It was a sudden jolt made me feel as if my whole world is completely spiraling out of control around me. The fear in the room is palpable, and still I feel his emotions they were all jumbled up with my own. It's difficult to tell where he begins, and where I end. Fear, rage, confusion, loathing thrummed through me. It's become so painful that my entire body began to tremble uncontrollably. No matter how hard I fight against it to try to push it down, nothing works. Slowly I try to move away scooting myself further back on the cold metal bed, but he countered my movement pressing himself against my legs, pinning me firmly in place. I am trapped here and there is nothing I can do about it.
"What have you done with Rose," he hissed through gritted teeth.
"I don't know," I sob loudly leaning as far away from him as I am able. He growls at me a low menacing sound, and leans in closer his face now mere inches from mine. His breath feels hot against my cheek, the same breath that not a moment before that gave me pure pleasure now causes my stomach to twist in fear. Brown eyes glare burning with indignation, roughly he taps his finger four times roughly against my forehead.
"You. Are. Not. Rose," he snapped every tap of his finger causing a sharp pain through my skull. "You're in her body, but you're not her, and she's not in there at all. I know Roses mind, and I know her better than she knows herself. So I'm going to ask you one last time. Where is Rose and what have you done with her?"
"You're insane," I whisper batting his hand away from my face. He shot straight up my actions stilling him. He reminds me of a statue as he stands looming over me, staring down into my eyes it's as if he is searching for something. It feels as if time had slows to a crawl under his instance scrutiny, his jaw flexing, nostrils flare with every breath.
"Right," he spat, carefully backing away his movements stiff but full of determination, and never taking his eyes from mine. I might feel a sense of relief to get some distance from him, but the real danger from this man keeps me feeling anything but intense fear with a desperate desire to run. But where would I run to even if I could? I don't even know where I am or where I would go if I were to get away from this mad man.
Then with one fluid motion, he turned away from me and grabs the closest chair, spinning back around then slamming it down in front of me. I flinch as the sound echoes through the room, and then flopping down onto the chair he crosses his arms tight to his chest glaring at me. His fury bubbling under the surface while his expression seems calm, but his eyes continue to burn into mine.
"Tell me what you remember." His voice softer now controlled, but the edge was still there. I'm not sure what was more frightening his flippant anger or this cold rage.
"I don't…"
"You don't know, you said that already. What I don't know why you're in Rose's head, but I'm going to find out one way or another. So I think you better start trying to remember, and I want the truth because I can tell if you're lying to me, and trust me. You don't want to lie to me."
I need to calm my mind and relax, I knew this. I close my eyes taking in a deep shaky breath, the tension slowly draining from my body. I can't look at him anymore, I can't stand to see the hate that I'm causing, even though I don't know how or why. The last thing I remember before waking up was...
'Think, think,' I curse myself inwardly. A mind numbing darkness was all I could feel at first, but then I could hear the sounds, they echoed at first.
There had been a fire, I remembered the screams as they echo through my mind, so many people frightened, so many trying to run. The smell of burnt flesh and hair choked me. It was like I was there again living it, my eyes burned. I swallow back a hard lump that forms in my throat. I'm unable to breathe, I gasp as I tried to suck air into my lungs, but it's become too painful. Everything was burning around me, everyone was dying. I can see it all now. Fires burning people running, trying to get away. Burned bodies lay scattered in the street, some chard to blackened bone. There were machines heavy metal men, they destroyed everything around me. I was frightened I didn't know what to do I wanted to help, but I didn't know how. I was frozen in place, frightened and very lost.
Then she was there, the golden girl her clothes all torn and covered in dirt muck. She was shouting at the people as they ran about, but nobody would listen. She was trying to help them, and then she turned and looked at me, shouting she ran towards me, her hand clasping tightly around my wrist. My hands were covered in blood. I was bleeding, I knew it was mine I could feel the pain in my chest it burned and ached.
