Author's Notes: We all know I do not own Big Time Rush or anything affiliated with them or the show or their characters. They are owned by Sony/Nick/Scott Fellows. I write because it has to come out somehow or I'll go insane and obviously make no money off this.
Every time I tell myself I'm not going to write another fic, inspiration strikes. Here we have another James/Logan, because they still capture my heart. It's been more than a year since I wrote my first Jagan fic, and to this day I'm enchanted with them in all forms. They make me smile when nothing else does and maybe that's sad but it's true, so this is what I do. Thanks to those who have told me I write them well; it means a lot to know others appreciate my crazy obsession as well.
I try to be accurate in my stories, so in this I chose to give James a medical condition I have dealt with for years rather than try to write something I know nothing about. In this story James did not grow up in Minnesota with Logan and Kendall. And I caved at least mentioned Carlos. It just doesn't feel right without him.
Dedicating this to kathrynew30, because she kept pushing me to write more Jagan and this is what came out. I think if not for her I wouldn't write nearly as much as I do, and in that she is a constant source of encouragement. Thank you, Kathryn, for giving me the kick in the butt I need to keep doing this. Also PromiseMeTheStars listens to my rambling ideas and gives awesome input, and of course Aranelle says nice things to me about my writing and makes me want to write more so she'll continue to say nice things. It's a vicious cycle.
"So he asked you out?"
"No, but I think he was going to. How is that possible?"
"You're not a bad-looking dude, Logan. And the lab coat makes you look sexy."
Logan rolled his eyes as he reached for his drink. "I bet you say that to all the guys."
"Just you, baby. Maybe Carlos, too." Kendall grinned and dipped a French fry in ketchup before holding it against Logan's lips.
Logan batted his hand away with a laugh. "And you say I need a boyfriend. What happened with the chick you had dinner with last week?"
"She was nuts."
"Oh. Yeah, sanity is a necessary quality in a prospective girlfriend."
"Or boyfriend. Is your boyfriend sane?"
"He's not my boyfriend."
"Yet."
"Kendall, please don't tease me about that. You know how badly I'd kill for it."
"Sorry." Kendall leaned forward over the table. "Well, you finally met the great James Diamond. And survived. What's he like in person?"
"Gorgeous. Flirty. A bit unsure of himself, too."
"Really."
"Yeah. Oh, and by the way, he was worried about having to cancel tour dates because he doesn't want to let his crew down. He says a lot of people depend on him for their jobs. So he's not a total egomaniac."
Kendall shrugged. "I guess a person can't be all bad. What happened when you gave him the sucker?"
Logan laughed. "You should've seen his face. Classic. But he laughed really hard. And then offered to suck it in front of me."
"Shut up."
"He did!" Logan let out a very unmanly squeal before regaining his composure and looking around, but no one was paying them any attention. "And then he started to ask me out for lunch, but his bodyguard reminded him they were late for something."
"Whoa. Dude. See? I told you! I told you there was a chance if you just met him."
"As a fan it wouldn't have worked. I guarantee it."
"Good thing you met him as his doctor then, isn't it?"
"Maybe. He's...fragile. He really is terrified of dying."
Kendall wiped his mouth and pushed his plate away. "Aren't we all?"
"Yeah, but he's...something with his grandma when he was a kid. I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay."
"Big tough rock star isn't so tough?"
"Big tough hockey player afraid of death?"
"Like I said. We all are."
Logan groaned when his phone rang. "It hasn't even been an hour yet, why can't they—oh, it's not the office." He answered the call. "Hello?"
"Yeah, Dr. Mitchell?"
Logan almost dropped the phone. "James?"
Kendall's eyes widened in disbelief. "You gave him your number?" he whispered across the table.
"Yeah, hi," James was saying. "Sorry to bother you, but you said I could call, so...I expected to get the front desk, though."
"Don't worry about it, what's up?"
"Jimmy and I were talking about the lab tests and we want to know how long I have to fast."
"Oh. Eight hours. Just don't eat anything after ten and you should be fine to go the next morning."
"Cool, I can do that."
"So you're going tomorrow."
"Yeah, I gotta leave town after that."
