It was one of those days when the sun shone bright upon the windows of Remus' office, reminding him of their quite peace. He had received a special offer to live inside the school guest house. And since Teddy had just started his first year in Hogwarts, Auror Tonks bunked in with them inside. Teddy had the special privilege of living inside one of the staff quarters, which was just situated along the back part of the castle overlooking the garden.
But today, he was buried in a mountain of paperwork. You could barely see his face from the stack of activity books he had to check. Being the head of the Gryffindor house had doubled his workload.
His mother used to tell him,
"If you don't do good in school, you're going to be planting potatoes..."
"If you get a girl pregnant at a young age, you're going to be peeling potatoes..."
"If you don't plan properly for the future, you'll find yourself cooking potatoes.."
Potatoes were the picture of domestic felicity. Or the opposite thereof.
"I can't give you what you want," said Remus back during the war. He was livid when they got to talk about it. That is, the infernal marriage contract.
Either they become impoverished, destitute, or they finally become tired, give up and divorce,or else, a perfect career man would woo Tonks and offer her the world and tell her she deserved it. Remus would be standing among them singing their verses until Tonks woke up and went for the gold.
And if they survive that, a hoodlum barges to pull them down for making it, either from the human faction, or the werewolf faction. Such crab mentality. For being in the middle of both factions such as his current situation would mean he neither had the protection nor the sympathy either; only prejudice from both.
But to all those things Tonks had just two words to say. "Marry me."
Needless to say, these words did not endear her more to him. It only made him frown.
Nevertheless, he conceded to reply, "Show me a financial risk management proposal, contingency plans and the strategy you intend to use."
The next day, Tonks showed up and brought with her a big roll of parchment with complicated diagrams. She showed it to her after the order meeting.
"I intended that to be a joke. Surely you understood that?" he told her. But he consented to opening it.
"Wait. I'm confused. I thought you said we should not joke about these things," said Tonks seriously.
"Yes, but, I meant, I wasn't joking but- Wait." he suddenly stopped when he saw contents on the parchment. "This is not good enough. You used the optimistic perspective to predict its success. I told you to use the beta-figures."
"But... but, I've already cut so many corners. I can't squeeze anything else," she fidgeted with her fingers.
"Rejected. Not feasible," said Remus.
"How dare you! How dare you be so... so... realistic! You're going to be a grandfather, we're going to buy a suburban cottage and you're not going to die. You're going to have grandchildren with beautiful, adorable names, and at Christmas, the house will be so full but we'll manage to fit everyone into the house."
"You're trying to trade love for security! What did your financial advisor say to this?"
Tonks frigetted with her hands. "Well.. well, He showed me a lot of zeroes I think that's about all I understood."
At this, Remus promptly fainted. But before he lost consciousness he could faintly hear her say, "Remus I was only joking! Only joking...import wolfsbane from Canada... insurance medicine deductibles... that's what he said...!"
It was after Dumbledore's death when Tonks finally managed to bully Lupin into signing the Marriage Contract.
It went on like this. He was going home one evening. The house was, as expected, a bachelors', except that it was clean, and there were no clothes in the chairs and in the bed, and the books were neatly piled with painstaking precision for an adult with time resources, which is probably just a way of saying that he had nothing better to do.
It had no lights when he got home. But it was a good cosy home. There were the potatoe plants he planted back then he was looking forward on eating. He was living a very interesting life indeed.
He went inside his cottage, lumus-ed the room and sat himself upon the sofa. There was nothing oddly bizarre about that. It was a hard and long day and he was looking forward to a relaxing shower. But when he turned the handle and opened the door of the bathroom, he jumped back for the shock of his life when a witch came out of it in her jammies, her hair wrapped in a towel. Looking quite cosy as if it was her house and he was the visitor.
"Wha- what are you doing here?!" asked Remus.
Tonks just webt passed him and sta in front of the mirror to comb her hair. Then cassually commenting, "Remus, this is really stupid, and useless and unnecessary. The war's going on outside and I refuse to die remembering you as my serial heartbreaker. So I sneaked and moved in while you were out."
"No..."
"Heck yes, pretty hard too, breaking into your wards. Your house security password was a headache. Have you any idea how hard it was, standing out there, when it was about to rain? And I've tried everything, Tonks, Tonksie, I even tried Dora, but it all didn't work. It had to be the full name NYMPHADORA, I was so wet, I had second thoughts about returning to my flat. You have no idea how heavy my spiked boots were - "
"Nymphadora, you must not do this," Lupin interrupted her. "I can't give you what you want."
