A/N: Ok, so, this chapter hasn't been beta-read, since my beta reader hasn't been on for a while. So, I apologize for that.
Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed chapter one! It's really appreciated!
And, I'm going to explain this right now, so people won't get confused (hopefully). In this fanfiction, Professor Membrane's name is Ivan Loch. Why is his name Ivan Loch? Well, I came up with the "Loch" part first, since "Membrane" was a stage name in the first place. I figured that he probably wouldn't want such a name in this world, since he's into paranormal science, not "real" science. So, his last name is "Loch" because ol' Ivan has a particular fixation with Nessie (which you won't see much of) and decided to use that as his stage name. As for "Ivan" I just kind of used that because I got reminded of "Ivan Lachrymose, Lake Explorer" when I named him.
So, that's about it! Enjoy Chapter Two of Crazy Talk!
And, yeah, I dun own ZIM.
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The days following ZIM's arrival were, quite possibly, the strangest Dib had ever experienced. After the first day, Dib thought there was something extremely weird about ZIM, but, after spending a week in the same classroom as the green boy, he knew. He knew that there was something incredibly wrong with that kid. There had been...incidents.
For example, on the second day after ZIM had joined the confines of his wretched skool, he had noticed that he was asking some very strange questions to Ms. Bitters like "How prepared would earth be for a full scale alien invasion?" or "What's particularly toxic to you filthy worm babies?" Certainly that alone would be enough to prove that ZIM was certifiably freakish, but there was more.
Shortly before the anniversary of his first week at school (which ZIM made sure to remind everyone in the class of) something happened that Dib just couldn't explain. It had been a usual skool day, or as usual as they got since ZIM had entered the class. On this particular day, Dib had paid no attention to ZIM at all, he had finally figured that the kid must simply have mania – it fit well enough. As such, Dib had begun working on a new experimental device, designed to construct medical nanobots that would make delicate procedures far simpler. He had been relieved to get back to work, but it suddenly interrupted when a bright flash of light that nearly blinded Dib and caused him to fall out of his desk.
Whatever the flash had been, it nearly ruined his invention. Dib angrily climbed back onto his desk looking around for the culprit. And there was ZIM, whistling innocently on the other side of the room, twiddling his thumbs and occasionally looking around the room suspiciously. Dib glared at ZIM. What had that kid done now? He was just about to shout over to the stupid green kid that he had almost ruined his nanobots, but shut his mouth when he caught sight of the kid next to him; he looked like a drooling moron. Now, normally the kid wasn't that bright in the first place but this was different – he actually looked like he was lacking a brain.
Dib looked back over to ZIM, and could only gape at him. ZIM responded with a sly look, which made Dib cringe. What was worse, however, was that nobody else seemed to have noticed. No one. Maybe ZIM was smarter than he gave him credit for…
Dib decided at that moment, that he would stay as far away from ZIM as possible.
A few days after what Dib had taken to calling the "incident," Ms. Bitters suddenly announced that parent teacher night was that night. Dib had been busy packing up, as the bell had just rung, but paused when he heard his horrific teacher's words. That was bad. That was very bad.
Dib hated parent teacher night. His father always ended up embarrassing him in some way. He remembered just last year he had went on about how he could have sworn he saw "the devil's" footprints outside of their house last winter. A few years prior to that he had given a giant lecture about ghosts, and how this very skool was rumored to be haunted. He hadn't convinced anyone, but he did succeed in embarrassing Dib beyond belief. The kids at skool hadn't let that go for months following. They had taken to jumping out from behind things, yelling "BOO!" as he passed.
And this year humiliation would probably have something to do with ZIM. ZIM would either be a goblin or a monster or…an alien. Yes, his father would probably brand the green boy as an "alien" and traumatize the kid.
"I never agreed to attend this 'parent TEACHER night'!" ZIM yelled at the teacher.
Or, maybe not… Dib thought.
"Yes, you did," Ms. Bitters replied, not phased at all by ZIM.
"NO! YOU LIE! YOU LIIIIIE!!!" ZIM shrieked, making movements as thought to scratch Ms. Bitters's eyes out.
Okay, Dib continued his train of thought, definitely not.
"Heh," Ms. Bitters scoffed, swooping over to her desk and swiftly putting it into her computer. With one click of her mouse the blackboard parted to show a giant television screen.
"Wow, I never knew she had that," Dib whispered. He had stopped packing completely at this point, merely watching the scene between the two, um, people? Dib didn't know what ZIM was, and he had always thought Ms. Bitters was some sort of inter-dimensional demon or something.
The screen showed ZIM, balancing a pencil on his lip. "ZIM, are you going to bring your parents to parent teacher night?" Ms. Bitters could be heard saying off screen.
ZIM removed the pencil and said, quickly, "Yeah, sure, whatever," only to resume his previous activity.
The blackboard closed far faster than Dib would have thought possible, leaving ZIM in a state of shock. "Why would you tape that?" he asked quietly, realizing that there was a security camera in the corner of the room.
Why would she tape that?
Shoving one last book into his backpack, he walked towards the door, and, thus, towards ZIM, who was fuming. Dib tried to cut past the earless kid without ZIM noticing him, and was relieved when he had managed to get out of the classroom without ZIM saying anything to him.
