Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama.
Note: I got this this done MUCH faster than I had expected to. XD Maybe because it's so fun to write for a new cast? Or maybe because, ironically, I wanted to get back to Tween Tour? Either way, the second part of the Cliques VS Cliques première is here for you to enjoy! With this now done, I'll be heading back to TT to finish it once and for all! After that, Letter Starz will be my main focus, but CvC won't be neglected. That's enough from me, so on with the episode!
Back to school you dunce!
(Round 1)
The students sat at their tables, some looking nervous as to what sorts of food awaited them. They did not have to wait for very long, as soon enough BARA, DARA, FARA and JARA walked out, each carrying a tray of five covered plate. They set down the plates in front of each member of their respective team and then exited back to the kitchen.
"… Well, I knew I wasn't going to make it to thirty anyway." Shrugged Yazz.
"My goal is fifty." Admitted Kenny as he sniffed the air, and gagged. "OMG! Stinky alert!"
Chris smirked as this reaction.
"I am glad I do not have the ability to smell things." Stated SARA.
"You should be." Smirked Chris. "And that is because the first dish on the menu is…
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banana peels! Never say I don't give you something healthy, haha!"
The campers took the covering off of their plates and several of them winced at the banana peels. Some of them looked mouldy.
"… Can I get some sauce with this?" Asked Lola. "And maybe a funnel?"
"You slippery b*stard Chris!" Giggled Dale.
"Last four players to finish are out of the challenge. Your time starts … now!" Declared Chris.
Over at the jock table Taylor began to quickly shovel the peel in, chewing it and swallowing quickly without much in the way of manners.
"Somebody is eager." Noted Asa.
"I often eat chicken feed back home, this is nothing." Stated Taylor, shrugging.
Taylor quickly ate the pell without complaint as did Asa, at a slower pace, while the rest of the team ate slower. Dale looked ill already and Juliette ate at a moderate pace, wincing at the texture. Meanwhile Woody began choking.
"Can't … f*cking … breath!" Gasped Woody.
"Hey, man up, b*tch! We are not losing this just because you decided to choke to death! Suck it up!" Barked Taylor, as she gulped down the last sickly mouldy banana peal on her plate.
"I got this." Assured Juliette. "Fore!"
Juliette gave Woody a tight heimlich maneuver and he spat the peel back onto his plate.
"Thanks b*tch." Said Woody gratefully.
"Anytime … b*tch." Smirked Juliette. "I have to give it to myself sometimes. One time I swallowed an entire roast chicken on a dare."
"… You have issues." Noted Asa as she finish the peels.
"What's life without a little risk?" Asked Juliette as she went back to eating.
Dale glanced left and right and put some of his peel on Woody's plate, trying to look innocent.
(Confessional: Better than a banana phone at least.)
Juliette: This team is gonna be crazy … and I love it! Sure, I may be smaller than Asa, Woody and Taylor, but I think I fit in pretty good. Gotta wonder why Dale is here though … maybe he does cheerleading?
The nerds were not having a very easy time. While Patrick was surprisingly eating with ease, the rest of the team were going at a slower pace.
"Come on guys, we gotta go faster." Encouraged Patrick. "What if I'm the only one of us in round two?"
"I'll do what I can, but I ain't used to eating banana peel." Replied Boonie. "I may not live fancy, but I have standards."
"Well for this season, we'd better lower them." Replied Patrick. "Can't be picky."
"Well, I'm not always picky." Giggled Lola.
"Focus." Stated Finneas, before he gagged and coughed. "Holy hell, this is nasty. I think I'm gonna puke..."
"… Technically, there is no rule against it." Said Yorkie quietly.
"Yorkie's right. We could just get it down quick and then puke it out when we're done." Agreed Boonie. "Better than nothing, since this is a challenge my inventions ain't gonna be much help in."
"Oh yeah, because bulimia is so much fun." Scoffed Patrick as he swallowed the last banana peel. "Done!"
"Let's hope the rest of us can keep pace." Murmured Lola. "It's not looking too good right now..."
Lola was right, as Finneas seemed to be very ill.
"Um … are you allergic to bananas?" Asked Lola nervously.
"Weak stomach." Muttered Finneas. "Stand back..."
Finneas gagged and puked onto his plate, drenching the rest of the peels in puke. Yorkie shrieked in disgust while Boonie winced.
"… Yup, that's a bad'un." Noted Boonie.
"I'm out." Muttered Finneas. "You four better pick it up. No sense losing two players in one round."
"We'll do what we can." Assured Lola. "But I doubt we're gonna come in first."
"It never hurts to try." Assured Yorkie as she swallowed a peel and shuddered. "Actually, it does … it really does..."
"Can't hurt more than that annoying robot to my ears." Muttered Patrick.
(Confessional: Strong brains, weak stomachs.)
Finneas: I said I'd play with no emotion, but in this context … I think a little disgust is excusable.
Arthur sighed as he ate the banana peels. They were nasty, but he had eaten worse things. But, as a boy with a strong stomach he pressed through without difficulty.
"I gotta say, aside from the grossness factor, this is not too hard." Admitted Arthur.
"Yeah, totally. Though I'm thinking it won't be long before somebody starts choking." Replied Yazz.
And right on cue, that is what happened to Fortune. She began to gasp and wheeze, her boobs bouncing as she did so. The sight of this make Orwell began to whimper and cross his legs.
"Can't take the titties!" Moaned Orwell.
"I'll save you!" Giggled Kenny as he got behind Fortune and quickly gave her the heimlich. "Be more careful."
"I will be. After all, Juliette already claimed the daredevil gimmick." Pouted Fortune. "Thanks."
"Not a problem, silly goose." Winked Kenny as he sat back down at his seat and resumed eating.
Arthur soon swallowed the last peel and let out a belch.
"Done!" Declared Arthur. "Is that all you've got Chris?"
