Confessions

With a thousand words in his arsenal you would think they'd be flowing from his mouth like a well rehearsed play. But, words are useless unless they have a structure and a form to follow and whilst he had the words there was no order to them. Everything he wanted to say was jumbled and he knew the moment he'd started it would all tumble out into a pathetic, and very worded, heap.

Suddenly needing to look anywhere but her eyes he looked down towards the ground but only to find that all he could see was her legs. Shaking his head slowly he looked back up to see compassion in her face and he knew he could trust her with this but he couldn't speak.

"Let's go." She said softly, almost a whisper. Moments had passed since she'd asked him what he was thinking and it seemed she wanted to go somewhere else to talk.

He shook his head. He didn't want to go.

"Then tell me what's going on?"

He could hear how she desperately wanted to know but not out of a need to be a gossip or some bizarre need to know everything about him. It was because she cared enough to dare to ask.

She pressed her lips tight together, mulling his lack of reaction over in her mind, fully aware of the fact that her family was inside the house but she hoped they weren't listening in right now. "Mike?" She asked, hoping he'd look back at her now he was looking up towards the sky. He did, "Mike, I don't understand what's going on so this might sound cold but-" her soft tone of voice changed to slightly demanding, "-what the hell is going on with you? You're having more mood swings than a woman on PMS."

Mike's lips curled into a small smile at the sass before it faded completely. His eyes fell down slightly and once again he wasn't looking at her face. He ached to tell her but he didn't know how. "I-" He lifted his eyes back up and looked her directly in the eye, "It's the anniversary of the day my mother died."

Alex blinked, "Today?" Mike nodded. He could see the sympathy, the realisation, the concern and the worry just flicker across her face. He also saw guilt, which he wasn't expecting, "Mike, if I had known I wouldn't have-" Mike quickly placed a comforting hand on her the top of her arm, giving her a gentle stroke that stopped her from speaking.

"Don't." His voice was low and deep, "I actually like coming here." Mike sighed, pulling his hand away and allowing it to drop to his side. "I just didn't realise... what today was."

He could see the confusion on her face and how she was struggling with her own need to ask him why but the explanation was a long one and he didn't feel like he had the time or the energy to give it to her. After a moment, however, confusion made way for recognition and he was surprised, "Because of what your Mom did?" She asked, then added, "To you?"

He'd forgotten that he'd briefly mentioned it to her in passing before but he knew he'd never gone into details with her or given her a deeper understanding of how it affected him or what had really happened. All Alex knew was the basics; his mother would get drunk and then she'd beat Mike. He'd been grateful for her to not ask for more details but he did always wonder why she hadn't asked.

Mike nodded, "Yeah." His voice was more of a mutter.

After a moment of silence between them she held out her hand and softly said, "C'mon."

"What? Where?"

She took his hand and coiled her fingers around his, "Just come." He followed her and they walked further into the garden and around a small building, which he assumed to be a shed, and then they stopped when they reached some small, wooden and very old looking stools. She smiled and he followed her lead by sitting on one of them.

He looked around the little area they were sitting in; it was private, mostly, and it was quite dark so he couldn't make out much except for some bushes and plants that were close to them but he could see her face. Looking towards her, he allowed himself to smirk, "You come here often?"

She smiled, briefly, "I used to bring my boyfriends here."

Mike's surprised expression turned into a grin, "I guess it's fitting that I'm sitting here then." He had an image of Teen Alex, sneaking around into the garden to make out with some older, college type guy but he had to quickly stop himself before that ruined his mind for good.

"I guess so." She agreed quietly, looking at him, her eyes still expressing her concern for him. Finally, after all the inside arguing with herself she asked, "Did you ever visit your Mom's grave?"

Mike nodded, "I've been once."

She waited for him to tell her about that.

"When they were puttin' her in it."

"Oh." She looked down at her hands for a moment before looking back up at him. "I promise I will only ask once." He nodded. "Please tell me about her?"