How did that happen? I wondered, but before I could think any more about it she's pulling me along with her shouting at me, but I hear her I can't understand. There's too much noise, too much destruction, I tried to scream, but all that came out was a garbled cry as I tried to break free of her grasp.
"It's okay, it's alright. Hey, hey you're safe." His voice no longer held anger but was full of worry. Hands rest lightly on my knees, he squeezes them gently as he tries to wake me from this nightmare. His touch was reassuring. "You can open your eyes, everything is alright just open your eyes and look at me," he coaxed.
"I'm scared."
"I know, I am so sorry I scared you. We'll figure this out together. Alright?"
I nod absently forcing my eyes open a crack. I see him standing in front of me. Anger was gone replaced with the look of concern. When I open my eyes fully, he forces a turbulent smile.
"What's happening to me?" I ask weakly. I was a lot more tired than I felt before if it were even possible.
"Don't know but we'll find out." He didn't sound too convinced of this, but at this point it seems as if I have no other choice but to trust him. "Tell me what happened there, tell me you remember, then you can rest."
"So many people, screaming, running. So much death," my voice sounds so small and weak, I wish this nightmare would just end.
I'm aware of his thumbs as the trace small circles on the top of my knees. It was gentle, reassuring my body began to relax with the motion. "I know, it was tough out there, but I want you to think. What happened before you were injured?"
I focus on his touch as I recount what I could remember. "I was running, there were… metal people."
"Cybermen." I look up. His expression had become somber, and a brief look of shame crossing his face before disappeared as quickly.
I pretend not to notice and shrug. "I ran out onto the street. I was looking for someone, but I don't remember… There was a girl, a blonde girl, she was shouting at the people."
"Rose." The man's eyes were immense and dark in the bright light, his voice full with a desperate hope.
"She grabbed my arm and pulled me along with her, there was fire all around us. I-I couldn't hear what she was saying, but we ran. Then I realized she was running the wrong way, but she wouldn't let go- there was an explosion. I was so scared, I tried to pull away. I remember pain, screaming. Then- I woke up here, with you."
His once hopeful eyes were now full of tears staring into mine. Shaking his head then backing away rubbing his eyes dashing away the un-fallen tears. "No," he shook his head. "There has to be more, that can't be all."
"I'm sorry-"
"No, she's not gone, that can't be it." He sniffed tightening his arms about himself as if he were cold. "This doesn't make sense, this isn't possible." He said as a matter of fact. "Humans can't transfer their minds like this, even if it were Rose would be in there with you, but she's not- I would have felt her. Mind transference takes technology that the human race is not even capable of yet not for about another five hundred years," he argued completely changing the topic.
"Five hundred- I don't understand."
"The Cybermen wouldn't have done it." He continues as if he could no longer hear nor see me. "There would be no point, it's not how they operate. They have the technology to do it, but transferring one mind into another, there would be no reason for it, and a massive waste of resources. Also it's not what they do," he rambles pacing from one point of the room then back again. I open my mouth to speak again, but he just kept going. So I sat quietly watching, hoping for some answers in his jumble of words. "A mind is a highly sensitive thing. It doesn't take much to destroy a mind, anyone's mind, this doesn't make sense… unless." He froze in his tracks, spinning around on his heel he stared at me with a wide eyed and shouted. "You're not human."
"W-what?"
"That's it isn't it," he hollers excitedly spinning round to face me. "There are thousands no millions of telepathic species across the universe, but only a small handful that can make a full mind transfer from one body to another without help from some sort of technology. And only two of those thousands that can make a full mind swap could be passed off as human, one is a long since dead race. There is one looks like a slug about the size of a horse with extremely slimy wings."
"Horse slugs…" I stammer, his sudden burst of enthusiasm had caught me totally off guard.
"THAT'S IT! You're a Qan'rain." He claps. "Now it makes perfect sense, well not perfect sense still it's the only one that adds up."
