Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare


Chapter 2

Back to Merlin, hiding...

When the voices came closer, Merlin made himself as small as possible under the blanket, as if it would help to stay unnoticed. He had to concentrate, bring order to his muddled brain. There was something he should be doing, and the thought was growing stronger with every passing moment. While he concentrated, a clear voice made itself heard. Not the ones that were haunting him, but a calm familiar one that seemed to guide him to a warm and safe place. How he wanted to feel safe again. Reaching out to it with his whole being he could hear it, soft but clear.

"Merlin," It called out to him. "Use your magic, young warlock."

He had no choice but to obey that voice, and a tiny spark of warmth spread through his body, a spell coming to his lips out of nowhere... "Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare." It lingered inside of him and he let out a content sigh. Those other voices should shut up, so he could focus on it once more. He didn't want the feeling to slip through his fingers.

The voices didn't obey and became louder. Merlin knew they had found him, and he grabbed hold of the blanket in a desperation. The feeling was so strong, he started to shake all over. Even his teeth started to chatter and he felt nauseated. They would hear it, would hear him. He had to get in control. "Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare." It left his lips once more, soft but firm. There was no place to go from here, but the spell gave him something to hold on to, even though he didn't know what it meant, yet.

The fire of a torch bathed him in light. It felt like it burned straight through him and his hideout. Straight through the blanket, and he winced while he froze. He knew it was futile because they had seen him already, a frightened pile of blanket.

"Here he is." It was Leon's voice, and Merlin actually recognised it, wondering why it sounded so familiar, and safe. Maybe it was a trick to catch him? "We found him."

Nononono, he didn't want to be found, not yet. The shock of the light made Merlin flinch. Why couldn't they leave him alone for another moment. A moment to rearrange his thoughts. He wasn't using his magic on them. He wasn't doing anyone any harm. He'd always been a loyal servant. Why were they after him in the first place? He couldn't remember.

A large hand reached for his blanket and grabbed at it. When it landed on Merlin's arm and pulled, he closed his eyes, bracing himself for the inevitable. One part of him wanted to resist, but another one told him to be calm and let them help. Help, were they going to help? He wasn't sure when the blanket was pulled away and he was exposed to whoever found him. He didn't want to see them, and kept his eyes shut.

Hands pulled at him, held him. They were soft but firm. Caring almost, as they lay him down on his back on something soft. Merlin dared to open his eyes and his gaze caught little spots of light in the sky. No, he was indoors, those lights had to be on the ceiling. They looked amazing.

"Merlin?"

Arthur's head was waving above his, making him sick. All he wanted to see were those wonderful little lights. They gave him comfort. The voices around him, these people, it still scared him too much. He couldn't move, couldn't run. He just lay there, staring up and blinking. Why was he so cold, and Arthur... What was Arthur doing here?

"Merlin, can you hear me? Say something."

It was Gaius, worry lining his voice. It wasn't as if Merlin wanted him to be worried, but he couldn't bring himself to speak, just yet. It felt as if he'd fallen from the sky, and landed in save hands. Why had he run away? What was going on?

"Gaius?" A mere whisper left his dry lips.

"Merlin, my boy, what happened?"

A strong warm arm surrounded his shoulders, and he was pulled up into a tight hug. He could smell herbs and earth and... Gaius. He had to snap out of it and trust Gaius. Something had scared him, had invaded his thoughts, he needed to shake it off. The spell, wasn't there a spell?

"How is he?" It was Arthurs steady voice nearby.

"I can't say for certain." Gaius answered, not breaking the hug.

"Magic?"

"Yes, sire."

Merlin wanted to interrupt to let them know he was feeling much better. At least, more like himself. Had he been enchanted, or poisoned, or what? He tried to remember, but it resulted in nothing. If someone had used magic on him, it must have been powerful.

"But who would dare to use it here in Camelot?"

"I can't say." Gaius looked Merlin straight in the eye, as if he was searching for answers. Merlin couldn't give them, not at the moment. But he had to let Gaius know he was fine. Or was at least going to be. He nodded, hoping the other man would understand this non verbal message.

"What can I do?" Arthur asked.

Gaius winked back at Merlin before addressing Arthur. "We need to bring him to my chambers, I think I might know of certain herbs that help against this condition."

"Herbs?" Arthur raised his brows, "and you said it was magic?"

"We have to try and see what happens."

"I'm not taking any chances, I'll guard him myself."