"What can I tell you about her?" He asked, bitterly, not sure he had the right words but it seemed that for the first time in his life he wanted to actually tell someone, "I remember-" he drew a shaky breath, "-I remember that I used to love her and that when I was very young she loved me too." Alex's face twitched a little into a smile that didn't last, "But she changed. She - she believed that she was put on this Earth for a greater purpose than marrying my dad or raising me." He spoke with such anger, hate and disgust that Alex could almost taste it herself. He was quiet for a moment as the memories filled his mind, all the pain and all the fear that had once been a constant in his life were now reminding him that they'd never really gone away. "She'd send me out on errands for her that involved buying booze for her." He pressed his lips tight together and he looked at Alex before he continued, "She'd drink the whole lot and once she was drunk enough she'd grab anything she could, anything that happened to be within reach and then she'd beat the crap out of me."

Alex could feel her eyes filling up with tears and even through the water collecting in her eyes she could see that he was trying to fight tears himself. "She was religious." Alex found that a strange fact, "She believed she was doing God's work." He laughed bitterly, "In other words she was a nut job." Alex didn't smile or laugh, she just kept looking at him, "She'd be holding that damned Rosary whilst she was doing it." His bitter, sharp words were cold, just like the cool evening air that was surrounding them. "The next day, she'd act like nothing happened." Another sharp laugh, "She'd even tend to my wounds like a good mother." He looked at Alex and saw the well of tears in her eyes, although to her credit they hadn't rolled down her cheeks. "You sure you wanted to know?" He asked, his own lips trembling slightly as he tried desperately not to let the tears build up at all.

Alex nodded, slowly, she got up off her seat and sat down on his knee, softly, she looked at him in the eyes, not wanting to say how sorry she was because those words were useless. She wanted to make it all go away but she couldn't. She put a hand to his cheek and gently stroker her thumb underneath his eye, the tears falling the instant she made contact with his face and she wiped them away. Carefully and gently she wrapped her arm around his head and pulled him to her, resting him on her chest and allowing him to wrap his arms around her tightly as he fought his own tears, still; failing.

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"Does anybody know where Alex and Mike are?"

Katie's concerned voice rang through the entire living room. Her father looked up from the game he was playing with his grandchildren to give his eldest daughter a shrug. The game he was playing was a child's fishing game with small plastic fishing poles and magnetic fish. It seemed his hand-eye co-ordination leaved much to be desired because the youngsters were winning. "But, you see, her car is outside but they're not here."

Johnny looked back up, "They must be here then."

"Maybe she's taken him to that spot she used to take boys she'd bring home." Steve suggested, with a smirk. "Y'know, just to annoy to Dad."

Johnny shot his son a look before looking back at Katie, who said, "Actually, I didn't try there." She turned to leave but Eric blocked the doorway, a beer in his hand and a grin on his face.

"Woah, if she really is there with him then clearly it's do something private." Eric told her, the grin on his face growing wider.

A small girl, Janey, suddenly piped up, "What kind of private?"

Katie rolled her eyes and turned back to her daughter, "You'll find out when you're older."

Janey pouted, "I wanna know now!"

Eric laughed at his niece but he didn't tell her anything. The young girl was distracted by the door ringing, she leaped up from the floor and rushed to the door, only to be stopped by Jo. "You know not to answer the door." Janey looked upset but she let it go.

Jo opened the door and a huge smile hit her face. "John!!" Her eldest brother, John Jr, was stood at the door. "Hi! I didn't think you were coming!" She allowed him to come inside and she closed the door behind him. "Dad, look who it is."

Johnny quickly walked upto his eldest child and they gave each a bear hug, "I thought you weren't coming, son."

John smiled, "I wasn't until I found out Alex was here and I haven't seen her since she was kidnapped." His sentence dropped in volume.

His father nodded, "Of course." He then turned to Katie, "You were just going to get her, weren't you?" Katie shrugged and then nodded, wordlessly she turned around and quickly walked out of the door before Eric could stop her.

Katie walked through the garden, careful not to fall over any toys that were still littered about, and she walked around the path easily remembering where Alex used to rush of to and hide, or take boys with her or just stay there on her own. Alex had always been the free-spirit out of the three girls and more of a tomboy than most too. Jo and Katie had spent most of the time together, it helped that they were closer in age too. Turning the corner she stopped dead in her tracks.