"It gets worse!" Assured Chris.
"If you say so." Said Arthur with a cheeky grin.
Yazz looked at the mouldy peel on her plate, and pouted.
"Can we swap plates Arthur?" Requested Yazz.
"Mine is empty." Stated Arthur.
"Exactly!" Exclaimed Yazz, pouting.
"I would, but it's probably against the rules." Replied Arthur.
"And as we all know, only silly billies break the rules." Added Kenny.
"Silly billies." Giggled Fortune.
Orwell stared at dem titties for a few moments.
"Worth it..." Moaned Orwell as he fainted, collapsing to the floor.
Fortune raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't know it was possible to be scared of boobs." Remarked Fortune. "Maybe that's my destined gimmick … terror titties?"
Arthur and Yazz both snorted and laughed, looking amused.
(Confessional: … If that were a movie, I'd watch it.)
Kenny: You gotta know this stuff. Wendy eats meat like crazy sometimes, so, yeah, I've stopped my fair share of choking. (Kenny giggles)
Peach chewed the banana peel, looking thoughtful.
"… It kinda tastes like sorrow." Mused Peach. "Still tasty though."
"… I'm not even gonna ask how." Muttered Sanjay. "This is distinctly not fabulous. I'm sorta scared as to what Chris has got planned next round for us."
"Oh, don't make me start thinking of that." Moaned Goldie.
"It's not so bad. Maybe it's just because I'm a little chubby, but a little bad food never hurt. I think the elite are too picky these days. Mummy doesn't even like eating plain biscuits. Can you imagine?!" Exclaimed Peach.
"I really can't." Snarked Trevor. "Eh, food is food. I'm more interested in winning this challenge. Just eat, chew and don't think too hard about it."
"For me, not a problem." Giggled Peach.
Roana sighed when she saw that she still had a fair bit of peel to go.
"I wish I had some booze to wash it down with." Pouted Roana. "I hope we get given drinks."
"Don't say that. We might have to drink something horrible!" Hissed Sanjay.
"How horrible? Non-alcoholic?" Winked Roana.
Sanjay just sighed as he continued to eat.
Meanwhile Goldie decided to take a risk and quickly shoved all of her remaining banana peal into her mouth at the same time to get it done with quickly. However, the texture and taste was too much for her and she quickly puked hard onto the table.
"Ewww! Nasty!" Gagged Goldie, flinching.
"You ok?" Asked Peach, her eyes wide in concern.
"I'll live." Wheezed Goldie. "Ooooo, that gamble did not pay off..."
Trevor gulped down the last of his peel and winced.
"Done. I hope our reward will be some good food, or maybe some fine wine. Heck, I wouldn't even say no to a glass of water at this point." Admitted Trevor. "Still, one of our five a day, right?"
"The butler makes sense to me." Chirped Peach.
"And me. Gotta love fine wine." Agreed Roana. "I'm thinking coming to this challenge hammered would have helped. We'd be too smashed to taste the food properly."
Trevor thought about this.
"Hmm … I suggest we always bring a bottle of booze each to the challenge, just in case." Decided Trevor.
"That or get the other teams drunk." Suggested Sanjay, winking.
"Best plan I've heard yet." Laughed Roana as she bit into another banana peel.
(Confessional: Beer, it helps.)
Goldie: Yeah, not a great start … my stomach feels funky…
Soon enough the campers had either ruined the food, or finished it. After this was done Chris sounded his airhorn.
HONK!
"And that ends round one!" Declared Chris.
"Thank f*ck." Moaned Woody.
"And the four who shall not be progressing to round two are…
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Dale, Finneas, Orwell and Goldie!"
"The titties had it in for me." Moaned Orwell.
Goldie and Finneas were silent, looking ill.
"What? But I finished my food quickly!" Insisted Dale.
"You didn't think I'd notice you giving yours to Woody. That's against the rules." Stated Chris firmly.
Dale just crossed his arms and scoffed a little.
"Nice try though." Assured Juliette.
"Will the four eliminated campers stand off to the side. You'll just be staying out of the way until the challenge is finished stated Chris.
The four losers did as they were asked, leaving sixteen still in the challenge.
"So, what's the next course going to be?" Asked Lola.
"If it's more bananas then I swear to God, I'll f*cking end you!" Barked Taylor.
"I just hope it's not raw meat or something. I doubt us nerds have the bodies to withstand food poisonin' and stuff." Muttered Boonie.
"Incorrect!" Chuckled Chris. "You are all going to be having…
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milkshakes!"
"Sounds yummy." Noted Yorkie.
"Yeah, how it that a bad thing?" Asked Arthur.
Orwell just whimpered at the mention of the word 'milkshakes'.
"These are special milkshakes." Smirked Chris. "After all…
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they are make from lumpy breastmilk."
There was a deafening silence.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!" Screamed Patrick, his face turning red.
"Chris, you b*stard to my gut." Scowled Taylor.
"… Well, always nice to try new things, right?" Said Peach uncertainly.
"So not fabulous." Groaned Kenny.
The four lesser robots exited the kitchen and sat a large mug in front of each of the sixteen students left in the challenge. They all looked glanced the lumpy mixture within, wincing.
SARA and Chris observed this from off to the side.
"I am glad robots do not breastfeed." Remarked SARA.
Chris winced.
"There's another traumatic mental image." Moaned Chris. "Oh yeah, and if you guys puke in this round, you are out."
(Confessional: Chug, chug, chug!)
Woody: Dale f*cking cheated? Gotta say, the little b*tch impressed me there. Still, he should have given the sh*t to Taylor; she eats anything, it seems.
Arthur: Gotta say, I'm not a big fan of dairy stuff. But if it helps us win, I'll give it a go.
Yorkie: (She looks rather green) If looks could kill, those milkshakes would be murderers…
Roana: … Honestly, this one isn't that bad. I've chugged drinks before. This shouldn't be too bad; if you gulp it quick, you taste nothing.