"Right, Chi-" Logan cut himself off, hand covering his mouth.
"What?"
"Your tour. You have to go...places."
"Yeah, Chicago. How long do I have to wait for the results?"
"I can call you when they come in. We have your number on file, right?"
"Yeah, but let me give you my cell. I wrote down Jimmy's number because I don't give out my cell number to anyone, but...if I can't trust my doctor, who can I trust?"
"Exactly." Logan pulled a pen out of his pocket and grabbed a napkin, hands shaking. "Go ahead." He wrote down the number James recited, heart crashing in his chest. "Got it."
"Cool. Thanks, Dr. Mitchell."
"Anytime. Be careful on tour, okay? A lot of crazy fans out there."
Kendall rolled his eyes. "You're bad."
Logan waved a hand at Kendall.
"Tell me about it."
"And don't forget to call me and let me know if the antacids are working."
"I think you just like talking to me, Dr. Mitchell," James replied in that flirty tone.
"I think you just called me now because you like talking to me."
James laughed. "I didn't expect a comeback to that. Nice."
"Seriously, though. Call me."
"I will."
"And James? It's gonna be okay."
After a moment of silence, James said, "Thanks. I hope you're right. I gotta go, Jimmy's waving at me, but..."
"Yes?" Logan waited, sensing there was something James wanted to say.
Instead he abruptly answered, "I'll call you about the antacids. Bye."
"Bye, James." He hung up with a sigh, his head falling back onto the booth. "He's so hot."
"Dude. Why does he have your cell number?"
"I gave it to him," Logan said in a tiny voice.
"And told him to call you anytime?"
"Duh. It's James Diamond, Kendall. You know, the guy I obsess over?"
"Does he know that's your cell?"
"No."
"Does he know you're a fan?"
"Of course not. I'm his doctor. I have to be professional."
"Right, because giving him your cell number and telling him to call you anytime, that's professional."
"Dude, come on! You're the one who kept encouraging me to make something happen."
"I know, but it feels sneaky now. What if he ever comes home with you? Walks into your room, sees your posters? Your massive collection of magazines?"
"Please, he's not coming home with me. Ever."
"You just flirted with him over the phone."
"So if he flirts with me I'm supposed to not flirt back? Make up your mind!"
"And he almost invited you to lunch."
"So I should tell him I'm a huge fan? That would kill all of his confidence in me as his doctor. He wouldn't take anything I say seriously and would suspect every word out of my mouth. This has to remain professional."
"Then don't date him."
Logan sighed. "I want him, Kendall. More than anything I've ever wanted in my life."
Kendall took a breath and let it out. "I know. Just be careful. Lies can get you in trouble."
"I know. It's the only chance I'll ever have to get him, though. I don't know what else to do."
"Then go get him, Logan. And hold on tight, because guys like that don't stay in one place too long."
Logan nodded and stood up. "I need to get back."
Logan kept up with James' activities through his online sources over the next few days, wondering if James would actually call him. He told himself to let it go, that he was being ridiculous, but every time his phone rang he nearly had a heartattack. Finally he set James' number to a ringtone that no one else had, and when that ringtone went off one night when he was staring at a new picture of James on his laptop, he jumped a mile.
"Dr. Mitchell," he answered, feeling as if he'd been caught staring at porn by his mother.
"Hey, doc, it's James Diamond. I was in your office the other day? The uh...Lollipop Kid?"
Logan giggled. "Yes, Mr. Diamond. You're not someone I'd easily forget."
"James."
"Right. James. How you feelin'?"
"Not bad. The Tums are helping a little bit."
"Are they?"
"Yeah, like...when I feel the pain and nausea I take a couple and it goes away pretty quick. But now there's something new."
"New how?" Logan sat up in his chair, concerned.
"My chest starts to feel hot."
"Around your heart area?"
"No, like it starts in my chest and creeps up toward my neck and like...almost like there's fire in my throat."
"Does the antacid help that?"
"A little. Is there something stronger?"
"Yeah, try Mylanta. You can find it at any drugstore. Or even a grocery store. That'll coat your throat and-" Logan bit his tongue, wondering how everything he said to this man ended up sounding sexual.
James snickered on his end. "Coat my throat, eh?"