Merlin wanted to object. There was no need to guard anyone. The idea of Arthur hovering nearby made him nervous. What if his magic came to the surface again? He knew for certain his magic had prevented him from going crazy, the memory of a spell lingering. But he wasn't out of harm's way yet. There was still something inside of him even though it was getting vague. If it wasn't scary, it would have been fascinating. Merlin willed himself to speak. "I'm fine, I just need rest."

"We've heard that before." Arthur replied.

"I really am."

"How can you be fleeing like a girl one moment, and be fine the next?"

Merlin knew he was gaping, lost for words. His eyes flitting between Arthur and Gaius, his brain searching for the right answer. Maybe Gaius would...

"Sire, if I may?" Gaius came to the rescue. "It could well be that this magic was created by a poison or potion of some sorts, and its left Merlin's body by now. Some of my herbs should do the trick."

Half of this made actual sense to Merlin, even though Gaius thought he was making it up. The part about it leaving his body was false, because he seemed to have had a say in that himself. But if the other part were true, he must have inhaled, eaten or had it in a drink somewhere. But where?

Arthur interrupted his thoughts. "Still, I will make sure you both return to your chambers."

"Of course."


The morning sun created a spectacle of light on the blankets when Merlin opened his eyes. He wasn't quite sure if he was in his own bed. Something important had happened to him last night, but he couldn't put his finger on it. It would come to him soon enough, but for now he enjoyed the warmth of the blanket and sunshine. He felt great, but wanted to stay in bed for a while longer. Before you knew, Gaius would wake him to go see Arthur. A groan escaped him thinking about work. Arthur would have to wait, he wasn't ready.

A slight movement of the light woke him up all together. Gaius must have opened the window earlier, for some needed fresh air, and a small bird flew in. It didn't watch where it was going, as if something was chasing it, and it crashed against the opposite wall, not far from the bed.

Merlin was out of bed in a heartbeat. His steady hands scooping up the injured bird. It was a robin, and it was still alive. He could feel it's little heart fluttering against the palms of his hands, but it wouldn't be long before the animal would die. He closed his eyes in distress as he sank back onto the bed. He couldn't let the little bird die, he loved robins, there had to be something he could do.

Then he felt it, from deep inside. The events of last night coming back to the surface. Nightmare like images, but also a spell, a healing spell. He remembered it, but he wasn't sure if these memories were correct. Still, what if he could use it to save the robin? He had to try...

"Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare" It was barely a whisper, leaving his mouth with a soft breath of air that warmed the little robin. Merlin's magic surged through him, powerful yet with a gentle touch. He didn't dare to see if it worked, to afraid to find a dead bird.

A voice pulled him out of his concentration, but he kept his eyes closed. "Merlin?"

"Gaius?"

"There's a robin on the bed."

"Is it dead?"

"No, it's very much alive."

"Alive?" He dared to open his eyes. And there it was, the little bird. It was looking up at him in apparent adoration, wings fluttering, a soft chirping sound music to Merlin's ears. He did it, the healing spell worked. And he remembered, he'd healed the bird, but also himself. The sudden revelation made his heart pound, a burst of joy warming him inside. He did it.

Gaius was next to him then, pulling him in for a hug. "Are you all right, my boy?"

"Never better, Gaius." He hugged him back, the bird watching them curiously.

"Never scare me like that again, Merlin."

"I'm sorry, Gaius."

"What do you remember from last night?"

"Images, flashes of hallucinations, running, being terrified." Merlin swallowed, "but also a very important healing spell."

Gaius pulled back, observing the robin while it hopped around, not making any haste to leave. "It seems you not only healed this bird, you must also have healed yourself?"

"Yes, I must have."

"Amazing."

"And I believe you were right, Gaius."

"About what?"

"This magic was potion induced. I was trying to remember it before, but I know..." Merlin flinched when he thought about it. "Apples, Gaius, I think it were the apples that I ate on my way here last night." He wouldn't be able to trust anyone anymore when it came to their food. Not even Arthur or Gaius. Shivers ran down his back and the thought of an apple made him nauseated.

"Arthur gave them to you, right?" Gaius asked, "I remember him telling me about it."

"Yes, but where did Arthur get them from?"

Gaius was silent for a moment, before he jumped up. "Morgana?"

"Morgana." Merlin answered. It had been Morgana having dinner with Arthur. Maybe she'd brought the apples with her. This could well have been one of her plans to make sure Arthur would be unable to become king. "She wanted to enchant Arthur, but it was me who ended up with the apples."

"She wanted to make Arthur's death look like an accident perhaps?"

"I think so."

There was silence between them for a while. Like Merlin, Gaius seemed to be collecting his thoughts before he spoke. "Your magic saved you, Merlin."

