Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with General Hospital.
To Choose Life
Chapter 2
Emily dropped me back off at the Quartermaine mansion, so that she could go to work at the hospital. When I went inside, Dillon was sitting on the couch. His eyes met mine and I knew he had been waiting for me. "What Dillon?"
"We need to talk," he said coolly.
"I don't feel like talking," I said in the same cold tone.
"We need to decide what we're doing."
"Having a baby. There we are finished talking."
"I am willing to marry you."
"We've already discussed this," I muttered, dropping onto the large armchair.
"No we haven't. I want to know what you want."
"What I want Dillon is to have a life. I want to go to school, get an education and then get a job. I want a future. I want to meet a man who actually loves me for me and not because he's on the rebound from his wife." The anger and truth in my words made us both flinch.
"I'm sorry Lulu. I'm sorry you don't get to have the life that you always dreamed about. Neither will I."
"Oh yeah Dillon, your life is going to be so much different when you start gaining weight from the pregnancy, throwing up every morning, oh and of course labour. No girl is ever going to discriminate against you because you have a child."
"I'm switching into business and taking over my spot in ELQ."
"You have got to be kidding me."
"I want to give my baby the life it deserves."
I pressed my fingers into my temple. "So you're giving up the life you've always dreamed about?"
"We're in this together Lulu."
"No we're not. Stop saying that."
"What is it that you want?" he asked getting frustrated.
"For you to have the life you always wanted. I don't want you to resent our child because you gave up your dream. Stay with Georgie, go to film school and just help me raise this child," I said before running from the room so that he wouldn't see me cry again.
As I reached my room, I pulled open the drawer by my bed and pulled out the picture of my mother. It was an old picture, the edges tattered and frayed. It was just my mother and I, when I was a baby. I hugged the image to my chest as tears spilled from my eyes. I wished I could get her advice, have her tell me that some day some man would love me for who I am and not because he got me pregnant.
I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes it was dark outside. I climbed out of the bed and went downstairs. The house was dark. I assumed everyone must have been asleep for many hours now.
I made my way outside and hugged my arms around myself as the cold surrounded me like a blanket. I walked all the way to the boathouse. I don't why I went there, but I did. I opened the door and found Dillon inside. He turned to look at me. "I'm sorry," I whispered, turning to go.
"Lulu come back," he called. I don't know why I chose this moment to listen to him.
I turned back to him and met his gaze. "What are you doing out here?" I asked.
"I could ask you the same question."
"I needed some air," I said honestly.
"This place has a lot of memories," he said with a light chuckle.
I smiled at him. "That's an understatement."
"Aren't you even a little bit excited about this baby?"
"I'm too scared to be excited. How can I be a mother when I don't have one of my own? Who are my role models supposed to be? My father?"
"You don't need your parents to be a good mother Lulu. I have faith that you will be wonderful to our child."
"I'm eighteen Dillon. I'm not ready to be a mother."
"Well you have nine months."
"Well, technically seven."
He stood up and came toward me. He took his jacket off and set it around my shoulders. "You're freezing," he said with concern. I hadn't even noticed.
I wrapped his jacket around myself. "Are you sure you want this?"
"You know I do," he said sternly.
"Why aren't you scared?"
"I am terrified but I think we make a pretty good team. Look at the other stuff we have made it through. What's a child?"
"Just for that, you're doing all of the midnight feedings."
He smiled at me. "We can do this. Come on lets go inside."
I nodded and followed him towards the mansion.
When we went inside, I pulled his jacket off and handed it to him. "Do you want something to eat?" he asked timidly, probably afraid I'd start yelling at him again.
"That would be nice," I responded, as I dropped onto the couch.
"Can I ask you what made you change your mind?" he said, as he headed towards the kitchen.
"I didn't want my baby's blood on my hands," I confessed, surprised at my honesty. I stood up and followed him into the kitchen. "Can I help you at all?"
