Author's Note: Where to begin. It's hard to watch someone go through something has life damaging as substance abuse(Speaking from experience).Help is there, but sometimes that's not enough. Even the biggest support system in the world cannot save you. For Cory, he just couldn't quit. I believe a part of him desperately wanted to though. It's sad and it's heartbreaking, and above all tragic. But like everything, there's a lesson. Treat yourself well, be aware of the choices you make. You only get one life after all. Rest in Peace Cory. "Being a part of something special, makes you special right?" It does Finn Hudson it does. 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

She wears a gold star.*The only reminder she has left of her dreams. Finn had given it to her as a graduation gift, before she left for college, the world before, colorful and exciting. The charm never leaves her neck, and sometimes she'll wake up, finding her hand grasping it, leaving an imprint in her palm.

She wonders about Noah. It's not true that she never loved him, or doesn't anymore. He was always so sweet to her and she really couldn't say no to him. A problem that almost led her into a lifelong commitment. When he'd asked her out, she'd hoped Finn might say something. Because how could he miss the way she looks at him? Of course he was nothing but happy for her, which led to string of yes's. That's why she ran away. Her adamant excuse to Finn (and sadly her father's) was she was chasing her dreams. But really, she was pulling herself out of the deep waters she had sunk herself into.

Blaming Finn made everything easier, for a while. He was supposed to ask her why she came back to Lima that Summer and never left. It was his duty as her best friend to question her motives. No one else in her life had ever done so, and she really thought Finn might be the one to change all of that. He did, towards the end, but not with enough force.

All of the mistakes she had made welled up into one cluster the night before her wedding. Finn had asked her about loving Noah, and she could see everything in his eyes. Which sent her running faster to the one place she always believed she could count on.

New York held all the answers, amongst the bright lights of Broadway.

Nothing happened like she believed it would.

When her plane landed on the water surrounded lanes of JFK, she felt free. And she could justify all the reasons she gave to Finn. Everything would be the perfect picture she had drawn in her mind. And it almost was, for a while.

Her apartment is nice, the first time she unlocked the door, she realized how generous her father's really are. Giant windows line the living room, opening up to the most perfect view of Brooklyn. She'd gone to sleep that first night, more hopeful than she'd been in a long time.

Believing she was much smarter than most Broadway bound peoples, she managed to get a job at a diner down the street, in her first week there. The tips were good and her manager loved when she sang for customers (and that she was willing to work Saturday nights).

A month into working at the diner she started searching for open auditions. The casting directors always told her the same thing, pretty voice, but not right the role. She refused to let any of them make her weak, she wasn't going to cry. It worked for the first fifteen.

On her sixteenth audition they didn't even let her sing. She was shooed away before she could introduce herself and when she asked why, they flat out told her she needed to change her appearance and to her utter disbelief, gave her the number to a plastic surgeon.

She darted out of the theater that day, hiding her sobs in her arm. Because she was otherwise distracted, she didn't see the person in front of her.

That was the day she met Jesse St. James.

He'd stopped her, asked her what was wrong. And in the middle of a busy sidewalk she told him everything.

He bought her a cup of tea to calm her down, before telling her he was an actor too. She finds out he's in an Off-Off Broadway production written by a recent NYU graduate, but they haven't fully gotten off the ground yet. There's no leading lady.

The smile on his face and the look in his eyes tells her that maybe her dreams are still real.

Jesse practically sells her to the director. She doesn't even have to sing.

Everything is fun at first. Table readings, song and dance rehearsals. She gets to wear this flashy red dress and curse like a sailor. It comes easy to her, playing someone she's not.

Right before opening night, Jesse takes her out to a dimly lightened restaurant, where they serve wine by the bottle. He laughs at the appropriate times and does everything perfectly.

She likes when he kisses her goodnight, his lips like fire against her own. He asks her out again and for a while she forgets about Finn.

The show is a hit. Quickly moving to Off-Broadway in a matter of months.

She realizes maybe she wasn't making excuses to Finn, or anyone. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew all this would happen, that success would come to her.

Her relationship with Brody progresses. He moves in with her in October.

Sharing a space with someone is not what she expected. Having only one bathroom makes mornings chaotic and Jesse has this thing about not letting her brush her teeth while he's in the shower.

He sleeps in her bed, but if he touched her a certain way, she would tell him she was too tired, maybe tomorrow. He's okay with it the first month and a half, but he starts to get restless.

At night she would wake up finding his hand under her shirt. That act of intimacy should feel right, she knew that, but instead she felt no comfort at all. Like his hand was never meant to be there.

It's when he starts waking her up and kissing her neck, his hand again under her shirt, that she starts to feel pressured.

