Author's Note: Wow, did I really get this done today? Boss! I sat down to work on it yesterday & realized I had a LOT of planning to do before I could actually write it. The thing is, there are kind of two plots going on simultaneously. There's the 'present' plot, which picks up at Dumbledore's death & moves forward chronologically until the end of the series, and then there is the plot that covers the time between the start of the 4th book & the end of the 6th, which will be told through flashbacks that are not presented in chronological order, but rather as the remembering of them relates to the events in the 'present' time plot. If that sounds confusing, it kind of is, but I hope it won't be as confusing in the actual presentation as it is in the explanation. This is also not a very happy fic, especially in the 'present' time frame. Some of the memories will be happy ones, some sad, some dramatic, but the circumstances which lead to the remembering will almost always be angsty. This chapter especially turned out pretty dark because it is a Severus POV chapter. We won't get that much of Severus's POV in this story, because the plot we are following is Harry's. This might be the only chapter that is entirely in his POV. I rather like what I've written here, emotionally and simply linguistically, and I hope you do too. Now I will end this far too long author's note and let you read the damn story, lol.

-SQ

Disclaimer: As much as I feel that HP is "my" true fandom, it's not actually mine

Chapter Two: The Double-Double-Agent

Severus had returned to his house in Spinner's end as quickly as possible after the meeting at Malfoy Manor, which was not nearly quickly enough for his tastes. Besides the obvious fact that he despised what his former friends and current necessary associates were doing and what they stood for, he also found their personal company exceedingly annoying and dull. Never a social man by nature, Severus was forced to make cordial small talk with people like Yaxley and Dolohov while enduring the piercing and suspicious gaze of Bellatrix Lestrange. While Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy were the only people in Severus's current association that he actually found to be somewhat tolerable company, Narcissa's elder sister neither liked nor trusted him, and the feeling was mutual; Bellatrix Lestrange was even more off her rocker than her cousin Sirius had been. Not that this made her any less dangerous; on the contrary, she was one of the few Death Eaters that Severus had any respect for, if not in character, at least in skill.

Severus sighed and rubbed his temples, where the headache he had been fighting all day was quickly building into another full-blown migraine. They had increased, both in frequency and intensity, since his reentry into the Dark Lord's service, and even more so since the end of last year. Not surprising, he supposed, when one considered that he had to watch former colleagues being tortured and killed above him while they pleaded for him to help them. He couldn't have of course; in saving one life he would have betrayed his true loyalties to the Dark Lord and so sacrificed many more lives, including the one he had dedicated the past sixteen years of his life to preserving: that of Harry Potter.

If Severus had been hoping to alleviate his migraine, his current train of thought was not helping. Thinking about Harry hurt as much as thinking about Lily. And since thinking about one of them inevitably lead to thinking about the other, he was ensured of a double dose of anguish unless he steered clear of both topics. Usually, what with the busy schedule his double-double-agent balancing act required and the necessary discipline of his mind at nearly all times, he did a fairly good job of it; it was only in moments like these, when he remembered the expression of intense concentration on Lily's face as she brewed a perfect headache potion for class, or how Harry used to bring him a cup of tea and sit with him talking about nothing in particular until his unconsciously tense muscles relaxed and the pain in his head receded more than it ever did when treated with potions, that the memories, and the pain associated with them, were brought back in full force.

Severus had always cared about Harry's life, but he hadn't always cared about the boy himself. In fact, for the first thirteen and a half years of his life, eleven of which had occurred before Severus had even set eyes on the child, he had hated him. How could he not? The son of the woman he loved by the man he hated; a living symbol of everything that was wrong with his life.

All of that had changed when the boy had fallen deathly ill while serving detention with Severus in the middle of his third year. There was something about saving someone's life, not by muttering a counter spell or averting danger from afar, or even of risking his own life in order to protect another's, but of kneeling beside them and counting their every breath as they fought their way back from death's door, that fundamentally changed one's relationship with that person. Especially when you discovered things about them that reminded you unsettlingly of yourself.

Harry had ended up living with him for most of the following summer. It hadn't been an easy time, but Severus was sure that if you asked either of them they would say that they didn't regret it. Well, Harry would have said that before Severus had apparently defected to the Dark side, murdered Albus Dumbledore, and proven himself not only a murder, but a traitor and a liar both to the Order of the Phoenix and to Harry.

If Severus had to pick the one thing he regretted most about his current position it would be this. Harry, the boy who, had circumstances been different, could have been Severus's son, should have been Severus's son, had, over the course of the past four and a half years, become like a son to the embittered potions master. He knew the boy's friends didn't understand it, hell, he wasn't sure he and Harry understood it, but there you had it; some things just didn't make sense. It did make a kind of sense if you thought about it though; both of them had been lonely, abandoned boys, abused and neglected, who had found solace and solidarity at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The fact that this description also fit the boy who had grown up to become the Dark Lord did not escape Severus's notice. Severus sometimes wondered if he and Tom Riddle had had someone to be to them what Severus had been to Harry if they would have turned out differently.