(Round 2)
Asa took a sip of her drink.
"Yep, it certainly tastes like sh*t." Noted Asa.
"Well, f*cking duh." Muttered Taylor. "Let's just all chug it on three."
"Sounds good to me. Might as well get it out of the way." Agreed Juliette. "Ok, three, two, one, chug!"
And so right on cue Taylor and Juliette chugged down the disgusting milkshakes and a few second later set down the mugs.
"Urrrgh, f*ck whoever made that." Scowled Taylor.
"Eh, I've had worse. I once ate a box on a dare." Shrugged Juliette. "Tasted like … misery."
Taylor then saw Asa and Woody had not drunk their milkshakes yet.
"Are you f*cking kidding me? Are you guys anti-dairy protesters or some sh*t? Drink them!" Barked Taylor
"They smell f*cking weird." Whined Woody.
"I am not thirsty." Stated Asa.
Taylor facepalmed.
"Just pretend it tastes like cinnamon." Advised Juliette.
And so, Asa and Woody began drinking. The latter began moaning and looking in pain while the former just shrugged.
(Confessional: Still better than juggychunks.)
Asa: Taylor's volume may get her into trouble. But, Dale goes first as he's weakest. Gotta think of the team as a whole. (Asa shrugs)
Patrick quickly gulped down the foul drink and wheezed as he set it down with a clunk.
"Tastes like goat sh*t." Muttered Patrick. "Can I get a breath mint?"
Yorkie wordlessly passed Patrick some tic-tacs.
"That'll work." Said Patrick.
Boonie gulped down the drink quickly, and let out a wet sounding burp.
"Worst drink ever." Said Boonie flatly. "Note to self, invent something that removes somebody's sense of taste."
"I'd buy it." Said Lola as she held her belly, her mug only half empty. "Oooo, I feel woozy. You doing alright Yorkie?"
"… No." Moaned Yorkie.
Yorkie then gagged and puked onto the table, and fell backwards into a heap, defeated by the milkshake. Lola braced herself and took one more sip, but this proved to be fatal for her chances as she threw up as well and lay back moaning.
Boonie and Patrick exchanged a glance.
"This … might be a hard one to win." Noted Boonie.
"We're fucked!" Moaned Patrick. "I swear, it's fucking rigged!"
(Confessional: We got an angry nerd here!)
Patrick: (This confessional cannot be legally aired)
Yazz belched and tearlessly sobbed.
"I no longer fear death, for I have tasted a milkshake made by Chris Maclean." Moaned Yazz.
"It's gonna be all downhill after today." Agreed Arthur. "I wonder what the next round will be."
Yazz and Arthur had both finished their drinks. Meanwhile Fortune and Kenny were struggling with theirs.
"I am gonna need a makeover after this." Sighed Kenny. "This is just … not fabulous."
Fortune just belched sickly.
"… I think we got a situation over here." Noted Kenny.
Fortune then barfed.
"Oh, nasty!" Squealed Kenny.
"I got eliminated in a milkshake round … so ironic." Pouted Fortune as she sat back and sighed.
"Think we've got this?" Asked Arthur to Yazz.
"Nothing is certain except death." Replied Yazz. "On the plus side, at least the next round cannot be worse. And I not tempted fate because, let''s face it, what could be worse than this?"
Kenny raised his hand.
"Socks and sandals. Nasty." Muttered Kenny.
Arthur and Yazz gave Kenny an odd look.
"We all have our pet peeves." Said Kenny, shrugging his muscular shoulders. "Don't you guys have things that annoy you?"
"Several." Admitted Arthur.
"It is annoying how nobody is ever accurate with doomsday predictions." Admitted Yazz.
"Maybe my gimmick should be being annoying?" Pondered Fortune, before moaning due to the pain in her gut.
(Confessional: Fripp has that covered, babe.)
Arthur: Yeah, I may be a … bit of an eater, shall we say, but I hardly drink anything except water. Also … dare I ask where Chris even got breastmilk … was it from Fortune? (Arthur shudders at the implications)
"Ok, I'm thinking that this challenge is insane. Breastmilk milkshakes? I know this show is odd, given it has people like Tyrian on it, but seriously?" Exclaimed Sanjay.
"I'm just thinking to myself how Tyrian would react to the oddballs team." Chuckled Trevor. "Eh, maybe in an all star season?"
"Having two victories under my belt would be sweet." Chuckled Sanjay. "Ok, I think there is only one way we can overcome this challenge."
"And what's that?" Asked Trevor. "A funnel?"
"Well, if we had one then yes. But, we don't." Replied Sanjay.
"I find the lack of a funnel worse than the fact I have to taste the food sober." Sighed Roana. "What's the plan."
"We all count to three and chug it down. I saw Taylor and Juliette do that over at the jock table, so we might as well do it too. It worked for them." Stated Sanjay. "Also, a heads up, if we puke we try to get it near Chris."
Trevor and Roana thought this over.
"Yeah, alright. No point stalling. Best to get it over and done with." Agreed Trevor. "Show how tough we are."
"Right on. Peach, you in?" Asked Roana.
Peach glanced up, as she had been twiddling her thumbs. Her mug was empty.
"Huh? Oh, sorry, could you repeat that from the part I stopped hearing you?" Requested Peach.
"Which part was that?" Asked Sanjay.
Peach shrugged.
"I don't know, I couldn't hear properly." Giggled Peach.
Roana laughed as well.
"We're wasting time." Stated Sanjay.
"Sanjay is right. On three guys. One, two, three!" Declared Trevor.
And so the three preps quickly chugged down the gross milkshakes as quickly as they could, and set down their mugs with a simultaneous clunk. For a few moments there was silence.
"That wasn't as bad as I was expecting." Noted Roana.