When she tells him so, he offers no words of comfort, only tells her it shouldn't bother her, they're dating. She wants to argue with him, but something flashing behind his eyes tells her to keep quiet.

The show ends that December. A casting director wants her for a limited run of West Side Story. She's thrilled, because it's Maria and she gets to show the Broadway world what she's made of.

The actor playing Tony, quickly becomes one of her closest friends. His name is Blaine Anderson and she finds out he grew up in Lima too. It's nice having a friend.

Despite her insistence that Blaine has no romantic feelings towards her, Jesse see's him as competition. At first it makes her smile, because he wouldn't be jealous if he didn't care. But then it starts to get annoying when Blaine stops by to take her to lunch and Jesse is nothing but rude to him.

It gets worse when Jesse comes to opening night. He comes back stage, no flowers in hand. Red faced with fury. He didn't like the way Blaine kissed her or the way he looked at her. She tells him it's just acting, he should know that better than anyone. He leaves, muttering something about trust, slamming the door behind him.

After that night, he sleeps on the couch. She doesn't question it, because it makes her feel more relieved than she would admit.

Suddenly everything's okay for a while, Jesse still sleeps on the couch, but he no longer says anything about Blaine. She thinks it's over, and they'll go back to normal. He even brings her a bouquet of pink roses out of the blue after a Sunday matinee.

It was a Tuesday. The last night of her run.

She'd taken her bows, said her thanks to cast members and those who came to see the show. It was a dream playing Maria, but with the rave reviews she's positive she'll have parts lined up.

He comes into her dressing room without a knock, startling her out of her chair. With a menacing quality to his eyes and his fist clenched. Locking the door behind him.

She's asks if he's okay, because maybe that might calm him down. But he marches towards her, backing her into a far wall. The concrete cold against her back, through her dress.

Jesse starts ranting about how she never gives him anything, always pushes away his desire to be intimate.

She wants to tell him, she doesn't have to give him anything, and tell him to get out. But her mouth is dry, voice caught in her throat.

First his hands come to her wrists, pinning her. He growls in her ear, telling her just what he'll do to her. What he's been dying to do to her.

One hand on her wrist the other snaking down to the edge of her dress. She can feel herself trembling, unable to remove herself from his hands. Her eyes shut tight, his fingers edging their way past the band of her underwear.

Somewhere a past voice finds its way into her ears. Whispering and encouraging. Fight. It says.

She wants to, desperately. But the pressure on her wrist is relentless and he's pushing her underwear to her knees.

Her voice tells him to stop. Please stop.

Jesse only continues roughly touching her. And when she pleads again, the hand on her wrist is released and comes across her face. Her cheek burns.

Her dress is pulled up, snuggly above her chest. Jesse is so close, but she's so cold.

Giving in, surrendering. Letting him hurt her. The person she was wouldn't let this occur. She would fight.

The voice comes back. More aggressive than before.

Fight.

Like the blur of a car whizzing by, she lifts her knee, hitting his groin, fighting her way to the door.

She doesn't look back to see if Jesse is close behind her.

Running, running, running.

It's only when she makes it to her apartment, out of breath, cheeks with tears dried in the wind, that she realizes she doesn't have her keys.

Her land lord lets her in. The doors are locked. She feels only a little safer.

Mostly she feels dirty.

She scrubs at her arms, raw red.

Crawls under her sheets and tries not to cry.

Somehow she falls asleep.

It's late at night when there's a pounding at her door.

A voice that terrifies her.

He tells her he'll ruin her. Let every casting director he knows, not to hire her.

She prays it's only threats.

The pounding stops an hour later.

Silence.

She's afraid to leave her apartment, afraid he'll be there, waiting to finish what he started. Go farther than before.

Every night after that, she sleeps with her phone clutched in her hand, just in case.

The days continue and soon it's her birthday.

Her phone blinks.

"Happy Birthday Rach. –Finn"

Her heart feels warm.

She wants to text him back, tell him thank you.

It almost happens on Christmas, because she knows how much he loves it. But she's not sure he wants to hear from her.

When January comes, after the flurry of the holiday's she decides to audition again.

It turns out Jesse may have meant what he said. His power was far worse than she thought.

Casting directors and producers push her out the door. It feels like her first week auditioning, when no one would let her sing.

At night she dreams of Finn. Mostly his voice. She rarely sees his face. It comes from behind a door or in her ear. It's really the only comfort she has.

She continues to work at the diner, thankful that her father's are still helping out with the rent.

It's not until May, when spring has left, taking its cool breezes with it, that she finally gets a part.

