It'd been a month since her second meeting. Now she was at fourteen. Work had been going more pleasantly, she had involved herself in conversations with Belle, they were on a first name basis now, and they might be on the way to becoming friends. Spending time with M&M and David had turned from something painful, carrying a twinge of humiliation, into something normal and comfortable that Emma looked forward to. David had even asked Emma to steal one of M&M's rings so he could get an engagement ring for them, she'd had to swallow a bubble of giddiness the entire day until she finally slipped the ring into David's pocket. He'd even been so worried about finding the perfect ring that Emma had gone along with him during each of their lunch breaks; David drove over from the sheriff's station to pick her up and they slipped over to the jewelry store. Emma wound up spotting a beautiful, simple silver ring that widened in the middle to hold a few little emeralds side by side with a diamond right in the center of them, it was absolutely perfect for M&M. David dropped her back at work and drive away all riding on a huge smile, now Emma would just have to wait the month it took him to plan out the perfect way to ask her.
Emma's relationship with Killian had also progressed nicely, it turns out he worked at the local grocer so Emma had taken over doing that shopping during his shifts. Always leaving with M&M giving her a conspiratorial little smile and returning to the same look. At the store Killian almost always was stocking something, so Emma always lingered in whatever section he was in. They didn't talk very much, but they didn't need to, both of them seemed to always be in sync with one another and their silence was always comfortable. Killian always told her jokes and she usually had a sly reply up her sleeve. The two of them, just like M&M and David, just worked and fit right together. Killian finally asked her out on a date right before meeting number fourteen, they were going out the next night.
"Oh that's perfect, Emma. You look amazing," Mary-Margaret trilled with a biggest grin.
"You think so?" Emma inquired, looking down over her outfit. Brown jacket on a red shirt, blue jeans, and a pair of brown leather boots with a one inch heel.
M&M nodded sharply, "Trust me. You look fantastic, Killian won't know what hit him other than it was you and he needs to pull his jaw back off the floor."M&M smiled, making up for Emma's nervousness with her cheeriness and beaming smiles. "Why are you so nervous, Emma? You know he likes you already."
"It's just...well..." Emma fidgeted and finally sat down on the bed next to M&M before admitting, "This is my first date. Ever."
M&M goggled at her, they had never discussed men. It was the second biggest off-limits subject for Emma. "But, um, y'know...him," she tried hesitantly.
"I didn't really date him," Emma replied, surprising herself with this conversation, "I stole his stolen car and we kinda fell into a 'relationship' from there. The only other two before him weren't relationships either, one was just high school groping and the other was just a dumb girl and a dumb boy in the backseat of his daddy's car after a prom neither of us went to. But he was..." Emma trailed off, her mind starting to venture down somewhere that still scared her.
M&M took Emma's hands in her own and held them tightly, a clever look on her face. "And now look at you, all grown up and going on a date with a man whose face should totally be plastered all over tv and magazines for the benefit of all womankind," she remarked slyly, easily diverting Emma's thoughts right to Killian.
"Oh and you don't have a handsome prince to yourself, leave my scoundrel alone," Emma chided, both of them breaking out in laughter after. Their friendship may have started from an odd, dark place, but it wound up being one of the three things Emma knew she could count on. The other two were David's devotion to M&M and the fact they both would pull her out of the gutter she had thrown herself in and not judge her. How she had managed to find two people like that, Emma would never know, but she was never going to let go of them.
"You're getting that deep thoughts look on your face, Ems," M&M noted.
"Well they were nice deep thoughts, about you and David, Ems."
"Well thank you, I have nice deep thoughts for you too. But you need to go," M&M tilted her head towards the clock, it was later than Emma had thought.
Emma quickly freed her hands from M&M and gave her a quick hug before getting to her feet and heading out the door, stopping herself short she leaned back into the apartment and met M&M's eyes. "Don't wait up, M&Ms. Love you." She was reward with a huge smile and a wave before she hurried off again, slamming the door behind her and not knowing about the tears that spilled down her best friend's face. Happy tears weren't something Mary-Margaret Blanchard had had occasion to spill for Emma, so tonight was filled with firsts.
Emma managed to get to the grocer right on time, Killian was just stepping out with a cooler in one hand and struggling into his coat with the he saw her he smiled and finally shoved his arm in the sleeve. "Hope I get a better hang on how clothes work before we ever do anything exciting, ey, love?" Killian winked at her.
Snorting, Emma took his suddenly proffered arm and they headed down the street. They headed down towards the park, enjoying the weird deadness of Thursday evenings in Storybrooke. There may have been more than a few disadvantages of living in a small town, but if you wanted peace and quiet then you didn't need to look any further. Reaching the park they found the bench that had sort have become theirs over the past few weeks. It was right under an enormous cedar tree, right next to the trunk so you could lean up against it.
Settling themselves down on the bench, Killian cracked open the cooler and pulled out a pair of sandwiches, a thermos, and a little passed the next few minutes quietly, leaning up against the tree, enjoying the food and the clear sky. Emma finished her sandwich and cracked open the thermos. She could smell cinnamon, hot chocolate, and something a hell of a lot stronger than either.
"Irish, did you, well, irish the hot chocolate?" Emma inquired, more than a little incredulous.
"Yeah, except irishing it would have been with whiskey," he replied with a little smirk, "I pirated it."
"So you stole it and put rum in it?"
"Right on the money."
"...Seriously? You stole the hot chocolate."
