people…) Now, w'er was Ah? Ah yes! As many of you know, for the past two decades or so ah have been da slave of those two obnoxious brats, Billy and Mandy. But, twenty or so years can change quite a bit. Now da extremely obnoxious Brats are a slightly less obnoxious married couple. Saw it right from de start ah did. Dems two was a match made in… well somewheres Ah'm sure. Anyhoo, Ah figured once dose brats got old'ah dey'd realize dey don't need a slave and figure out dat dey could get on witout me and set me free. Ah wasn't countin' on dat little surprise Mandy was carryin' for nine months about four yers back.
Ah rememb'ah clearly dat dey. Mandy sat me down on de couch. Billy was out look'n for work again, so me and Mandy was all alone.
"Grim," She said, in a strengely nervous tone. "You know how I've been having these throw up sessions every morning for the past few days?"
"Yeah," Ah sed, "Liv'n wit Billy tends to make my stomach churn too. Or it'would if Ah had one."
"Anyway," she continued. "Billy and I went to the hospital to see if something was wrong." She paused a moment.
"Ahnd?"
She gulped as she continued, "Billy and I…" she inhaled slightly, "… are having a baby."
If Ah wern't death meself, Ah think Ah would'ah keeled over jus' den. Da taught had ne'er occurred to me b'fore den dat Billy and Mandy would ever have kids of deir own. Mandy had ne'er bin fond a' kids, especially when she was one. And Billy, well, Ah figured da sheer mechanics of… da act… were well beyond his limt'd abilities ta comprehend. Ah suppose he proved me wrong.
"So," ah said, still reel'n from da shock of it'all, "What are ya gonna do?"
Immediately, Mandy's face resumed its trademark grimace. "What do ya mean 'what am I gonna do?'! I'm gonna keep it of course."
Naturally dat wasn't exactly what Ah meant, but look'n back, I'm surprised dat wasn't da first taught dat crossed me mind. Why else come to ME about it so nervously.
"Den wat's da nervous look for?" Ah asked.
Aft'ah ah sed dat, Mandy's face slowly return'd to dat nervous look. "Well, after we heard, Billy and I discussed it and…" She looked at me wit an almost scared look on her face, "Since you've always been such a good friend to us, although we forced you at first, but also when we didn't force you… we were hoping…" Den she grabbed me bony hands in hers. "…hoping, that you would our baby's godfather."
I couldn't b'leave what ah was hear'n. She had asked me ta be her baby's godfather. Ah so shocked, Ah wasn't sure what ta say den. Dough, in retrospect, der was only one ting to say.
"Child, ah'd be honored."
Well, after dat Mandy gave me a big hug 'round da waist, an act ah attributed to hormones. T'wasn't bad dough, not like da hugs she gave me when she were younger. Dose hugs were actually training to see if a little girl had da musculature to break a grown man's back with a bear hug. Lucky for me she was unsuccessful, dough dis didn't do much good for me sacroiliac. But this one was different, nice and gentle. Made me feel like ah was family.
Of course den Mandy explained dat da way tings were ah'd have ta help about the house more and help do da tings she didn't trust Billy to do, which thankfully didn't include scrubbing da toilets. Ah got enough of dat in da old days. So I began taking up the cooking and continuing with the cleaning, while Billy was left wit da more repulsive tasks, likely 'cause we all knew he didn't mind. Over da course of nine months, me and Billy saw to her ev'ry need. It was almost like the old days where I had to serve her on me hands and knees, only now she had good reason to be demanding. Where she had become more lenient after reaching adulthood, now she was Commander-in-Dictator all over again.
Of course da worst of i'tall was when da bless'd day finally arrived. It was right around midnight when Mandy's wat'ah broke. Ah had ta' quickly teleport us all to da hospital, via Da POWERS OF DA UNDERWORLD! (Flames for dramatic effect)
Ah told you to stop doing that. Ah'm doin' da narratin' for dis chapter, I don't need an assistant narrator. (Well so-oooor-ry, I'm only writing this fanfiction after all, why should I matter? ((Walks off)) ) Now who da heck was dat? (Oh, sorry, that was me. Sometimes I narrate to myself aloud.) Oh darn it, now Ah've lost me place. Now wer' was Ah? (The birth of Mandy's baby) Ah, yes! T'ank you. Now get lost! Go back to write'n dis t'ing. (Fine… ((Walks off)) ) And for pity's sake stop narrating ta yourself. (D'oh!)
Now, where was Ah? Ah yes, de hospital. Oh was dat ever de long night. Mandy was immediately taken to da maternal ward, and me and Billy were dragged 'long for emotional support, which in her case means providing necks ta squeeze durin' contractions. Aft'ah t'ree hours of difficult breathing (in our case, very difficult), da sound of loud, high-pitched cryin' filled da room.
Just like dat, new life entered da world. If people think leavin' da world is da hardest part they obviously don' remember comin' into it. But seein' da result, it was nearly worth havin' me neck bone turned ta powd'ah. Nearly.
The result of our combined hard work was a little baby girl. Billy was very disappointed at first, but adapted ta de idea of his firstborn bein' a girl. We all thanked God that she took more aft'ah her mum dan her dad as far as appearance. He told us it was his pleasure and sent us off wit' gift baskets. She had cute round face and an itsy bitsy teeny tiny nose dat was hardly even noticeable. But she seemed ta share her father's happy-go-lucky nature and loved ta laugh. She also shared his red colored hair.
Now ah always figured dat when Mandy had kids her reaction would be stoic and emotionless, just like evryting else 'bout her. She would acknowledge its existence, say, "You had better have been worth all that work, or else," in her usual dark tone and leave it at dat. But, ta my surprise, her reaction was quite de opposite. As soon as de nurse handed da swaddlin' infant to her, Mandy smiled. And dis time, da universe wasn't completely turned upside down.
"Welcome to the world little one," she said softly. "I hope you were worth all the work." De last part she said jokingly.
De decided ta name da little angel Amelia, or "Millie" fer short. As relieved as ah was that it was all finally over, it wouldn't take me long to realize dat da hardest part was still to come.
(Duh duh dun!)
Dat's it! I'm gonna reap you ya little punk!
(AAAAHHHH! ((Grim swings his scythe at me)))
Stop narrating to yourself and come back here!
(No way Jose!)
(((Grim chases me into the distance)) Man, I have got to stop doing that.)
Author's note:
NeonGenesisGuyverIII: Don't worry folks. Mandy calmed Grim down before he did any serious damage. Ow ow ow. Anyway, next chapter we'll skip ahead a few years and see just how odd life with little Millie really is. Some old characters you may recognize might make a comeback.
Grim: Hey mon? No hard feelings?
NeonGenesisGuyverIII: Only on the outside. All of it pain.
Grim: Seriously, I thought I had set de scythe for simmer, not flambé.
NeonGenesisGuyverIII: That scythe gives one hell of a sunburn.
Grim: Why do you think reapers have no skin.
NeonGenesisGuyverIII: Convenient.
Mandy: Just shut up and end the chapter.
NeonGenesisGuyverIII: On her period?
Grim: Probably.
Mandy: That's it! Where's the scythe? You two are toast.
Me and Grim: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
