First, a rumble was felt then a quake before ash and soot erupted from the tip of Mount Fuji and cascaded down the volcano's side. I ran down the mountain for dear life in an attempt to escape as I could hear the hikers behind me scream in terror and agony before they were engulfed in the unforgiving black powder.
I ran as fast as my legs could cary me, ignoring the fact that I could barely breath until I finally reached the bottom of the mountain. I cut through a nearby forest as i stumbled about, trying not to lose my balance from the volcano's unforgiving quakes and rumbles. It was then, my foot got caught in a few of the overgrown tree roots, stopping me in my tracks. I struggled frantically to pull my leg free as the ashes surrounded me, blinding me and weakening my air supply. I coughed and fanned the thick smoke away as it thankfully died down to a light fog. I then continued trying to pull my foot free but I was too late; the bright orange and red, flaming lava had erupted from the volcano's tip, cascading down the mountain's side and making it's way toward me.
I pulled and struggled even harder but when i looked down more vines and roots entangled around my legs. It didn't take me long to realize that they were gradually turning into bony, skeletal-like hands grasping at my legs and shredding my clothing.
I screamed and cried out for help but my cries went unheard as the scalding lave rushed over me like a sea of unforgiving heat. It did't hurt surprisingly; it felt kind of nice, like taking a hot bath. Though my skin was gradually beginning to melt off, I barely felt it at all. It was no different from dead skin shedding off of you after a bad sunburn which was basically what it was now, dead skin, seeing as how all that was left of me was a charred, blackened skeleton.
I felt hot, I felt feverish but the feeling soon subsided as the cool roots and vines wrapped around me in a loving embrace, gradually pulling me down into the cool, moist soil.
This was only one of the many nightmares that had awoken Usagi with a start in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. He breathed heavily, glancing around the room and then at himself to reassure himself that he was still alive and that none of the events in his nightmare had taken place.
He breathed a sigh of relief, running a hand through his messy hair. His nightmare wasn't entirely bad; in fact it was a little peaceful compared to the nightmare he was facing in real life. He glanced at his clock, seeing it was six in the morning. The sun would be rising soon. He mentally cursed as he realized that he was in fact still alive and was awake to face yet another dreadful day.
It had been three days since his talk show interview had gone horribly wrong and the haters had not stopped harassing him since. He was all over the news, he was discussed on other famous talk shows and protesters had ambushed him, cussing him out and telling him to commit suicide on numerous occasions if they saw him anywhere in public and he was obviously tired of having to push on through this miserable life that he once found enjoyable.
He frowned brokenly once again as he stood up from his bed, wearing nothing but a pair of dark-grey pajama bottoms. He tiredly shuffled out of his room and into the bathroom as he approached his full body mirror, taking a good look at his current appearance. His skin was paler than usual from lack of sunlight, there were red splotches under his eyes from the endless crying he had been doing when he was awake and his body was becoming thinner and wasting away. He had barely eaten since that fateful day and what little he did eat was only a few small bites of food as to not concern Misaki too much.
Misaki however, was greatly concerned for his boyfriend. Usagi barely paid any attention to him anymore. He would just lock himself in his room and sleep though most of the day and night. He missed the way Usagi would tease him and playfully pin him, he missed the way Usagi use to be, he missed his boyfriend but Eri and Ryuichiro told Misaki to give Usagi some space and that he needed a vacation whenever he would try to check on him.
This time, Eri and Ryuichiro weren't here. They were off attending a meeting and were no longer in Misaki's way of reaching out to Usagi. He quietly suck out of the bedroom once he had heard Usagi exit his bedroom and approached the bathroom. He raised his hand and gently knocked on the door to avoid catching Usagi in private moment when the door lightly creaked open. Misaki blushed lightly from embarrassment at first but what he saw shocked him.
Usagi was sitting on the bathroom floor, his back pressed against the mirror and his knees pulled tightly against his chest as he cried softly into them. It had been a while since Misaki had seen Usagi cry but even then it wasn't to this extent. He looked so fragile, helpless and broken like a small child alone and afraid.