"Why do I always end up saying things like that to you?"
"Because I'm hot and when you look at me you think of sex?"
"Sure, that's it." Logan blushed but he was smiling. "I can't even see you right now, what does that say?"
"That my voice is just as sexy as my body?"
Fuck, you have no idea, James. No idea. "So we were talking about coating your throat."
"Yeah, let's talk more about that."
Suddenly Logan had to stand and move to his patio, it was too hot inside.
"I'm sorry, doctor. That was a bit much."
"I'm the one who said it, don't worry."
"But I turned it into something sexual."
"Maybe I'm just so hot you can't even talk to me without thinking about sex," Logan teased, giving it right back to James.
Now James was silent.
"You there?"
"Yeah, I uh...damn. When did our conversation turn into phone sex?"
"I don't know. We should stop."
"No, I'm kind of enjoying it."
Logan laughed, feeling lighter than air. "Please, like you don't have a million guys breaking down your door every night."
"I try not to get involved with fans. It's too messy."
That killed the smile on Logan's face. "I can imagine."
"Don't get me wrong, I love my fans, but it's hard to think of them as prospective boyfriends when I don't spend much time talking with them."
"That makes sense. I uh...looked you up."
"Looked me up? Is that a sexual term I've never heard?"
"No," Logan laughed. "I Googled you."
"Oh! That also sounds dirty."
"Stop!" Logan giggled, leaning back against the wall of the house. "I was curious."
"So you read up on me, huh? You can't trust everything you read. I don't, for example, own a diamond-studded tiara that I wear when I strut around my house naked."
"Oh, that. Yeah, I got a good laugh out of that one." When it first appeared online two months ago. "What about the rumor that you own over one hundred mirrors?"
"Uh, that one might be a little bit true."
"Yeah?"
"Just a tiny bit."
"Self-absorbed, are we, Mr. Diamond?"
"Obsessed with lollipops, are we, Dr. Mitchell?"
Logan grinned. "Guilty. And it's uh...Logan."
"Logan?"
"Yeah," he answered softly.
"Why are you at the office so late, Dr. Logan?"
"I might not be."
"Oh? Where might you be, then?"
"I might've given you my cell number by mistake."
"By mistake."
"Yeah. Just maybe."
"Right. And I might've given you my cell number the other day because I wanted you to have a direct line to me."
Logan's heart fluttered in his chest. "How's Milwaukee tonight?"
"Too far away from California."
After settling himself in a patio chair, Logan asked, "Are you outside?"
"On the balcony of my hotel."
"Look up. See that moon?"
"I do."
"So do I."
Neither of them spoke for a good minute, staring at the moon and imagining the other sitting underneath it. When it got to be too much, Logan said, "So the Tums worked, then."
"They helped. The problem's still there, though."
"We'll fix it. Buy some Mylanta."
"I'll get it tomorrow."
"I'll call you when your test results are in. About another week, probably. But if uh...anything changes, you can call me."
"Thanks. If you come across any wild rumors and have a burning need to know the truth, you can call me, too."
Logan grinned. "I'll remember that. Take care of yourself. I can only do so much from here."
"When my results are in, will I have to come see you again?"
"Yeah, test results aren't supposed to be discussed over the phone."
"Should I pretend to be disappointed?"
"Should I?"
James laughed softly. "Goodnight, Dr. Logan. Sleep well."
"You too, James. Don't sleep in the tiara; the diamonds might cut you."
"Thanks for the tip. And let me clarify something now, so you don't have to call me later."
"What's that?"
"The rumor about me sleeping in the nude?"
Logan's heart stopped.
"That one's totally true," James whispered.
"Fuck," Logan muttered.
"Goodnight, doctor."
"Goodnight, James."
Logan returned to his laptop after hanging up the phone, staring at the new pictures of James again but staying away from the forums and fan-based sites he usually frequented. He'd discovered the day he met James that it felt wrong to gossip about him suddenly, not just as his doctor but as a person, and had no desire to share his story with any of them. He supposed it was natural, wanting to keep it to himself, but it wasn't anything selfish; he simply couldn't think of James as a celebrity now that they were...whatever they were.