This relief was short lived, however, as ZIM soon burst out of the classroom, looking furious. "That horrible!" He mumbled, walking next to Dib, who increased his speed. ZIM kept pace, however. "To ME, ZIM!" he continued, confusing Dib.
"With her chalkboard," ZIM growled, gnashing his teeth. "I'm Ms. Bitters," he mocked, putting two fingers on his head to imitate Ms. Bitters. "Doomy, DOOMY, DOOM."
"ZIM," Dib interjected, baffled completely by ZIM's miserable attempt at venting, "What are you talking about?!"
ZIM looked at Dib as though he were noticing him for the first time, which may well have been true. "Human meat puppet! Why do you yawp at ZIIIM?"
"YOU were talking to me, ZIM!" Dib said, angrily.
"You speak craziness, big headed boy!" ZIM defended, pointing at him suddenly.
Dib stopped in his tracks, "'Big headed boy?'" he repeated. No one had ever told him his head was big before! "My head's not big!" cried Dib, glaring daggers at ZIM.
ZIM only responded with a yawn as he walked away, leaving Dib tight fisted and abashed.
Dib and Gaz had walked home in silence after the former had finally gotten it together enough to move from the spot where he had firmly planted himself. Big head? He didn't have a big head! The very idea!
"It's parent teacher night," Gaz said, without emotion.
"I know!" Dib snarled at his sister, before correcting himself with a softer toned, "I mean, I know." His sister looked up from her game, glaring at him for snarling at her, but saying nothing, not even her usual growls were audible.
"He's probably going to be worse this year," Dib mumbled as they approached their house. He could see his father's long black car parked in the garage. At least he was home.
Almost reluctantly, the siblings turned the knob of their front door. They were instantly greeted by their father, who was looking absolutely giddy. "Hello, son," he said to Dib, "And daughter!" he continued, noticing Gaz. "How was your day at skool?!"
"It was ok, dad," Dib muttered.
"Wonderful! Speaking of your skool, I was doing some research on those robotic squirrels that sometimes show up in the court yard, and I've found -"
"Yeah, that's great, dad," interrupted Dib. "Listen, dad, its parent teacher night and -"
His father chuckled, "Of course it is, son! Of course it is!"
"Uh, yeah; it's at seven," Dib continued.
"Right, son! I must go PREPARE!" his father said, running off up stairs, black trench coat fluttering behind him.
This was going to be a long night… Dib thought, skulking off to his own room.
The few hours of dignity left before parent teacher night passed far too quickly, and soon it was 6:30. Dib had prepared as best as he could for the upcoming degradation, and was actually surprised to find that Gaz seemed ready as well. Or at least she appeared to be when their father reentered the living room, not looking any different than he had but a few hours ago. Dib had a feeling that his "preparing" had been nothing more than researching more of his paranormal nonsense that he would spew out at anyone who would listen.
"Ready, kids?" He said, smiling at them. Dib nodded in reply, while Gaz growled angrily at her father. He didn't seem to notice the lackluster response from his children, and walked out towards the garage as though this was the greatest moment of his life. The siblings followed despondently afterward.
The short car ride from their house to the skool seemed to take an eternity. The only sound was the constant yapping of the so called "paranormal investigator." The subject tonight was the "tree conspiracy" as he called it. Supposedly the government was making sure that anytime a tree fell it would land on a car. Dib didn't quite understand why the government would do this, and, when he asked his father just shook his head and tsked at him.
It was sweet release to be freed from the car as they pulled up to the skool. "We'll continue this discussion later," said Dib's father.
"Mmm-hmm," Dib said slightly irritated and practically running towards the skool's entrance. He saw that Gaz was doing the same, only the look on her face was less of mild aggravation than full out hatred.
Their father entered a bit after them, he was apparently grabbing something from the glove compartment before exiting his car. Dib groaned when he saw what he had brought – pictures of flying saucers.
"Come on, son!" he said, passing Dib. "Say, where's your sister?"
"Probably ran off…" Dib grumbled. "Ah, anyway, dad, I'm going to go," he paused, "Get some punch! Uh, yeah, I'm going to go do that!"
"Have fun, son!"
Dib sighed; glad to be away from his father. "Hey, Dib!" a friendly voice called from behind. It was Mr. Elliot.
"Oh, hi, Mr. Elliot," Dib said.
"Say, where's your family?" he asked.
"Gaz is over there," Dib said, pointing towards a dark corner, where his sister could be seen basking in the florescent light of her gameslave, "And dad's -"
"Oh! I see him! Let's go say hi!" the good-natured teacher said, leading the unenthusiastic Dib back to his father.
"Hello, Ivan!" Mr. Elliot said.
"Hi, dad," Dib said, looking anywhere but at his father.
"Hello, Mr. Elliot!" Ivan said enthusiastically, turning away from Mr. Elliot to Dib, "I thought you were getting PUNCH, son!"
"I, um, was," said Dib, looking at the ground, embarrassedly.
"So, how's Dib doing in school?"
