Chapter 1.

My slumber is interrupted by a thumping on the side of my bed. My eyes flicker open and I stretch, then turn to be greeted by the cutest set of light blue eyes.

"Mommy I'm hungry!" announced a bouncing three year old with hair as dark as mine.

"Are you now?" I smile and sit up. "If you want food give me a hug!" He takes one more jump and lands straight into my arms in a fit of giggles. I kiss his forehead and stand while lifting him up with me. "What do you feel like eating Demetrius?"

"Ummm I don't know!" he answers.

"You never know!" I laugh as we head into the kitchen. I sit him atop the counter and take out my wand to spread open the curtain allowing a brightness to penetrate through the window. The view is beautiful, fields of green grass and a bright blue sky. I love being in France, I decide. The Blake family manor was located on the perfect spot too.

It's unexpected yet amazing how thing have worked out. Leaving Britain was the best decision I could have made. Though three years have flown by I recall as if it were yesterday. The moment I found out I was pregnant with my Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Remus J. Lupin's child. It was the most wonderful and terrifying news I could of ever have gotten, each for a number of reasons. So many things could of gone wrong and so many things did. Firstly he left me before he could even find out, secondly I had to consider the fact that our child might inherit his little condition. Then I had to prepare for the reaction people would have had they found out. It seemed a mess.

The hardest part was hiding it from Narcissa. It's as if the woman had an extra sense for this kind of thing. Luckily I'm sure she was certain it was my ex-boyfriend Michael's, there's absolutely no way anyone, save my close friend Lilian, would know or even guess Remus was the father.

Therefore I decided to get the hell out of there, before things could go bad. I needed time to figure everything out and space to do it. Which is why it seemed to be set in the stars that I inherited my father's estate in France the day I turned 17. It was perfect. I was able to leave before I started showing and Lilian stayed with me for the summer before she went off to train to become a healer. And she's spent every summer since then here. In fact she was due to arrive any day now.

"Mommy!" Demetrius calls and snaps me from my reverie.

"Yes, my love?"

"Look at that owl!" he shouts in giggles.

I turn and I see an owl tapping on the windowpane. That looks like Narcissa's owl. I open the window and it flys in, swoops by Demetrius who is trying to capture it, and drops a letter on the counter. In another swift motion it grabs ahold of a pear and is out the window again. The piece of parchment is folded and has Roxanna written on it in Narcissa's hand. It's been months since Narcissa last owled me, we try to keep in touch. When I first left she would owl me all the time and often attempted to persuade me to go visit. I always came up with an excuse, she doesn't know about Demetrius. She did always assume I was with child but was never able to confirm it, though she often hints at it in her letters, going on about how lonely I must be out here and who I keep around for company and whatnot.

Before I left I had a talk about it with my mother who convinced me it would be best to keep it to myself, and try to start a new life. She wasn't happy when she found out she was going to be a grandmother, and even less thrilled when she found out who the father was. Nevertheless I was in a fragile state, scared and confused so I went along with what she said. Now that I look back on it I'm sure she wanted me to move for her benefit. It would of put a damper on her oh so prestige reputation should word have got out that her only daughter was going to give birth to a werewolf's offspring. Though it worked out for the best.

I've been able to grow and no longer rely on her approval. Demetrius is the best thing that's ever happened to me. He has Remus' eyes and my hair and the most adorable smile. He also has his mommy's tactics, I'm so sure he'd be a slytherin.

I open the parchment and begin to read:

Hello Roxanna,

I wish I came bearing good news, though things have gone astray terribly. Too many things for me to put in this letter for fear of interception. But Lucius has been sent to Azkaban. I beg you to come back, I really need your help with a certain task. Please.

Narcissa.

It was such a short note, but I could tell it was urgent. I folded it back up and put it aside. I didn't want to ponder too much on it at the moment. I didn't want Demetrius to think I was mad or ignoring him so I set off to make his breakfast.

I often think about Remus. About where he might be, whether he still thinks of me or even remember's me for that matter. I try not to dwell on the thought, I know it's farfetched. Sometimes I hope that somehow he knows. Knows that he has a child. But there's no way he could of known. And I probably won't ever see him again. What bothers me the most is that Demetrius won't know his father. I don't know how or what I'm going to tell him when he gets to the point where he'll start asking. But damn it after all this time I've learned to be all that he needs, and that'll be enough.

