The walk home was silent, except for the occasional baby talk coming from Matt. I was thinking the whole way home, something i didn't exactly hate, yet i didn't enjoy either. Most people are haunted by their thoughts; What happened in the past, what may happen in the future, or What they should've done in any given situation yet didn't. You think about the many questions that nobody could answer for you, or maybe you don't have the guts to ask.
Well, i answer my own questions.
I get haunted by my thoughts too. Mostly my past does the haunting. Don't get me wrong, I know i'm not exactly normal, but i see myself as no different from anybody else.
I know i tend to ramble alot, so just stay with me here.
So i was a block from home and i was still wondering why Lucy has not told me about.. Well... Him. I told myself she forgot, and was happy with that answer. It was gonna be crazy, considering the fact every teenage girl loves him. Except me.
It's impossible to love someone you don't know. Especially for me. Someone who doesn't even believe in love. Unless love is tricking the other person and using them to get what you want, hurting them in the long run. If love was real, then who would want it anyways? It's cold and it's causes a hell of a lot of pain.
I hadn't realized i was staring down at the picture of that dumb smiling teen heartthrob until i knocked into somebody and went flying backwards. I landed on my back, clutching my baby nephew to my chest so i took all the impact and he didn't feel a thing. The newspaper flew through the air and landed in the middle of the road.
"What the hell?" I cursed, pulling myself back up.
"I'm so sorry!" It was a girl, but i didn't bother looking at her or saying anything to her until i was completely off the ground. Then i looked at her.
She was staring at me apologetically, traces of concern really in her big green eyes. They were beautiful. She had long blonde hair flowing down her back, and it made her green eyes pop out even more. She wasn't exactly a cake face, it didn't look like she was even wearing foundation at all, but she used a TON of eye makeup.
So basically, this girl that looked my age, was stunning. I felt odd and plain standing next to her. And not to mention, she was taller than me. Ugh. Not too much taller, but still taller. I'm 5'2, and I do not think of myself as short at all. I feel pretty tall. But ALL my friends say i'm short. It's crazy.
Her legs looked miles long and were so tan, compared to how pretty white mine are. I only had a little tan. She wore denim shorts like me, a t-shirt, and a zip-up sweater. I wondered why she wore a sweater in the middle of summer, during the day, at 90 degrees. She probably had a medical condition, i told myself.
"It's okay." I said quickly, and she picked up my newpaper for me before i could object.
"Oh, you're a Bieber fan?" She asked, smiling. She had white, straight teeth.
I felt like punching something. Does every living, breathing girl have to be a Justin fan?
"Absolutely not." I answered, sticking out my tongue as if i was disgusted. Then i paused. "Are you?"
"Yes! He's so hot. I'm just not a crazy, obssessed fan." She answered. I laughed a little. At least i knew that if he was to come walking up right now, she wouldn't trample me to get to him.
"What's your name?" I asked her.
"Ella. Yours?"
Such a pretty name compared to mine.. "Alexis."
"Where do you live? We could hang out some time." She smiled really big, and i was suprised. She looked like she would be the captain of a cheerleading squad. Wasn't she supposed to be devoting her time to partying every single night?
I pointed at my house. She grinned immensly.
"I live next door. Guess i'll be seeing you around?" She asked. I winced like i had been punched, yet i also felt a burst of happiness explode in my chest for some reason. I was starting to know people here.
"Wait.. You don't party every night, do you?" I asked, then cursed myself for having a big mouth and not being able to shut up.
"Um, no. I don't party at all." She looked at her feet, and then started walking away. She was beautiful, but i could tell she had little to no self-confidence. Maybe she wasn't captain of the cheerleading team..
I debated on whether to ask her to come over or not, but i remembered i had to talk to Lucy. Her car was in the driveway, so i knew she was home. I let Ella go home, and i did the same.
"Hey, Lexy, how was your day?" Lucy sang from the kitchen. A mouth watering smell filled my nose. I walked in and saw her cooking pancakes.
"Pancakes?" I asked, curious.
"Yes, hon. I know they're you're favorite." She set down her spatula, swooped Matt out of my arms and kissed him on the head. She held him for a few minutes and then put him in his jumparoo.
"For breakfast..." I trailed off, not really caring. I loved them either way. I shrugged, grabbed one, buttered it and then drowned it in syrup. Then i stopped dead in my tracks. I picked up the newspaper and held it in her face.
"What is this?" I asked her. She grinned, ear to ear.
"Well, baby, it looks like Justin's coming to town!" She said in her sing-song voice.
"You didn't tell me, Whyyyy?.."