"Yeah, well maybe Leroy will stop leaving it in the micro for half an hour and eating my lunch."
Emma started laughing then, Killian joined her after a minute. His little quarrel with his co-worker was ridiculous, some regular there paid more attention to Killian and Leroy had a crush on her. Nevermind the fact that Killian paid her exactly as much attention as he had to for his job and
pointedly never left whatever area Emma was in. After they stopped laughing they both lapsed back into silence, quietly trading the thermos back and forth. Unlike their time in the grocer or other places, this wasn't the same comfortable silence. Emma was too nervous to start talking, her mind drifting backwards into awful places and she couldn't push the thoughts out of her head.
"Y'know...on a date I think we're supposed to talk, Emma," Killian ventured, his brow creased with worry.
Emma bit her lip before responding back, "I wouldn't know. Never been on one."
"You're twenty-one and you've never been on a date?"
Emma just shook her head in reply, not sure why she had opened that door to him and not wanting him to go through it. "H-how about you?" Emma awkwardly broke the silence that was forming again.
"Me what?" Killian snapped out of the thoughts he was drifting into.
"Got any advice about dates?"
"Not really...this is kinda my first too," he answered her quietly.
"What, handsome as you are and twenty-four and never been on a date?" Emma tried jokingly. When he didn't laugh she mumbled, "Well at least we're failing on the same playing field...and together."
"I'm sorry, Emma..."
"No, no. It's okay. But hey, practice makes perfect, right?" Emma ventured.
Killian gave her a small, tight smile, and nodded. "Just an off day, huh?"
Emma nodded back and stood, Killian's eyes following her a bit mournfully. "We'll try again soon, Killian. Save the dessert until we manage a conversation?"
He nodded back to her and grabbed her hand, squeezing it and letting it go, it was how they usually said goodbye. Emma headed back to the apartment, a bit sad at how it had gone, but still happy that it had gone at all. As she brushed her teeth she had to admit she was impressed, they had both put themselves out there and even though it had kinda sucked, they were going to do it again. It was progress.
Four hours of laying on her bed later, she was frustrated and anxious. Finally giving in, she got up and got dressed in a sweater, sneakers, and jeans. Of course she couldn't sleep tonight. Emma left the apartment and started walking. She'd started to do this a lot since she had gotten out of the hospital. It was the only way she could really get rid of her occasional insomnia. She had a route now, she'd wend her way down to Troll Bridge overlooking the river and stay there for a few minutes, looking out over the water, before heading back. Emma was walking quickly that night, needing to burn off her anxiety and frustration so she could get some sleep. Emma was actually starting to really care whether or not she was late to work in the mornings.
By the time she drew near to the bridge, Emma was finally feeling calm. Storybrooke was dead quiet at night and the silence was always welcoming to her. When she finally stepped onto Troll Bridge she looked up for the first time in at least thirty minutes and she caught sight of someone standing in the middle of the bridge, next to the railing on the far side, right over the highest part of the bridge. Her calm starting to crack a little, Emma continued walking, figuring it was just someone else on a nighttime stroll. This theory proved decidedly wrong when the man, Emma had enough light to tell he was definitely a man, moved to haul himself up on the railing. Her calm shattering into panic, Emma found herself breaking out into a run, rolling her feet as to make as little noise as possible. Heart thundering in her ears, some small part of her wondering what the hell she was doing, another part was definitely curious as to how the hell she found the courage to be doing it. She managed to reach the man just as he was stepping off the railing, her arms catching under his and her hands clasping together over his heart. Moving faster and stronger than Emma knew she could, she braced one leg against the railing and heaved back, managed to counter the sudden pull he was giving her with the lightning snap of adrenaline that was rocketing through her system. Losing track of what happened next, Emma came to her senses with the vague memory of having pivoted him and flipped him over the railing and onto the bridge, both of them hitting the ground after that. They both started to pick themselves off the ground and she finally got to see the face of the man she had saved.
The shock and betrayal hit her like a physical blow, then the daze cleared and there was only the hurt. "HOW COULD YOU!?" she heard herself scream, she could feel her own horrified expression as she looked at Killian's own guilt stricken one.
"Emma-" he managed to choke out, struggling to his feet.
"How could you?" she wailed pitifully, the tears starting to stream down her face as she was almost doubled over clutching her middle. "You were supposed to be okay. You were the one doing better. You were why I was doing better, I was watching you do better," she started to choke the words out between sobs. A crushing sense of failure was pressing down as she continued to stare at Killian, tears streaming down his face as well. She straightened up some and took a step towards him, trying to get close enough to make him understand as she cried out again, "You were okay, you made me smile, you took my hand. You asked me out. You were okay." Her words became a plea as she stumbled forward.
Killian caught her and she pressed her face deep into his chest, sobbing uncontrollably, not even feeling how tight he was holding her or him pressing his face into her hair. "I...you...you were the one who was okay, Emma," he begged, "I can't...I don't know how to be okay anymore. I didn't want to jump, but I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't even manage a date with you, I'm such a fucking failure." Emma could feel him finally start to sob as she clutched to the front of his shirt like the lifeline he was to her. "I fucking got them all killed. It was all me I did it," he sobbed out, his knees giving way and they both sank to the ground, "I let him fucking take over and we went into a squall, they all died because of me. I fucking killed them, Emma." They both clutched each other tighter and the only thing Emma could think to do was whisper a quiet refrain of "No" between her sobs and he kept moaning "I killed them" between his.
