Of Changing Winds and Emotions: Chapter 2

(Again I don't own anything. )

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.


-Herman Hesse

One week prior...

I rolled out of bed with a smile on my face, today Edward and I would be celebrating our six month. Technically, if you added up our other times of togetherness we were probably in the midst of our second year but let's just say we've had some ...trying times. Every single time Edward and I got back together we always reach a point, an argument, or another person, that would separate us. We were stubborn and if one of us believed the other committed some atrocity we were likely to refuse any advance unless they apologized. Serious apologies were few and far between.

Padding out of my room and into the bathroom I robotically turned on the shower and began shedding Edward's 'borrowed' jersey that I doubt I will ever return. With the steam rising out of the shower I took my cue and stepped into the warmth. I could care less if it was a hundred degrees out, warm showers were hands down, one of the best things ever.

Once I had finished all my morning rituals I descended the stairs and went into the kitchen grabbing a bagel and bottle of water. Taking ahold of the bagel in my mouth I grabbed my keys of the hook by the door and hustling out of the door. I made it all of two steps before running into a hard thing and dropping my water. Looking up I saw the face of Jacob Black, resident crazy, and my best strictly platonic guy friend, much to Edward's chagrin.

"Woah there bagel babe!" he laughed stabilizing me and then picking up my dropped bottle.

Removing the bagel from my mouth I smiled, "Jake I love you and all but not today."

His face fell, "Cullen?" he asked his tone acidic.

"If you mean Edward, yes." I mildly snapped at him, I know it's a sore spot for him but he's gonna have to accept it at one point or another. I never said he had to like it, just accept.

"You celebratin' something'?" he asked harshly.

"Six month." I mumbled suddenly feeling quite stupid for celebrating half of something, even if it was a year.

"huh, feels like it's been longer." Jake's voice had a sarcastic tone to it, he was slowly coming out of the little conversation funk.

"Yeah well I should probably head out, I promised I'd be at his house round 10 and it's 9:45." I felt the air cool between us.

"Sure sure. I can take a hint ya know. Have fun Bells." He mumbled before turning around and jogging over to Lila.

Moments later he was gunning it down the road.

Now feeling sufficiently guilty I stumbled over to my truck but before I could reach the door I heard a car pulling into the drive. I knew exactly who it was. Edward. And I was willing to bet he'd passed Jake on the way in, isn't that just lovely.

Stepping out of his car was a rather annoyed looking Edward. His bronze hair looked somehow messier than normal, a feat I will never understand."Black?" Was his only word, his tone not unlike Jake's a few moments before.

"Yeah?" I stuck with a one word question.

"Why was he here?" Edward's voice was getting closer and closer to a hiss.

"Just wanted to chill. I told him I was spending the day with you." my voice was getting more and more cold.

"Damn right," Edward broke into a playful smile, "come on, It's party time."

After a morning of walking through the trails until we reached a meadow, where we stopped to have a picnic lunch and countless kisses, Edward and I went to a Port Angeles for their end of summer Carnival. After hours of rides and rigged games the sky started to darken, the long summer day slowly coming to an end.

"I think there is one last ride to go." Edward whispered into my ear and giving my waist a squeeze.

I giggled, fucking giggled, at his antics. "And what ride ride would that be ?"

"The ferris wheel of course, I am in need of a partner- do you think Lauren would accompany me?" His playful tone and cheeky smile made me laugh even more.

"I'm sure you could have any girl you choose." was my serious reply. He knew full well he could have any girl, his strong, but still lean, body was the envy of most Forks High's population.

"I don't want any girl." His tone mirrored mine as he stepped in front of me, his hands not leaving my waist. "I want you Isabella Marie Swan, and I always will."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." I admonished, not risking a look into his vivid emerald eyes. I could never focus around them, they were my downfall.

"Bella. This isn't a promise, it's a guarantee." He whispered before gabbing my hand and began a run towards the ferris wheel. Laughing I managed to keep up with his 6'2 frame, a miracle I do believe.

With no wait Edward and I stepped up to the platform and were in a carriage within a minute. He placed his arm around my shoulders and I snuggled into his side, as we rose into the air, the fair's lights becoming smaller and smaller I began getting apprehensive, I felt as if something was coming and I could do nothing to stop it.

No sooner had the thought popped into my head our carriage almost reached the top and slowed to a halt, unloading and loading new people I assumed. Edward turned to face me and gave me a nervous smile, uh-oh. I knew that look, the look I'd gotten once before, right before he'd said he loved me for the first time back when we were freshmen. Personally I don't believe High School freshmen can fall in love with anyone other than themselves but I'll admit I had thought I loved him. Maybe it was gas.

"Bella you okay?" I heard Edward's voice and snapped back to attention. This was not going to go well. Not well at all.

"Mmhmm." was the only reply I could muster, silently wondering if I could withstand the jump from the carriage, probably not, could I climb down? Haha no. With my luck I'd slip and somehow end up stuck where only Edward could save me and let's face it, if your significant other jumped out of a carriage to avoid hearing something you had to say rescuing by them could be mighty awkward, if you even agreed to the rescue.

"I- I need to tell you something." He said while taking my face in both his hands. Placing a kiss on my forehead and then leaning his against mine I readied myself for what was to come.

"Yeah?" I asked, my voice breaking in what he probably perceived as anxiousness when in reality it was fear. I wasn't ready to lose him, I didn't love him yet, but the key word was yet. I just didn't trust myself to love anyone. My focus needed to be getting out of the town of Forks and into a life of my own. One where I can decide my own path, have multiple options and pick what would suit me and my dream best. Travel the world and become a renowned reporter. I just didn't think emotions should be even allowed until after graduating University.

