Chapter 2 - Fear

Somehow I managed to survive the rest of the journey, though Lily told me that I looked very white when we finally reached the end. I shakily stepped onto dry ground and took a moment to take a breath, whilst those around me simply gasped and marvelled at the sights they had just seen. I heard Severus tell Lily about the owls he had noticed, and he wasn't the only one to talk about the beautiful castle that had been ahead of us on the boat trip. I tried to ignore them and concentrate on getting my breath back. I did not want to deal with the want to see right now, not on top of everything.

We were led up a narrow tunnel, from what I could tell from the echoing of our voices, and we soon reached steps leading up to some sort of hall, if my ears did me justice and those were voices coming from above. I just managed to step up before I crashed my foot into the stone step; Lily was still holding my hand now and she gave it a squeeze every now and then as if to signal that she was still there. As we got closer to our destination the first years around me began to get quieter and quieter: one can only assume it was from the apprehension from what was to happen. Needless to say, I was terrified, perhaps not so much as the boat experience but frightened nevertheless.

At some point the man with the gruff voice must have left us, as this time it was the voice of a lady to speak; a strict, no-nonsense sounding lady who gave the appearance (or rather, voice) of being in charge. She led us up even more stairs; by this time the silence was much more obvious to a point that the voices of those in the other room were clearer than ours; even Lily couldn't speak, and I could feel her hand shaking within mine. I squeezed it this time and smiled where I thought she was, hoping to look encouraging. I heard her lips part into what I guessed was a grin, allowing me to come to the conclusion that she was nervous but excited about what was to happen.

I turned to the front and began to concentrate on what the lady was saying; until now I had not been properly paying attention, and I felt guilty – I did not want my first impression to be one who would be the cocky one who has no care for what someone is saying.

"The sorting ceremony is important as it is the separation into your houses, which for most part can be seen as your family. You will have lessons with your house, sleep in the house dormitories and spend your free time with your house; this is the reason why this sorting is so vital." It was that line that seemed to scare me the most; it almost seemed like a threat, that if you fail in this sorting you're almost doomed for the rest of your schooling career. "While at Hogwarts, your triumphs will gain you points while any rule-braking will lose them." A few boys snickered at the back to these words and I heard those around me turn; having nothing to turn to, I didn't bother but I did wonder if these boys were going to be the cocky ones of the year group – I thought I recognised the voice of that Potter boy who was harassing Lily on the train and I almost smiled.

The lady who had recently introduced herself as Professor McGonagall left the room, leaving us to ponder about our upcoming fate within the sorting. None of us had any idea what was to happen; Lucius had never spilled any details and anyway, my conversations with him weren't exactly frequent. And so I had little to stew on whilst I stood there except my worries, which were thankfully distracted when the Potter boy decided to walk over. Lily wasn't best pleased to say the least.

Needless to say, the distraction did its job, despite Lily's irritation reaches its peak. I have to admit, the boy did sound arrogant; he seemed to have been already joined by another boy who sounded equally cocky. Personally, I found them somewhat amusing, and it was nice to be sidetracked by my nerves – the aforementioned feelings coming back to me as I heard Professor McGonagall enter the room. She swiftly ushered us forward, and we followed eagerly, our excitement to a point that it was no longer bearable to stay still.

In the rush to leave the room I somehow let go of Lily's hand, leaving me distraught and lost without my guidance. I knew that I couldn't walk up the aisle by myself; I was aware of those around me only to a certain point and anyway, I had no idea where I was going. For split second I thought that I was going to be left on my own, when suddenly I felt someone grab my arm and begin to pull me along. I held on to this person and walked forward, thankful for this guidance. The person seemed to be taller than me and had a familiar smell; although this way seem weird, to me smell is very important and I can identify each person in such away. This person smelt of apples, a smell that I wasn't often acquainted to when it comes to people, but there was something very distinctive about his aroma that reminded me of something. Nevertheless, I was simply thankful to have someone there, and I was walked up to where the first years were standing with relative ease.

The grand hall must have been pretty impressive from the gasps I heard, and it was apparently full of students, as I heard voices everywhere and suddenly felt quite nervous. Blood rushed to my cheeks and I tilted my head down, hoping that no one would notice I was blind. The person I was hanging on to must have seen this as he whispered in my ear "Don't worry, s'gonna be alright." A boy, I decided. I found this quite strange; the only boy I had come into contact with before had been those in my family, so I found it odd how this random male stranger out of the blue had led me to the rest of the first years.