"Yeah, good plan Sanjay." Complimented Trevor.
Sanjay gagged and puked hard on the table and began coughing.
"Fuuuuuuuck..." Wheezed Sanjay.
Trevor and Roana winced.
"… I may be a butler, but I ain't cleaning that up." Stated Trevor.
"… Man, after that drink I feel kinda hungry." Noted Peach. "Weird."
"Don't mention food..." Begged Sanjay.
(Confessional: Food! #troll.)
Trevor: Yeah, so … is this what the food we'll get given is gonna be like in general? Yeah, no thanks, if that's the case I'll just go and forage in the forest.
Once again Chris sounded his airhorn to get the campers' attention onto himself.
"And that ends round two! Pretty tasty, eh?" Smirked Chris. "And SARA, not a word."
"I didn't say anything." Stated SARA.
"Good. Keep it that way." Stated Chris. "We had four vomiters, so it's easy for us to see that Yorkie, Lola, Fortune and Sanjay are out!"
"Can I have a glass of water?" Moaned Lola.
"Bathroom is down the hall, third door on the right." Stated Chris.
"Me first!" Exclaimed Fortune as she ran off, looking ill.
Orwell winced as he watched Fortune run off.
"Anyway, time for round three, and you guys are going to like this one." Smirked Chris.
"I highly doubt it." Stated Asa.
"Yeah, you can't cook for sh*t." Agreed Woody.
"Actually, my mother made the food." Frowned Chris.
"Then f*ck her." Scoffed Taylor.
"I'm huuuungry." Whined Peach. "More food please!"
"Gladly." Smirked Chris, rubbing his hands together. "Your next meal is going to be…
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peach pie!"
"My favourite!" Cheered Peach as the robot bought out several players, each containing a slice of pie.
Once the food was set down Boonie raised a hand.
"Yes, you with the beard." Prompted Chris.
"What's the catch? I ain't trusting you to give us something good." Stated Boonie.
"… No sugar was used, but salt was." Smirked Chris.
Suddenly the campers were smiling a whole lot less.
(Confessional: More salty than the sea. Yuck!)
Peach: Mmmmm, I love peach pie! It almost sounds like my name (Peach giggles). I've never tried pie with salt before, but … I do like to try new things. On the bright side, it's one of my five a day … maybe?
Woody: Salt is ok, but peaches are f*cking nasty. (Woody shudders)
Patrick: Salt? … SALT? Is Chris trying to give me some sort of f*cking heart condition?!
Fortune: I hope nobody is laughing at the fact the big chested girl lost in the milkshake round. Teasing hurts… (Fortune slaps herself) NO! Stop it! You are showing depth girl, and gimmickS do nothave depth!
(Round 3)
Taylor was ravenously eating the peach pie like an animal. It seemed like she was actually enjoying it very much. Asa watched silently while Woody raised an eyebrow.
"Um … you seem f*cking hungry." Noted Woody.
"It's good." Muttered Taylor between bites.
"It's got salt in it." Said Juliette, looking ill as she pushed away her plate of pie.
"Hey, I've been living on f*cking chicken feed for a f*cking month! Do not take this moment from me, b*tch!" Barked Taylor, scowling, before she quickly swallowed the last of the pie. "That hit the spot."
"Glad you thought so, because I cannot eat thus. I am allergic to peaches." Stated Asa.
Without a word, Taylor grabbed Asa's pie and began shovelling it into her mouth.
"That won't keep Asa in the challenge." Stated Juliette.
Taylor held up a hand as she swallowed.
"I know, I'm just f*cking hungry." Stated Taylor.
Juliette chanced another bite of the salty pie and moaned from the taste. However, she forced herself to keep going, and soon finished it off.
"… Two out of ten. I've had worse." Remarked Juliette. "How are you holding up Woody?"
"F*cking badly. I f*cking hate peaches." Moaned Woody.
"… Wait, the salt doesn't bother you?" Asked Juliette curiously.
"I love salty food, like b*tchin' pretzels." Stated Woody. "I just can't stand f*cking peaches."
Taylor grabbed Woody's pie and began eating it as though she had not eaten in ten years.
"Well … that certainly simplifies things." Remarked Juliette.
(Confessional: Not exactly a classy lady.)
Woody: Taylor's f*cking hot. I bet she'd go out with me because I'm f*cking awesome enough to make her reconsider not dating boys.
Patrick chewed a large mouthful of his pie, looking uncomfortable as he did so.
"F*ck … f*ck … f*ck..." Muttered Patrick between chews.
"Do ya have to swear like that?" Asked Boonie.
"It's keeping me from going insane and stabbing Chris." Muttered Patrick.
"… As ya were then." Nodded Boonie as he bit into the pie. "You know … I reckon this could be one of those foods that is sort of an acquired taste."
"No, it's just sh*t. Glazed donkey sh*t." Muttered Patrick. "Still, we're the top nerds. After all, we're smart and tougher than the other three."
"I like we've all got skills. I mean, Yorkie does role-playing, so if we have an acting challenge she could be useful." Noted Boonie as he swallowed the last of his pie. "Blech, it feels like a skunk going down..."
"Yeah, that reinforces my theory it tastes like sh*t." Muttered Patrick.
"I thought you said it tasted like donkey sh*t." Stated Boonie.
Patrick just shrugged as he finished his pie.
"I swear, I deserve the million already." Muttered Patrick. "I'm just glad we didn't have to play Atari porn games."
"They have those?" Asked Boonie, looking both disturbed and intrigued.
"You are not ready." Said Patrick firmly.
(Confessional: Why humanity, WHY?!)
Boonie: I gotta admit, Patrick is pretty cool when he's in a good mood. …Can nerds even be cool? Well, I reckon I might start an alliance with him soon. Assumin' nothing better comes up first. (Boonie crosses his legs and looks a little anxious). I sure hope Lola, Yorkie and Finneas don't get food poisoning or anything like that.