Once again I found my thoughts interrupted by Edward, "I've been meaning to tell you this for awhile and never really was able too. I know we've had our difficulties and times where we act like complete jackasses to each other but I know that regardless we care for one another. I just need to let you know that I care about you in more than just a simple way. I need you to know that I...well I...I love you."

I closed my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from falling. Dammit, dammit, god fucking dammit. That didn't work, a tear still escaped.

"Bella?" His voice was worried,"Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry Edward." I mumbled.

"What do you mean you're sorry?" His voice was full of confusion.

"I- I don't." was all I managed to stammer out before another tear fell.

"You don't..." he got very, very quiet. "Oh."

I couldn't manage any words all that I had were tears. looking around to see where we were on the ride I noticed that we'd still have another two minutes or so.

"Edward," my voice cracked, "I'm sorry, you know exactly where I stand on love..."

"You lead me on." he deadpanned.

Now that was uncalled for, "excuse me?"

"You knew my feelings were growing and you did nothing, you don't care about me at all do you?"

"You know damn-well I care about you Edward." my voice darkened, "For you to say otherwise is complete and total shit and you know it. I care about you so damn much, it shouldn't matter that one of us likes the other more-" Well that was probably not the best thing you've ever said.

He let out a snort," a relationship should be each person LOVING the other, and here you are emotionally stunted at I'm in like with you." His voice was dripping with sarcasm and bite.

"What do you want me to do Edward?" my voice was rising, "Would you rather me lie to you and say I love you? Would that make you feel better?"

"I don't want you to lie to me! I just want you to love me!" HIs voice was rising as well.

"You can't just flip a switch and bam!" I clapped my hands," you're in love. Last I checked that's not how it works."

"You wouldn't know how love works, and you certainly don't know what it feels like." He growled out between clenched teeth.

"You're right, and I'm not going to with you that's for sure-" I tried to stop myself from saying it but there it was,out in the wide fuckin' open, that's two stupid things I've said in one night. I could set a goddamn record at this rate.

"Ed-"I started before he cut me off with his hand.

"Just let me speak for once in the fucking relationship." His voice was eerily calm. That was never good. He was closing off to me, probably for the last time."I love you, that's not going to change, I told you knowing full well that you might not feel the same for me but I still told you. Then you go and drag me through the mud, all in a matter of minutes mind you. I can't say I had an idea of what to expect but it wasn't this. I understand you don't want love to mess with your goddamn life plan but let me tell you, when love hits, you don't get a fucking say. And for your sake I hope you're ready cause once it's got a hold on you, it's not letting go." As he finished we reached the platform, he lifted up the gate's latch and stalked out of the carriage and then he stopped and turned back around to me.

"I didn't want this to be our end." His voice practically radiated sadness. "I wanted it to be the beginning."

And before I could even think about it I was speaking while stepping out of the carriage, "It doesn't have to be."

"Are you mental?"I assumed that was a rhetorical question, "Jesus I tell you I fucking love you you drag me through the shit-fest that is you're anti-emotions personality and then expect us to stay together?"

Well when he put it like that I could kinda see his point.

"Edward, please don't do this." I quietly begged stepping towards him.

"We're finished our talk." His stubbornness was peeking through now. Here we go.

"I just don't want us to be finished." I whispered trying to prevent any emotion from showing.

"Well you can't always get what you want, huh?" Edward's sagging shoulders attempted a shrug.

"I'm so sorry." I rasped out.

"So am I." He was blocking his emotions off from me, and the world. "Do you want a ride home?"

I blinked a few times, was he for real? I mean come on, no guy in their right mind would willingly confine themselves in a car with their now ex-girlfriend. Yet, even more surprisingly I found myself nodding in reply. Apparently I was just as insane.

We walked to the parking lot in silence, in all honesty it was not nearly as awkward as I thought it would be. That's not to say it wasn't awkward because it was.

We reached the silver volvo and Edward reached for the passenger door's handle, opening it for me. Even post break up he was still a gentleman, I can honestly say I doubt there was ever a lapse in chivalry with him.

I tried to smile at him while stepping into the familiar car but all that showed was the two tears I felt rolling down my right cheek.

The ride home was filled with silence, we didn't dare turn on the radio in fear of what songs awaited us. I kept myself busy by staring everywhere but to my left, I knew if I looked at him I'd crack. I would be so far gone and there would be no chance at me not breaking down. This was it, no more Edward and me. We were done, no more second chances, no more on again off again, we were finished.

I was taken out of my thoughts when I felt the car stop, I was home. Turning to my door I found it locked. Oh looks like we weren't done then, this should be nice and emotional.

"I'll miss you Bella." Edward's voice was barely a whisper.

"Me too Edward. Me too." I managed to speak without sobbing, better than expected.

"I don't know if I can just be your friend." His voice was getting rougher, here we go, severing ties.

"Please don't, I need you..." my voice drifted off.

"And I love you, but as I've already said you can't have everything." He sounded almost business-like, as if we were some contract that had just expired and wasn't being renewed.

"So it was everything or nothing?" my disgust was tangible.

"Something like that." He paused before hitting the unlock button.

I tenderly reached for the handle, opening the door with a sad smile I turned to Edward, "Goodbye Edward." I felt more tears brimming, I needed to get out of here.

"Goodbye Bella, I'm sorry." His voice was full of something more than sadness, and I could've sworn I saw tears forming, not that I was one to talk.