Lily must have spotted me as soon as we arrived as she rushed over to apologize for abandoning me. I shook my head furtively, telling her it wasn't her fault, before becoming silent as I listened to yet another hissed conversation between her and the Potter boy. They were getting quite tiresome but I noticed Potter was friends with the boy escorted me here; I noticed that although he had let go of my arm he was still there, as he brushed against me every now and then. Lily was at my other side, once more holding my hand. I noticed she had quite cold hands, and it was quite refreshing really because I felt so hot with nerves.

I suddenly everyone became silent, and wondered what the reason was behind this. I strained my ears but I had no idea what was going on; perhaps they were looking at something. The vibrations in the air were fairly still, meaning that no one was moving, and I really was starting to get very curious.

Both the silence and my curiosity were broken suddenly when someone or something burst into song.

You look at me and some may see

Just a silly old battered hat.

But as each new student will find

I'm definitely more than that

I know you'll be thinking

What can an old hat do?

But I reckon I'm much brighter

Than everyone of you

My skills are unbelievable

Shock you, you'll find

Nothing is hidden from me

For I can read your mind

You could be born for Ravenclaw

Those with a ready mind

Have wit and learning beyond all

For brains is their kind

Are you the bravest?

The Gryffindor of them all?

With chivalry and daring courage

Where guts comes to call

Cunning and devious, that's what's next

Not so easily impressed

Ambitious and shrewd, scheming and astute

Qualities that Slytherin like best

Finally comes Hufflepuff

The most loyal of the lot

Just and true, kindness sets them apart

Humanity is what they have got

So try me on, do a twirl

Please do not be afraid

I'm not to judge you, simply to sort you

That's the reason I was made

I know what you think, I know what you know

I know every thought to be found

I will sort you to where I think you should go

The cleverest hat around!

The entire hall burst into applause and even I was impressed; it wasn't every day that you listen to a hat that bursts into song. Despite this, the song made me even more nervous. Evidently there was a walk towards the hat, and this was exactly the thing I was worried about. Walking wasn't my greatest skill in life, and this was walking in front of a large audience; I had never been more nervous in my entire life, even after the boat incident. Although Lily always seems confident, I could feel her shaking too. The urge to comfort her was suddenly strong, but I simply didn't have the nerve or the know-how; my sympathy skills came just about on the same level as my walking skills.

I felt a little queasy to be frank, and so in a state of attempted distraction I began to wonder what house I was to be placed in. At the moment I had to admit that I wasn't feeling particularly brave or intelligent or cunning. I just felt nervous.

Professor McGonagall began to speak once again, and I realised I was holding my breath. I let it out and concentrated on the darkness that was all I could see in front of me, something that I was not often eager to do. "I will now call out your names; when your name has been called, place the hat upon your head and you will be sorted." I heard a ruffling of paper and I assumed she had a list.

"Avery, Crawford." Despite not being able to see the boy who must be walking up to the hat right now, I could hear his foot steps as he walked towards it. From what I could tell, there was sort of step to go up as you went, and that it wasn't such a long stretch. I think the boy sat down, and I supposed he had the Sorting Hat upon his head. After barely a second the hat spoke; a loud booming voice that made me jump.

"SLYTHERIN!" I heard the boy step back down to a table somewhere; I suddenly realised that not only did I somehow have to get there, but I had to get to the right table too. I shivered and Lily gave my hand a squeeze.

"Ayres, Megan." Someone from the opposite side of the crowd of first-years stepped forward and took the same path as Crawford Avery. The second trip to the hat made me paint an even clearer picture in my mind. Megan Ayres sat a little longer with the hat than the boy previously, before the hat came to a decision.

"RAVENCLAW!" The girl made her way to a different table, and I tried to keep a track of these tables and where they were.

"Black, Sirius." The boy, who was standing next to me - the same boy who helped me as I struggled to get here, stepped forward. I realised I had met the boy before; it was at a dinner party of some nature. If I could remember correctly, the Black family were just as sophisticated as my own. They were one of the pinnacles of the pureblood families; so much in fact that they were one of few who my parents actually spoke highly of. I had a feeling this boy was to be placed in Slytherin, just like any other child of our blood line. I thought back to the views upon Slytherin and hoped that this boy was to be one of the few nicer ones; he seemed alright when he led me over here.

Once again, he took the same path as those before, enabling me to paint a better picture of where to go. I heard him sit down and I heard the hat being placed on his head, before being blanketed in utter silence. There was quite a while to wait before he was finally sorted into a house, and I have to say the choice came somewhat as a shock to me.

"GRYFFINDOR!" There was a collective gasp around the room and I wondered if perhaps everyone thought the same as me. From what I could hear, Sirius didn't say anything and made his way towards the Gryffindor table in silence, barely a clap issued for him. I felt a pang of sorrow towards him when the Potter boy suddenly yelled "YEAH! SIRIUS!" As if breaking a secret rule, the whole hall burst into laughter and scattered applause, and Professor McGonagall moved onto the student.