"Wait, what's a Qan-rain, and how does any of this make sense?" I ask as I attempted with great difficulty to keep my voice steady. "Absolutely none of this makes any sense at all, you're just going on and on, and it's like you're making it up as you go. I don't even know who the hell you are or where we are or anything at all."
The man grins and straightens up his expression smug and somewhat arrogant. "I'm the Doctor, and a Qan'rain is your race," he said as if that were the answer to everything.
"Race, what do you mean race and Doctor of what?" I question feeling quite dumbstruck on how we got from him threatening my life to sudden fast friends, but we aren't friends. I can still feel his emotions it has become less than before, but I could feel the uncertainty and anger still boiling just below the surface. I need to tread carefully, that I knew.
"Just the Doctor, you're an alien not from earth, non-human."
"Non-human, not… are you absolutely insane? And what kind of name is 'just the Doctor' anyways?"
"Hey, what's wrong with my name?" He feign as if I hurt his feelings, he was enjoying this little game a lot, like a cat with a mouse it isn't quite ready to kill, and I most definitely was the mouse. "And you are an alien, so am I." Smirking then shrugging as if we were having the most ordinary conversation in the world.
My head began to ache even more, this whole thing was getting me nowhere fast. "So we are both aliens, and those things, those Cyber-people."
"Cybermen."
"Cybermen, right, how could I forget? Oh yeah, I've been hit on the head and is obviously suffering from massive brain damage," I snap, I couldn't help it, this all had to be some sort of nightmare, maybe I'm just sleeping and none of this is really happening.
"Nope, you're brain scan is clear. You have a concussion, but as long as you take it easy and don't overdo it you'll be alright."
"Right, and I'm suppose to believe you. Some mad man who calls himself the Doctor, who is an alien and state's I'm an Alien to."
"Yep." He said emphasizing the p with an overzealous pop.
Inhaling another shaky breath as I try to process all of this. There is no way I could even entertain the idea of believing him, but part of me did because I seen all of those robots. The sound of their metal feet marching in unison. They weren't human, and the news, all the things that have been happening the past few years, spaceships strange beings from other planets, I never truly believe any of it until now. There was no way it could be true could it? He's staring at me with a goofy half smile on his face. I have to trust him it's right I can feel it, and then I give into the insanity. I can see it now, a rubber room with my name on it in the very near future.
"Alright then The Doctor, what happens now?"
"No, no not The Doctor, just Doctor. What happens now is we figure out how this happened to you and Rose then try and reverse it. I'm guessing that wherever your body is will be where we find Rose's mind."
"So what you're telling me is that this Rose woman she's in my body and I'm in hers?" This sounds as if it were straight out of an extremely crummy T.V show.
"Yes, but it's all that simple. These things never are. Plus I have to do some work on the TARDIS she's barely fit to go anywhere right now."
"TARDIS?"
"Time and Relative Dimension in Space. T.A.R.D.I.S, TARDIS."
"And that would be?"
"My ship," he said with pride and patting the small console beside him.
"Your… ship, like a spaceship?"
"Yep." Even though, he is grinning at me I can still feel the sensation of emotions coming off him, and uncertainty is at the forefront of his emotions right now.
"We're on a spaceship, in space is what you're telling me?"
"Well, we're not in space at the moment, and this is not just a spaceship," he quipped leaning against the panel. "It's also a Time machine, were in the time vortex safest place for us at the moment." He chuckled and my stomach lurching maybe if I just close my eyes I'll wake up. This has to be a horrible dream, this actually can't be happening. I squeeze my eyes shut tight and try and will all of this madness away. I feel his strong hands on each side of my face. A rush of emotions threaten to overwhelm me.
"What's wrong, are you still in pain?" His words matching the emotions that were not my own, a flash of something surging through my mind a memory a feeling an image, but it's gone now.
"I want to go home," I whisper, and his thumb wiping away a stray tear I wasn't even aware that I was crying.
"I know, I swear I will do everything in my ability to fix this. It will be alright."
