It's Not About the Books Anymore

Chapter 2

As with any other investigation, Detective Beckett began this one by finding clues, gathering evidence, interviewing witnesses and following leads. Her next step would be interrogating the suspect.

Armed with an address and detailed directions from Martha, Kate headed off the next morning to locate Castle. The nearly three-hour drive gave her ample time to assess all the information his mother had given her.

Martha had offered Kate something to drink as they'd sat at the counter to talk. After Kate had told Martha the reason she had been looking for Castle, Martha had been very forthcoming about his whereabouts and had been more than happy to tell Kate what he'd been up to.

Kate had told Martha about the call she'd received from Gina earlier that day. Of course, she'd conveniently left out the part about Gina believing that he was in love with her. When Kate had mentioned to Martha that Castle had wanted to quit writing the Nikki Heat books, Martha's expression dropped.

"Oh, my," Martha had said. "I never thought it would come to this."

"What?"

"You," Martha answered bluntly. "He's been head over heels for you ever since the first time you had him arrested."

Kate smirked, remembering standing in this very apartment shouting, Richard Castle you're under arrest... Little had she known that it wouldn't be the only time she'd utter those words.

"I know my son," Martha continued. "He's been writing a love letter to you in the form of those books. You know that, don't you?"

Oh, God. There's that word again.

Love.

Kate smiled in agreement.

"I think he's scared to death of losing you," Martha added.

Kate couldn't understand how Castle thought that quitting the Nikki Heat books would keep him from losing her (when he really didn't have her to begin with). But she was certainly determined to find out.

"Martha, please tell me where he is."

Martha had told her that after he'd dropped off Alexis at JFK, he'd driven out to his house in the Hamptons where he'd been holed-up for the past six days. He'd told his mother that he'd gone there to work on the latest Nikki Heat book. But with the information Kate had gathered, Martha hadn't been so sure what he'd been up to.

Kate hadn't been either.

Kate could have waited until after New Years to find out what was going on in that head of his, but she'd already spent a very long summer waiting for him to come back from the Hamptons; Waiting for him to call. She wasn't going to wait this time. This was going to be on her terms.

As Kate drove, Gina's words echoed in her head.

He's in love with you.

But was she in love with him?

Possibly.

Probably.

Yes.

But was she willing to take a chance with him?

After the heartbreaking fiasco of last spring-ending her relationship with Tom Demming and then standing in the precinct hallway with her heart in her hand as she'd watched Castle and his ex-wife walk arm-in-arm into the sunset-she'd put up walls around her to protect herself from that kind of pain again.

One of those walls was in the form of a man named Josh Davidson.

She'd met Josh at a fundraiser for a local children's hospital. He'd smiled at her and had made her laugh. Then he had offered to take her for a ride on his Harley-Davidson Softail. She hadn't been surprised when they'd ended up at his place that night.

Spending time with him had helped her get through the summer and most importantly, had helped her try and forget the pain that Castle had caused. She had also safely tucked away her feelings for Castle; feelings that she was sure he didn't return.

Until now.

But Josh wasn't her boyfriend. She'd made it very clear to him from the beginning that she wasn't interested in a serious relationship; but she was willing to have a no-strings fling with him. He had been completely fine with their arrangement.

Kate suddenly realized that her relationship with Josh was like that of Nikki and her trainer, Don.

Maybe there's a little more Nikki Heat in me than you think.

Josh was a handsome cardiac surgeon, he was charming and funny, he was a biker, and he was great in bed. He should be everything she would want in a man. But there was one thing he wasn't.

He wasn't Richard Castle.

But ever since Castle had returned to the precinct in the fall, she'd kept up the façade of her relationship with Josh, especially since Castle had given her every reason to believe he was still with Gina.

Castle had lied to Kate about his relationship with Gina and she'd lied to him about her relationship with Josh. She chuckled to herself. She wondered if Castle would appreciate the irony.

Kate thought about the other thing that Gina had said: Since this has to do with Nikki Heat, it has something to do with you. Kate was certain of that, too. Why else would he quit writing the books?

It finally hit her.

He wasn't coming back.

He was leaving her.

She was going to lose him.

Again.

It was Memorial weekend all over again, but this time there wouldn't be the promise of see you in the fall.

Kate wondered if he would just stop coming to the precinct; if the last case they worked on together really was their last case. Would he even say goodbye? The thought made her very sad.

And then she thought the worst, maybe she'd just receive an official letter from his attorney:

Dear Detective Beckett,

This letter is to inform you that Richard Castle is no longer in need of the services of the NYPD and will not be shadowing you on any further cases…

That thought made her angry.

If he truly loved her, why would he just walk away?

Kate realized that if she expected honesty from him it was time to be honest with him too. But the last time she'd attempted to admit her feelings for him they'd spent the summer apart.

She trusted him.

She wasn't going to leave until she figured out what was going on. She was going to stay until she'd convinced him to come back as her partner. She wasn't sure how she'd do it, but she knew he needed to think it was his idea.

#######

Thanks for reading. Please review. I'd love to know your thoughts.