Sirius was followed by 'Blakewood, Charlotte' who was also made a Gryffindor and then 'Crabbe, Markilicus' who was another Slytherin. And then finally the first Hufflepuff was sorted; I needed a path to the Hufflepuff table and I thought it would never happen the rate it was going. But 'Dill, Elizabeth' was placed in Hufflepuff, only to be followed by 'Diggory, Amos'. And then finally, someone I knew.

"Evans, Lily." Lily squeezed my hand and then let go, walking up to the sorting hat. I could now see where she was going in my mental picture; though Lily had not properly taken form due to the fact I had no idea what she looked like. She sat with the hat for a while; I almost started to become worried about her, until the hat suddenly decided: "GRYFFINDOR!"

"Yes." The Potter boy hissed beside me, and turned towards him, suddenly gaining the confidence to speak.

"And what makes you so sure of becoming Gryffindor?" I asked, my voice a little hoarse from lack of use for a while. I think the Potter boy was a little shocked from me speaking; at least, he took a little while to answer.

"Love, I was born for Gryffindor." He said arrogantly. I raised an eyebrow and turned back towards the front, inwardly hoping he wouldn't become one just so I could laugh at him.

The sorting seemed painfully slow and I simply wanted them to hurry up to my turn. The Fs travelled to the Js and I was beginning so irritated at the speed of things that I was beginning to fidget; something that I had never really done at home. Finally 'Lupin, Remus' became a Gryffindor and then Professor McGonagall spoke the fateful words.

"Malfoy, Alice-Alizia." I slowly began to walk forward, following my picture in my head. I heard some people whispering behind me, perhaps commenting on my speed, but I tried to concentrate on the task ahead. I finally managed to reach the seat; a small wooden stool, it turned out. I sat upon it and then the hat was placed on my head.

"I have to say, I do congratulate you on getting here." As soon as the hat was placed on my head I could hear a voice, and I wandered if my mind was playing tricks on me or if there was simply someone standing next to me. "And yes, I am in your head." The hat answered my question immediately, and I raised my eyebrows.

"You know it's rude to invade on a young lady's private thoughts without asking." I thought to it, and I thought I almost heard a laugh from inside my head.

"Well, do you give me permission then, ma'am?" The hat sounded so posh it was funny, and I allowed myself a small smile.

"Yes, you do have my permission." I thought in reply. "Now, is one polite enough ask about your plans on my sorting?"

"I do suppose you have a right to know." The voice replied thoughtfully. "Hm…well, I doubt you would make a natural Slytherin, no matter what your family tells you." I gasped at this, somewhat offended.

"And what makes you think that?"

"You are just too nice; I do not know where you must have got it from, your family seems foul." Once again I gasped, outraged by this statement.

"My family are perfectly fine! You do seem 'foul' for talking about my family in such a way! You have no right to offend my family like that!"

"Dear, it's all here in your head. But enough of your family. Where should I put you?"

"I think the safest option is Ravenclaw; I can not imagine myself in either Hufflepuff or Gryffindor. My father would through a fit!" The hat seemed to chortle at this.

"Ah, but that's not where you belong. I know exactly where to put you…"

"What? Where?" My question was not answered in my head, but instead a booming voice that echoed around the room.

"GRYFFINDOR!" I sat for a few moments, stunned. The hat was lifted off my head and I stood shakily, not quite sure what to do. I had never been expected to be put in Gryffindor. Slytherin, yes, Ravenclaw maybe, but not Gryffindor. I heard my brother gasp in the crowd – I could pick up his voice from anywhere – and I looked down, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. My mental map of the hall was suddenly a blur and I tried in vain to remember where Gryffindor was. I would have been stuck if Lily had not shouted out.

"WOO! Alice-Alizia, come sit next to me!" Just like with Sirius, it broke the silence in the hall, and I was able to follow Lily's voice. I was unbelievably thankful towards her and as quick as I could I scampered towards her, being careful not to crash into any of the tables. I felt Lily's familiar cold soft hand grab mind and I was pulled towards a seat. Lily hugged me and I buried into her warmth, my nerves settling. Best of all Sirius, who like me was not expecting to be put in Gryffindor, lent forward and said "Hey Alice, well done mate." I grinned at him happily and just enjoyed the feeling of not being centre of attention.

The Potter boy was, unfortunately, placed in Gryffindor like he guessed. I swear I heard him mutter a childish "I told you so…" as he passed, but I just rolled my eyebrows and turned back to the front. Severus Snape was placed in Slytherin, much to Lily's annoyance. It seemed they had been childhood friends; it explained why Severus was so obviously attached to her. And people say I was the blind one.

