I don't own anything. :)
Bella POV
xxx
I could see the faint sparkle of his skin; the sun was beginning to rise, painting a soft pallet of oranges and pink to the sky. I bit my lip, trying to hide the desperate grin that was growing on my face. Could it really be a Cullen? The soft, southern accented voice that seemed so melodic to me was harshly familiar, surprisingly familiar. The scent – though I never really recalled Jasper's scent very well – clung to his skin, fragranced his whole body. It smelled so sweet and wonderful.
But even though I loved Jasper like a brother, he was no Edward. He wasn't who I was hoping to see – even though I supposed to be over Edward. That mere fact didn't stop me from dropping my shield unconsciously, allowing a swarm of emotions to wash over me. Joy, fear, anxiousness…they all blended into one oddly eccentric feeling, swelling my whole body.
"Jasper!" I cried out, closing the distance between us in two quick strides, and gripping him into a tight hug. He made no movement to hug me back, standing frozen in my embrace. He almost seemed guilty about something, though I could feel the overwhelming emotion of happiness in him, and it flustered me. "Jasper?"
It stretched out so I was holding him by the shoulders at a distance of my arms, and looked him over. His clothes were torn slightly, spotted with dark stains of red, and his hair was ruffled, out of place. His face, still strangely beautiful even to my new eyes, looked more pale than usual and though his eyes were casted down to his feet, I could tell they were a cruel black, tainting his normally calm façade of an expression. He wore a frown, also, shaping his face into a scowl.
"Jasper? Jazz?" I heard him let out a breath of air, and he picked up his head so he was looking at me – avoiding my eyes. I didn't exactly have immediate access to a mirror – I knew I could at any point, but I tended to stay transfixed in the woods, avoiding as many humans as possible – but from brief glances at reflective window panes, I knew that they were still encrusted with red around the edges of my golden pupils. But I wouldn't think that would bother him…
Oh. Oh.
He didn't want to see me. Of course. I was part of the reason that the Cullen's left; Jasper being the other puzzle piece. Two that fit precariously together – a strange human girl with good smelling blood, and a vampire that had a hard time resisting it. He probably hated me now.
"Oh." I dropped my hands, and turned away from him. "I understand." I said quietly, talking to the ground. I wish it would respond to me, give me something to do. Jasper wasn't staying, and it only tore my heart into even more thrashed bits, scattering the pieces. I would be alone again, on my own, grieving in my personal pain. What's new?
"Bella? Would you stop, please? You're making me feel even more guilty than I know I am." I gasped lightly at the sound of his voice, and at the pleading edge it held. I didn't turn, but I attempted to control the emitting feeling of guilt I was supposedly sending off. I pushed my shield over me again, blocking out any extra things Jasper was trying to send me. I just wanted to disappear and the feel numb again; it's better that was, isn't it? To be succumbed into nothing, to not exist to anybody's eyes but your own.
Edward's note in my pocket suddenly felt like a hundred pound brick weighing me down. I couldn't move, I couldn't talk. I stopped breathing, and tried to keep my mind focused. Edward left, Jake left, and now Jasper's going to leave me, too. Nothing seemed like a perfect match to me.
"Just go, Jasper. I know you don't want to be here," I whispered to the leaves that were littering the woods. He didn't move. There was the possibility that he thought I was intruding in his home – the mansion wasn't very far from we were. Maybe I should go. I considered this momentarily as silence fell over the air, and then began to move forward.
Jasper took a step just before I did, the leaves shifting under his feet. I stopped mid-stride, my leg lingering in the air.
He sighed from behind me, and I heard him take a step closer to me. His shoe stopped on a leaf, and I cringed at the sound it made in the hovering silence my actions had left. "Bella, no…" He placed his hand on my shoulder, trying with a deferential effort to calm me. It wouldn't have helped, anyway – I was finally numb again, leaving the joy and fear and anger in the woods around me. I could feel; I could see the attempt he was trying to make to control my emotions through my shield, and his flabbergasted state when he couldn't crash through it. "Amazing." He stated simply.
I shrugged, crossing my arms, and felt his hand brush off my shoulder.
"Bella, when…when did this happen?" I shrugged again, afraid of my voice if I were to talk. Would it strain, crack? I didn't want to let Jasper know just how much pain I was in when they left, and how much it still hurt.
Especially now.
"Three years." I said quietly, almost inaudible to my own ears. There was another moment of silence before I trusted myself to speak more. "Laurent. He did it. These huge wolf-bear creatures saved me from getting killed, but could do nothing to save me from transforming. One of them didn't want me to die, I guess…"
"Make it stop! The fire!" I scream, panting as the pain swirls around my body and traces through my veins. I let out a soft whimper as a burning hand touches my forehead, and I twist away from it.
"Bella, shush, quiet. It's alright. You'll be fine. There's no fire…" I sigh as another round of fruitless attempts by the soothing, pleading voice tries to calm me. How long have I been lying here? Where was I? I don't know. The bewildering fire has been burning me for what seems like years, and though I want it to stop, another pain keeps coming back and smothering the fire; I wither in that pain.
I'm coherent enough to realize what that pain is – Edward. How could he? I'm lying here, dying no doubt – or at least wishing I was – as he is off somewhere, probably in another country. Enjoying a life that I take no part in. He gets his an okay ending – why can't I?
"Bella, honey, quiet. It's alright. It's going to be over soon…" I bite back another scream of terror and hurt, squeezing my eyes closed tight. "Sam? How long as it been?"
Sam. I know him, don't I? And the soothing voice – I know it, too. But from where? I don't dwell on it too long. Another shred of my insides takes a beating from the fire.