Kenny smiled as he ate the pie, looking rather cheerful. Arthur looked confused by this.
"How can you eat that?" Asked Arthur.
"It's salty and it's peachy. What's not to like?" Asked Kenny with a giggle.
Arthur smirked and nudged Yazz who also giggled.
"… I'm not gay! Seriously, why does everybody think that? Look, hang on." Said Kenny as he took a pink phone out of his pocket and showed the screen to his team mates. "See, there's me and my girlfriend."
Sure enough, the picture showed Kenny with a muscular arm around an African Canadian girl with frizzy black hair that a grey section that resembled a shark fin, and who wore a skimpy and slightly ragged dark blue tube top and raggy light green shorts.
"… She's a keeper." Noted Arthur.
"That she is." Smirked Kenny as he resumed eating his pie, looking at the picture fondly.
"Does she like sharks?" Asked Yazz.
"Oh, she wanted to marry one before she met me. You know how girls can be." Said Kenny with a sly giggle.
"I sure do." Giggled Yazz. " I am oh so fussy sometimes."
Arthur ate silently as he listened to this, but soon he gagged and coughed out some of the salty pie.
"I can't do this. I can't deal with salt foods." Groaned Arthur. "F*ck Chris. But, good luck to you too."
"We may need it. Otherwise we'll get crushed." Said Yazz cheerfully.
"We'll be the dream team!" Sang Kenny happily.
(Confessional: Or the nightmare team.)
Yazz: I love this team! Everybody is so funny! And with all the war, family, plagues and itchiness in the world, sometimes laughs are all we have. (Yazz pauses) I wonder if Kenny and Wendy would be up for a double date with me and Delsin? … Yeah, probably too early to ask. Kenny might have a heart attack!
Peach had a big smile on her face as she ate the pie.
"I gotta say, for a poor girl I sure feel pretty spoiled." Noted Peach. "Best challenge ever, right guys?"
Trevor and Roana did not speak, but they seemed to agree. After all, they looked close to choking.
"… Yeah, I think we've lost this one." Gagged Trevor. "I have reached my limit."
"Same." Moaned Roana. "Good thing it's not elimination."
"I could still win it." Assured Peach. "Just gotta chew and swallow, nothing too hard."
"Yeah, it's just tasting the food that is the problem." Said Trevor, putting his hands to his temples. "Good luck Peach. You are gonna need it."
"No, what I need is a napkin." Replied Peach.
"Snnnrrk!" Giggled Roana, trying to hold it in. "Don't feel bad if we lose. It's only a reward challenge."
"Makes me wonder who we'd kick off if it was an elimination." Mused Trevor.
"I hope the eliminations are in the forest! We could really rough it!" Exclaimed Peach.
Trevor and Roana exchanged a glance.
(Confessional: I'd rather love in a cottage.)
Trevor: Ok, I gotta admit … if we lost today and it were an elimination challenge, I'd vote for peach. She seems nice, yeah, but … the whole 'poor person' thing is pretty insensitive. Well, that's my view anyway.
Soon enough Chris sounded his airhorn again to signal that the round was over.
"Well, that was interesting." Remarked Chris. "I expected just four of you to be out … instead, a total of five of you dropped out. I'll allow it since, well, it won't really affect the outcome anyway. So, Asa, Woody, Arthur, Trevor and Roana, you guys are out. Go stand off to the side with the other losers."
And so that is whatever did. At this point thirteen students were out while seven were left.
"We're boned." Muttered Sanjay.
"Hm, not a bad showing." Noted Finneas.
"Taylor is like some of trash can." Giggled Dale. "What an inbred hillbillie."
"Go Kenny!" Cheered Orwell.
Once the campers who were in and out were separated Chris clapped his hands for some attention.
"Ok guys, time for the next round! Feeling hungry?" Asked Chris, smirking.
"After the food you've given them, they're probably anorexic now." Stated SARA flatly.
"Just doing my job!" Said Chris proudly. "Anyway, prepare yourselves, because your next meal is…
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a sandwich each, with mouldy bread and mouldy cheese!"
"Is that even safe to eat?" Asked Juliette.
"Does it matter? It's food." Said Taylor, scoffing.
"Can't argue that! Bring it on!" Cheered Juliette.
Patrick could only groan.
"Stupid cheese allergy. SHIT!" Cursed Patrick.
(Confessional: Maybe it's dairy-free cheese?)
Juliette: Most would run away by now, but not me. I love danger and thrills, and hey, at least after this I can say I've eaten a mouldy sandwich, huh? Hehehehe, this is gonna be awesome!
Boonie: So, Patrick cannot have cheese? Oh boy, this ain't good … why did I leave my dairy extractor under my bed back home?
Arthur: Geez, looks like I was lucky to get out when I did. Can't stand cheese. But I did notice Orwell looking scared of Fortune. Perhaps this information may useful, eh?
Goldie: It's pretty boring to just stand and watch, you know? I came here to take risks and win big. But … I guess it was ok when you consider it means I don't have to eat anymore food. Even Chef Hatchet could have done better … much better.
(Round 4)
Taylor quickly ate away at the sandwich, grimacing from the taste a little. Juliette ate at a faster rate, but seemed to be looking way more ill than Taylor did.
"Don't b*tch out on me now. If both of us go to the final round, we've got this sh*t won." Said Taylor, scowling.
Juliette paused for a breath and to respond.
"I'm trying my best. I just think I bit off more than I could chew." Admitted Juliette, giggling from the joke.
"Stop f*cking around and eat!" Ordered Taylor.
Juliette obeyed and, putting caution to the wind, ate the rest of the sandwich in one huge bite and gulped it down quickly.
"Yeah!" Cheered Juliette.
Juliette then gagged and looked ill.
"No..." Moaned Juliette.
