Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: Yes this is going to touch on some serious issues. Yes, substance abuse (drug addiction) is a part of this, but the story isn't about that. There's a deepness to it, something you have to see and find as you read. Here's the start of Trina's story


Chapter 2 (First Touch)

Seventeen years old and still, she was a nobody in the eyes of anyone that met her. As Trina watched her sister perform on stage in front of the entire school, she couldn't help but to feel a slight pull of envy crawling up her spine.

Trina was too disgusted to listen to the roaring crowd as her sister pranced about the stage as though she owned it, so she left the noise behind. "For all her success, and she never thanked me for convincing her to give this school another shot." She didn't know how Tori managed to befriend Jade after the stunt she pulled with Beck, but the whole issue between the trio made Tori come close to giving up on Hollywood Arts. If it wasn't for Trina suggesting she keep pushing for it, the girl probably would have given up.

Before then it was just the two of them against the world; their parents didn't give a damn about them and never had. Their father was too obsessed with his job to pay any attention to them, and their mother was too busy cheating on the guy to take notice.

Though recently they seemed to be paying a little more attention to their rising star daughter, while their oldest child they were too busy brushing off like some nonexistent pile of shit that wasn't good enough to be stepped in.

Trina approached a small booth she'd constructed before the performance, and on it were several flyers she'd printed out. With trembling hands she caressed the top of the flyer, focusing on the glossy image of herself. "Come all, come see my play." As her head started to bow, her hair fell like a veil around her face and her body shook violently.

Where she stood felt like an island surrounded by nothing but dense air and cracked ground. Laughter and applause for her sister's performance faded like a train leaving into the distance.

"Who am I kidding?" She raised her head and a scoff trembled away from her quivering lips. "Nobody's going to come to a play I put on. It'd just be a repeat of that one act play I tried before…"

People went to that one only after Robbie called it a comedy. She went along with it because at least it gave her some attention. What she hated was how no one really gave a damn for her performance, so no matter what, it was all fake.

This one was supposed to be better; she actually found people willing to try and act. They would probably cancel at the last minute like always, and even if they didn't, she was almost entirely certain nobody was going to show.

"No one likes you." She ran her hands through her hair and narrowed her eyes at the image on the page. It was a photograph of her smiling brightly at the camera, wearing a sunhat and a long yellow dress. "No one likes you." She repeated the words she heard so frequently and picked up the stack of flyers.

"You're ugly as hell. You can't sing like your sister, you can't act, you can't even fucking dance. Who are you kidding? Who do you think you are?" She closed her eyes as Tori's song saturated her ears. Nausea swirled violently within her stomach, and bile shot up her throat. "Tori Vega's sister, that's all. That's all you'll ever be. Not good enough, not good enough to make a name anywhere."

Her fingers tightened on the edges of the flyers, forcing tight creases and tears to extend from them.

Tori's voice seemed to grow louder, like that of a siren, echoing into her head. With it she heard her father, telling her not to bother him, and her mother suggesting to her that she might not be good enough to do much more than retail.

Jade's mocking voice joined in, with each 'no one likes you' striking her like someone punching her hard in the jaw. Her body shook more with every pulse of rage, and tears burned at her eyelids as she stared down at the face that was smiling from the flyers.

Tori's chorus burst like an explosion, concealing Trina's cry of frustration as she threw the flyers across ground. She pushed her table over and started to drop to her knees and buried her face into her hands.

Just then a familiar sound of laughter caught her attention. She raised her head out of her hands and looked into the trees near the back of the school. Her heartbeat pulsed and she pulled herself up while listening to the voices.

"That sounds like Sinjin…" He creeped her out on a regular basis, though not as much as Robbie did with his stalker-like ways. So she approached the area, stepping against the wall and poking her head slightly around the corner.

Sinjin was seated with the strange kid in Tori's class, Damian Parker, and a couple of other students. Their eyes were bloodshot and they were laughing over a number of chips and cookies.

Also with them were several cases of beer and a large bottle of brandy. Trina pulled her hand to her stomach and looked towards the ground while trying to ignore the peculiar stench coming from the group of kids.

It was the stench of marijuana, and from what she could see, they were passing around homemade blunts. "Gross," she mumbled under her breath. She hated marijuana, and she never cared much for alcohol, but she lingered there to watch the group.

Every second that passed, their laughter was rich and carefree. They drank and talked as though there wasn't a care in the world. "How? Why?" She leaned forward, sniffing the smoke that was wafting towards her.

Sinjin never looked like he was so peaceful before, and Damian certainly wasn't one to joke and pal around with people. "Dude!" Sinjin cackled while handing the blunt away and looking in the opposite direction of Trina. "I swear to god there's someone watching us over there."

