Chapter 2

Eat your heart out Julian Fellowes because this is what should have happened in this very popular scene. It is a good job you have us to put your mistakes right without of course being paid a fortune but we do it because we love your characters and we do it for love not profit.. You can feel Anthony's anguish here.

"I'm glad I've got you to myself for a time," Anthony said, "I'm afraid I didn't get a chance to make myself clear the other day and it's been worrying me."

Edith was intrigued; just what could he mean? She looked confused but happy to be there with him. He sighed; this was going to be a lot harder than he had anticipated, much as he wanted to listen to the very different dialogue going on in his heart his head was currently winning.

He knew he had to be sensible about this but the truth was that Sir Anthony Strallan was fed up with being sensible; After all obeying his gut instinct to serve had landed him in this unenviable position to start with because he would have remained whole had he remained in Yorkshire.

Edith was the first woman since Maud to make him feel like he mattered, the first to appreciate his company. She had endeared herself to him forever on that long ago afternoon drive when she had asked him what Maud had been like without any sense of jealousy, politeness or malice for it could not be easy for a young girl – and she had been young then – to hear a man talk about his late wife but it had been good to have someone ask, to show an interest.

The inner conflict raged.

He wanted her; that much had become clear to him in the rather lurid dreams he had entertained since meeting her again at Violet's.

"The trouble is, Lady Edith," he began hesitantly, "I don't know whether to listen to my head or my heart."

"I don't understand," she frowned.

He held up his good hand, "Please hear me out."

"Alright," she sat back, "I owe you that at least."

Her brown eyes fixed on him told her that she was listening to every word he said and he swallowed hard.

"I'm much too old for you, Lady Edith. I don't need a wife, I need a nurse and it would be unfair for me to tie you and you would be tied if we took up together again. Your family would not like it and you would end up resenting, even hating me. I can't do that to someone as young or as lovely as you."

Edith felt her whole body tingle.

"And what does your heart tell you to do?" she faltered.

"It tells me to throw caution to the wind,"

He reached inside his shirt pocket and took out a photograph which he handed to her, "I carried this with me throughout the war and please don't think I never thought of you because I did. When my life was first blighted with this," he indicated his injured arm, "I lay in the godforsaken military hospital despairing of ever getting home and in the darkest hours I contemplated putting a gun to my head but I never could, something stopped me and that was you, I would look at that photograph and think of how I would hate to hurt you and have you think badly of me."

"I hope you did not believe what Mary told you I said at the garden party because you are the most intelligent and scintillating company I have ever had the privilege to share." She realised she was breaking his train of thought again and realised she was now as confused about its destination as he seemed to be. She raised her hand, "Sorry please do continue."

"I don't doubt you could or would look after me, Lady Edith. Please don't think I think otherwise it is just that it is a lot to expect from someone. There are things that happened to me that I have not been able to talk to anyone about since they happened and I would hate to frighten you."

"Please let me be the judge of whether or not I could cope, Anthony. You have always respected my opinions in the past and now I am legally of age that should matter even more."

He closed his eyes for a moment. Talk was all well and good but if she saw the mess the military surgeons had made of his wound, if she heard him wake screaming in the night it would terrify her; even assuming she would want to share his bed. What kind of person would he be to expose her to his own nightmares?

"Anthony, you know how my family view me, like I am invisible most of the time. If I end up looking after anyone in their old age I want it to be you, not my parents which is what I am destined for. Sybil is married now and I am sure Mary will be before too long. I would rather be with you,"

God she was making this so difficult for him without even realising it.

"Anthony, would you please at least come and sit down next to me?"

He did so and his eyes followed as her hand reached out towards his injured one. She slipped it gently inside his sling and clasped his injured hand. She stroked it gently, flexing his fingers; although he could not feel it he wished with all his heart that he could because she was so gentle, her gesture so loving it brought tears to his eyes.

"Lady Edith," his voice was choked with emotion.

"Anthony," she looked into his eyes, "You got injured fighting for your King and country and to me that makes you very special and more of a man than those who were younger but shirked their moral duty. I am more than prepared to learn to help you and I am sure your valet and your servants would be prepared to teach me all I need to know."

Anthony realised that his head was starting to lose the conflict because her arguments were sensible and concise as he began to realise that he was also tired of being alone. He had resigned himself to an empty life without the love he craved. He craved a woman's touch and company but his nights were still troubled. How could he tell her about those without her running for the hills?

But what she said next literally changed everything for him in the blink of eternity it took for the words to pass her lips; those lips he longed to kiss, despite the mental reservations he had put up and which he was aware were fast crumbling.

"Anthony, I do not pity you for one moment and it would be a pleasure for me to look after a war hero but I know I can do so as a wife and not a nursemaid. A duff arm does not mean you will drop dead of a heart attack anytime soon."

"Oh Edith" he sighed as his last wall of defence crashed down.

She was still holding his injured hand and had not let go of it.

"Anthony, I fear nothing because the truth is that I love you and I think I always have."