Again this dream comes haunting me. Again I have to live through this ordeal. But it is not the physical pain I remember, and it is not me I fear for… it is him. Again and I again I have to see him fight, not noticing the danger he is in while he struggles to keep her skeletons at bay. I feel my heart stop beating as I realize what the sorceress is about to do. I did not know her before, do not know why she hates the only family I ever had … don't know just why she chose him. But I am able to feel the dark and deadly might she put into her spell. And in my head I am able to see him fall...
Fear washed over me back then and fear washes over me now. I know this is nothing but a dream, know that I am asleep. I can feel my body tense but still I can't make it back to reality. I am trapped in this nightmare that I have way too often lately. I want to escape, want to tell myself that things happened different; that he is still there, but I can't. Never before have I been more frightened in my life. Never before have I felt this way about another person.

It has taken us long to understand - to really understand - who we are. I know that maybe I am to blame. Sinbad was good to me and, well, I have to admit that he's the kind of man women easily get attracted to. Obviously I have been no exception to that. But I should have known what lay buried in the depths of his soul. I have always felt that there was something hiding itself; have felt the scars that covered this wounded heart. Maybe I thought that I could heal them, help him with whatever strength I had to offer. I did not see that the strength he needed wasn't to come from me. It was hers. None but hers.
The first time I was confronted with her memory was the day on which Scratch had lured us into his hellish lair. It was the first time Sinbad had ever disclosed his real self to me. And it was the day I finally understood. We had had a long talk that evening, speaking about all the things that had happened between us – all the things that should never have been. My heart released him that day and judging from all what I know now, this was what was supposed to happen. I was never meant to be with him. And as soon as I got to know that Celtic sorceress everyone on board had been missing so terribly, I was able to feel what fate had planned for them. I don't know just why I am able to sense this, don't know what gives me the power to understand but I know that their hearts and souls are one. And finally, after all this time, I do understand what had caused Sinbad to be the one I had gotten to know. He has changed since Maeve has come back. Life onboard the Nomad has changed.
My life has changed.

Like some distant sensation a soft touch intrudes my dreams. I feel him tug a lose strand of hair behind my right ear. His movements are slow and ever so gentle - just like he fears he could harm me. He never could.
I don't know what it was that finally drew us towards each other. We had been friends for more than a year; had walked through the good and bad together, but still there had been nothing but this friendship written in our hearts. A friendship that grew stronger with every day we lived life together. He has always been there for me, protected me, reassured me when I doubted and I wonder why it took me so long to realize just how pure this heart of his is. He bears a strength that is far beyond the physical one many admire him for – a strength he decided to share with me. I can clearly remember the night when I first came to him. It was the day when Maeve had come back to this realm. I can recall the happy voices all around me, can recall the tears of joy that had been cried – can recall all those memories they shared. I had none of them. This was the night when my well-built wall of self-assuredness crumbled into a pile of grey rocks. It hurt to hear them laugh at old times, hurt to hear them tell stories of a distant past. It was the first time that I really realized just how much of a human's life I was missing. My own one only consisted of the time I had spent onboard the Nomad – a Nomad that was different from the one I heard all those stories about. I felt like a vacuum was spreading inside of me then, devouring what I believed had been my life. And I knew no one else I would have dared to turn to. I went to see him. And he listened; listened to all what I had to say. I revealed myself to him that night and for only the tiniest of moments I feared his reaction when I was done. But all what those gentle blue eyes of him told me was that everything was okay; that despite everything what my empty memory told me I did have a home and that this was all what really mattered. I know that he's sorry for what I have to go through, know that he cannot imagine what it must feel like to not know your own past. And I know that he has no idea just how much it means to me that he was there for me when I needed him the most.
I did find my home that evening - found it in the one soul that allowed my own one to rest…

He lies next to me I know. I can feel his warmth envelop me, entering my dreams like a soft light, leading me away from the darkness this one memory brings along. I couldn't have stood losing him. Our shared life has been short till now and still it's the best I ever lead and for some reason I know that even my lost memory doesn't hold moments that can compare to it. He is the only one who knows my real self, has seen my doubts and fears and still he admires me for whatever strength he seems to see I have. Maybe, I notice myself wonder, he even knows me better than I do.
I know he stayed with me all that time after the attack; know that he hardly left my side. I can remember him talking to me, telling me to hold on. His voice was like a silver shadow back then, guarding me and bringing me back to the surface. I am aware of the danger I put myself in; know that I could have easily died myself that day. And still deep inside of me I know it would have been worth it. I can feel his gentle touch; feel him tightening his grip around me slightly. And I know that I made the right choice.

….

Carefully I try to move. Consciousness is coming quickly now and to my relieve I notice my body response. I need to blink as the golden sunlight hits my weary eyes. The effect of my dreams is still lingering on me, making me feel lost for only a moment. But finally my sight meets his face. A soft smile covers it and I know that I am the reason for it.
"Hey there", I whisper softly, willing my voice to sound as normal as possible.
His smile becomes a little wider as he answers with a slightly joyful tone. The question he right after adds to his words is well-known to me and I try to focus on what I feel to give him the honest reply he deserves to get.
"Still sore", I finally tell him what the truth is and cannot help but roll my eyes slightly at the obvious concern that suddenly mixes with his features. He blames himself for what happened to me, I know; thinks he could have prevented it by being more cautious. He is wrong.
Slowly I let my right hand move upwards to slap his chest lightly. "I'll be fine Doubar", my voice tells him and I am astounded at the little playfulness that lies in it. Then I let my features soften. He deserves more than that. With all honesty I have to offer I send another word his way, hoping he will get the meaning behind it.
"Really."
Slowly he nods, letting my promise sink in. His lips start to curve in a small yet gentle smile. "I'll count on that", I hear him say and know that we both are speaking about the same thing. I promised to stay with him, to not leave him for I know that this is what he fears. A quiet chuckle leaves my throat as the bitter irony of this situation becomes so clear to me. I was willing to sacrifice myself for him because I could not stand the thought of living without him by my side… Now I have to realize that this is just how he feels about me as well. And I have to face all what I have put him through; have to face the fear he must have felt when he saw me fall. And as I feel him place a gentle kiss on my forehead I know that he vowed to himself to never let something like this happen again. He doesn't notice the bitter smile that forms on my lips in the just same moment. I close my eyes tightly while silently I plead him to forgive me … for I know that if ever I have to decide between him and me again, my choice will stay the same…