Trina ducked back for a second, her heart froze and her muscles tensed. When she looked back around the corner, she saw the group walking towards a group of trees. "Where the hell are they going?" Her eyes moved to the abandoned blunts on the crate they'd been sitting around, and the alcohol nearby.

Her mind began to wander and she started to contemplate the effect that these items were having on the boys. She knew without a doubt they were drugs, and they would alter the mind severely, but she never saw anybody looking so thrilled and at peace.

"They're gone…" She stepped past the hiding spot behind the wall and watched the tree area for a time. Sinjin and the group eventually left, having either forgotten or ceased to care for the items left behind. "Should I report this?" She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and looked over her shoulder with a sudden gasp.

Tori's song was still echoing in the air, and it was like poison that tried to strike her deaf. "Everyone's so focused on her." She looked back to the marijuana and the alcohol, her hands closed slowly and a tightness spread across her chest.

One thing she knew about the drugs is people would say how it could make them forget, as if to take them onto another plane of existence for the moment. In her current state, she would love nothing more than to forget-to let go of all the anger and the pain she felt inside of her, and to ignore the streak of envy she felt.

"Maybe…" She swallowed down the lump forming in her throat and took a trembling step forward. "Maybe just a taste." Trina picked up the brandy first and held it in front of her face, studying the amber brown liquid.

She first looked over her shoulder to ensure no one was watching, then she brought the elixir slowly towards her trembling lips. Her eyes fluttered shut and she leaned her head back to open her mouth and let the drink spill onto her tongue.

At first it burned like fire and she almost dropped the glass while searching the area for water. The only thing there was to relieve her was an open can of Miller Lite, so she grabbed it without thought and took a large gulp to douse the fire.

This time the alcohol had a sweet taste to it, one that drew her in and beckoned her. She pulled the can from her mouth and smacked her lips together while sloshing the cool and crisp liquid around with her tongue.

A smile came over her and she turned her eyes to one of the premade blunts with a contemplative hum. "Just one puff, to see what the big deal is…"

Trina sat down and reached for the blunt, picking it up carefully between her forefinger and thumb as one might a cigarette. She studied it with her eyes, and slid her fingertip across the paper. It had a lumpy, but soft texture, and when she brought the object to her nose she detected a more pleasant aroma than the stench of smoke.

She recalled hearing a conversation her father had with someone, in which he was talking about marijuana. At some point he got around to saying people were supposed to inhale it and hold onto it.

"Okay, here goes…" Trina picked up a lighter on the crate and placed the blunt between her lips. She closed her eyes and lit the end of the blunt. The smoke tantalized her nostrils and she took a sharp and deep breath, drawing in the smoke and holding it in the back of her throat.

It began to tickle and sting, so she puffed her cheeks and tried to hold it in as long as possible while still uncertain of what to do with it. It started to burn and tears erupted from her eyes as she forced open her lips and began coughing violently.

"That was wrong," she said in a raspy voice, "I must have done that wrong." She waved her hand through the smoke in the air and looked at the blunt for a few more seconds of contemplation. "I should-I should try again."

Whatever had possessed her, she wasn't sure, but now her mind was focused on this new curiosity she had and less on her sister's shrill voice from afar.

She took another hit of the blunt, this time swallowing it, and it burned her throat with such voracity that she had to down another large gulp of alcohol.

It wasn't long before everything began to spin around her and her stomach was beginning to growl. Her eyes were becoming bloodshot as she found herself entering an entirely new state of mind-with all her surroundings either blurred or moving so swiftly before her.

"Wow," she said with a laugh, "This is different." She could hear Tori's voice in the distance, but it no longer troubled her; it was almost unrecognizable. For a minute she thought Tori was a man with an unnaturally high pitch.

All the pain and anger she felt was gone, seemingly replaced by an insatiable hunger with each hit of the blunt she took and each swig of alcohol. By the time she was finished, she had fallen on her back and was gazing up at the dark sky with a goofy grin on her face.

"Holy shit," she heard someone say, "Our stuff. Is that-oh god it is!" Trina chuckled softly as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her and lift her from the ground. "Come on Trina." It was Sinjin, likely remembering finally the items they'd abandoned. "What in the hell were you thinking? We need to get you home."

"Nothing." Trina's grin only grew as the men started to carry her to their truck. Drool ran down the side of her face, and her body was drenched in a cold sweat. "I have no thoughts or concerns whatsoever-it's great."

"Shit…Her father is going to kill us, guys."

Trina raised her hand and studied the strange bulges beneath the surface of her skin. "No he won't," she replied slowly, "He won't even notice. Screw him, he doesn't matter. He won't care."


For many people, drugs and alcohol serve an escape from a painful world, and for many that have a chaotic life that feels out of control, this is something they feel some sort of control over. For many that go down a darker path, they get their start here. Addiction fuels need, and where need is, one does what they can to satisfy.