"How can you know that, truly know for sure?"
"Because, I'm the Doctor." His voice is determined and full of confidence, but I can still feel the uncertainty mixed in. I look at him and I can see the mask he wears, the facade his words that don't match his feelings completely."
"Don't lie to me," I murmur. "I hate when people lie to me."
"I'm not…"
"You are. I can feel it, you're saying one thing and feeling another. Don't treat me like a child that you have to coddle."
His eyes grew wide in surprise pulling his hand sharply from my face as if I was causing him physical pain. "What do you mean you can feel it, feel what?" His voice flat all the false bravado was entirely gone.
"You. I can feel you. Ever since you were in my head. I wasn't sure at first, but…"
The Doctor took a small step aw. "That shouldn't happen. No, once the connection is severed, you shouldn't be able too... Can you still feel it?" He asked, swallowing hard. When I nod and his frown deepened. "No, no that can't be right you shouldn't… I mean, I can feel yours, but I'm a Time Lord, I can always feel emotions when I try. That's how I know you're not lying, but you shouldn't be able to feel mine not anymore. Qan'rain can feel emotions of others, but you're not in your own body. You shouldn't be able to do this."
Turning away from me he strode across the room, turning back to face me. "How about now, stronger, weaker the same?"
"Same… look, forget I even said anything."
"Oh no, that's not how this works, I put up a barrier you shouldn't feel anything from me anymore. Have you always been able to feel emotions so strongly? I mean, I know you're people are extraordinarily strong telepaths, but you're not exactly in your body right now. I know Rose doesn't have a telepathic thought in her head. So how is this happening?"
"I don't know alright. All you do is talk, talk, and talk question after question. I. Don't. Know. If you haven't noticed I don't have much of a memory at the moment."
"Right, right I'm sorry. I honestly shouldn't be pushing so hard after everything. Right then, let's get you settled maybe a change and the rest will help."
"Has anyone ever told you that you're a very confusing man?"
"All the time actually." Putting on another fake smile and this time I chose to ignore that fact, this was getting us nowhere, and a hot bath sounded so fantastic right now. "Come on, I'll show you to Roses room. Everything you'll need is in there." He said holding out his hand for me to take, instinctively taking his hand a little too eagerly.
When I stood up the room, began to spin causing me to stumble. "Ah, easy there, not so fast," he said and held me still, his hands grasping firmly on my shoulders. "You're going to be a little wobbly for a few days, you'll need to move slowly."
I nod my reply steadying myself and releasing his grasp my shoulders, but only long enough to hold my hand guiding towards the door slowly. As we walked my mind wandering, I have so many questions swirling in my mind after leaving the medical bay. If this is a spaceship then why isn't it, in space? Are we on Earth, or anywhere near Earth? And if this were a Time Machine why doesn't he just go back and fix it? Maybe he can't maybe…
"I can't cross my own timeline, or yours or Roses for that matter." He spoke suddenly braking me from my thoughts.
"What?" My voice cracked.
"That's what you're thinking, isn't it? Why can't I just go back and stop all of this from happening."
"What are you a mind reader?" I chuckle half-heartedly.
"What? No. Well, I could but that would be just rude. It's a general thought when someone hears the word Time Machine."
"Oh," I murmur, it's all I can really say. I'm not going to pretend I understand all of this, but I get the gist either way. It's not long before we fall back into a comfortable silence. I can still feel the tension as I hold tight to his hand, and I know it isn't necessary but in all I honestly feel the need to hang on to him. It's as if none of this is real just some horrid nightmare, and his hand in mine grounds me. I feel so guilty causing him so much misery, I mean all he wants is his friend back, and here I am all stuck up in her head and no idea how to fix it.