Doctor and patient. That's what we are. That's all that we are. Thinking of it any other way is a dangerous path, Logan. It will drive you mad if it never happens. Be professional.
Which was near impossible after their heavy flirting and almost-date. Just like James had a rule about not dating fans, Logan had one about not dating patients, but with James it seemed the rules didn't apply. He'd wanted James for too long to think rationally when it came him.
What do I do if he asks me out? Do I do the right thing and say no, tell him we should keep it professional? I'd still see him as my patient, and he'd probably understand my rule.
Logan knew, though, that all James would have to do is whisper something about sleeping naked again and he'd cave.
Damn you for being so sexy and beautiful, James Diamond.
And what if he did just want a fuck? Would Logan be able to resist that?
Not in a million years.
I'm so screwed. I want him and if I'm extremely lucky I'll get a fuck out of it but nothing more and then he'll be gone from my life, and no one will ever compare to him. I'm gonna grow old and be the creepy lonely guy who owns a hundred cats and dreams about that one day in his life that was perfect.
With a sigh, Logan pulled out his phone and sent a text to Kendall. "Don't let me be the creepy old man with a bunch of cats."
He shut down his laptop and stood to head for bed, grabbing his phone off the desk. It vibrated in his hand and he smiled, anticipating Kendall's reply, but it was a text from James awaiting him.
"What do u think happens when we die?"
Logan's breath caught before he melted, wanting desperately to hold James and comfort him. He sent a reply back immediately before climbing into bed.
"You're not dying."
"How can you be sure?"
"I'm a doctor. Trust me."
"What's wrong with me?"
"Are you having chest pains again?"
"I did earlier. Before I called you."
"But they passed?"
"Yeah."
"If it ever gets really bad, you can call me. If I don't answer it means I'm with a patient but otherwise I'm here. If it happens and doesn't pass, promise me you'll go to the E.R."
"I hate doctors."
"I know."
"Except you."
Logan smiled. "I know. And I'm glad."
"When do I need to be back?"
"The results should be back in another week, remember?"
"Can I make an appointment now?"
Logan bit his lip, cursing labs that were overbooked and wishing he could see James tomorrow. "I'll call and you just show up when you can. I'll fit you in."
"You see a lot of patients. Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"Thanks."
"Anytime."
There was a pause in which Logan started to feel drowsy, though his thoughts were spinning with James, but then his phone vibrated again.
"So I'm in bed. You know what that means, right?"
Logan suddenly had trouble breathing. His face hot, he texted, "No idea. You should tell me."
Ten seconds later his phone rang in his hand and Logan moaned softly. Was he really going to do this? Fuck yes, I am. He answered with a breathless "hi" that almost embarrassed him.
"It means I'm naked. And alone."
"A man as beautiful as you should never be alone."
He could feel James' smile through the phone. "I am pretty amazing. But that was corny."
"You know how your mouth has no filter when you're scared? My brain shorts out when I'm horny."
"Thinking of me naked gets you horny. I like that."
No one had ever spoken to Logan in quite that way, voice seductive and sexy, and the fact that it was James Diamond caused his lungs to struggle for oxygen. His mind clutched at something to say but there was nothing, just the vision of James in a hotel bed with his hand possibly-
"Logan? Too much?"
Logan opened his mouth to reassure James but his phone vibrated in his hand, startling him. "What? Now? No!"
"Logan?"
He looked at the phone display and cursed. "James, it's the hospital. I'm on call tonight, I have to go. I'm sorry." More sorry than you can imagine.
"Sure, of course. I'll talk to you when the results come back, I guess."
"James, wait-"
"Goodnight, doctor."
The call was disconnected and Logan groaned in frustration, hating the hospital and everyone in it. He quickly dressed in his scrubs and grabbed a coat, sending James a text as he rushed to his car. "I'm sorry. That was nice."
Nice? Understatement of the year, but he was in a hurry and it would have to do. He kept glancing at his phone as he drove, disappointed when he hadn't received an answer by the time he was entering the hospital, which he mentally cursed as he made his way to the E.R.
He pushed thoughts of James aside, as he always did when he worked, but this time it was more difficult as his mind kept straying to what might've happened had they not been interrupted.