Juliette then puked onto the table, and coughed a few times.
"… Best vomiting ever!" Cheered Juliette.
Taylor raised an eyebrow.
"Weirdo." Muttered Taylor as she resumed eating.
(Confessional: And it didn't even have butter on it! Rip-off!)
Taylor: Looks like it's just me. Pfffft, am I supposed to acre? I work on my own back home anyway. Consider this b*tch won.
Patrick sighed, looking at his mouldy cheese sandwich hatefully.
"You ruined this." Hissed Patrick.
"… You do know you're talking to a sandwich, right?" Asked Boonie.
"Yeah, and the f*cker isn't listening." Scowled Patrick. "This little f*cker stopped us from both making it to the finale round! I can have literally any kind of dairy but cheese! URGH!"
"Well, I can promise I'm gonna try my best to win this for us … but I gotta admit, this is starting to hurt." Murmured Boonie. "I can't eat just anything."
"Well for the next two rounds, you'll have to." Stated Patrick. "It's just a f*cking sandwich."
"… Thank you for pointing that." Muttered Boonie as he took another bite.
(Confessional: What do they call them sandwich's anyway?)
Boonie: I gotta admit … I'm a might bit concerned about Patrick's temper. What's got him so angry?
Peach slowly ate the sandwich, looking thoughtful.
"Hmmm … yep, needs more hot sauce." Noted Peach.
With a shrug to herself Peach resumed eating.
(Confessional: I would add some wasabi.)
Peach: I've had worse things to nibble on. When you live it rough like me, you gotta eat whatever you can get, y'know?
"Hmm, I always thought that death would taste like maggot and Dementor blood." Remarked Yazz. "Turns out I was wrong, it tastes like a mouldy cheese sandwich."
"Honestly, this is still better than that icky, stinky milkshake." Replied Kenny. "Urgh, I can't eat much more of this."
"I wouldn't blame you for quitting." Assured Yazz. "I'd blame the sandwich for being culinary death."
"It's not that, I just feel full and I don't like to over eat. I'm not a fattie fat fattie." Explained Kenny. "Like, I did not get this cue bod overnight."
"I got mine in nine months. Mum gave birth on time with me." Said Yazz cheerfully. "My triplet bros were all two weeks late though."
"Coolio!" Said Kenny., nodding eagerly. "Sooooooo … like, any idea what the reward we are playing for might be?"
Yazz considered this.
"A bomb shelter?" Guessed Yazz.
"OMG! I was gonna say that too!" Squeed Kenny.
"We are so in sync!" Giggled Yazz.
"I know, right?" Agreed Kenny eagerly.
(Confessional: Odd minds think alike.)
Yazz: I've found my gal pal! Or, boy-pal? ...Eh, you guys know what I mean.
Chris presently sounded his airhorn once again.
"Do you have to use that thing?" Asked SARA.
"Yes, it's my baby." Pouted Chris. "So, round four is over and the four slowest people to finish, or those who puked, or those who did not finish at all … are…
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Juliette, Patrick, Boonie and Kenny! You four, come stand with the other losers!"
The named four did as they were told, and Chris smirked.
"And with that, the Nitro Nerds will not be winning the challenge or the reward! Just be glad it wasn't an elimination today guys." Smirked Chris. "As for the other teams, your victory could still happen. It all comes down to Taylor, Peach and Yazz."
"Bring it on!" Yelled Taylor.
"Suspense!" Cheered Peach.
"I'm doomed." Giggled Yazz.
"And now, it's time for your fifth, and final, dish." Smirked Chris.
"Be very afraid." Advised SARA.
"Indeed you should be." Snickered Chris. "Because, the final meal of the challenge is…
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a bowl of one hundred fish eyes, each!"
BARA, JARA and FARA all exited the kitchen and placed a bowl of, presumably, one hundred fish eyes in front of each girl.
"Enjoy." Smirked Chris.
(Confessional: Eh, it'll still taste better than Chef Hatchet's cooking, probably.)
Juliette: Fish eyes? Darn it, that looked so extreme!
Lola: Darn it, that sure was an embarrassing display … mostly by me. Hopefully we can pick it up by the time of the first elimination.
Kenny: I can't take the suspense!
Sanjay: Consider me impressed. I honestly thought we were going to come last.
Patrick: [This season would be banned worldwide if this confessional was shown]
Taylor had a sour look on her face as she ate the fish eyes one handful at a time.
"On one hand, food. On the other hand, f*ck Chris and f*ck my life." Scowled Taylor.
Taylor swallowed and glanced up at her two opponents. Yazz was eating slowly but steadily, while Peach was looking back at Taylor.
Wait, what?
Peach smiled and gave a polite wave. Taylor glanced at Peach's rags and scowled deeper, begging to eat a faster rate.
(Confessional: Triggered!)
Taylor: (She looks very pissed off). What the f*cking f*ck was that?! Is that fat f*ck making fun of poverty or something? Is she idealising it?! Does she have any what the f*ck she is doing? GRRRRRRR! She better not come near me, because I won't be blamed for what my fists decide to do!
Peach smiled as she ate the fish eyes one by one.
"Hmm, not as bad as I thought." Noted Peach.
Peach glanced at Taylor again. The tough farm girl was shovel the fish eyes into her mouth, looking angry.
"Hmm … she's a real poor person. Maybe she could help me live the true poor lifestyle? She seems nice." Noted Peach.
(Confessional: Innocently Highly Insensitive.)
Peach: It'd be nice if me and, um, Taylor I think it is, were on the same team. We'd be like two peas in a poor pod!
Yazz swallowed a load of fish eyes, and then glanced at how many were left in the bowl.
"That's both an eyeful and a mouthful." Winced Yazz.
Yazz glanced around.
"Can I get some vinegar with this?" Asked Yazz.
"No." Said Chris firmly.
"Aww." Pouted Yazz.