That was all over now, though. Severus's and Riddle's stories were written, and, though Harry knew almost all of Riddle's, he now held a deprecating and necessary misconception of Severus's.

Severus had known from the moment his relationship with Harry had changed that his role as a spy would get in the way. And sure enough, it had taken less than a year for him to break the second real promise he had made to the boy.

*****CTU*****

Severus watched from the window as the students climbed into the thestral-drawn carriages that would take them to Hogsmeade station. In less than an hour Hogwarts would be empty of all persons below the age of twenty-five. In less than two Severus would be on his way to pledge his loyalty once again to the monster who had killed the only person he had ever loved.

"Professor?"

Severus was pulled out of his musings by a familiar voice. He looked to his left and saw a short, scrawny boy with messy black hair and glasses rocking back and forth from his toes to his heels.

"Potter, what are you doing here? You're going to miss the train."

"I just…I wanted to say goodbye," said Harry, fidgeting but not taking his piercing green eyes from his professor.

"Well, goodbye then, Harry," said Severus.

The boy didn't budge, except to rock more vigorously.

"Cease that obnoxious movement at once," said Severus.

Harry stopped. "When are you coming to get me, Professor?"

"Pardon?"

"You know, from the Dursleys'. It's a week, right, that I have to stay?"

Severus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. In all the excitement about Diggory's death and the Dark Lord's return and Barty Crouch Jr. receiving the dementor's kiss his previous arrangements with Potter has slipped his mind. "I won't be coming to get you, Harry," he said finally.

Harry 's expectant look turned to one of confusion. "Huh?"

"'Huh' is not a word, Mr. Potter," said Severus.

"I mean, what do you mean, you won't be coming to get me?"

"I mean what I say, Potter. My plans have changed."

"But you promised."

"I know I did."

"Then why—?"

"The headmaster has other plans it seems." He had discussed it with Albus, but apparently his role as a spy was more important than his role as Harry Potter's caretaker.

"What kind of plans?"

"Secret ones."

"Don't you think I have the right to know, seeing as they're making you break your promise to me?"

"It is not my choice to break my promise to you, Harry," said Severus. "The world is not fair and things seldom go according to plan."

"Do you think you have to tell me that?"

The boy had a point.

"You know I used to be a Death Eater, I have the Dark Mark to prove it." Harry nodded. "Well, Professor Dumbledore finds this particular fact to be an asset to us in our current situation."

"He wants you to be a spy?"

"Perhaps."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"You are hardly the one to give lectures on not doing dangerous things, Potter," said Severus with a raised brow.

"I didn't choose to do any of those things," protested Harry.

"You didn't choose not to do them either."

"Is this what Dumbledore—er—Professor Dumbledore meant when he asked if you were ready?"

"It is."

"You said your being a Death Eater before is an asset to 'us'. Who is 'us'?"

"Enough questions, Harry, you're going to miss the train."

"I don't want to go back to the Dursleys'. I want to go with you."

"You can't always get what you want, Potter."

"But—"

Severus held up a hand. "You know what I have been tasked to do, at least the gist of it; it would be rather impossible to accomplish with Harry Potter residing at my house." His expression softened slightly. "I will be checking up on you though. Perhaps not in any way that you can tell, but I promise, your aunt and uncle will be kept in check while you are staying with them."

"How—?"

"I have my ways."

Harry answered Severus's mysterious smile with a smile of his own. "I'll miss you," he said shyly.

"There might be moments when I slightly regret the absence of your highly energetic presence as well," replied Severus.

Harry made a sound that would have been a laugh if there hadn't been so much weight and sadness to it. "'Bye, Professor."

"Goodbye, Harry," said Severus. "I do regret not being able to keep my promise to you."

"I know you do," said Harry. "See you next year." And, with a small wave, he hurried off in the direction of the grounds.

"Indeed," said Severus. "See you next year."

*****CTU*****

So much pain and hope and trust encompassed in one small boy, thought Severus, and he couldn't help but wonder what the breaking of that trust, no matter how necessary it had been, had done to the man that boy was too fast becoming.

AN: So…yes…that was kind of dark. This is how the presentation of the majority of the chapters will go; a scene in 'present' time going into a memory which fills in a missing piece of Harry and Severus's story between the end of the last fic & the beginning of this one. The major planning that I did yesterday consisted mostly of pairing 'present' time events and situations with the memories they trigger. Again, these memories will be presented out of order. A fairly good recollection of the events of the last 4 books, especially the 7th, will probably be useful in reading this fic. I'm having a lot of fun with it stylistically already (though 'fun' may not be the best word to describe this fic). It's also currently my only in-progress HP fic, and, as I stated in my disclaimer, I feel most connected to the HP fandom, especially in fanfiction.

Much love to you all for reading this. I would love to hear your opinions on the story, as, though it is a continuation of the story I started with CTC & developed with CTK, in style and process it is quite different from those fics. Thank you again for your time and your words (wow, I'm feeling eloquent today).

-SQ