She'll be playing Cinderella, at a small community theater in Brooklyn. It turns out this is the one director that can't stand Jesse St. James and he gives her the part. Even if it's out of spite, she doesn't care. She's relieved.

Everything is okay for a while. Until it's not.

Rehearsals went smoothly and her cast was welcoming. Jesse had all but disappeared from her life. She was happy.

But then press started for the show (as much press as a community production can get) and a small newspaper wanted to interview her.

It all makes her feel like a star.

She meets the reporter at a small coffee shop.

The questions start out ordinary, where are you from? How does it feel to play this role?

But his questions turned invasive. Are you dating anyone? Sources tell me you're a virgin?

Shocked she told him the interview was over, and left him at the table.

She thought nothing of it for a while, until she found it lying on her dressing room table.

The reporter was an old friend of Jesse's. Every answer she had given, had been twisted. Jesse was a saint and she was his greedy ex girlfriend. It was claimed that she stayed with Jesse clearly for her own ambitions, dragging him through the dirt.

Everyone except the director ignored her after that. Except for whispers overheard in hallways when they thought she wasn't there.

Words like: Slut, fat, and ugly were used. Immaturity she only thought existed within the walls of high schools.

Only Blaine takes her to lunch and tells her she shouldn't let them bother her. Finn used to do that. Stand up for her when no one else would.

"Come on Rachel, don't let them tear you down. They're just a bunch of insensitive assholes who think they'll stay on top forever."

"But Finn, they called me ugly. How am I supposed to ignore that?"

"By understanding that no matter what anyone else thinks, I know you're beautiful. Never forget that okay?"

He always made it seem so easy. To ignore the hate that spews from peoples lips.

She wishes he was here, to remind her.

When opening night arrives, she's not excited or nervous.

All she can feel is the fact that she exists. Living and breathing and moving.

No one is in the audience watching her, rooting for her. Except for Blaine.

On stage she plays her role perfectly, the excellent actress she is.

The applause makes her feel bright, if just for a moment. Cast mates lose their fake smiles and she scurries off to her dressing room, alone.

Most nights she doesn't sleep only eats when Blaine forces her.

She quit the diner. The show didn't allow for her to pick up shifts anyway. There's a part of her that she thinks might regret it.

Somewhere along the line she picked up smoking. She tries it for about a week before remembering her respect for her voice, but keeps a pack in her underwear drawer, just in case.

The last week of her show is when she completely falls apart.

Rarely eating and the lack of sleep causes her to faint at the end of Act 1 the first night.

Promising her director (and Blaine) she starts eating more and feels better. Well, physically.

There's a night when she's walking back to her apartment, when the night is cool and the stars are somewhere out there. Amongst the constant movement of New York she swears she can hear singing. Softly, like angels from Heaven. Giving her a message she can't quite understand.

She remembers this night, when her and Finn climbed up onto this water tower, on the outskirts of town.

"I cannot believe you talked me into coming up here! If we get caught, so help me Finn Hudson I-"

"Relax Rachel, just look at this view."

The houses spread out, row by row. Windows lit up like clusters of fireflies.

"Wow, I never thought Lima could look so beautiful. It's like looking at Starry Night."

"Yeah, I like to come up here and think. I swear I hear everything in the silence when I'm up here."

"What do you mean?"

"Like all the sounds that come with nature. But more than before. I swear sometimes I can hear singing. Coming from somewhere I can't see."

"Maybe it's the Angels. My papa used to say that it was the angels that sent you off to sleep. Singing lullaby's in your ear."

"Could be, whatever it is though, the words always speak to me."

"Thank you for bringing me up here Finn."

"Well, you are one of my favorite people."

It's the night of her last performance. She doesn't really want to be there, but it's her job and she reminds herself that this is what she's always wanted.

The curtain comes up and she feels him before she sees him.

A tug she missed, pulling her heart and making everything okay.

He's there, in the front row. Watching her like he's always done. Eyes wide with a smile like he's hearing her sing for the first time.

She's really not sure how she makes it through the show. Considers seeing him during intermission but knows, she couldn't go back on if she did. And it's her last night after all.

When the bows are done and she's back in her dressing room, the knock comes.

Gathering herself, breathing a bit shakily, she opens the door.

And there he is. Smiling at her like he always does. A bouquet of Daisy's in his hand.

"I read your letter."

That's all it takes for her to throw herself into his arms.

For the first time since her lonely and confused life took control she sobs.

Finn collapses with her to the floor, holding her to his chest.

Whispering.

"It's okay, I'm here. It's okay."

And for once, she believes him.

*The lyrics originally say, "She wears a gold cross."

A/N 2: Thank you for your reviews. Part 3 will be up tomorrow.