(Confessional: No condiments, no mercy.)
Yazz: So, either I stop eating and lose, or I eat the fish eyes and I get sick. Lose-lose … just like life. (Yazz pouts)
The three girls kept eating as quickly as they could, but soon enough one of them ate the last fish eye. Chris noticed this and sounded his airhorn.
"Stop the buffet because we have a winner! And that winner is…
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Taylor, meaning that the Jarring Jocks win the reward!"
"F*ck yeah!" Smirked Taylor, pounding her fist onto the table.
"As if it could be any other f*cking way. We*re f*cking awesome." Bragged Woody.
"Not bad." Smirked Dale, giggling.
"First place!" Cheered Juliette.
"Cool." Nodded Asa.
"So, what's our reward? A trip to some train tracks to play chicken?" Asked Juliette.
"Nope … you guys win an advantage in the next challenge. More details will be supplied nearer the time." Smirked Chris. "Oh, and if anybody cares, as Peach had less fish eyes left than Yazz, the Preps get a meaningless second place."
"I always did like silver." Mused Peach.
"And with that, challenge number one is over." Declared Chris. "Actual dinner will be served shortly. After that … you might as well head to bed. And to ensure we do not get a repeat of the Cloaked Shadow, there is a curfew. You have to be inside by ten at night."
"Why would anybody want to be like that ass f*cker?" Scoffed Taylor.
"They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." Chuckled Sanjay.
(Confessional: Not even a one star meal.)
Taylor: One down, twenty five to go. I don't get what those kids last season were whining about, this sh*t is easy.
Finneas: We have to do better tomorrow. I highly doubt there will be two reward challenges to start the season, so … just in case we lose, I need to start getting an alliance together. I for sure want Boonie on my side, and while Patrick is unnecessary to my team and game, which of the girls should I pick? Hmm…
Orwell: Yeah, not exactly a strong start for the team, but … we weren't last, right? Ehehehe, I want to play the game, but titties! Titties everywhere! I need to vote some babes off or I'm sunk!
Roana: Ooooo, so close! Well, I'm sure a quick drink will wash away the soreness of defeat. And hey, five people is enough to have a mini party.
(Later that Evening)
(Jarring Jocks)
The five jocks entered the gym, all of them looking pretty pleased with how the challenge had gone for them.
"I'm hitting the sack. Wake me and f*cking die." Stated Taylor calmly as she headed off to the girls' bedroom.
"Sounds like a risk worth taking." Giggled Juliette.
"It really wouldn't be." Warned Asa. "I am going do a few laps now. Don't disturb me."
Asa took out a small MP3 player, plugged in the earphones and began running laps.
"… Yeah, I'm gonna try to find BARA. That robot is one cool and daring dude, and I want it to be my friend. And if it brings out the anti organic life laser, so much the better." Declared Juliette as she headed off.
Without a word Woody headed to the weight lifting set and began to lift a barbell. As he did this Dale approached him.
"Soooooo … thought about my offer of teaming up, teamie?" Winked Dale.
"I don't need f*cking allies." Chuckled Woody confidently.
"Are you really that fucking stupid?" Thought Dale, looking irritated.
"But, it seem you do need allies, little sh*t. Thus, sure, I'll give ya a f*cking helping hand." Smirked Woody.
"Yay!" Cheered Dale, his eyes sparking. "You won''t regret it!"
"Neither will you, b*tch." Smirked Woody.
(Confessional: Brawn and Brain, once again!)
Woody: Hey, the kid looked f*cking helpless and I'm not heartless. Might as well help him, since I am f*cking amazing.
Juliette: I know the robots are kinda … odd … but BARA is a bad ass! It's in the dude's name! We could be a crazy awesome duo and sh*t. Besides, I've always wanted a robot as a best friend since I was a little girl. Result!
(Nitro Nerds)
The five nerds filed into the library, none of them looking very happy about coming last in the challenge. None looked more pissed off than Patrick.
"FUCKING DICK CHEESE! If not for that f*cking cheese sandwich we'd have won!" Roared Patrick.
"Cheese sandwich was a good pony." Insisted Lola.
Patrick made a sound that was midway between a scream and a moan and stalked off.
"… That was awkward." Noted Yorkie.
"I'm sure that he'll sleep it off." Assured Boonie. "But we should probably win tomorrow."
"We have to. Even one vote off could really hinder us." Said Finneas seriously. "Be sure to bring it tomorrow. We can mess up on reward challenges, but losing elimination challenges is unacceptable."
"We should start working out." Suggested Lola. "We may be nerds, but I'm sure we can each handle five pull-ups a day. I'm always at the gym back home."
"Really?" Asked Boonie, looking impressed.
"Yup. Mostly just for the boys, but … it counts." Insisted Lola. "I mean, I do run on the treadmill … sometimes."
"I'll go find a book on working out." Decided Yorkie as she walked off, grabbing the extendable tongs along the way."
"Nice to see my invention is working well for her." Smiled Boonie.
"I like smart guys." Giggled Lola.
"You like any guy." Stated Finneas.
"Not any guy. I mean, I have some standards." Insisted Lola, blushing.
(Confessional: For example, they have to have a p-.)
Lola: Seriously though, boy focused as I am, I'm gonna focus in the game. I'm smart enough to win; I'm not just sensual, I'm also a scientist.
Patrick: Today was a sh*tload of f*ck.
(Onomatopoeia Oddballs)
"Well, that could have gone better." Pouted Kenny.
"Eh, it was just a reward challenge. We'll beat the Jocks tomorrow, and the other teams too." Assured Arthur confidently.
"Or die trying." Added Yazz.
"Besides, if it's a mental challenge the Jock's advantage won't matter. Several of them don't look too bright." Admitted Arthur.
"The nerds have the smarts covered." Noted Yazz.
