"I'm sorry," Axel repeated for the umpteenth time as he leaned on Demyx's doorframe, waiting to be asked in. Demyx could be such a child sometimes.
"I told you. I have to do my mission and I'm not dressed, and-and- why are you still here?" Demyx said wildly as he threw dirty clothes from the floor into his closet. He was trying to look busy, hoping Axel would leave him alone.
"Demyx, come on!"Axel said. "I'll say it again, okay? I'm sorry." He paused. Sighed. Tried a new strategy. "You're the only person worth anything in this whole place, Demyx. Don't think I don't know that."
Demyx stopped his arbitrary cleaning and stared at Axel. The bastard. He knew just what to say. "Just because Roxas left doesn't mean you and I can just be friends again," he said coolly, and quickly regretted it. He deeply needed friend, even a destructive one like Axel. "He was my friend too, you know. And I haven't been feeling good lately either. You just didn't ask. " Demyx hated how petty and vulnerable Axel made him feel. He wouldn't have admitted his feelings to anyone else.
"Oh, uh-" Axel was actually quite surprised to hear it. He had forgotten that Demyx had more feelings than the average nobody – or, at least, more feelings than Axel did. "I didn't notice…. Well-uh… what's wrong then?"
"Iyuh…. Well… I kind of got mixed up with Dem's wife and uh… he's not pleased. I mean, neither is she, but…well, you'd think she at least enjoyed it a little-"
Axel smiled. He remembered falling for his somebody's significant other as well. It was difficult not to when you were practically the same person. "It's not technically cheating, you know," he said- at least that's how Axel had rationalized it- "But… remember I warned you when I taught you how to find Dem and his world. It's complicated messing with the people in your somebody's life. They'll recognize you, even if it's subconsciously. They'll know you're him. Or, like him. Trust me. I know from experience," Axel said, walking into the room. It felt like old times – back when he and Demyx had been friends, lovers, telling stories about their pasts. Before Roxas or any of it.
"Have-have you met Lea's wife then?" Demyx asked. He must have, Demyx figured. Axel was good at seducing people. Demyx would know.
"Reno," Axel corrected. "He likes to be called Reno."
"Right." Uncomfortable silence. "Well, so, tell me about it!"
"Erm…" Axel tried to remember. "She had just gotten in a fight with Reno…and she went to this bar where she always went – or, where I remember her going when I was Reno- and I followed her there. And erm…Well, I…I pretended to be him." Demyx stared at him incredulously. "It was dark and there were a lot of people there!" Axel explained. "So I just sort of took her hand and she followed me, and we went to this quiet corner, and I said I was sorry-"
"How could she not have not known then?"
"Well, she –we sound the same, and I tried to hide my face as much as possible-it was dark. And then I just sort of… we kissed." Axel grinned, remembering it. Was it demented that he took so much pride in seducing the wife of a person he actually liked - the person he used to be? He idolized Reno. Reno was his better half who coincidentally wasn't like Axel at all.
"So how did you get out of that situation? I mean, did she ever recognize you?" Demyx said, wide-eyed.
"Erm, well…. Things were getting fairly serious, and then she took a chance to look at my face, and she noticed the tattoos under my eyes, and then she just flipped out –realized I wasn't him. So I escaped into the men's room and came back here." Axel laughed a little. It was the first time he'd told that story to someone. Demyx was laughing too-more like giggling. It was nice to talk to someone again, nice to feel good again.
"So when was this exactly?" Demyx asked.
"Before Roxas," Axel said, and he felt his face fall and his stomach crunch. He hated that feeling. He had gotten too complacent talking to Demyx and it had spilled out, but Axel didn't want to talk about it. "I-uh-I've got to go, alright? Good luck on your mission or whatever…"
"You know I never do my missions," Demyx said despondently as Axel slammed the door.
Even though he knew he was messing it up indecently, Axel wanted Demyx to be his friend again. He liked having something to smile about. That was all. He couldn't stop himself from knocking on Demyx's door that evening. Demyx was sitting on his bed, crouched over a little book which Axel recognized as one of the journals Xemnas gave each of the nobodies when they became Organization members. Demyx was staring blankly at the page, pen in hand, unmoving.
Demyx didn't notice Axel approaching until he was standing right by his bed. "Why do you even bother writing in that?" he said, snatching the journal away from him. "Today I completed my mission," he read. "That's really all you wrote?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Hey! For me that's a big accomplishment!" Demyx said with mock seriousness, as he hurried to hide the journal in his dresser drawer.
Axel smiled. "Touché." He sat down on the bed and leaned against the headboard, forcing Demyx to scoot over. " Xemnas doesn't even read those journals, you know. You and...erg-Roxas. You're the only ones who took them seriously. Xemnas just likes us to think that he's monitoring everything we do, but he doesn't really care."
"How do you know that?"
"Do you want to know what I wrote in mine today?" Demyx didn't respond, but Axel got it out of his pocket anyway. "Didn't do my mission today. Took long shower. Bored. Guess I'll go find Demyx -better kisser than Larxene."
"You did not write that!" Demyx said incredulously, grabbing the book out of Axel's hands and reading. "You're kidding me. Do you always write juvenile crap like that?"