The halls twist and turn this way and that. Some of the doors were enormous looming made of a strange metal with what looks like intricate locks while others are ordinary wood similar to what you would be in someone's home. A stark contrast that look entirely out of place on such an enormous ship. There are archways that lead into massive open rooms that I can't actually see what is in them, but my curiosity is severely peaked. I hope that maybe when I am well enough he will give me a tour of the ship, it never hurt to ask, making a mental note to do just that when all of this madness is settled. We stop in front of what looks like a dark oak wooden door. There were intricate designs carved deep into the wood, circular patterns with precise curving lines, and I noticed the same patterns on some of the other doors and archways, but this one seems slightly different more complex, it was beautiful. Reaching out I run my fingers along one of the larger of the circles, I become distinctly aware of the low hum of this ship and wonder why I had never noticed it before.
"It's Gallifreyan, the lost language of the Time Lords." his voice was reminisce and somewhat sad, I can feel his sorrow and loss it makes my heart ache for him. Was this the writing of his people? If so how was it a lost language?
"It very beautiful, what does it say?" I ask but regret it almost immediately, although his expression did not falter it was his feelings that make my heart break into pieces. The Doctor stares at the writing as if he were about to tell me, but I know he won't. His feelings alone tell me so much about this lonely soul, and I feel like an intruder to his most private feelings. I never wished for anything more than to be able to throw a switch and take away this man's pain.
He looks at me now another fake smile with those sad lonely brown eyes. "Who cares about some old writing anyway, eh?" He jokes taking a hold of the brass handle and pushes the door open wide.
I honestly wasn't expecting what I saw on the other side, by the looks of the door I figured it would be a room that is filled with old books, dark wooden walls and everything something supremely Victorian… and clean. Well it's not dirty per say, it's not like there was dirt everywhere it was just very messy. The room itself is warmly lit giving the room a very home like feel. A extremely large four poster king size bed sat against the far wall, and yet there is still ample room. The bed is extraordinarily large and the deep purple and black sheets hang crumpled and draping half onto the floor. The walls are a plain white, and simple not the dark rich wood I half expected it to find. Clothes laid strung out all over the room. Some hanging from chairs, while others sat in heaps on the floor. Whomever this woman is she is by far not a neat freak. I stand there gaping at the horrendous disaster that is supposed to be now my bedroom.
"What do you think?" The Doctor asks gently pushing me further into the room before closing the door behind us.
"I-I, uh."
"Nice isn't it?"
"Does this woman know the meaning of a laundry basket?" I questioned then realized how ignorant and ungrateful I must sound. "I mean, I like it, it's nice and lots of space and…"
"Ah, yes," he stammered rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Well the TARDIS normally takes care of the mess. Though, I think she was becoming slightly annoyed with Rose's lack of tidiness. We're always so busy it's sometimes hard to keep up with the small things."
"Small things? It takes five minutes to put the wash away if done properly," I murmured the hum from the ship grew louder for a brief moment. A gentle, what could only be described at a caress tickles my mind but it had been so quick has to be a side effect of the bump on the head.
The Doctor chuckled and patted my shoulder. "The TARDIS seems to agree with you on that," he said with a grin.
"What do you mean, agrees with me? It's a machine."
"Oi, she's more than that. The TARDIS is a sentient being if you keep that up she can be really intolerable when she's offended."
"Oh, uh, I'm sorry. I didn't know." I shout a little too loudly.
"She's not deaf, you don't need to shout," he grumbled.
"Right, emotional Time Machine, I'll remember that… So now what?"
"Uh, well you can bathe or shower in there." gesturing towards the closed door across the room, "Or whatever human needs you have." He shifted uncomfortably, and I could feel myself blushing as a million thoughts raced through my head, then realizing that I'm not only feeling his emotional state, he can feel mine as well and just made me blush even more.
"Thanks," I state uncomfortably as I wait for him to leave, but instead he just stands there looking at me. "Well…" I pronounced motioning my head towards the way we came in.
"OH! Right, yes. I should leave you to it then," he said fumbling his words but still not making a motion to go.
"Is there something wrong?"
"What? No, no everything's brilliant. Well, I would feel better if you would let me stay."