Tonks rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. I present my proposal, you lay out your antithesis, I kiss you, you give in. Let's just skip that part okay? It's become really tiresome."
Remus opened his mouth. "And my antithesis is-" said Remus, ignoring her request.
But before he could proceed, Tonks clamped two hands on his mouth. "Don't. Speak. You'll get this fic sappy and angsty. And it's already labelled as humour."
There was a brief struggle where they fell to the sofa in a bundle. When Lupin finally freed himself. "I'll give you angst. I'm going to murder you in cold blood."
That was when Tonks ran for her life while Remus was behind her. My guess would be he was trying to tie her into a bundle and kick her back out of the house.
"So what are you going to do about it?" said Tonks, as she shielded herself by going opposite the big table, so Remus could not get at her. "Drag me out of the house?" She swirved to the left. Remus followed. When Remus with his mouth gaped open was incapable of forming something in reply, she grinned triumphantly. "I thought so."
Finding that it was futile, he sat himself upon the sofa again. Once he was harmlessly back to his chair, she went around fixing the room.
"Merlin, I should have done this ages ago... skipped all the angst. My plan is basically full-proof. You can't drag me out, and you can't even drag the Aurors to accuse me of trespassing. They'll just say you don't have the basic rights or something. If only I'd thought of it sooner."
Remus was stone-still, his eyes following her every move. Her perfume might have whiffed his direction once in a while, but anyway, that was not the point. Because it was not alluring in any way.
When there was an impatient rap at the door.
"Just a minute!" Tonks called. "That's only Mad-eye," she told him as she ran to open the door.
But It was not only Mad-eye. It was Sirius and Mad-eye. He and Sirius grabbed his arms on both sides and deposited him to a chair. Then Tonks slapped a paper on the table.
Lupin was incredibly hard to persuade, and was not budging as hard as a rock. But Umbridge made it a point to make werewolf marriage illegal, Tonks had two weeks to race Umbridge before she passed the incongrible bill, that was why she'd marched up to his cottage armed with a contract and a quill, and Moody for good measure to help her hex him into signing.
Tonks rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, you're a commitment-phobic freak and I'm the clingy girlfriend whom you suspect to be devoid of basic accounting knowledge. Well, newsflash, I know accounting basics. So either you sign this, or we are going to be fugitives of law, have elligitimate children, have problems with the insurace…"
"Since when did I agree to become your boyfriend?"
"JUST SIGN THE EFFING PAPER! Of course, no pressure, except, you only have one day to decide, after that, it would be impossible..., which is such a pity because Umbridge made that legislation especially for us. I think she had your name especially mentioned-"
Remus looked at the paper again.
"-Of course, it's your fault you're so pressured right now. You've delayed this soon enough. The bill is going to be passed tomorrow, then we'll be elligals, which is going to destroy my career. And that is the last thing we want. Do you want me to help you decide?"
"This isn't proper. I did not even propose to you. I have no ring…"
"We don't have proper, Remus. We're battling paperwork."
Remus' hands were shaking when he finally put his signature in the paper. It was all so very surreal, and I am half-convinced Remus must have had a slight headache. But Tonks just stood there an unquenchable smile on her face, "Finally!"
Tonks snatched the paper and flung the door open to shout at the dark and empty lawn, brandishing the paper like a victory flag. "Everyone! Professor Lupin finally signed the Contract."
"Victory! Victory to the blood of blacks!"
Booming shouts of merriment suddenly ensued from Lupin's supposedly silent house, and one by one, Hermione, Harry, and the rest of the Order filed themselves in, all of them crowding on the contract that Tonks held up.
"Congratulations Tonks," everyone shook her hands, and they opened a bottle of firewhiskey or two.
"Hmm, looks legit," said Harry after examining it carefully. Molly was dabbing her eyes with tissue and Arthur was shaking Remus' hand, although, Lupin's empty expression may well suggest he did not know what was happening. Lupin watched as the twins and Ginny got their banners out to march and thrash the confetti around the house, chanting their trademark nonsense songs complete with berserk dance moves on the living room (he vaguely thought it was Egyptian).
On the background, Harry and Ron were pulling more trunks and rucksacks along with them. "Okay boys, just put it there in a corner," Tonks said.