"Usagi-san..." Misaki whispered lightly as he stared at the crying man before him sympathetically. Usagi grew quiet but he didn't dare look his partner in the eye.
"I wish to be alone..." He grumbled darkly as he kept his face buried into his knees.
"No! I'll never leave you alone again..." Misaki dropped to his knee near Usagi and hugged him tightly in an attempt to comfort him but this did little as Misaki himself was on the verge of tears. This was all his fault; if only he had ignored Eri and Ryuichiro's requests, if only he had checked on him more, if only he had taken the time to talk to him about all of this. Usagi needed him and he left him alone in complete isolation. He felt so guilty.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry I didn't check on you more! I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about this! I'm sorry i left you all alone in your time of need..." Misaki apologized frantically, his voice cracking as tears began flooding from his eyes rapidly.
Usagi was surprised by Misaki's sudden outburst yet touched at the same time. At least somebody still cared for him. He flashed Misaki a warm smile despite his tears as he caressed his cheek gently to gain his boyfriend's full attention.
"Misaki...What I am going through at the moment isn't your fault...do not waste your tears on me...I am not worth them..." Usagi sighed sadly before looking down at the tiles on the bathroom floor. He now felt the true definition of what it was like to feel dead inside; he felt empty, hollow and as if his life held no meaning, worth or purpose whatsoever.
His dreams of becoming a writer had been shattered. Even if Eri and Ryuichiro promised him they weren't going to drop him over a few haters, he still didn't trust the public enough to put himself out there anymore. It was like kicking a Rottweiler puppy; when they grew up, they would always remember that kick and be untrusting toward all humans.
"Misaki...if I wasn't meant to be a writer...then what else is there for me to do?" Usagi asked quietly, his bangs once again covering his eyes.
"Hm? Oh, well that's the good part I guess; you get to find a new dream, anything else you're good at." Misaki replied with a forlorn smile as Usagi hugged his knees a bit closer to his chest.
"But there is nothing else I am good at..." He replied sadly and this was true; writing was all the poor man knew.
"Aw c'mon; I'm sure you're good at something else...What about art? I hear a lot of creative people like you are artistic as well..." Misaki suggested.
"It is not the same..." Usagi sighed. Nothing made him truly happy and allowed him to express his inner feelings like writing did. If he couldn't be happy what was even the point of trying to go on?
"We'll find something you're good at; I promise..." Misaki swore as he wrapped both of his skinny arms around Usagi's wide, muscular arm before helping him up from the cold bathroom floor.
"Come now. Let's watch a bit of T.V to get your mind off of things and please try to eat some breakfast for me this time..." Misaki begged as he lead his boyfriend out of the bathroom and downstairs to the living room.
Usagi wanted to refuse his requests and insist that he be left alone but he never could resist that adorable puppy-dog face that only Misaki could manage to pull off.
"Fine, very well..." He sighed as he reluctantly followed Misaki into the living room. Misaki seated him on the couch before turning on the Television for him and then going into the kitchen to cook breakfast for the two.
Usagi mindlessly watched a rerun of Lucky Star as he tried to ignore the pleasant smells of the meal Misaki was preparing. His stomach growled, causing him to to place a hand over it in concern. He was starving. Maybe that was part of the reason he was so distressed lately, maybe if he had food in his system he could think more clearly.
He perked up a bit once he saw Misaki returning with the two plates of food. Misaki, his beloved. He felt like himself again and this made Misaki smile upon seeing it.
"Glad to see you're happier now." He chirped before taking a seat on the couch next to his beloved and handing him his plate of food. He felt a sense of relief once he saw how Usagi began to shovel down his food hungrily as he smiled a bit wider before turning the cannel to something else that he hoped Usagi would find more desirable but he was wrong; the channel he had changed to was a debate show discussing Usagi's recent book.