'Worth, Sally' was last up and then the sorting ended. When there was finally silence once more it was an elderly man's voice to speak. I assumed this was Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster; I don't think my family liked him very much.

We were lead to our dormitories soon after the feast was finished, and I didn't quite know what to expect. I hoped there wouldn't be too many obstacles, though I figured that as I would be spending quite a lot of time here, it wouldn't be that tricky to remember. A problem I did find though was the enormous scale of Hogwarts; I had a feeling that people were to get lost whether they could see or not, and my sight wasn't going to help all that much. Despite this, it was fairly easy to tell where I was going simply because the floor and walls seemed to buzz with life, and the vibrations were so easy to feel it was unbelievable. I just didn't know what was going on; it seemed like I knew where everything is just by feeling it, and I had never felt that before.

I decided to work out the reason to all this in the morning, as I was utterly exhausted. We arrived at the common room soon enough; this, once again, was buzzing with vibrations to a point where I could almost tell where things were. I frowned and wondered if anyone else had discovered the same thing, though I had a feeling they hadn't, as they showed no signs of being able to. Maybe it was just because I was tired.

I was led up some stairs and we must have reached the dormitory as the girls around immediately ran forward to get, supposedly, beds. Lily let go of my hand and I was left, and yet I knew exactly where the nearest bed was. I turned and sat on it, shocked at myself for finding it so quickly, though no one else seemed to notice. The girls were quick to introduce themselves as they sat on their beds, arranging their belongings from what I could hear.

"I'm Lily." As I guessed on the train, Lily was confident and immediately eager to make friends at surprising speeds. "What's your name?"

"I'm Charlotte, Charlotte Blakewood. But please call me Charlie." She must have smiled at that point as I heard her lips parting. I heard that name in the sorting. It was quite nice to stick an identity to the name; especially a voice. Charlotte seemed to be rather similar to Lily in the way of confidence; her voice was steady, clear, and she didn't mind talking to strangers. "And who are you?"

It took me a while to realise that they meant me. No one spoke in reply and it wasn't until Charlie cleared her throat that I finally realised I was meant to answer. When I did so my voice came out quiet and croaky. "Alice-Alizia Malfoy." I said in my usual soft voice. I heard someone make a low whistle.

"What?" Charlie asked demandingly and I was wondering much the same thing.

"It's just, I don't like the Malfoys." Someone said with a bit of a Yorkshire accent. "And anyway, it's long name." She paused, as though remembering her manners. "Oh, I'm Alice Fortescue by the way, pleased to meetcha." Once again, the girl sounded confident, despite the accent. I began to wonder whether I was going to fit into this dormitory at all.

"Ah, we have two Alices then." Lily said, sounding amused. "Though of course, one is Alice-Alizia…so Alice, you from Yorkshire then?"

"Yes, I just moved down from North, I live in London now – my dad got a new job."

"Ah, I see. Yeah, you've got a bit of an accent."

"Have I? I've never really thought myself as having an accent…"

"You do sort of have an accent – it's detectible anyway." Answered Charlie. "Don't worry; I've got a bit of a posh accent apparently…" She giggled.

"You do a bit… Alice-Alizia has a posh accent, don't you Alice?" Lily must have turned towards me. I nodded, not really wishing to put any input in the conversation. My aptitude for socializing isn't great anyway, never mind with my added exhaustion.

Because of the obvious fatigue of those around me, it wasn't that long before the others decided to get some sleep, despite not having introduced the fifth dorm member. I fell back upon my bed and lay on my back in my silk pyjamas, suddenly slightly worried about tomorrow. Everyone was bound to notice my lack of sight eventually and my aptitude of walking forward wasn't going to be that great. I was going to be, as usual, the outcast with my ability of not seeing, and they were bound to look upon me as everyone else did: useless. Not for the first time, I wished I could see.

I rolled over. It can't be that bad. I could feel the vibrations clearly here and after all, I did have Lily to help me out. My hearing was pretty good and anyway, chances are the teachers here would help me out a lot. Things were to be different here; they had to be.

I wandered what it was like to see. I'd had it described to me – the colours, the shapes and the lights – but I had no idea of what all these things actually looked like. They were just words to me; the only thing I could see was black. I knew this simply because that was what I was told I could see. All other colours did not exist; even when I tried to imagine them, it came out black. My head just wasn't able to think of it; it was just impossible. I wandered what the world actually looked like, whether they were anything like I had possibly imagined them. I tried to concentrate on them as hard as I could, but no matter what I did I was soon blanketed by the blackness that I hated so much.