"There was something else, a voice, I..." He hesitated for a moment, because he wasn't a sure if he'd heard it for real. He didn't want Gaius to think he was still enchanted. Come to think of it, the voice had been very familiar, taking him back to the past. His first days in Camelot. The voice had called out to him then, and must have guided him when he was lost this time. The voice of the Kilgharrah. How was this even possible? "I think the dragon helped me."

"The dragon?" Gaius raised one brow. "Are you certain?"

"Yes."

"Hmmm, It's not that strange, you are a dragonlord after all."

Merlin closed his eyes for a moment, reliving the memory. He had to see Kilgharrah and ask, even though he already knew the answer. Still, the dragon might give him some insight on how he knew Merlin needed help in the first place. Was their connection stronger than he thought? "I need to see him, Gaius."

"Yes, you should. With the enchantment holding you in a firm grip, the dragon must have helped you use this powerful spell." Gaius mused, and a smile appeared on his face all of a sudden. "See, you do have it in you. I always knew you would manage healing spells."

"I think I got lucky, with help and all."

Gaius stood up and lay a hand on his shoulder. "I don't think luck had anything to do with it. Just now you healed a bird, all by yourself. That counts for something."

"Maybe it does." Merlin watched the robin flutter and land on his arm. He smiled and all the bad memories melted into a feeling of joy. He'd managed a healing spell and his friends had found him in time. It made him wonder. "Before I forget, Gaius... How did you find me?"

"One of the guards had seen you run up the stairs to the southern tower."

"And you dared to follow?" Merlin asked, in awe of their determination to find him, "those towers are haunted."

"Arthur doesn't believe in ghosts." Gaius walked to the door. "Let's get you some breakfast. Oh, and Merlin? Dragons can wait until later."

"I wasn't going to."

"Yes, you will." Gaius knew him better than he knew himself.

"I'm starving."

"No apples."

"Very funny."


Arthur hesitated before he entered Gaius' chambers. Would Merlin be all right? It had been on his mind the remainder of the night, when Gaius insisted he get some sleep. How could he sleep not knowing if Merlin would be fine? The physician had given Merlin a mix of herbs when the servant had calmed down, assuring Arthur that he would sleep. Of course he trusted Gaius, but he had to see it with his own eyes. It was still early, but he couldn't stay in bed anyway.

Relief washed over him when he saw Gaius and Merlin sitting at the table, having breakfast. His servant looked a bit pale, he always did, but his eyes were clear when he looked up at him with an apologetic smile. Yes, Arthur thought, this was the Merlin he knew. A sigh escaped him without anyone hearing it. There was no need for such emotion. Gaius had been right.

"Merlin, you're well."

"Arthur, yes... I feel fine."

When he came to a standstill at the table, his eye fell on the porridge and old bread and cheese they were eating. Arthur knew he wouldn't even last one round of sword fighting against the knights on a meal like that. No wonder Merlin had been happy with a basket of apples. He shook his head and wondered if any of Gaius' food had made Merlin behave like a mad man. "That's good to hear. Any idea what caused, you know... It?"

"The apples you gave Merlin seemed to have been poisoned, sire." Gaius answered.

"The apples?" He felt baffled and sick, "are you certain of this, Gaius?"

"Very certain," Gaius answered. "May I inquire who brought them to you?"

"Morgana did." Arthur swallowed, hard. No way would Morgana want to harm any of them, so she must have gotten them from someone. Someone who wanted to harm her, or himself. His food would be tested, but because this came from Morgana...

"Are you all right, Arthur?" Merlin asked.

"Morgana must have gotten them from someone, I must find out from who." Arthur answered as he turned around to leave. This called for immediate action. It should never happen again, he was going to make certain of that. "Oh, and Merlin?"

"Yes?"

"There's a bird on your shoulder."

"Ah, yes. It's a robin."

"You seem well enough to work today." Arthur continued, not impressed, "but I don't want to see that bird in my chambers."

Merlin grinned widely, something Arthur had missed very much, although he wouldn't admit it. "Of course, my Lord."

"As long as we're clear on that." He moved towards the door, his hand resting on the doorknob, when he turned around. He knew he couldn't just leave without at least some comforting words for his friend. "Merlin?"

"Arthur?"

"I'm glad you're well." There was a moment of silence, where Arthur wasn't sure if Merlin had even heard him. When he felt the other man's eyes on him, he couldn't help but feel grateful for it. Not that he would tell his servant about any of those feelings. This show of emotion was enough for one day, he had urgent matters to attend to.

"You were worried about me?" Merlin asked.