"Well, actually, Mr. Loch," Mr. Elliot said, looking over to Gaz's corner, "I'm Gaz's teacher."
"Ah, of course! So how's the girl doing?"
Dib looked up to the two adults; both of them had forgotten he was here. They wouldn't miss him if he just kind of…left. He really did want punch, anyway. And, this time, Dib actually succeeded in getting to the table, and getting a cup before he was interrupted.
ZIM had just entered the cafeteria with his "parents." Dib could just barely hear him tell Ms. Bitters "These are my parents; I love them with all my heart." He could plainly see the two figures jerk and twitch and give off electrical sparks, though.
"I must have punch, now!" the green kid cried as he rushed off towards where Dib was currently standing.
Dib stared at ZIM as he got himself some punch, "Those are not your parents, ZIM," he said, dully.
ZIM scowled at Dib. "Foolish STINK child! Of COURSE they are my parents! Do you not see the resemblance?"
"Um, no?" Dib said, "And, anyway, those are obviously robots. Poorly constructed robots."
"Stupid hu-MAN!" ZIM snapped, "You DARE question the amazing construction skills of ZIM?" He paused, looking around warily, "Uh, I mean; your meat brains are obviously mistaken, earth pig."
Dib opened his mouth to respond to the incredibly idiotic thing ZIM had just said, but was stopped by a sudden calling from behind him, "SON! Get away from that alien!"
"Dad," Dib said, through gritted teeth, "He's not an alien. He's just really weird and stupid."
"He has no ears, son!" Mr. Loch said, poking ZIM, causing him to hiss angrily, revealing his worm-like tongue. "And look at his tongue! That is not a human tongue!"
"Look, dad!" Dib yelled, "You've gotta stop -"
There suddenly came a terrified screaming from the back of the cafeteria. "OW, OW, OW! MY HEAD!"
It took a moment before Dib realized that this screaming was caused by a woman who was being poked repeatedly by ZIM's "mother." ZIM looked shocked, and only stared at the scene for a moment, before realizing that he should stop his raging technology.
"MOM!" ZIM said, running up to his robot mother, "I think we should go now!"
His mother turned around, looking rather intimidating, "Don't tell me what to do, young man! Go to your room!" Suddenly, his mother grabbed him and threw him in the punch bowl.
"Yeah, you really, need to program them better, ZIM," Dib said, looking over at ZIM's robodad, who began to twitch violently just before his arm rocketed off, landing right next to Mr. Elliot, who screamed.
"Nothing to worry about!" ZIM said, frantically jumping out of the punch bowl, "My dad lost his arm in the, uh, the war!"
"'The war?'" Dib scoffed quietly.
"Oh, come on, people!" Ivan Loch suddenly burst out, "That's not normal human behavior! That kid's an alien!"
ZIM laughed nervously, "Ah, nonsense! My parents are perfectly normal!"
"Quit poking my mom's head!" the boy of the woman suffering pokey trauma cried.
"HAH! That's not normal behavior, green thing!" Mr. Loch accused, pointing at him, "How is it not obvious that he's an alien?"
"Hey! Can't you see we don't want to hear your ridiculous tales tonight, Ivan?!" a burly man cried. "Can't you do something useful? Like helping that poor woman over there?"
"I am doing something useful, Mugsy! I'm trying to get that alien on a dissection table!" Ivan retorted.
Dib rubbed his face in frustration, "ZIM!" he whispered to the panicking green boy, "Why don't you just disable their independent thought units?" he asked, or, rather, suggested. True, he wasn't particularly fond of ZIM, but he would rather help him then stand here and listen to his father fight about aliens with the other parents.
"Eh?" ZIM said, "Eh, I mean, of course. I was just about to do that. You thought of nothing pathetic monkey-thing!"
"Right…" Dib said, as ZIM suddenly pulled out a strange mechanical device the likes of which Dib had never seen. He fiddled with some of the buttons, almost at random. It seemed to work, however, as both the robomom and dad stopped what they were doing.
"Uh, right, so, let's go home. LET'S GO HOME NOW," ZIM burst out, balling up his fingers into a fist. The parents obeyed, and ZIM looked triumphant. The trio walked out of the cafeteria without another word.
Meanwhile, Mr. Loch continued to fight with the crowd about aliens. "Look, I'll show you!" he said, moving towards where ZIM had been not a moment before.
"Uh, I mean," he said, nervously. Looking down at Dib, he whispered, "Where did the green kid go, son?"
"Oh, he went home dad. I don't think he was feeling well," Dib shrugged. Loch looked nervous.
"Well, I guess that's that, then!" he said, quickly. "It's time to go home! Go get your sister, son."
Dib didn't end up needing to, however, as Gaz showed up not a moment after he had said they were going home. She was looking extremely surly, and Dib couldn't blame her.
"Say, son, what was that child's name?" his father asked, as they left the skool and into the fresh air.
Dib paused, and visualized his father outside of his classroom everyday, taking notes on ZIM. He thought about his father stalking ZIM, and breaking into his house trying to prove he was an alien. He thought about the restraining orders and prison time that would surely result.
As casually as possible, he said, "You know, dad, I don't remember."
