Zombie Apocalypse

An Adam Wesker Crackfic/parody

Chapter 2: The Survivors/chocolate

"So, does this...virus thing...have any side effects?" asked Monica as they walked down the hallway.

"No, I mean the only one who ever had the virus before me was Wesker, and he turned out okay."

"Didn't he try to infect the world with some other virus?" Said Lauren

"Yeah, he failed, then he died." explained Adam, "Now a different virus has infected everything by accident."

"Kinda ironic."

They turned the corner into the hallway with the south cafeteria, the doors to the cafeteria which had tables nailed to them for defense.

"Well, here we are." said Lauren

"Home sweet home." said Adam

"What smells?" asked Monica

"That would be Seamus."

"Oh..."

Adam walked up to the door and banged on it, making a large dent.

"Wtf?" asked Adam in surprise, "I guess there are side effects!"

"Besides that teleporting thing you did before." Said Monica, remembering when he put her into a headlock

Force of habit, what bullshit. Thought Monica

"Oh yeah..." said Adam

The doors opened, pulled away by a short boy with pale skin and a gray/brown ponytail.

"Seamus, didn't I tell you to wash up in the kitchen!" said Adam as he and the others held their noses.

"I wanted to, but the kitchen was so far away, I got scared!"

"Bullshit."

"You're Bullshit." replied Seamus

Adam pulled out the magic shotgun and blasted a cartridge into the floor next to Seamus.

"Wash up, NOW!"

"YES SIR!" cried Seamus before running away with a weird emo giggle

"Thank god you're back!" said Copek, who was lying on the ground

His mid-section was covered in bloodstained bandages.

"What happened to you?" asked Monica

Ω

One day earlier

"AHHHHHH" Screamed RJ Cepok as Nirali bit into his arm.

"YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE THE CHOCOLATE, AND YOU TASTE GREAT!" Yelled Nirali after she finished swallowing a chunk of Cepok's arm.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" screamed everyone.

"AHHHHH" Yelled Cepok, "Get her off of me!"

Adam pulled out his magic shotgun and shot Cepok.

"Oh shit, I need to work on my aim."

Ω

"Oh yeah..." said Monica

"Yeah, and that cannibal has been trying to- AHHHHH" screamed Cepok as Nirali bit into his other arm

"Nirali." said Adam, "Stop eating Cepok."

"But he's so TASTY!"

"Stop it."

"Okay." Nirali got off of Cepok and went into a corner to continue her card game of Solitaire

"THAT HURTS YOU KNOW!" yelled Cepok as Nirali walked away

"Lauren, patch him up...again." ordered Adam

"Why do I have to do these things?"

"Because you touch yourself at night, now do it."

Lauren walked up to Adam and full on slapped him. When she saw it had no effect she wheeled her leg back and kicked him in the nuts.

"FELT THAT DIDN'T YOU, MR. 'IVE GOT A COOL VIRUS'!"

"OW." cried Adam as he crumpled to the floor in agony

"Lauren!" yelled Monica

"WHAT!"

"Come here" Monica motioned for Lauren to follow her into a dark corner, far away from Adam

Monica lowered her voice, "We have to be nice to him."

"Why?" questioned Lauren, "He's not nice to us!"

"Yeah, but he has that virus thingy and he could kill you in your sleep!"

Lauren contemplated this for a minute, then Monica spoke again

"And the only people that are mobile right now you, me and him."

"What about Seamus?"

"I have a feeling he'll be dead within a day or two."

"No, didn't you read the rules from Chapter one, the author keeps the insane ones alive longer than-"

"I think he meant the ones that go insane as the story progresses, from what I've seen, Seamus was already nutty."

"So what's the plan?" Questioned Lauren

"We wait until Nirali and the others are healed, then we ditch Adam and his virus ass."

"Actually his ass has looked a lot better since he got that virus."

"FOCUS!"

Then Rob Engler walked up to Lauren and Monica. Before he could talk Lauren poked him in the arm with her metal fighting staff.

"Ow!" exclaimed Rob, "Even now, in the middle of the zombie apocalypse, you have to poke me?"

"Pretty much."

"So, what you guys talking about?" Asked Adam, who used his teleporting trick to appear in the middle of the group

"Um, we were talking about...SEAMUS!" stuttered Lauren

"Seamus?" Adam raised an eyebrow, "That Seamus?"

They all looked at Seamus, who was arm wrestling with a zombie that had stuck its arm through the door. The zombie grew a tongue that was several feet long and stuck it through the door. Seamus jumped back, looked at the tongue, then jumped forward and bit the tongue off. He then began to poke the zombie with its own tongue, which he held in his mouth.

"What about him were you talking about?"

"His..." Lauren looked for the right word to use, "HAIR! His ponytail."

"Oh, yeah." said Adam, "Interesting thing about that ponytail, part of his brain is inside of it."

"..."

"I gonna go bother Cepok."

Adam teleported away.

"That was..."

"Weird..."

Adam ran up to Cepok and poked him until he was awake.

"What is it?"

"So, how's you and Nirali doing?"

"What?"

"You know...you and...her" Adam said, pointing at Nirali, who waved back

"I hate her."

"Sure, sure."

"Wait, you don't think that..." said Cepok with a scared look on his face

"Don't keep lying to yourself Cepok, it'll just tear you apart."

"Shut up."

"Someone's getting defensive." said Adam with a ring in his voice

"I said shut up."

"Wanna ask her out?"

"NO"

"You sure?"

"Fine" said Cepok with a sigh

Adam nodded and walked towards Nirali.

"So, Nirali...what do you think of Cepok?"

"He tastes like Dark and White chocolate mixed together." replied Nirali, who was half talking to Adam, and half to herself

"So, you want to eat him?" said Adam, "Isn't that illegal?"

"It's not illegal to eat chocolate."

"Okay, but besides...eating him...anything else?"

"He does have a certain thing to him..."

"Yeah, well he REALLY likes you, go talk to him, AND DON'T TRY TO EAT HIM!"

Nirali got up and walked over to Cepok, who held his hands up to cover his face just in case she tried to eat him. Then he lowered his arms and they started talking.

"Am I good?" said Adam to himself, "I'm good."

YAY, chapter 2 is done, we have Romance, violence, a plot to overthrow Adam, and a really weird Seamus.

WHAT COULD BE NEXT?