"Oh, crap! Since you know now.. I was saving it for a suprise!" She laughed at herself and pulled out four tickets. My eyes almost popped out of my head. She took it as i was suprised and i loved it.
"I don't even like Justin Bieber!"I screamed, mostly by accident. There goes my big mouth again. Traitor.
Lucy's face fell, i could've sworn i heard it hit the floor.
"I mean, i like his music, so thank you so much for the tickets!" I faked a high-pitched happy voice, and smiled a little. I dared my mouth to betray me again.
She looked happy on that note.
"Why four tickets?" I asked, starting to eat my pancakes, even though i lost my appetite.. Again!
"Well see, i got it for you, me, Natalie, and another friend of your choice. But i forgot Matt has a doctors appointment, and i don't want to leave in the middle of the concert just for that.. So you have to find two people to go with you! And i got backstage passes too, so these we're very expensive. Don't waste them." She winked at me.
I almost threw up. Backstage passes? She must've bumped her head! Plus two more people? I didn't know anybody here!
I gulped down my pancakes and orange juice, then went up to my room. I stretched, and winced. My back was killing me from when it hit the concrete. I turned on the tv for the noise, it was too quiet.
Then i got on twitter and logged onto facebook on a different tab. I barely knew how to use twitter, but i got one right before i left because Nat begged me to. She said i absolutely need to post everything that went on in my life on twitter, so she'd be updated from what felt like a zillion states away; but it was really only four. I call her my very own and personal paparazi.
She even had my tweets set up to get sent to her cell phone, along with Justin Bieber's.. But i had forgotten about that when i tweeted about the concert.
Looks like i'm gonna hafta go to a Bieber concert. Lets hope it ain't lame.. I tweeted, and then copied it and posted it as my status on facebook.
My phone buzzed and a (1) popped up on my twitter screen. I clicked over. The Bieber kid replied.
Haha, we'll make sure it ain't lame, just for you (;
I felt like barfing. I thought about telling Nat, but she'd have a heart attack. I also decided against tweeting him back, it would just encourage that poor little boy. Even though i think he's older than me? Oh well.
I scrolled through the list of people following me. It was only 800 people, mostly people from my old school. And i followed them as well. Then i stopped. Justin Bieber. He follows me? I don't follow him!
I shut my laptop.
Who was i gonna take to the concert? Arghhh! Oh, i know.. I could take Ella. Hope Nat doesn't get jealous..
I had two windows on each side of my room. One overlooking the front of the house, and the other looking towards the house next to us. I didnt know whose room was across from mine, but i shrugged and tried it anyways. I pulled open my window, and started to toss erasers at the window on the house next to mine.
I tossed about ten erasers before it finally opened. I was so relieved it turned out to be Ella. I hadn't realized i was holding my breath until i calmed down. Ella stuck her head out, her long golden hair hanging out the window and blowing in the breeze.
"Yo! Ella, over here!" I yelled and tossed an eraser at her head. Oops. Wasn't thinking.
"Ouch!" She rubbed her head but started laughing uncontrollably.
"Elllaaa!" I stomped my foot, growing impatient.
"Yes?"
"Wanna come to a concert with me?" I asked her. She raised an eyebrow.
"Let me guess.. Justin Bieber. Only girl i know that dislikes him miraculously turns into a crazed fan in over five minutes of holding a newspaper with a picture of him on it?" She said. I could tell she was joking but my cheeks still turned red with anger. I couldn't help but laugh, though.
"Nooo, Only girl you know that dislikes him sister bought her a bunch of tickets that she didn't want nor asked for and now she has to find two other people to drag along and be tortured along with her. Congratulations, you are a chosen one." I corrected her. She burst out laughing and had to catch herself before she fell out the window.
"Alright, i guess." She giggled.
"And Justin tweeted me." I stated, twirling my wavy brown hair around my finger.
"Really? I've been following him forever and it never happened!" She giggled, but actually seemed suprised. What, is it that hard to get that spoiled brat to notice you? Pshh.
I shrugged and winked at her. A yellow cat came up behind her and Ella swooped it up.
"Awww, what's it's name?" I shrieked in excitement.
"Ben." She smiled and kissed it's head.
ELLA'S POV
"I had a black cat that i named Twinkle Toes back home! I called it Toes, but my dad and little sis tends to call her Twinkles." She beamed proudly at me, her hands on her hips.
"Why Twinkle Toes?" I asked her.. This girl really confused me. First, she actually started talking to me. Then she inivited me to my first concert! I get the impression that she actually likes me, and that we could be friends.. It's shocking. She's so confident and cool.
