Chapter 2- Zosia's POV

I had never seen Natasza like this before, she seemed really up tight and wouldn't communicate with me in the Head's office, Natasza used to tell me everything now but she seem to have shut me out, it's like I'm there but I'm not in some sense.

I have always worried about being a good mother and reliable for Natasza, I worried the most as about 2 years before I had Natasza I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I used to read for hours about BPD mothers who abused their children, It always made me panic what If I can't keep control, what if I forget to meds, What if?

I became severely depressed when Natasza was born, Dad said it was something to do with her being premature, It killed me each day to walk into that room to see my baby girl on life support, at one point they were discussing about turning her life support off, but I refused to let them turn it off, she is my daughter and I knew she was strong and well she is still here with us now.

Natasza always used to be confused it I never made sense to her but I always used to have help from Colette and the Mental Health Nurse who used to come every 2 days to see how I was getting on. Natasza knows when I need time out and just leaves me to calm down now, but I am really starting to worry for Natasza.


The following morning it was my day off and I had planned to get the house cleaned as it needed a clean, but what was holding me back was Natasza who hadn't spoken to me at all this morning, she seemed very edgy and not herself, I tried to speak to her at breakfast but she didn't reply and just played with her porridge. "Mama I am going to go and see Colette later" she finally spoke and I gave a sigh of relief, "Okay but home by 5 young lady" I replied to her, she gave a brief smile before running upstairs.

To me it doesn't feel like ten minutes since I first held Natasza so small and innocent sadly brought into the world a little too early by an unforgiving patient who kicked me in the stomach, I remember was looking up at Dom with my apron and gloves on I felt like I had been winded, I can to this very day still picture the look on Dom's face. I remember placing my hand on my bump and knowing something wasn't right, Serena had already called security.


Flash back to the day Zosia's life changed again:

Then it hit me, the most worst pain I had ever felt in my inter life, I cried out in pain and Dom came running over Serena soon followed "Zosia are you alright?" Serena said to me as I doubled over in pain her one hand on my back.

I breathed in and felt another sharp pain take my breath away, Serena held me up as Dom ran off to find Colette, "No, No it's too early" I cried. Serena managed to get me over to the nursing station that was when Colette, Dom and Arthur call came sprinting onto Keller all looking a little out of puff.

I stood up and hugged Colette, she looked at me with concern that was when my waters broke, I gave an earth shattering, ear piercing scream I grabbed hold of both Colette's arms and cried to her "Please Colette, make it stop" I had turned into a ten year old again.


Later on that day, Colette, Arthur and Dom had taken me down to maternity and I gave birth to a baby girl who was just perfect but looked ever so delicate. "She's perfect" I muttered as Colette wheeled me up in the wheel chair up against the side of the incubator.

Colette placed a friendly hand on my shoulder and told me everything was going to be just fine, but what was really worrying me was when she was delivered she didn't cry at all, Dom had told me that she finally cried when he went with her down to NICU.

She looked so tiny and helpless, she had a machine breathing for her but all I wanted was to hold her and be right next to her.

She's my everything, my world, and hopefully my future. Colette sat herself down next to me "So has she got a name?" she questioned me, I shifted a little in the chair, I was so sore and every bone ached.

"I don't know" I whispered, my throat had become very sore... well I had just been screaming for over half an hour. "I think Natasza suits her" I says to Colette who gives me a friendly smile and looks over at Natasza.

End of Flash back


I step into the open plan kitchen and fussed the dog, I had never heard Natasza be so quiet in my inter life, she must of had her head phone's on for once. I hear a thud and then what sounds like marbles rolling across the floor. I take no notice until it dawned on me Natasza doesn't have any marbles.

I quickly let boots out into the back garden and rush upstairs "Natasza?" I question but I am now getting worried she has locked her bedroom door. Oh why did I let her have that lock, well it was already here when we moved in.

I begin to barge at the door like I did the once for a patient but I accidently dislocated my shoulder in the process the last time, I prayed to god not to do it this time. Finally the door opened the there on the floor was Natasza she looked as if she was looking down at her lap, but then I realised she wasn't breathing, there was sick in her lap. I glanced around the room and saw the remainder of the pills that I had seen yesterday in the drugs cabinet on Keller. "Oh Natasza" I says as I kneel down besides her.

I begin CPR on her, I need help and fast. I could feel her rips cracking as I perform CPR on her, I now have tears rolling down my eyes and I am shaking, I pull my phone out my pocket and Call Arthur who is at work and he tells me he is coming with a paramedic in an ambulance.

I can't believe it why has she done this, my own baby girl had done this. I think to myself. My hands are shaking, I really do hope she pulls through.