And she felt the cold hit her and the sudden drop in that pit of her stomach; something was wrong.

She hadn't prepared herself to see Mike and Alex sitting side by side, heads leaning on each other, looking so forlornly and depressed. Tear stains down both of their faces. Katie was about to just turn away when Alex looked up at her. "I'm sorry." Katie appologised quickly, taking note of the fact that Mike didn't move. "It's just that John turned up and he hasn't-" Katie spoke slowly, feeling guilty, "-seen you since..."

Alex nodded, using a hand to wipe her eyes, "I'll be there in a minute."

Katie nodded and quickly rushed away, not wanting to embarrass them any further, clearly she hadn't meant to have seen that. Although when Eric mentioned that they were doing something private she doubt he thought it was this. She walked back into the house and straight into the living room and gave her brother a reassuring smile, "She's coming." She tried her best to be reassuring but she felt like she needed someone to reassure her.

"Good." John Jr smiled, happily.

"You okay?" Steve asked, taking in Katie's troubled expression and demeanor. Katie just nodded and forced a smile in the direction of Steve. Steve didn't buy it, he just looked at his father who was looking at his daughter with concern.

Concern that flew from Katie to Alex the moment she walked in the room. Her eyes looked puffy, and she had rosy cheeks, clearly she looked upset. She walked over to John Jr and gave him a soft hug, he was careful when he wrapped his arms around her. "How are you?" He asked, pulling away and taking in her heavy-hearted expression and body language. Chalking it up to her kidnapping experience although everyone else in the room knew otherwise.

Alex nodded, "I'm good."

No one believed her.

"Where's Mikey?" Janey asked, looking around the room.

John Jr looked at her with confusion, "Mikey?"

"Mike." Johnny clarified for him.

He turned back to Alex with a little smile on his face, "Oh, so you're still 'friends' with that guy, eh?"

Her mother, who'd been quiet for the whole time finally spoke up, with a laugh, "John, they haven't been friends for a long time."

John Jr smirked and looked at Alex, who was smiling slightly. It hadn't occured to her that she'd hadn't seen her eldest brother since she'd originally introduced Mike as her friend from work to them when she'd begun dating him. Realising that, she asked, "What have you been up to?"

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Mike was still at that hideout of Alex's, pretending to be relaxing in the blanket of darkness. Comforted by the fact she'd promised not to be long. He did feel like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders but he doubted the long term effects of such a thing. It didn't change what happened to him, he couldn't alter it and he was no fool - she couldn't either. But he had noticed that when he was with her it didn't hurt so much, when he slept in the same bed as her he didn't have nightmares about it, when she was with him they laughed.

If he had known that having a relationship on this level would've been so beneficial he might've had one years ago. Although he doubted that there could have been any woman tough enough to actually stick around and want him for such a long period of time. He sometimes wondered why Alex did, he wasn't the greatest guy in the world. Didn't she deserve better? That was the thought that stopped him from taking this relationship further, he wasn't stupid. She did deserve better and no matter how much he wanted to move in with her and do all of that sentimental stuff he'd avoided all his life, he knew she deserved more.

He heard the snap of a twig and turned to see Alex standing near him, towering above him as he sat on the floor now. "You like my little hideaway, huh?" She was trying to be lighthearted but he could hear something heavy in her voice.

Looking up at her he smiled, "Yeah. It's, uh, a good choice for one." She lowered herself onto the ground and sat down beside him. "Your brother?"

"Oh, yeah, he just dropped by to say hello."

Mike nodded slowly. Alex looked at him but she didn't say anything else, she decided just to let him think for a while. Her own mind still reeling after hearing his account of what had happened at the hands of his mother. She thought it irrational for her to be angry at a woman who was not only dead but she'd never even met her. Where's that time machine when you need one? If only she could do that, her inner voice sounding sour, she'd hit her for everytime she'd hit Mike. There was a difference between knowing it had happened and hearing about it properly. Although he hadn't told her how severe his injuries had ever been, she could only summise that they would have been incredibly painful and enough to have possibly even required a visit to the ER.

She turned to Mike and wrapped her arm around his shoulders, she felt him tense slightly and then relax into her. She didn't want to ever let go.

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TBC