Chapter 2: Journey to the Center of the Earth
Link steadily daydreamed about Zelda while riding his SkyBird. "Golly gee, what a swell gal." Link said in his pretentious gay 1500s aesthetics when no one was around. Link's bird squawked jealously. "Heh, don't worry boy, I'll always make time for my best pal!" Link giddily pet his flying bird. "Maybe...a little more time than usual..." Link gently caressed his furry friend when suddenly...BAM. "AHHHHHH!" Link's SkyBird was shot down with an arrow and he was heading for the sky ground! He smashed into the ground with his face grading onto the grass. He slowed down to come face to face with his instructor. "Ah, hello there Link. I was just getting in some practice." said his teacher, Mr. Legolas. Link menaced at his teacher in his usual silent way. "Sorry, did I accidentally kill your bird and ruin your chances of becoming a SkyLanderCollectible(TM)?" Legolas chuckled. "Ahahahaha. What a fun joke!" He laughed with his head thrown back and hands holding stomach. Link's eyes slowly squinted as he took out his wooden sword and stabbed it into Legolas. "AH LINK WHAT ARE YOU..." Link covered his mouth with his hand. "Shut up ruck boy." Link drilled his nunchuck and wiimote attack and sliced Legolas into Legoland. Zelda then burst through the dorm door to see Link covered in Legolas's blood and Legolas torn to shit. "Ugh Link stop fuc...messing around!" She corrected her virginity. She grabbed his bloody hand. "We need to get milk NAO for you know who." They ran to the supermarket. Zelda was taking hours like all women at stores, and Link sat down with his hands in his head. Depressed. Suddenly he heard a satanic screech coming from the door. It was really fucking loud and everyone should have been able to hear it, but they all acted like it wasn't there. "Dgeyshsbdbhsme." It glistened and beckoned him to follow. Link blindly stood up and followed the glistening floating God to the chamber of secrets. "Hello, young product. I am AI. But you can call me AI." The creature loudly screeched. "What in the great God golly blessed USA is that supposed to mean?" Link questioned. "Such primitive types were used to compile this product. Case statement execute: hello, my name is Fi." The floating thing said. "Well I'll be!" Link jizzmed. "Primary objective: marketing. Appeal to Twilight Princess and Ocarina of Time audience. Execute for product details. Merge with SkyLander data must be avoided." Fi stood still, because Link was unable to comprehend that he was supposed to input his name into the floating thingy's Eclipse console. He did see a nice sword in a stone though.
