Chapter 2
Speeding out of the library, I race home. I pull out my phone, and start to dial Hanna's number. I need Hanna or Emily, it doesn't matter. Both would be better, actually. We need to meet up and plan out how to tell Aria, because the more I analyze what he's doing, the more I see how it connects to Alison. He has a dark side, and it needs to be exposed. I can't let my best friend get hurt. I'm going to do this, and I can't let anything stop me.
"Spencer..."
Except that. I sigh and look up. It's Toby. I shove my phone to the side. He progresses towards me, concern in his eyes. He's going to confront me about what I did at school. Damn me! Why didn't I just act a little less shady? He's going to catch on to what's happening with Ezra and the pills if I'm not more careful from now on.
"I'd almost forgotten your smell," he whispers into my neck, kissing it softly. "We need to get some alone time. I have to see you. I know we didn't end on the best terms after what happened with your dad and my mom, but I can't let that rift drive us apart any further. I want to make things right. How about just you, me, a dinner, and maybe some massages if you're good tonight?"
I'm smiling the widest I have since I started taking those study aid focus pills. I try my best to hug him back without fading. I feel like people are watching us embrace in front of the school. People watching us isn't embarrassing, I've never cared about what people think of me dating Toby Cavanaugh, a former alleged killer (disregarding my parents, because they kind of own me).
But I know I can't, as much as I would love to have his god hands give me another massage. I always have fun when I'm with him, but I have to take care of Aria. I have to fix things between her. I love Toby, I really do, but I'm risking putting her in danger if I let Ezra get closer to her. Why did I encourage her to break up with Jake? I'm so stupid! Jake cares about her, and Ezra is trying to k—
"Spence," he says, rubbing my back. "What do you say to that?"
"Toby," I mumble, breaking the hug. "I can't tonight. I have things to take care of."
The bell rings, saving me from his demands. He kisses my lips, and I try my hardest to kiss back without passing out. I haven't taken the pills in a few days, and I've still been trying to stay up. Brenda hasn't been in school lately, meaning my supply is zero. However, when she returns, I get a discount, since I'm a returning customer.
"We'll have to make time," he whispers before letting me go. I know he knows something is wrong with me. I made it too obvious, huh?
I step back a little and say, "Toby... I didn't see you there... Uh, who let you in?"
"Your mom," he says quietly, and cups my cheeks. He let's go and looks at me with a weird look. "I knew you were lying when you said you're busy after school. What's going on, Spencer? Why did you lie to me?" I know he wants answers, and I know we promised to be honest with each other the night we slept together in the motel, but these are secrets that are not good for him... it's better that he doesn't know!
"I am," I say. "I was just going to call Hanna. We have some stuff to take care of." He leans in and kisses my lips gently. I return it, but I break it off after a few seconds, because I have to meet up with Hanna. "Toby, I can't do this right now. I need to go. I really do have plans."
"And I want to believe you, but how can I?" he says sadly. "What's going on, Spencer? You've been acting weird all day! Is something going on?"
"No," I urge. "I really can't do this right now."
"So when can you? Never?" he retorts. "Look, all I want to do is help you."
"You can help me by letting me go," I tell him. "Look Toby, I want to stay, and I want to have a special night with you, but... I have big things to take care of."
"And why can't I be a part of those big things?" he asks hurt. "That night we got back together... I thought we solved everything. I thought we were on the same page, working together to figure things out with A and all that. So what changed? Is this about A? Is there something I'm not supposed to know? Is A making you push me away like last time?"
I shake my head and say, "No, no, it's nothing like that!"
"Then what is it like, Spencer?" he asks, crossing his arms. "We are supposed to be a team. I thought we were working together to solve this mystery. I know I got a little too distracted with my mom, and I'm sorry that it was a red herring to finding out who A is, but I was out of it for a few weeks, and now I'm not even a character in this story anymore! What did I miss, Spencer? What did I miss? It's like I'm not even a part of your life anymore! Do... do you not..." he looks away sadly. "Spence, do you not feel the same way about me anymore?"
I pull him into my arms and hug him tightly.
"Toby, I love you so much," I whisper, wiping his tears. "It isn't like that. How could you even think that I don't feel that way about you anymore? There's no one I love more than you."
"Then what is it?" he asks, sighing. "Why are you pushing me out?"
"I have a lead on who A is, okay?" I confess, because I just can't lie to him. "I really can't talk about this, though."
"I can help you," he says. "Who is it? Who do you think A is?"
"I... I don't want to really..." I start shyly.
"You know it can't be crazy. Everyone in this town can look as guilty as hell," Toby tells me, wrapping his arms around me. "Talk to me, Spence. Talk to me!"
"I changed my mind, Toby," I say quietly, and he gives me a confused look. I clarify, "I am going to make time for you tonight. Tonight, it's going to be you, me, dinner, and if I remember clearly, I was promised a massage."
He chuckles and grins.
"I missed you, Spencer," he says, still smiling at me with that to die for smile. He kisses me softly. "I know you don't want to talk about who A is, and I'll drop it if you promise that you'll talk to me about it if it gets difficult. If you ever need help, I'm here for you."
"I know," I say. "Thank you."
I kiss him again gently, and get ready to call Hanna when he leaves.
"Hey Han," I say. "Can you please get Emily and come to my house? We need to have a serious talk about this whole thing with Aria and Ezra."