"To me, it seems that the jocks are strong, the nerds are smart and the preps are social." Mused Kenny. "Like, that has to be symbolism guys, totes."
"Hmm, a philosophy gimmick could be fun." Noted Fortune.
"Gimmick?" Asked Arthur.
"Yeah, gimmick. If I'm a gimmick I'll get a fanbase together and I may get more TV opportunities." Smiled Fortune.
Kenny then noticed Orwell sitting off to the side, looking a little hunched over. Kenny approached him.
"What's wrong, honey?" Asked Kenny. "Seen a scary ghost?"
"Fortune is creeping me out." Shuddered Orwell.
"I'm sure she's a nice girl." Said Kenny.
"Maybe, but … TITTIES!" Wailed Orwell. "Once Fortune goes I can really start adding to the team. Yazz is only a three out of ten, no titties! I'll be totally loyal to you if you help me vote off Fortune. I'm begging you!"
Kenny pondered this.
"How can I say no to that smile? Ok you silly goose, we'll vote for Fortune." Promised Kenny. "But no throwing challenges, no sir!"
"Works for me." Mumbled Orwell. "How did Fortune gets such perfect, scary titties?"
"I'm willing to bet it was genetic and stuff." Mused Kenny.
Orwell sobbed.
"MILF!" Cried Orwell, sobbing at the thought.
Kenny just looked a little awkward.
(Confessional: It's not easy being the metrosexual.)
Orwell: Scariest day of my life… but, I have an ally, and titties … AAARGH, TITTIES!
Fortune: Part of me things my gimmick should be scaring Orwell because he seems to fear me more than Tigger fears Woozles … but that seems like a mean gimmick. I want fame, not to be infamous!
(Precious Preps)
The five preps entered their run out house; as they did so Peach yawned and stretched out.
"Nighty night guys! I'm gonna go sleep off sinner; I feel stuffed!" Exclaimed Peach as, with cheer on her face, she headed off to bed.
"And I am going to sit down and cry away the pain of that feast." Sighed Sanjay.
"Come on amigo, it wasn't that bad." Assured Goldie. "You weren't the first one out."
"True, you were." Smirked Sanjay.
"I could always ally with one of the others instead of you." Smirked Goldie slyly.
Sanjay trembled for a moment, but saw Goldie was just being saucy.
"Goldie, you sly b*tch." Giggled Sanjay. "You sure like to keep a guy on his toes."
Goldie gave Sanjay a playful pouty look.
"I'd rather not make it easy for anybody." Winked Goldie.
"Same." Agreed Sanjay.
Meanwhile Roana and Trevor sat on semi-broken armchairs at a different part of the house. Both were drinking from small bottles of cheap beer. Enough for a good drink, but not enough for any ill-effects.
"Well, that happened." Noted Trevor. "Even worse than the food the triplets cook me sometimes."
"Aw, that's mean." Pouted Roana.
"They're sweethearts, but … little kids tend to be bad at using a stove." Chuckled Trevor. "Nice beer by the way, thanks for sharing."
"No worries, but don't drink it too fast." Advised Roana.
"Is it smart idea to drink this on camera?" Asked Trevor.
Roana gave Trevor a look.
"Does any person these days wait until they are of age to have a sip of beer?" Asked Roana. "None of my buds did."
"… I suppose you're right." Conceded Trevor as he turned to the camera. "Kids, don't do what I am doing, ok? I'm a big boy."
"We're so irresponsible." Chuckled Roana.
"We should form an alliance … an alliance of irresponsibility." Suggested Trevor.
"I like that idea." Agreed Roana. "To irresponsibility!"
"Here, here!" Agreed Trevor.
The two teens raised their bottles and drank heartily.
(Confessional: Gordon called, he wants his booze back.)
Trevor: Roana is probably the coolest team mate I've got. Why would I not want her around? I'd kinda like to have a side alliance going on though. The triplets said I'd never be able to pull off two alliance at once and, well, I'm such a heartless monster that I like proving kids wrong. (Trevor laughs)
Sanjay: So, I've seen how everybody acts … well, a little bit anyway, and I think I've come up with a good plan based on this. Just ally with everybody. I mean, think about it, nobody would vote off their ally this early, and if I can keep them … busy shall we say … then they won't compare notes and find out what sh*t I'm pulling. Plus, idols.
(Outro)
Chris stood in the secretary office outside the principles' room door, ready to give the outro. SARA stood nearby.
"No elimination, but nonetheless a pretty awesome premier!" Declared Chris. "Twenty new campers, tons of swear words, friendships and conflicts, and a lot of puke! What more could you want? Probably much more as you fans are never satisfied! So, will Peach offend more people? Will Woody's rules help or hinder him? Will Finneas get an alliance together? Will Fortune, I dunno, do something gimmicky? And who will be the first person voted off?! You might just find out the answers to some of theses questions next time, on Total Drama: Cliques VS Cliques!"
"With fanbase wars inevitable." Added SARA.
"Hey, it keeps them watching." Smirked Chris.
STATS
1ST- Jarring Jocks
2ND- Precious Preps
3RD- Onomatopoeia Oddballs
4TH- Nitro Nerds
Jarring Jocks: Asa, Dale, Juliette, Taylor, Woody
Nitro Nerds: Boonie, Finneas, Lola, Patrick, Yorkie
Onomatopoeia Oddballs: Arthur, Fortune, Kenny, Orwell, Yazz
Precious Preps: Goldie, Peach, Roana, Sanjay, Trevor
Voted off: Nobody
No elimination this episode, but I feel this was a good first episode. I feel it captured the feel of how this season is pretty lighthearted (most of the time…) and gave each character at least one decent moment each. Of course, I'd say episode three will be when the season really hits it's pace. Until then, hopefully this story looks like it'll be a worthy sequel to Brains VS Brawns.
Next Time: The students go out of the gates and into the forest for a relay race and obstacle course fusion!