"No, I can do it," he said as he opened the fridge. "I can made peanut butter sandwiches, frozen waffles, and toast."
I smiled at his utter lack of culinary skills. "Well won't our child be well fed."
He looked up at me and grinned. "I'll learn. So what do you want?"
"I think I want waffles."
He pulled them from the freezer and placed four into the toaster. Then he came to the table, where I was sitting, and sat down. An awkward and tense silence filled the room. I missed the way we used to be so much that it hurt.
"So how is Lucky doing?" Dillon asked, trying to break the tension. Lucky's addiction to pain medication had not been a secret to anyone.
"I haven't heard anything. I hope he is okay."
The waffles popped out of the toaster before Dillon said anything in response. He placed them on a plate and brought them over. Then he grabbed syrup and margarine. "Thanks Dillon."
"No problem," he said as he poured syrup onto his waffles.
I smiled at him. "My father is gone again."
"I know," he said softly.
"Typical. I don't know what I was expecting," I said, ashamed at the tears that filled my eyes.
"He just doesn't know how to handle the situation."
"You know I'm kind of glad my mother isn't around to see how much I've screwed up my life."
"You have not," he said, trying to comfort me.
"Are you kidding? I lied and broke up a marriage, ended up pregnant and I'm only eighteen. What is there for her to be proud of?"
"People make mistakes. You're entitled to your share. Your mother would still love you and be proud of you."
"I doubt it."
"You're a good person."
"I don't know how you can say that after what I did to you."
"You're the mother of my child."
"So?"
"I was mad at you. I had trusted you and you took advantage of that trust and made me believe my wife had cheated on me. However, what does it say that I believed you over my wife?"
"What are you saying?"
"I wasn't the victim in all of this that I like to think I am. I chose to sleep with you. I got you pregnant. Regardless of the circumstances that brought us to where we are, we are having a baby together. I just don't see the point in clutching onto the past. I want to move forward."
"Are you saying you forgive me?"
"Yes."
"What about Georgie?"
"I don't know."
"Please don't break up with her for me?"
He smiled at me. "I don't know what I'm doing. Right now all I know is that I intend to give this child the best life it can have. I will never leave it behind."
I placed my hand across my abdomen, for the first time since I realized that I was pregnant, I felt calm, almost happy. "I am holding you to that."
A few moments passed and then a frightening thought passed through my mind. "What if I go crazy like my mother and leave it behind? I don't want this child to have the life I did."
"You're not going to go crazy," he said, placing his hand against my face. "You're not your mother."
"Look at my family Dillon. My mother lost it. Carly had a breakdown. It could happen to me."
"It won't. You are not them."
"I'm so scared."
"Me too, but I believe we can do it. Just trust me."
I gave him a nervous smile. "I'm trying to trust you."
The door to the kitchen opened and we both looked in the direction of the door. Tracy eyed us both suspiciously. "What are you doing up?" she asked.
"Eating," Dillon said.
"It's late you should be in bed. Especially you," she said, as she pointed at me, "you need your rest for this baby."
"I slept all afternoon. I'm not tired."
She poured herself a glass of water. "Dillon can you give us a few minutes?"
"It depends."
"On what?"
"Are you planning on being nice?"
"Yes Dillon. I've retracted the claws. I just want to talk to Lulu."
He nodded and met my gaze. He waited for me to nod before he left the room.
Once he was gone, Tracy met my gaze. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know."
"I know it was a really rough decision, but I honestly believe that you did the right thing. I know you may not feel ready to be a parent but when the time comes, you will love this child and you will do whatever you can to protect it."
"What if I can't?"
"You will be surprised. If you ever need to talk to anyone, I want you to know that I am here."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." She got up and grabbed her glass of water and left the room. A few moments passed and Dillon returned.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, she was nice."
He smiled. "She's not all bad."
I smiled back at him. "She's right. I should be in bed."
"Night Lulu."
"Good night Dillon."