Usagi stopped eating immediately and turned his attention to the T.V as Misaki fumbled around with the remote in an attempt to change the channel only to drop it. He cried out in frustration once it rolled under the couch. There was no way he would be able to get to it unless Usagi helped him move the couch but it was too late; Usagi was already engulfed in the hurtful, slanderous lies and insults directed at him once more.
"Usagi-San, don't listen to them; they wouldn't know a good book if it hit them in the face." Misaki reassured as Usagi stood up from the couch, placing his plate of half-eaten on the coffee table.
"I am full..." He sighed as he exited the living room. That sick feeling had returned to his stomach again, that sick feeling that wouldn't allow him to eat, that made him feel like he didn't deserve to eat.
"Usagi-San!" Misaki called out in a last attempt to stop him but Usagi only began speed walking upstairs, disappearing down the hallway. Unfortunately for Misaki, this was right around the time when Eri and Ryuichiro had returned from their meeting. No doubt they would blame him for this. It's not exactly like Misaki looked completely innocent at the moment.
"MISAKI-KUN; WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Eri shrieked as Ryuichiro couldn't help but snicker a bit at the brunette's predicament.
"N-Nothing! Nothing!" Misaki replied nervously, holding his hands up defensively.
"Then why was Usagi-San in such a hurry to get upstairs?" Ryuichiro asked with a small, sly smirk as Eri gave Misaki a disapproving glare.
"Um...He had to go to the bathroom really bad?" Misaki lied poorly in a questioning tone as if questioning his own ability to come up with a believable lie. He finally spilled the truth to them when they both gave him a disbelieving look.
"Okay...so I tried to get him to eat some breakfast and tried to cheer him up with a bit of television but then this show came on and the stupid remote had to fall under the couch before I could change the channel..." Misaki explained as he mentally blamed all of his problems on the remote for rolling under the couch when he had just gotten Usagi to eat a little bit of food.
"Misaki-Kun; let me explain something to you...every creative person who has the guts to put his or herself out there is going to receive a few haters at least once or twice in their lifetime. It's inevitable; success equals envy, equals hatred from pimple-faced, low-life nerds living in their parents' basements. Do ya know how many haters my success has provoked? millions! And ya wanna know what else? I love 'em anyway 'cause they make me even more famous and they push me to work harder to rub it in all of their fat, disgusting faces that I have a successful career and that they're just a bunch of nobodies! So if you think about it, they're really doing all of us successful geniuses a huge favor..." Ryuichiro explained in a somewhat stuck up but wise and helpful manner though the hostility in his tone indicated that the criticism still bothered him to some degree. Thankfully he had mastered bottling up his feelings over time so the haters' insults didn't bother him quite as badly anymore.
"Yeah but the things they were saying were kind of harsh...They aren't just criticizing him but they're bullying him..." Misaki explained worriedly.
"Ah, don't worry kiddo; he'll be fine. Usagi-San's a touch guy; he can handle anything." Ryuichiro reassured as he ruffled the still concerned Misaki's hair but little did they know how bad Usagi truly felt.
Poor Usagi couldn't handle all of the pain and pressure. He felt as if he were on the brink of insanity. The only emotion he had ever felt since all of this hatred toward him began was pain. Just bitter, cold pain and nothing else. No happiness only sadness and he just wanted it all to end.
"It was then he remembered the most recent nightmare he had. He died in that nightmare but he wasn't in pain; he died peacefully. Like he could ever make it a reality though; Mount Fuji was considered dormant; it hadn't erupted in years.
Usagi's eyes widened as he suddenly remembered an impotent detail about the inactive volcano, something that could permanently take away his pain once and for all but he couldn't let Misaki know. He couldn't tell him personally at least. He stood up from his bed and walked over to his desk, pulling a notepad and a pen from one of it's drawers. He was going to write Misaki a note.
"Misaki-Kun; this was too hard for me to tell you in person so that is why I am writing this note..." He began, pausing briefly as tears dripped from his violet eyes onto the letter he was writing.
TO BE CONTINUED...Chapter: 2 of 4
