Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
A/N: I just saw Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End, and it was amazing! I won't say any more about, in case any readers haven't and are going to, but it was one of the best movies I've seen this year!
For anyone who's curious, here are the names and ages of Naruto's kids, categorized by their mothers.
Hinata- Himi (Girl, 18 months), Arashi, Haku, and Sarumaru (Triplet boys, 7 months)
Tenten- Kohaku (Boy, 15 months.) and Shou (Boy, 6 months).
Ino- Inoichi (Boy, 14 months) and Inoji (Boy, 3 months).
Sakura- Nagesa and Midori (Twin girls, 16 months), and Ken (boy, 5 months)
Temari- Hotaka (Boy, 8 months).
Sorry if this is a bit unpolished. It's nearly 1 AM here, and if my parents catch me online, I'll get in serious trouble. And I didn't want to make you guys wait another day for it…
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What woke Naruto wasn't the noise. It wasn't the smell, either.
It was the taste.
He had been having the most wonderful dream, which involved an all-you-can-eat buffet at Ichiraku's. Naruto had just started to eat the first delicious bowl of ramen… but it wasn't so delicious.
It was so terrible, in fact, that it woke him up. And that's how he found himself on the floor with a diaper on his face.
A used diaper, to be specific.
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"Did you hear that?"
Anko blinked in surprise, glancing over at Kurenai. "Hear what?"
"There was this really odd sound…" The jonin murmered, frowning as she tried to see past the steam that veiled the onsen that several of Konoha's top kunoichi were currently relaxing at. "It sounded somewhat familiar…"
"Are you sure that you weren't just imagining it?" Suzume asked as she wiped the fogged-up lenses of her glasses. "You have been under a lot of stress lately, with your son graduating the Acadamy and all…"
"You're probably right." Kurenai admitted after a moment of thought. She sank back into the warm water, closing her tired eyes for a quick doze…
"HEY, ERO-SENNIN!"
That name, at an onsen, could only mean one thing. Kurenai hurriedly opened her eyes and, along with her fellow kunoichi, grabbed her weaponry. It was time for their weekly game of 'make the pervert cry like a little girl.'
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Naruto sweatdropped as the less-furious-than-before-but-still-pretty-mad kunoichi stalked back towards the onsen, eager to wash off the blood of a certain sannin. The same sannin, in fact, that was currently lying a few feet away from the blonde. Naruto could only do one thing.
He poked Jiraiya with a stick. "Ero-sennin?"
"…"
Poke. "Daijoubu?"
"…"
Poke. "Are you even still alive?"
"…"
Hey, this is actually kind of fun… Poke. "Ero-sennin!"
After over an hour of poking the mangled Jiraiya, the blonde jinchuuriki was starting to feel bored. Also, his arm was getting sore. Thus, he being Naruto, he decided to give the pervert one last 'gentle' prod.
"SENNEN GOROSHI!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
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"Looks like I won." Tsunade said with a smirk as she watched Jiraiya fly by her window, screaming in pain. She looked on in fond irritation as the author of Icha Icha Paradise—and the rest of the Icha Icha series—smacked into the stone face of their late sensei, cutting off his yelling. She then turned to face her companion. "Pay up."
"Buwhee." Tonton squealed in reply. The Godaimes eyes widened, then narrowed.
"What do you mean you don't have any money?! I—HEY, GET BACK HERE! SOMEBODY STOP THAT PIG!"
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"Alright, brat, what do you want?" Jiraiya growled as he rubbed his aching rear—and winced as the rest of his body ached in protest of the movement, causing yet another wince, and another, and so on (A/N: And on, and on, and on… just like the energizer bunny!).
"What do babies eat?" Naruto asked immediately, getting straight to the point. Unfortunately, Jiraiya had been muttering something about 'overly loud, stupid blondes' and only caught the words 'do babies.' He paled, remembering the last question involving those two words that Naruto had asked him.
Flashback: 14 years earlier…"Oi, Ero-sennin! Where do babies come from?"
Being Jiraiya, he had answered the question in a way few others would have, and fewer still would have wanted to answer it. And Naruto, being Naruto, hadn't taken it too well.
Well, unless you consider him sprouting tails made of the kyuubi's charka and nearly destroying the entire town—including the hapless pervert—a good thing.
"Oi, Ero-sennin!" Jiraiya twitched. "I asked you what babies ate!"
Jiraiya relaxed, then winced again as his body started hurting again. He looked over at the blonde in annoyance. "How the heck am I supposed to know?"
"You're old!" Naruto answered intelligently. Jiraiya hit him on the head and stalked off, back towards the hot springs.
"Well, you are!" The blonde shouted after his departing teacher.
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A/N: And here's a bonus scene that I couldn't put into the chapter but I still wanted to post anyways. This took place before Naruto found Jiraiya but after he woke up.
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Naruto stared at the scene before him, his blue eyes wide with terror. A collage of baby food, vomit, and several other bodily products that he did NOT want to identify decorated the walls. The floor was similarly carpeted, much to his disgust. Only two of the youngest babies still wore their diapers. And the smell was indescribable. It was so bad, that Naruto was knocked unconscious.
After he woke up, he forced himself to get to work. He had to get the kids back into diapers before the mess could get any worse… then he could run away in terror at the thought of actually cleaning it.
The closest child was the eldest, Himi. She reminded him of her mother… until he saw her face. She was always wearing an all-too familiar evil smirk—if it was possible for a two-year-old to smirk—the smirk that he himself had often worn during his prankster days.
As he advanced on her with a diaper, she merely giggled and ran off. That continued for over a half hour before Naruto managed to catch her.
And when he did, he realized something. Something that he hadn't realized before.
"…I have no idea what to do." He said flatly, his gaze alternating between the diaper and Himi.
He had no idea how to put on a diaper.
"It can't be that hard… right, dattebayo?" He asked the little girl, who merely smirked evilly.
Naruto sighed, and got to work.
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Five minutes later, he looked at what he had done and sweatdropped. Even he knew that diapers didn't go on the wearers' head.
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"Finally!" Naruto sighed in relief, resisting the urge to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He knew all too well where his hands had been.
He turned around, eager to wash up after the horror that he had just overgone.
BOOM!!
He blinked and turned around, staring at the slightly singed but overall uninjured girl, who blinked and stared back.
"Did I do something wrong?" He wondered out loud, unsure of how he could have made a diaper explode.
Himi shrugged.
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"Perfect!" And it was. Naruto was nearly sobbing in joy at the sight of the diaper being worn by Himi…
And then it fell off.
He did cry, then.
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A/N: This chapter takes place the day after the last, in case anyone was wondering. Also, it's day one out of seven, since I'm not counting the last chapter as part of the week.
If I make any mistakes regarding the behavior or development of the babies, please remember that I'm just a high school student and that I have little experience with that sort of thing. Most of the information I have on this topic comes from the internet.
Please review? Reviews inspire me. With inspiration such as that reviews grant me, I write faster.