"And what, watch me shower?" This conversation is heading into extremely dangerous and very uncomfortable territory.
"No! I mean, ah, no. I'll stay out here while you do whatever it is you do in there."
"Whatever I do in there? You mean bathe myself, wash my hair, and get this crud off my body." Holding my suit covered hands up for him to see. "What else would I do in a bathroom?"
"I don't know, I don't make a habit of watching humans wash. I just thought encase you need anything, you're still a little unsteady I thought…" he continued to falter then dashed over to the night side table, and grabbed one of the crumpled towels and threw it at me. "Just go, clean up. I'll just go get us something to eat instead."
"Good idea, I'll be fine I'm sure."
"You're right, the TARDIS will let me know if you need anything."
"Good to know, go, now, before you talk yourself into a corner again."
"Right, you're right of course." Tripping over a pile of clothes the Doctor scurries past me then slips out the door closing it softly.
I was alone. Everything is quiet except the soft reassuring hum of the TARDIS, and I realize how dirty I feel. Carefully stripping off the torn leather jacket I start to wonder how all of this happened, and how strange all of this is first off I would never wear something like this, not that it wasn't nice or anything it just isn't my style. I'm not even sure what my style is but this felt wrong like so many things. I toss the jacket into the trash bin beside the door and sigh, there was no saving the jacket. Then slowly make my way around the landmines of clothes and scattered items removing bits of my tattered clothes as I went, and wrapping the towel tightly around myself. I open the bathroom door and step inside.
The bathroom is a bit too bright unlike the bedroom,and more like the medical bay everything was spotless and immaculate with stainless steel sink with a large off white in ground tub, that reminds me more of a hot tub that you can fit about half a dozen of me in there and still have room. This Doctor seems to like everything extravagant, and large making me wonder idly if he were compensating for something. I chuckle at the thought, but as I stood over the tub I find I am grateful for its size. I can't wait to get in for a good long soak, but there wasn't a sign of any taps and I feel like a complete idiot standing there staring into an empty tub, when suddenly water began to gush out along the top rim slowly filling it. Steam rolls off the water and I took a deep relaxing breath.
"Thank you." I spoke to the empty room, feeling a little silly as I did. The gentle tickle in my mind returned, and I was now acutely aware how not alone I am in here. "You really are alive aren't you." I murmured, and turned away from the tub to face the sink so I could wash away some of the caked on dirt from my body.
As I turn I freeze. I find myself staring at a large unadorned mirror that is hanging above the sink. At first all I can do is stare at the stranger that is staring back at me. This isn't right, this isn't me. I touch my face and watch as the woman in the mirror does the same.
"This is all wrong." Tears sting my eyes. My brown eyes, not blue the colour is all wrong. Everything is all wrong, I sob my hand covers my mouth. I want to scream to cry out at this stranger, this unfamiliar person staring back at me. I hardly notice the towel as it fell to the floor, my gaze never leaving the reflection before me. This body, it's not mine and it frightens me. Suddenly a pain rips through my head causing me to cry out, my hands pressing tight against my temples. Flashes of memories flood my mind, a girl thick black hair and blue eyes. She smiles, she loves sunshine and Orchids, and mint ice-cream. She's afraid of heights and dark black water. She's laughing at something, someone… Pain rips through my mind again, my knee giving out from under me. I'm falling, I vaguely feel pain in my jaw as the coppery taste of blood fills my mouth, but I hardly notice as the pain in my skull worsens into a heavy pounding. I gasp choking on the blood that fills my mouth. I can feel everything around me spinning, there's panic in the air, and it's not all mine. I try and cry out, but the darkness is pulling me down. There's shouting, it's happening again. I fight the darkness as it threatens to overwhelm me, I need to get away. The voices are so far away.
"ROSE, NO. Stay with me, Rose." It's him my savior, my broken Doctor I can feel a whisper in my mind, a small caress. Then I plunge into the dark where the demons await me.
"Annie…"