"No, I used to take it seriously until I found out he didn't read them. Now I write just enough so someone would think, flipping through it, that I really do my job." Axel watched Demyx perusing his journal. He suddenly looked serious.
"This one's interesting," Demyx said carefully, as he pointed to a spot on the page.
Axel took it from him and read aloud, "Roxas-" he faltered – still hated saying the name. "Roxas doesn't trust me after the whole Xion incident, but I can't tell him the truth yet," he paused. Kept going. "So I keep lying. It's no big deal when you're a Nobody. There's no guilt, no feeling at all. So why does it still sting, just a little, when I lie to him?" When had he written this? He continued reading the rest silently. "All my dealings with Roxas give me this bizarre illusion of humanity." Axel stared at the page. "I…I don't remember writing this," he said tersely, shoving the journal back into his coat pocket.
"You don't remember it at all?" Demyx said, trying to make eye contact. He figured Axel couldn't avoid talking about it forever, but he didn't want to push him too far.
"No…" Axel said, still trying to avoid looking at Demyx. He suddenly felt very tired and sad. He slid off the bed and stood. "Oh well. He's gone right? So what does it matter?"
Demyx looked at his friend and sighed. Should he reveal the sercret? He had to. Axel looked so horribly sad. "Well, actually…" Demyx was unsure how to continue.
Axel immediately sensed that Demyx knew something important. He looked at him inquiringly, but Demyx didn't speak. "Demyx? You know something I don't?"
Demyx squirmed, but Axel was experienced at manipulating him. He got on the bed, moved closer to Demyx and snuggled into his neck. "Come on Demyx, you have to tell me. I won't tell anyone. Promise," he whispered.
Demyx sighed in frustration. "Erg, well, you have to promise you won't do anything stupid-or rash."
"Like what?" Axel felt nervous, excited.
He figured he should say it while he had the courage. Plus, he knew Axel would keep bothering him until he did. "Axel. I overheard Xemnas talking the other day- a while ago actually, and… well, he said someone had captured Roxas."
Axel's heart started beating faster. "Captured him? Why?" he whispered.
Demyx wouldn't look at him. "They're… I think they're trying to revive Sora with Roxas's memories. He's in this simulated world right now. His own version of Twilight Town. Or… he's going to be. Or, he was. I don't know." Demyx finished.
Axel's whole body felt tense. He could find Roxas. See him again? "Wait, Demyx. You're sure about this?" he asked, breathless.
Demyx nodded. "Pretty sure. I mean, I heard Xemnas saying something about it. I don't know all the details or how you'll be able to find him-"
"Oh, I'll find a way," Axel said, standing up and starting to pace back and forth across Demyx's room.
"I was afraid you'd say that," Demyx said. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything after all.
Axel stopped pacing. "What's wrong? You don't think he's dead or something?"
"It's just," Demyx replied, "if you go, I will be alone here. Pretty much everyone else hates me. I only had you and Roxas, and then Roxas left, and you and I were still fighting… Now you'll be gone, and… you know….I'll be alone again."
Demyx was going to miss him? "You're going to miss me?" Axel smiled. Although Axel knew him so well, Demyx was still capable of surprising him sometimes.
Demyx rolled his eyes. "Oh come on. You may be an asshole, but at least you're company."
Axel smiled. "You know I can't stay away for too long. I'll need to come back here as a cover. Xemnas can't know what I'm doing, obviously." He started pacing again.
"Please don't make me cover for you. You know I'm a coward and a terrible liar."
"Please Demyx. You can do this one thing for me, right?" Demyx didn't look like he could. "Come on, Demyx. You know I'd do the same for you. You're my best friend around here."
"Oh, like Roxas was your friend?" Demyx said somewhat sarcastically. He wasn't sure why he'd brought that up. Perhaps he was slightly jealous.
"Hey! Roxas was-was different."
"You think so?" Because Demyx had thought about it a lot, and he didn't know that Axel deserved Roxas in the end. Roxas had feelings and he had a heart.
"I'm-I'm not sure anymore," Axel said. It was so rare that he doubted himself, but he was now. "What-what do you think?"
Demyx sighed. Remembered the other thing he'd meant to say. Now was his chance. "Did you know he came to see me before he left?"
"He did? What happened?"
"He said you'd broken up. I told him I thought you were an asshole."
"Did you?" Axel said, looking at Demyx, smiling a little. It was still weird to think that Demyx and Roxas had been friends. He had never really thought seriously about it. His two ex-lovers – who would have thought? "And what did Roxas say?"
"Nothing," Demyx said, shrugging. "He just laughed, and he didn't tell me he was leaving." Demyx stared at the floor. This was the detail that bothered him most. Roxas hadn't even bothered to say goodbye.
"That's just like Roxas – he was trying to spare you the pain, you know… He wasn't that kind to me…."
"Well, it's always about you isn't it?" Demyx mumbled. He immediately regretted it. He didn't want Axel to leave again.
Axel looked at Demyx curiously. He though Demyx might be right about that. Maybe that was why Roxas had left him. It was painful to think so. But it didn't matter now.
Axel was going to get him back.
