Beneath the Sword

Disclaimer: I still don't own it, and I am back to being a poor student with bills, so I'm even less worth suing.

AN: This is a wildly different take on what would be 8x08 I guess. It was begun over the summer as a "What if" separation concept. Now very AU.


"Shh. Kate, no. It's - I'm sorry too. We both, I -" he sighs. "Don't worry about it right now, okay? It's all right. I understand."

He does. He didn't before, or maybe he hadn't wanted to before. He still doesn't like it. Not the situation and not the choices she has made. But he understands. He might have made similar choices. Honestly, maybe he already has.

He hadn't seen that similarity before. Maybe it was the anger and the fear crowding out reason. But he'd always believed that from here out, they would make choices together. Face even the horrors that cropped up in their lives as partners.

But in these last few hours, just sitting here watching his wife breathe, and knowing that for the absolute miracle that it is, he'd been thinking a lot. About the past, his choices, and his need to keep her safe.

He wants to tell her, but "You should rest," is what comes out of his mouth instead. She'll hurt more later, and the doctors are playing it safe with the drugs, being conservative.

She shakes her head. "Awake, now," she says, but her voice is still a dry, broken thing.

He realizes the need even before her eye slide to the cup on the small table beside her bead. As he holds it still for her, he finds himself saying, "Slowly, honey," even though he knows that she knows. The little endearments keep slipping out too, something about the fragility of this, of her in this place, making them come without real thought.

Whatever he might have said next is shelved, at least for a moment, when the nurse enters. For an instant, Castle dreads whatever the small blonde woman might say.

She only checks things over though. The IV fluids and the meds and Kate's vitals. She does say that she's pleased to see her charge awake, ask a few questions that he thinks are mostly to test Kate's memory and level of awareness.

"Doctor Miller will be in to see you in a while," she says as she goes, "but it might be a few, he's on an emergency."

Castle relaxes. Miller is the attending, not one of the specialists he's met today. He's relieved. If Kate is awake, solidly so, he wants to talk to her first, before the doctors get involved.

She breathes out, a little pained thing that he thinks might be relief. Grateful they are alone, probably. He doesn't blame her.

"I feel like I was run over by a train," she says, a little laugh in it that gets followed by a wince.

He smiles sadly, runs his fingers carefully through her hair again. Cautious, as always of hurting her more than she already was. "Not surprising," he says quietly. He is almost afraid to speak too loudly, as if that might be another source of pain.

"I don't know exactly what..." She trails off, and he sees her steady herself. Normally, he might see this as a moment to push her to accept more medication. Tonight, he doesn't dare. Instead he answers her unfinished question.

"There was an explosion. Well, series of them. You got trapped behind debris from the first, and we think that shielded you from the rest. Your hand has some strained ligaments, and there are some serious cuts and bruises on your head and face. You were out for a bit. But mostly you were lucky.

She doesn't say much as she takes the information in, he notices.

"Is it...are you safe here?" she asks. She hesitates as she poses the question, and he can't tell if that's caused by her injuries, or her expectation of his anger. But he smiles. Typical Beckett: apologetic, maybe, but not backing down.

He nods slowly. "Kate, everyone else in that room is dead. All accounted for, too. It's over, for now. You're all right though. Miraculously."

She's quiet after that. He keeps touching her. He can't seem to stop. His wife doesn't seem inclined to ask him to, and he's grateful. After several minutes, though, he finds himself still struggling to ask her - or maybe tell her - the one thing that he knows he has to put out there before the doctor comes in. She shouldn't hear this from anyone else.

"Kate. I need to ask you," he starts, and her mouth opens to reply before he can get any further, but he cuts her off. This is too important. "Before you, before we, ah shit." He looks away. He needs to get this out without making things worse. He takes a deep breath. "Did you know about the baby?"