Author's Note

Bienvenidos amigos, a otra historia maravillosa. Como ustedes saben, hoy es mi cumpleaños y para celebrar que estoy actualizando todos mis historias principales.

Así que siéntate y disfruta….

Pippy In Wonderland

Of course, Pippy paid no mind to practically anything that weird cat had to say. The little white rabbit jogged, with no serious idea of where she was headed, through the thicket. Halfway through, she stopped to catch her breath, but instead, caught a whiff of something, odd. Something that didn't belong in a forest.

"Cinnamon buns?" She began salivating. Even that barbeque she gorged herself at had not fully satisfied the pint-sized and insatiable rabbit, and she ran off, sniffing the air to catch her trail on the way to whatever bakery she had stumbled upon.

But, she hadn't stumbled upon a bakery, oh no, she instead, found nothing but mushrooms! Strangely enormous mushrooms, she noticed immediately. They were the size of dinner tables, and seemed to occupy a three yard clearing in the forest. But, that smell persisted. In fact, she began to smell more bizarre, out of place scents.

"Peanuts," She sniffed the air, "And vanilla. Pine trees, and wot's that…."

"Parsley and sage, my dear." A feminine voice answered her, and she turned to find a skunk sitting on one of the mushrooms. She looked just like that one girl,

"Err, wot's the name… Petunia?" She snapped her tiny fingers with delight, "Yeah, that's it! Petunia!"

The skunk stared at her, just as confused as the little rabbit that wandered into her grove. She laughed, covering her mouth like a Victorian maid.

"Ohhohoh, dear, my Name isn't Petunia, I'm The Caterpillar!" She smiled, and jumped off the mushroom, her skunk tail trailing behind her. It was much longer than Petunia's, it made her resemble some blue furry snake, or perhaps a caterpillar.

"Wait a minute, you're not a catapilla!" Pippy watched her go by, and tugged on her tail, wanting an answer.

"Well, I don't make a very good skunk." She laughed, and continued walking, Pippy, still hanging on, dragging behind her. The Caterpillar stopped by a mushroom where several glass vials were lined up. She took a straw from another mushroom, and sucked up the fumes contained in one of the bottles, exhaling it above her. Pippy watched in astonishment as the smoke formed a giant chocolate bar, nuts and all, above them, before diffusing into the wind.

"You see? I'm not smelly at all. And the Red Queen decided since I don't smell bad, I shouldn't be called a skunk."

"But a catapilla? That doesn't make sense." She sniffed The Caterpillar's breath as she talked, it smelled of chocolate and almonds.

"Well, the Red Queen had never seen a caterpillar before, so she decided I should be one. And now I just sit here in the forest, sniffing my perfumes and puffing them into the wind. And, if I may ask, what is your name?"

"Well, I'm Pippy a' course."

The Caterpillar cocked her head, and lifted Pippy up with her enormous tail. It coiled around her, and held her upside-down in front of the skunk. She looked closely at Pippy's bare feet, and caught a whiff of her unwashed, sweaty little paws, and gagged. She set the rabbit down and turned to her perfumes again.

"Well, you're not wearing any longstockings, so your name is silly too." Before Pippy could respond, The Caterpillar inhaled a cloud of purple perfume and spewed it out over Pippy, who began gagging and coughing. The smoke formed into little flowers all around her, and she now reeked of petunias.

"There we go, now you smell much better. Petunias, like you said earlier."

Pippy squinted angrily, "Yeah, great, thanks a ton. By the way, you mentioned the Red Queen, any idea where I might find her?"

The Caterpillar suddenly looked very shocked. She turned around quickly and dabbled with her perfume bottles again, and this time turned around and puffed her with some green smoke. Pippy caught wind of it and began coughing violently, her eyes watering. She swiped away at the smoke and saw it form little green eggs before being blown away.

"There!" The Caterpillar was holding her nose now, and even still her eyes were watering, "Rotten eggs! You wanna act rotten so can I!"