"Because i just wanted to." She shrugged. She kneeled down next to her window and began twirling her brown hair again. I think she does that without realizing she's actually doing it. She stared off in space for a minute, and her big blue eyes were so pretty. They were dark blue around the edges and a light blue inside. If i snapped a picture right there, it would've looked like a picture i cut out of a magazine.
"Black cats are bad luck!" I called across the space between our houses to her window. She shrugged again, coming back to reality.
"I don't believe in bad luck. I believe in stupid people getting themselves into stupid situations though." She said, and smiled a little smile at me. Alexis seemed so sure of herself. She seemed to have an answer to everything. I liked that about her. She made you feel... Good. Just being around her.
"Where is it now?" I asked. I hoped i wasn't being annoying, but she seemed so distant and i was trying to start a conversation.
"I left Toes behind for my little sister. She didn't want me to go, it was the least i could do..." She trailed off.
"Left her behind where?" I was curious. She looked at me for a few minutes. Really looked at me. She looked at me like i was actually a person. Not some anti-social slut, not some freak, not some idiot, or (in a guy's mind) not just another babe to have sex with. She looked at me as an individual, as a friend.
She motioned to her room with her head, her chocolate bangs falling into her blue eyes. "Come on over. I'll tell you."
I held up a finger then shut my window and put down Ben. I checked the time, He wouldn't be home for another two hours. I pulled my sweater back on, and headed for her house.
I knocked on the door, and it flew open. Alexis took me by the arm and guided me up to her room. We sat on her bed, and she stared me down with her brilliant blue eyes.
Then she opened up. She told me about when she used to live in Kentucky, but she was born and originally is from here. She talked about her many friends, but her best friend being Natalie, a very crazed Bieber fan that has ADHD. She talked about her school. She talked about her dad, little sister, and cat. Then she talked about leaving everything behind to come here to live with her older sister and nephew, so she can help her sister get by. I think thats pretty kind.. Not that i have anything worth staying here for, but if i did, i don't know if i'd be able to give it all up just like that like she did.
In reality.. I would leave here in a heartbeat. Well, i would like too. But i'm a gutless fish. That's what i remind myself. Normally, thinking about this would make me depressed.. But when i'm around Alexis, i'm nothing but happy and all smiles.
Funny thing is, Alexis talked to me about everything, She didn't once complain. This girl seemed to have left basically her whole life behind, and she didn't complain at all. That's another thing i liked about her. She realizes that no matter how much you do it, complaining isn't going to fix your situation. And neither will crying..
She has real common sense.
I watched her apply chapstick to her lips, even though they were perfectly soft. I raised an eyebrow.
"Habit. I get chapped lips bad in the winter, so i use chapstick alot all the time now." She explained in sync to my expression.
"So what about your mom?" I wondered out loud. It got quiet. The only noise i heard was her chapstck lid snapping back on. She looked down at her crossed legs. Her eyes turned an icy blue, but she didn't look sad, nor mad or upset..She was expressionless. But i could tell she didn't want to talk about that subject.
I opened my mouth to change the subject at the same time she looked up and gave me her crooked half smile.
"She's..around. Hey, you thirsty?" She asked. I shrugged. "Coke?" She asked and i nodded. She came back with my coke and a vitamin water for her.
"I'm obssessed with these." She smiled. "So you and Natalie are the only ones that really know pretty much anything about me." Her crooked half smile appeared again.
"What about your other friends?" I asked.
"They're aquaintances." She shrugged, taking a sip of her vitamin water.
And i'm not?
I couldn't help but smile at that thought.
I arrived home that night right before He pulled in the driveway. I was definitely relieved. I went in my room, hopefully if i stayed in here he would leave me alone. I blasted my radio so he knew i was home. I couldn't wait, two more days and he would leave to go visit his mom in California. Leaving me to myself.. Finally.
I pulled off my sweater and looked down at my arms.. There they were. A reminder of how much life sucked. As if He wasn't a big enough reminder. But there they were, the scars of cuts i had once made on my arms, destroying my beauty and haunting my life.
I didn't want to do it anymore. I was sick and tired of it all. But as long as i was around Him, I had to. It kept me from going crazy. It was my only way out. My eyes started to water. It seems all i ever do is cry. When all i really want is to be happy.
I was happy with Alexis today. That was the first time i have ever felt that way in forever. But it's not like it'll last. She probably didn't even like me. If she did, then she'll find out about my scars or how much of a freak i am, and she'll turn her back on me too. Just like everyone else.
I heard a crash, and then little pieces of something hitting the floor downstairs. A beer bottle had broken, no doubt. I snapped back into reality, and i turned off my lights, then curled in a ball on my bed and cried myself to sleep.