All in all, everyone was festive at the news, except for Remus. Who sat in a corner trying to be inconspicuous because his face was so morose, it was not even safe to remotely look at them. He was by far the only gloomy one in the lot. When some of their friends ventured to ask why it was so, Tonks just replied, "ignore him, ignore him," then continued to tell them stories about Remus, his OCD, the fact that the first time he set foot to her flat, he winced every time he saw the mountain of dishes… he was so restless until he get to do the it… then one thing leading to another... until he had scrubbed her apartment clean…
...Bill's shocked face when he entered the flat accusing her of bringing home a man, just because he saw the flat clean. Because let's be honest, Tonks wouldn't even touch the carpets. His more shocked face when not only was there a man, but that the said man turned out to be Remus appearing in front of him, walking from the kitchen, wiping his hands with a cloth and saying coolly, "Is there any problem?"…Bill had pointed his finger at him accusingly, and threatened to tell everyone about this "affair" under their noses and all those times people thought they were normal and responsible, and kind role-models and how his professory image had been destroyed now, and how he couldn't look him in the face anymore without trying to hide his snigger...and Tonks using her bribing skills to shut him up for at least a few weeks…
When everyone finally went home, Remus tumbled to his bed groggily. It must have been a dream, but now he was too tired to think about it. But when he flopped into his sheets, there was a bundle of pink who had taken over the entire space (arms and legs and all, spread across) that begged to defer otherwise. Lupin could not suppress a shout.
Tonks did not even graze him with looking up. She was still inside the pillow and just told him sleepily in her muffled voice to sod off because she was due at seven tomorrow at the office. Adding that whoever was mental enough to marry at weekdays, might as well shut up.
Lupin pointed out that it was her idea.
Tonks just replied it wouldn't have been a bloody weekday if he had agreed sooner.
"It's just that-"
"Sod it Remus, I'm tired, and I need to process this early tomorrow so we could beat Umbridge in the Ministry."
"I only meant to say, could you shuffle over? There's no space for me to sleep in.. or would you rather I sleep in the floor?"
"Oh? Oh, yeah of course," She turned her back and curled into a less-spacy position hugging the blankets to her own in the process.
Lupin sat at the edge of the bed quite clueless for a bit.
"Nyphadora?" Remus prodded the bundle.
"Yes?"
"Can we, I mean, could we…"
"Can't. work. Seven. Your fault. Weekday," said Tonks. Then she started to snore.
Lupin sighed. Truth be told, he should not have been thinking about that. He should have started thinking about more important things like the fact that they were trying to beat the deadline before the bill was passed. Or the fact that it was a downright slap in the ministry's face they might be specially targeted by the ministry. To think, that all these emotional turmoil could have been avoided if only Nymphadora did not develop any affections for him whatsoever. He got up and started preparing an escape tent. He's going to carry it in his pockets the moment the ministry comes knocking on their doors.
Hiding in the forest, he can always work something up to find something edible (Potatoes can be found and planted) If Nymphadora starts to complain then he could possibly be somehow relieved.
He remembered what Tonks did the day after that. There was this ministry party because a new bill had been passed (the aforementioned Werewolf legislation making it illegal for them to marry) in the Wizengamot. She went face to face with Umbridge holding an in-your-face legal marriage contract.
Within seconds, she had Umbridge screaming frantically for security. But Tonks just stood gracefully and said. "I am security." Because she was the part of the advanced guard that night for the fat overpaid politicians, and they couldn't even fire her now that the war had begun.
Needless to say, the tent came useful just the next day after. Remus had to admit it must have been a horrible time. A single noise could already make both his eyes bloodshot open and his wand grip tighten. Her announcement that she was pregnant did not help his nerves.
It would have been good if he built the chairs and the tables and gathered their food from the wildplants, and Tonks stayed inside while she was nursing her growing stomach.
But it was not to be the case. Tonks claimed she would have gone insane if she did not have any adrenaline supply. Or oatmeal supply. She liked wild blueberries on top of oatmeal most. She downright refused to eat the blueberries by itself. It had to have oatmeal.
They could not go to buy oatmeal because they would be recognized. Tonks insisted she could transform and could get it in no time. To which point Remus became unreasonable and used the baby for her to stay put. If there's any buying that would happen, he would go.
Tonks called his plan stupid (She was sorry for it afterwards), and he would only get himself killed. then they would have fights because he would have her stay inside the tent, inside all the concealment charm.
If Remus was honest with himself, part of the problem was not really about Tonks being in danger. She could roam free back to civilization as a new person and she was only staying inside the tent in hiding for him. That would have made him relieved that the probability of his wife dying had somewhat lessened. But he still disliked it. He disliked it when she was more useful. He disliked it when she purchased all the food outside because she could transform into anyone inconspicuous, while all he could do was gather.