Pippy sniffed her armpit and gagged, she was drenched in the odor, "Wot in the hell did you do that for? All I did was ask-"

The Caterpillar cut her off, "About the Queen! And you just want to go and waltz right up to her? Why, if you go and bother her she'll figure out who told you about her and then they'd come after me! Just the thought of it makes me wanna take up smoking!" And without another word, The Caterpillar stormed off, her long flowing tail close behind.

And there was Pippy, alone again. Or atleast, it seemed that way. As she said there, rubbing her still empty belly, when a smile appeared beside her. At first, she didn't notice, but then,

"Oh Helllooo Pippy!" She jumped back, startled.

"What the, Disco?" She grabbed the smile out of the air. It still grinned, with that same goofy grin, and began to speak again,

"And how did you enjoy your stay with the Caterpillar?" It asked,

"Not so great, where's the rest of you?" The smile hesistated, and finally said,

"Well, I noticed everything didn't go, smoothly. The rest of my body… well it doesn't want to be near you. You reek. In fact, I can taste the air around you, and let me tell you, I've aways hated eggs."

Pippy shot a furious glance at the smile, and lifted her rear off the mushroom she had taken a seat on, and placed the smile underneath her before sitting back down, hard. She then ground the smile deep against her furry butt, enjoying her sweet revenge far more than she had thought. Finally, she sat up, and peeled the smile off her eggy keister, which now looked a bit worse for the wear.

"Oh… dear.. I'm gonna be sick." The lips puckered up, as if holding back an upchuck, and then swallowed hard. "I hereby retract my earlier comment."

"Now, about that Queen, where can I find her?"

"Pippy, I don't think it's a good idea.." Pippy raised her paw up in the air, revealing her foul underarm, and the smile thought quick, "I don't think it's a good idea to wait! The Queen's very impatient, and you could ask the Duchess to take you to the castle!"

"The Duchess? Is she a friend of the Queen?"

"Yes, and she lives right down the way from here. But Pippy, before you go. Puh-leeeeze use one of those perfume bottles, the Duchess, and even More so the Queen won't have any tolerance for a funk like that!"

Pippy rolled her eyes and dabbled on some vanilla perfume before tossing away the smile and heading on her way.

…..

Within the hour she'd found a rather large cottage, where she assumed the Duchess lived. She walked up to the large wooden door at the front and pounded it with her tiny paws…

No Answer.

She smacked the door harder, and still no response. She thought for a moment, and walked back down the cobblestone path to the cottage, hoping to find a sizable rock to toss through the cottage window, and she walked right into a rabbit, that looked just like that rabbit Cuddles. The only difference was he had a spear in one hand, and a bag of groceries in the other, along with some ridiculous helmet with a strange emblem of a pickle on the front.

"Was that you knocking?"

"Who are you?" Pippy ignored his question.

"Who me? Why I'm the pink footman."

Pippy shook her head in anger, "This is stupid, you're not even pink!"

The Footman shook his head, and lifted one foot. He was wearing pink rabbit slippers, the same he always wore. Pippy let out a groan, the quality of that pun was bad enough to make her sick.

"Now, was that you knocking?" He asked again, heading towards the door.

"Yeah, what of it?" Pippy hopped in front of him, bobbing back and forth with her paws raised to guard her face, "Think because you got a spear you can boss me around?"

"No, not at all, it's just silly, because I'm supposed to open the door, and you're here knocking on it. Maybe if we were on opposite sides of the door then you could knock and I could open it, but we're not. So all that silly knocking of yours isn't helping. Watch." He opened the door, which had apparently been unlocked the whole time, and walked inside, closing it before Pippy could enter.

She waited outside for a few minutes, tapping her foot on the stones, when the door opened a crack and the Footman whispered,

"You're supposed to knock now." Pippy groaned and knocked again, this time the Footman opened it wide, standing at attention with his spear at his side.