"About two and a half days. Not much longer." This voice seems farther away, and more strained. He doesn't want to be here, I can tell. Wherever here is.
Not much longer. The words register in my clouded head…could it mean that the fire had almost run its course? That it was going to be extinguished soon?
"Bella? It's going to be okay. I promise. The pain – it'll be over soon. Okay? Can you last? For me? Bella? Can you hear…?" I couldn't hear him. I suddenly felt a state of frozen shock, and a course of adrenaline racing through my body. It's going to end. But how soon?
Everything floods back to me – the fire, the pain, and the memories. Laurent, the wolves, the knowledge. Vampires. I – me! – I'm finally becoming a vampire. This is something I've been hoping for…but what's the point now? It would be forever without Edward. Forever without the love of my life. There's no point to forever anymore.
I sigh, content and in pain, as a burning hot hand brushes over my head, smoothing my damp hair down. Two and half days – didn't Edward say the transformation usually lasts three? It's almost over. The pain is almost done.
I smile in spite of myself, leaving everything behind. Though I'm still withering in fire, though I'm still scorching on the inside for more than one reason, I know that I'll be able to escape this soon. Be numb, like before, and handle the pain despite Edward being gone.
Jasper was silent as I finished my story feebly. His eyes were fixed on something far away, burning with a soft hatred. Hate?
"Jasper? Hello?" I waved my hand in front of his face, but it remained a vacant state of abhorrence and shock. "Jasper?"
A menacing growl erupted from his chest, and he finally answered. "Jacob."
"Jacob? What are you talking about, Jasper? You mean that Jacob had something to do with this?" I asked in hurried voice, my eyes searching frantically through his for any sign of wavering skepticism. There wasn't anything but the pouring truth. It screamed at me through his facial features, through his scorching onyx eyes, through the suddenly rigid way he held himself. Jake…the wolf-bears…was there more than one kind of mythical creatures? Could Jake…?
"He has everything to do with it, Bella. When was the last time you saw him?" He asked in a more frantic voice.
I searched through my human memories, analyzing each one quickly, until I found one of him the night of the movie. "About three years ago. When I was still human. Jasper, why? What does he have to do with this?"
"Bella…there are more than just vampires and humans. Jake is part of that more. He has to be. There's no other explanation…" He trailed off, his eyes glazing over slightly, deep in thought. I stood in front of him, in a trance-like stage, holding my breath. More than just vampires? Are those bears part of that? They saved me from Laurent, so they have to have minds of some sort of brains, some intelligence level. Normal bears wouldn't know what was happening – nor would they know how to stop a vampire attack… And Sam. He knew about vampires, considering he was there during my transformation. Jacob was there when I finally turned around to full consciousness on the third day...
Abruptly, Jasper spoke, his voice low and echoing with a bass growl. "Alice! That's why!"
I looked at him incredulously, not understanding the sudden hostility he spoke with about Alice. "Jasper? What about Alice?"
"Her visions. Come on, Bella. Let's go…somewhere a little quieter." He took off running, coming back from the place where I was escaping from – the mansion. Once again, my pocket fell stiff under the sudden weight of the note, and I couldn't move. I stood there in eerie silence, the air mocking me by mulling over my shoulders. I felt like I should collapse under all the invisible pressure, but my knees didn't feel weak – no. Instead, I felt a sudden burst of strength, but I was rooted to spot.
I couldn't go back. I wouldn't. There was no way. The house brought back so many memories – the ones I had finally runaway from; until Jasper came back – and I didn't want them all overflowing again; I didn't want them back to me so soon. Before Jasper showed up, while I was running, I felt suddenly free. Numb, but free. I couldn't feel the pain anymore, and the hole in my chest was stitching itself up slowly.
I thought I had finally gotten over him.
"No," I whispered. But Jasper was already gone; probably back to the house by now. "No." I stated louder, searching frantically around my surroundings for any sign of him. There was only quiet, rumbling around me from every direction. I concealed a sob as a shudder ran down my spine, and slowly started walking.
Right, left. Right, left.
And then the wind was whipping my face, blowing my tangled hair around me; freeing myself.
I wouldn't go back.
I ran through the woods at a ridiculous pace, flying away from Jasper and the information – the information I didn't care about – that he had stored. So what if Jake is a mythical creature? I am too. That wasn't what was bothering me – it was the strange way he talked about Alice. With an unknown aggression down pouring in his voice. Did they split up? Or was it something different - he mentioned her visions.
Was I the cause of this?
I jumped over a fallen tree, landing gracefully on the other side, into a patch of sunlight. I stopped, noticing the faint glitter of my hands and skin, then took in the meadow around me.
Not just any meadow…our meadow. I bit my lip and held my breath – this place reeked. There was an awful stench of wet dog, mixed with an unwanted scent of a vampire. No one had been here since the day I was attacked by Laurent, I suppose.
I shook my head and didn't stay to absorb the rest of the view; I didn't stay to remember all the "good times" Edward and I had shared. The meadow held horrible memories, as well as the good ones.
I suddenly felt angry, depressed, and numb. I could count off all the things I had down wrong in the last three years – possibly making Jasper and Alice split, making Edward not want me, forcing them to move from Forks, simply vanishing away from father on the day I was bit…
And so I ran back into the wood.
"Bella?" I heard Jasper call my name in an anxious tone, but I didn't stop. I didn't waver in my strides – I just kept flying.
This time, I am leaving.
xxx
Ick. This chapter is horrible; I hate it. Sigh. I'm sorry if I disappoint anyone (everyone) with this.
Sigh.
Review anyway?
Oh - maybe, just maybe, if anyone is wanting to beta this, my chapters might get better. Any takers?