"Don't be ridiculous." He stepped outside, the grin on his face disappearing when he thought about those apples. He was going to confront Morgana about it, as soon as possible. Maybe the person who sold her the fruit was still around, and someone would have to pay. Arthur closed the door and started to pace towards his chambers.


Morgana didn't understand, and felt worried. Merlin appeared to be save and back to his normal self. How was this even possible? Morgause had ensured her there was no cure, and Gaius didn't possess enough skills to heal him. Did they find another way? Gaius knew a lot of people, amongst them must have been a mighty sorcerer, no doubt. She couldn't explain it otherwise.

Morgana regained her composure before knocking on Arthur's door. He had sent for her, and she knew he would ask her about this. About the apples. Of course the fool would believe everything she told him. It wasn't very hard to lie to her beloved brother. He was as gullible as Uther.

"Enter."

Arthur rolled an apple from one hand to the other on the rough surface of the table when she walked in. There was a grim expression on his face, and it made her feel less worried. This man was as clay in her hands, to be formed to what she wanted him to be.

"Are you all right, Arthur?" She laced the sentence with worry and sweetness, and knew he would fall for it.

"These apples," He grabbed the apple and waved it in front of her. "Where did you get them from, Morgana?"

"They are poisoned?"

"Yes, and Merlin almost died, so, please..."

So, he wanted to get to the bottom of this right away? No problem. She would play along and fake to be very distressed. "Oh, it's terrible Arthur, I'm as shocked as you are. I bought them from one of those travelling merchants from the lower city market."

"A merchant who intended to hurt or kill you, Morgana," Arthur said. "Or me."

"Poor, Merlin, will he be all right?"

"Yes, he will be fine."

"I'm glad." How much luck could one idiot servant have in his life? Morgana had hoped on breaking Arthur into a million pieces with Merlin dead. It would have been so much easier. Her brother would never have forgiven himself. She knew him too well. But she failed, this time. "You need to find this merchant, bring him to justice."

Arthur threw the offended apple against a wall all of a sudden, surprising her. The pieces were flying everywhere. "Oh, believe me, Morgana, I will. Although the man might be long gone."

She pushed a tear or two to the surface and grabbed his arm. "I know you will do all you can."


The full moon bathed the clearing in blue colours. The trees, the grass, they all moved in unison to the soft breeze that also touched Merlin's face. He felt at ease in the forest, as if all the worries of the day were washed away. Gazing at the sky he noticed the familiar silhouette of the dragon and he brazed himself for its landing.

"It is good to see you, young warlock." Kilgharrah stepped forward and bowed.

"It was you, wasn't it?" The question had been on his mind all day, so he might as well come to the point of this summoning. He had to know.

"What are you referring to?"

"Don't try to hide the truth from me"

"I never do."

Merlin saw the twinkle in Kilgharrah's eyes. The dragon still loved to talk in riddles to unnerve him, push him off balance for some obscure reason. Even though he was a dragonlord, some things would never change. The best course of action was always the; 'confront him straight away' one. "You talked to me, you saved me."

"I had nothing to do with saving you, young Warlock. The spell was of your own doing."

"You guided me."

"I will never abandon you, Merlin."

"I know..." The dragon had saved him once before, and Merlin was grateful, but still, it wasn't easy to trust the giant creature. Too many bad things had happened, and gaining trust took time. "But, how did you know I was in trouble?"

"I felt your distress."

"We have a connection?"

"Yes."

"But I never feel your emotions."

"I am old, Merlin. It takes a long time to learn and manage magical connections." It almost looked like the dragon had a smirk on his snout, boasting about his abilities.

"Thank you for helping me."

"You learned an important healing spell," Kilgharrah opened its wings, ready to leave. "You will not fail your destiny because of the witch."

"She might try again."

The dragon sniggered at that, a mixture between amusement and anger, the burst of air coming out of its mouth almost knocking Merlin over. "She is no match for you. Beware of her hatred though, young warlock."

"I will be ready."

Kilgharrah seemed to consider this for a moment, squinting his eyes, making him feel uncomfortable. "So you will." Then the dragon lifted itself up into the air. "Until next time."

"Yes, next time..."

When the giant magical creature disappeared over the horizon, Merlin felt a little lost. He knew he had learned important lessons in the last days. About Morgana, about his connection to Kilgharrah, and how to use a healing spell. There was no need to feel lost or alone. He had to put his trust in the future, as it was a bright one. It had to be.

He turned to go home when the little robin landed on his shoulder, it must have followed him here. It was chirping in his ear, and Merlin knew,

Whatever happened, he was never alone...

The End