"Welcome to the home of her royal beauty the Duchess, who for liability reasons is most certainly not more beautiful or more fair than her majesty the Queen." He rushed the last part, and Pippy hurried by him before he started off on some other stupid tangent. She wandered through the cottage, which was far larger than it had looked outside, for some time, until she caught the scent of food in the air again.

"Cor blimey! That smells like a serious stew!" She sniffed the air again, following some trail of her own. Until she reached a pair of double doors, and on the other side she was greeted with an enormous

"Aaachooo!"

"Gesundheit." Pippy wiped the spittle off her face and entered the kitchen, where a Mouse, much like one of Flippy's war buddies, was stirring up a stew. Every time he added a new ingredient, he made sure to coat the top of the stew with a pile of pepper from a large tin.

"Potatoes and pepper, carrots and pepper..Ah-achoo!" He turned away this time, much to Pippy's relief, "Oh Faulderdash and Pepperhash." He spoke in a thick French accent.

"'Ey, what's up with that stew? Yer gonna ruin it if you keep adding pepper."

"Excuse me? EXCUSE ME?" He flung a handful of pepper in Pippy's face, thoroughly pippering Peppy. (Er, I mean, Pipping Pepper. I mean. Oh darn it.) Pippy was thrown into a sneezing fit, and the Chef began angrily waving his stew and pepper soaked mixing spoon around.

"Heh! Too much pepper? How long have YOU been cooking for the Duchess ,I wonder, ma petite fille de lapin malodorantes?"

"Wot did you just call me? Why I oughta…" She was nearly at the chef's throat, when a lamb, dressed in a thick royal gown, makeup piled on her face and a bundle cradled in her arms, entered the kitchen. She clicked her tongue, and addressed the Chef.

"Chef? I'm still waiting for my Pepper Stew, and I need to have it quickly or I'll be late for the croquet match. And the moral of that is, 'Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today?'"

"Yes mademoiselle, of course mademoiselle. The Footman just needed to run out and grab some more pepper, it's nearly done." He went back to peppering his stew quietly, and the Duchess turned to the small Rabbit who had wandered into her kitchen.

"And who are you little one?" She sniffed he air around her, "Ah, let me guess, your name is Vanilla."

"No, It's not."

"Ah, then it must be Cream. And the moral of that is 'The proof is in the pudding!'"

Pippy cocked her head to the side, "That doesn't make any sense! Besides, my name ain't Vanilla or Cream, it's Pippy!"

The Duchess smiled warmly, "Oh, what a wonderful name! And the moral of that is 'A rabbit of any other name would smell as sweet.' It's a much nicer than my little baby's name. PICKLE!" She shook the bundle in her arms angrily, which terrified Pippy.

"Whoah! Wot the hell lady! Yer not supposed to shake a baby."

"This isn't a baby. It's a PICKLE!" She shook the bundle wildly again. She paused suddenly, and looked at the clock hung on the wall. "Oh my, it's nearly time for the croquet match! Chef, please put the stew on simmer, I need to leave quickly or the Queen will be very cross. Here, you may hold my baby." She handed Pippy the bundle and exited the same way she came, leaving with one last,

"And the moral of that is, 'You can't always have your stew and eat it!'"

"Well wasn't she weird," Pippy began to unravel the bundle to get a glimpse at this poor, abused baby, and when she finally did she dropped the bundle in shock. "Cor Blimey! It really IS a pickle!"

She looked back and forth, suddenly remembering where she needed to be, and ran off after the Duchess.


Whoah, sorry for that up there, I got a hold of some crazy taquitoes. Go use google translator if my author's notes are that important to ya.

For those of you quite thoroughly confused, GOOD! And I snuck in a reference to a certain blue blurr, if anyone can spot it.

Anyhow, enjoy my birthday all.

(Flamers will be forced to sniff Pippy's rancid armpits.)