That night, after a particularly nasty row, he went out. Tonks grabbed the hem of his clothes and pleaded for him not to go out and do something ridiculous like buying oatmeal. (Later that day when she already ate the oatmeal and blueberries and when she was able to see reason, she also apologized about calling his errand ridiculous instead of dangerous.) She told him it was okay if she just ate potatoes and blueberries, just for him not to be stupid and go out in the open.
Remus gave a halfhearted nod and went out of the tent still fuming. He intended to get some roots for them in the wild. When he was gone, she sneaked out without permission and bought a stack of food supplies, intending to go back before he did.
Remus was furious.
It might have turned into a wonderful night if she only managed to get back before him. But as it was, Remus arrived and finding the place empty except a note.
She was going to cry if she didn't get oatmeal. She had not slept properly for two days because there was no oatmeal. The note said. The note also said she did not write down the place where she went to because he might follow and get himself killed just for oatmeals. Remus crumpled it in his fingers.
She was grinning and happy with her loot when she went home. "Look Remus! There's food here to last us for months! It's enough time to plant a portable garden so we can still go about moving anywhere without the danger of running out of food!" she said happily.
"If you were complaining so much about the poor accommodations, you shouldn't have agreed to be here," he said bitterly.
She could have reasoned that it was only because she was pregnant. But she did not particularly think it was a good enough reason because it was still technically complaining about the food. So she tried to speak without hurting his feelings. But she only managed to say, "I need some space." Which was not also really a nice thing to say if the place you were staying was cramped and did not have space that much. But that was not what she meant. Only Remus was as emotional as a pregnant woman where edible things was concerned.
He looked as if Tonks had just hit him with a curse. "I'm sorry Tonks, I try so hard." Then he didn't talk to her for two weeks. Even if Tonks told him straight-forwardly to "please say something."
That night, Tonks still ate the oatmeal and the blueberries like a pig. She reasoned the baby was not part of the fight, so it could eat without feeling guilty.
Remus thought afterwards that he had been downright unreasonable that moment. Putting Tonks in a difficult position, between hurting his ego and his physical body. Worst thing Tonks could do was to let him eat her food.
Remus, seemingly losing his appetite, mulled his share of the oatmeal and blueberries with his fork. Tonks took one look at him, or his food, depending on who you ask for the version of the story, and said, "you're not going to eat that?"
He shook his head.
"Ok," she unceremoniously took his bowl and ate his share.
Remus ended up eating potatoes that night.
Perhaps that was how she always appeared in his life. How Tonks had always been a whirlwind in his faded drab existence. She was a plum face who showered confetti whenever she went. Sometimes, she was like the wind. Remus was worried he wasn't going to catch up…
Lupin closed the door to his office, his suitcase packed in his left hand, ready to go home. Just as he was turning to the hallway after closing the door, someone was going at his direction at alarmingly unstoppable speed.
.oOo.
"Stop! In the name of the law!"
The boy didn't. Why the Auror department want that shouted when the most it does is make them go faster is anybody's guess. And anybody's guess would be for paperwork and legal diplomatic what-not purposes.
Nevertheless, she hurled herself forward. She saw the portal pull her back a bit before she stumbled forward. When she looked behind her, the portal and the department of mystery had just disappeared in a hazy snap.
Ahead of her, the boy was already reaching the stairs. The moment his foot landed on the first step, the stairs slid away to a different landing out of Tonks' reach. Tonks made to follow, but her own stairs swerved to the right, taking her to a different landing.
The floor she reached was two floors lower than the boy.
"Hang the bloody staircases!" She decided to use the regular stairs in the east wing to reach him. She was running again to reach him from the other landing on the spiral staircase.
When she reached the bend she met the person that she least expected to see in her working hours. Tonks hit the breaks to her foot when she recognized who it was, before she could crash right into him.
It was Remus Lupin.
In his drab excuse for a robe and tattered suitcase juggling some of his parchment in his hands in a common mundane day. When he saw the person approaching him, he looked at her with hard confusion.
She skidded to a stop, barely making it, without banging right into him. Tonks bounced back from the floor. She went past him and looked through the vast open staircase again, searching vainly. But she knew for a fact that it was already too late. He was far too gone.
"Nymphadora, what are you doing here?"
"Gone. The boy is gone!"