"She's asked me to go back." I explain to Lilian as she rocks Demetrius' sleeping figure in her arms. She was sitting across from me in the dining room. She had finally got here earlier today and I couldn't be more thankful. I needed someone to discuss this with. The thought alone was overwhelming. I didn't know where to even begin contemplating it.

"For what?" she asked.

"She needs help with something but wouldn't say what." I inform her. "It seems urgent."

"Things are not good back in Britian at the moment." Lilian begins solemnly. "The dark lord is back, as you know. I hear the order is back. I hear-" she paused for a moment and looked me in the eyes then back down at Demetrius. "I hear Remus has joined them again."

The words she spoke took me a while to process. Remus. It's a name I haven't heard from anyone else's lips but my own in a long time. It reminds me that he's real. And the first news I hear about him in so long is that he's putting himself in danger.

"Does Remus actually believe he can face the Dark Lord?" I spit, a sudden rage surging.

"Apparently." she answers, not minding my sudden tone.

"He has a child. He has a child and he's out there risking his life for someone else's child. Not even a child! Harry Potter is practically a man himself!" I can't help but be angry. All I think about is how Remus obviously has not abandoned Harry and he so easily left me without so much as an explanation.

"You know if you come back you'll have to choose." Lilian says after a moment of silence passed.

"Do you remember last time?" I ask her. We were mere kids ourselves, dedicated to the side our parents choose. We are purebloods and were always meant to do what is expected of us, to preserve our kind.

She nods.

"What do you choose this time?" I ask.

"I don't know. I don't want to choose. I honestly don't care about any of it. Of course my family is already on board with The Dark Lord." she answers.

"And no doubt mine is already as well." I add. "I'm scared though. Demetrius is a halfblood. My family won't accept him unless they believe he's a pureblood."

"So what are you going to do?" she questioned.

"I'm going to change his last name. There was a man I was seeing a for a bit a few month back. He wasn't from here, he was Russian, but he was pureblood. Of a noble family. I'm going to proclaim him the father to my family." That plan had been building in my mind for days, this was the first time I was saying it out loud and it didn't sound as crazy as it did in my head.

"That could work." Lilian replies, a look of thinking it over sweeping her features. "What was his name?"

"Vladimir Dolzhikov of Moscow."

"Ooh he sounds hot!" she muses.

I laugh. The first genuine laugh I've had in days. "He was."

"What happened then?"

"I didn't fall in love with him. I tried but I couldn't. So he left." I say having made my way up to the counter where I stared into the marble.

"Our relationship has progressed." Lilian announces. She always knew how to change the subject before I was about to set off into pointless despondency.

"Oh?" I say turning to her with an arched eyebrow.

"It wasn't suppose to happen. I could get kicked out of the program if they find out. But I don't know how I'm going to hide it." she explains with a blush. She had finally been put in Lockhart's ward. I bet she was excited.

"We're slytherins Lilian! We know how to sneak around! Just don't get caught!" I tell her feeling my daringness from my younger days start to swarm within me.

"It's not that simple anymore." she says quietly starring down at Demetrius.

"What do you mean?"

She looked at me and her blues eyes were watery. She began to sob.

"Lilian what's wrong?"

She takes a deep breath in effort to calm herself then she looks up at me again. "I'm having a baby."

My eyes widen and my smile instantly grows after my momentary shock passes. "Thats amazing!" I announce and run to embrace her.

She shakes her head. "It's not, Roxanna, it's not!"

"Why?" I ask stepping back, taking Demetrius from her and heading to the sitting room with her behind me. I lay my gorgeous baby on the couch and summon a blanket to cover him and then I take a seat by Lilian.

"They won't let him out any time soon." she explains. "And if they find out, I'll get kicked out and I won't be able to see him anymore, he won't know his child."

Realization hit me. She was afraid she was going to end up like me. It didn't offend me. It was the truth after all. "From my experience, for what it's worth, no scenario is worth regretting or second guessing your child. You're going to love it Lilian! No matter how the situation turns out, you're going to love being a mommy!"

She smiles. Her tears stopping. "You do make it look fun." she admits.

"How can I not have fun? Look how cute my kid is!" I laugh, I was never modest and my baby is the damn cutest.

"So you're going back then?" she asks with her hand on her stomach.

"No. We're going back." I say looking down at my handsome little man. We'll go back, see what Narcissa needs, I'll introduce Demetrius as Demetrius Dolzhikov so he'll be set as a 'pureblood' should the dark lord regain power, and then we'll come straight back here. It sounded doable. I just hope I'm making the right decision.

R&R! Please!